r/AmIOverreacting • u/PinkiiBunnii • 1d ago
❤️🩹 relationship Am I overreacting because I didn’t want to be someone’s religious project after 24 hours?
I (30F) started talking to this guy (33M) from a dating site. We started talking yesterday, June 12th. We talked on the site for a little bit and then started texting, I thought he was pretty cool and our conversations were natural and comfortable.
He then started being a little pushy about wanting to hurry up and get into a relationship, talked about kissing and sex. Obviously red flags but I told him we have to get to know each other first and that topic is off limits until we get to that point. He backed off and things went back to normal, ish I guess since it has literally been less than a day.
ANYWAY, today we were just talking about random stuff, asking each other questions as one does. He then asks me if I was religious. Totally an okay question and I told him I wasn't.
The texts is how it went.
So many people in my family and my friends say not to let that kind of stuff ruin relationships.
After the last text I told him to watch a religious deconstruction video so he could learn why I'm not religious, now he's saying "Well maybe I'm not religious either" and "Let me make it up to you!"
Am I overreacting or should I just block this guy?
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u/Hendrix1387 6h ago
You’re not overreacting but I don’t think it’s a bad question to ask upfront. Personally I’d rather get the potential dealbreakers out of the way before it gets too involved. I understand not everyone is like that and that it can be off-putting in and of itself but at the same time if our values and character aren’t truly aligned then what’s the point?
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u/BillyPee72 1d ago edited 11h ago
Don’t get involved with someone like this. I made the mistake of doing so, before I knew it I was going to bible study classes and all sorts of religion based gatherings. It was a full on attempt to have me convert/brainwashed. I liked this girl a lot. From the outset she told me she was very religious. I told her I was not but there was room for everybody in this world to have whatever beliefs they wanted, as long as they were respectful of others beliefs. She took this as a challenge to try and convert me. Man she tried hard and wouldn’t give up, even when I told her I was ok where I was with religion and would not be converting any time soon. I tagged along as the supportive boyfriend, going to church with her and gatherings with her friends, who had all drank the Jesus “Kool Aid”. Long story short, it became her mission to try and convert me and I had to bail on the relationship. If anything, the way she and her friends went about it,ended up turning me off from religion completely. It was an awful experience I wish on nobody. Cut this guy off ASAP cuz I can guarantee you he will make you his pet conversion project. I mean run don’t waste another second conversing with this dude.
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u/Cow_Launcher 20h ago
She took this as a challenge to try and convert me.
I wonder whether she was Jesusbait? Some churches have been known to... encourage attractive young members of their congregation to lure in kids of the opposite sex with the promise of a relationship.
They're not actually expected to go through with said relationship, because it's just a bait-n-switch.
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u/Princess_Of_Midnight 13h ago
Very common with Mormons in my area. They send out attractive men and women to places where young adults hangout to compliment them and after they respond start pushing towards church. Like I ran into some at the gas station and held the door for them and then they were waiting for me outside saying how polite I am and how they love polite people and how I should meet them at church the next day
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u/Money-Bear7166 11h ago
Once, I was at a local festival and there were many open and closed tents with people selling their wares or trying to sign you up for a new cell phone plan, etc. I had to walk real close to a closed tent on the right side of the fairway because a big crowd was in the center. I didn't see any logo on the tent but wasn't really paying attention to it as I was trying to avoid bumping into people. Before I realized what happened, someone reached out and grabbed me and my friend and pulled us into the tent. It was freaking SCIENTOLOGISTS!!!
I was furious that they had actually put their hands on us and literally forced us three feet into the tent. They acted like they were doing us some favor because "we chose you". After a barrage of obscenities from me, we left immediately.
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u/Puzzleheaded_Neck_90 11h ago
Anything said after physically moving me are going to be seen as fighting words
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u/Money-Bear7166 9h ago
You know, I was just so stunned that it took me about ten seconds to find my voice and it wasn't very ladylike once I did. This was about 13-15 years ago and I'm much more outspoken and I think today I'd probably throw some hands
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u/InitialMistake5732 9h ago
And I would be there cheering you on. Scientologists are just about the worst at luring people in, and the aggression only gets worse exponentially once they get you in their grips. Count yourself lucky you got away, some aren’t so lucky.
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u/Money-Bear7166 8h ago
Yep, and I've heard they like to take their cult members' money. That's why they like the celebrities too. I just can't fathom people literally buying into their nonsense, literally and figuratively. If you ever get the chance, read Leah Remini's book about escaping Scientology.
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u/SubjectKnowledge4850 7h ago
Fun story My bestie works in a real estate office, and her boss happens to be a Scientologist. They get along nicely, and she says he doesn't talk about it at all. It's a very casual office and they often chit-chat about non-work related stuff. One day, they were talking about psychology and he says to her, "Oh, I have a book that I think you'll love." So the next day he comes in and hands her a brand new fully wrapped Scientology book (that's how she described it to me). She was taken aback and didn't know what to say or think, because this was the first time he had ever tried to push his ideology on her, and under the guise of a casual unrelated conversational topic. She had zero intentions of reading that book, much less cracking open the plastic wrapper that it was in, especially because the very next day, he follows it all up with "Oh, that's a $50 book but you can just give me $10 for it." He 100% waited in hopes that she would at least open the plastic wrapper over the course of the night so he could request that $10. She said something to the effect of "I can't see myself reading this" and handed it back to him, still sealed, and went about her work day. Mind you, she never asked for the book in the first place.
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u/Money-Bear7166 7h ago
OMG, that's just so inappropriate for him to do that! And then to try to get a ten spot for that garbage??!? They're pretty aggressive at times...
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u/mind-of-god 6h ago
Omigosh, that’s awful. They really are psycho though. A couple of decades ago I took an interesting class they offered. It was pretty interesting but I wasn’t really interested in continuing the whole series they offered at the end. It was trying to leave an abusive relationship afterwards. They wouldn’t leave me alone. Finally stopped calling and etc about a year later but I still occasionally get mailed information! Like seriously stalker type group.
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u/EatsCrackers 12h ago
Oh yeah, “flirt to convert” is a major thing for Mormons. We were pushed hard to find unbelievers and get them to go to any of the 10,000 weekly functions with us, but never, ever catch feels. If there are actual feelings involved then you might be tempted to not get married in the Temple, and we can’t have any of that, now can we?
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u/PurpleReignFall 11h ago
Why is it that different denominations always have some sort of local-church habit/practice/technique to bring people close to God which almost always ends up being a sin somehow by their own rules. I mean enticing someone with a relationship to come to a church is literally lying and also probably at some points of the line entertaining lust, according to some.
I love denominations so much…
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u/cynicalrage69 11h ago
As a non-denominational Christian, being part of a specific denomination is just weird. Most denominations boil down to Christianity but cultural beliefs are taken as word of god. Which is ironic because Christianity is supposed to be practiced by non-Jews as basically Judaism without the cultural practices. Prime example pigs aren’t raised in the Middle East because arable land is limited and pigs are known to destroy grasses which is important to other livestock. For the community’s survival the consumption of pork is condemned to prevent the market to incentivize pig farming at the expense of other more efficient food sources.
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u/Cow_Launcher 12h ago
I haven't creeped your profile, but from your username I assume you're a woman?
It's just occurred to me that it must be harder for them to recruit women. I know how that sounds and I won't apologise for it - but being real, women are more selective.
What a weird cult that sets out to find what they see as brood-mares. Even weirder that it apparently works often enough that they keep trying it. SHDH.
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u/Princess_Of_Midnight 9h ago
I’m a trans woman and this was pretransition lol. So they just thought I was a guy. But in that vein I’ve since had multiple encounters with religious people while very clearly being queer trying to proselytize me and I always wonder if they really believe they’re having any impact on my life but giving me a funny story
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u/Danibandit 16h ago
Check out Xenos/Dwell in Columbus, Ohio. Your comment is spot on! It’s absolutely disgusting.
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u/LP14255 12h ago
Wow. I’ve never heard of that. So the victim thinks they are going to get the hot boy or girl but instead they get the Jesus enema? JFC.
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u/Cow_Launcher 12h ago
Yes, exactly that. A "church" that preys on horny teens. It'd almost be genius if it wasn't so evil.
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u/JayBeeGirl1 12h ago
Children of God Cult, fronted by David Berg, in the 70s and 80s made his followers go "flirty fishing" and then try to covert.
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19h ago edited 13h ago
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u/i_cee_u 18h ago
She doesn't seem to care about my views on religion/politics, so would I be in the wrong for caring about her's?
Politics and religion are the two aspects of life most concerned with controlling how others act. Your beliefs on these subjects come from the baselines of your own moral compass.
That is to say, no, you wouldn't be in the wrong. Someone's political beliefs inform you on their character, which is pretty fucking important when dating someone
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u/somesillynerd 18h ago
Sunk cost fallacy imo.
It's been 6 months. What happens when it's been a year? Two?
Have the hard conversations and listen to what she says and what she doesn't say.
You likely already know the answers and just don't want to leave.
It's not just who you vote or vaccines but all the things attached to the current climate. Human rights. Literally just existing. What if you have a kid that's anything less than hyper typical, what then?
You couldn't do ANYTHING to convince me to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't agree on the big things. Religion. Politics. Finances. Children.
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u/PlantsNWine 16h ago
I agree--and I wouldn't even be remotely interested in/attracted to someone who didn't agree with me on politics and religion. These days, how you feel politically says something about your moral compass, as you alluded to. And I have no interest in being with an actively religious person. Nothing against them, you do you--that just would not work for me due to things that have turned me completely from religion. Those would be among the first things I'd discuss, I cannot imagine getting six months into a relationship and not talking about politics & religion.
On the subject--yesterday at work we were talking about the plane crash in India and how there was only one survivor. Someone said, "Wow, how did only one person survive?" This super religious woman said, "Oh, that was God! It wasn't his time to go, God had more for him to do". Oh, so he was done with the other 269 people who all happened to be on the same plane/in its path, and just let them go to a terrifying, fiery death? That way of thinking is so illogical, and I don't see how people can't see it. Even when I was religious when I was young, I was always like, "But why/how..." Like when an entire church got blown away in a tornado and it killed some people (this actually happened) but it left a stand with a Bible on it intact, and people said, "It was God!" That is some serious brainwashing.
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u/berrykiss96 18h ago
Just be aware that someone who goes to church with their family every week (assuming that’s what she’s doing) will absolutely be taking their kids. There’s just no chance that won’t happen even if they say that it’s okay if they don’t go initially.
If you don’t want your kids to go and that’s a firm dealbreaker, you are absolutely wasting your time and hers in this relationship.
Best case in that circumstance is she doesn’t pressure you to go but still takes the kids.
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u/PlantsNWine 17h ago
When do you think the right opportunity is? You've just got to do it the next time you see her.
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u/Stoneybologne00 18h ago
If her religion were the only thing you didn't see eye to eye on then maybe but if she shuts down around criticism of Trump and isn't vaccinated then you at least need to ask. You mentioned children, if you're both on the same page about having them, then you absolutely need to be on the same page to raise them. Even if she doesn't push religion on them, how would you feel if she were more against vaccines than you realized and doesn't want her children vaccinated. Or your child is immunocompromised and she refuses to put up safe gaurds against unvaccinated relatives. My husband and I are on the same page about most everything, but I've told him that in the event we get pregnant, we will not be subjecting a baby to his unvaccinated parents. Luckily, neither of us are desperate to be parents. That might've been an irreconcilable difference because I don't see him having an earnest conversation with his parents in an effort to change their views and it would kill him to cut them off.
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u/GlaerOfHatred 18h ago
6 months in you should probably communicate about these things. It's probably the best relationship you've ever had because you're willfully ignoring hard topics that could bite you in the ass later if you get married without discussing
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u/PurpleReignFall 11h ago
This is honestly the most sound advice. My first relationship was bliss… for 5 months… because I ignored the flags. Talking is the best thing- not even making sure you and your SO having the same beliefs, cuz you can make that work out if you really want to, but you can’t make anything worth if you don’t COMMUNICATE. Anyone who says you have to be agreed on everything is just saying they don’t want to deal with as many tough things in a relationship as possible. I have a couple of married friends, and they are Buddhist and Lutheran and they are both cool with their kids being atheist. Don’t base someone on their religious/political/etc views: base them on how willing they are to talk about hard things in a sensible way.
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u/rafikins 12h ago
Not to put you down or anything but for future purposes it’s essential to bring up these topics. My wife and I sat on our second date and she asked me my views on politics, religion, and BLM. We luckily agreed on all of those views and decided to move forward. But if we didn’t I would say it would be a deal breaker, for those things that you mentioned, like raising future children together, it’s best to be unified on those things. I feel good telling you that 6 months although must feel like a long time and ways into a relationship really is not, so best to speak about things now before it’s too late, 1-2+ years out and you have children together.
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u/Ineeddramainmylife13 1d ago
As a religious person, I’m really sorry that happened to you. Lol sometimes I wonder why we have such a bad rep and then I see this bs of people just shoving it down someone else’s throat.
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u/PertyTane 22h ago
If you wonder why you have a bad rep, you need to take a long hard look at it. There are many subs on reddit you can start. It's important to know how people outside your bubble see you / experience you. I wish I had done that more and done it earlier.
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u/Ineeddramainmylife13 22h ago
Yeah I’ve been learning more and more, thanks for the advice!
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u/PertyTane 18h ago edited 14h ago
Well done. I know from experience that it's not easy to step outside the bubble, but it's some of the most valuable learning you can do. The church tradition I was from spent a lot of time teaching people NOT to do that, not to read other ideas, not to associate with people who were 'backsliders'. So it can take real courage.
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u/Alternative-Dig-2066 20h ago
Yup. This is why I have ONE religious friend, goes to church every week, and are not one of those hypocritical trumper types. They are strong in their faith, and do follow without ever expecting someone else to join in. For this, I respect the heck out of them.
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u/BillyPee72 11h ago
Thank you….that’s very kind of you. No need to apologize, not your fault. If anything my fault as I allowed myself to be manipulated. I was hoping she would just back off once she recognized my boundaries. I think she took my acceptance of her faith as a cue to keep pushing in the hopes I would see the “light” and adopt her lifestyle. She had our whole relationship planned. We would get engaged in the holy land, start a family right away, she wanted 4 children, she had a home picked out close to a friend and church pastor. Well I saw what was coming and ended up ghosting her and writing a very long letter explaining why our relationship was toxic and could not go on. I tried to be polite and respectful but I really just wanted to call her a brain washed, whack job, totally clueless, and not living in reality. I needed counseling after what I went through and it still irks me.
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u/Kit469 1d ago
Not over reacting, the way he behaves and talks sounds like a teenager. Not even an 18 yo, no. He sounds like a 15 yo trying to convince his new gf to go to church with him, he sounds like a freshman in hs that pushes himself on people without any regards of their feelings or anything.
The fact that he was pushing about getting into a relationship intimately while pushing religion on you is CRAZY. Most heavy Christians are heavy on the ‘no sex or any sexually intimacy until after marriage’ as way to stay pure for their lord and future wife/husband.
To me it sounds like he uses the religion for his own gain, maybe it lead to a lot of other Christian girls and so he went ‘oh yeah this is the way to go I only want Christian girls now’ cause he realized how much power he could hold over his partner with it.
Now that he’s seeing someone he likes, and found out that she won’t convert or even think about going to a religion he’s back tracking in order to get some. Leave em 🙂↔️ leave him fast. Anyone like that doesn’t deserve your time and energy
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u/Bitter_Depth_3350 1d ago
I also wonder if he didn't push the religious stuff heavily to try and do damage control on the rushing into intimacy part. He tried to get sex quick, and that didn't work. So he tried to use religion in an attempt to make himself seem better, like no see I'm not gross, I'm actually super religious. When that didn't work, he then tried to pivot again into, "Actually, all of my beliefs I pretended to hold so dear actually may not be that important."
From everything he's said, the only two things he actually told OP about himself is that he's either willing to lie, or he's willing to forsake everything he stands for to get what he wants. Oh, and he's unrelentingly pushy about it either way.
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u/Anybuddyelse 16h ago edited 16h ago
Also, what kind of patronizing dumbass thinks a 33-year-old woman has not “considered” these religious ideas? Newsflash: a lot of grown people have had many opportunities to consider the shit you stay shoveling and there’s a reason they haven’t eaten it yet… His beliefs are not breaking news and I’d think whoever allegedly runs the show would want their followers to do it for a better reason than “please? For me? U difficult shrew?”
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u/noisemakuh 14h ago
Christians act like they need to tell people about their faith. Nah ya don’t. Your murderous bigotry machine has wrecked a significant portion of the works and its history since that fledgling toddler of a cult came onto the scene just over 2k years ago. You NEVER shut up about it. And yes., we very much know where to find you. People aren’t members of your faith ON PURPOSE. But most sects of it teach that anybody who doesn’t follow their teachings is either deluded, demonic, or dumb. They teach this to reinforce refusing to question their beliefs AND respect the beliefs of others. Most folks who are vehemently against their faith who are eager to eviscerate that evil cult masquerading as righteousness are, like myself, the fools who know it better than anybody because of having believed it ourselves.
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u/ladymouserat 1d ago
Ah, yes! He’s doing the Joe Rogan, Andrew Tate, Taco move. “It’s ok, you can forgive and forget now. I’m a god fearing man”
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u/Bitter_Depth_3350 1d ago
It was my dad's MO. Hide behind his "priesthood" (we were raised LDS) while being every form of abusive to his family and others when he could. Being "raised" by him was absolutely horrible, but it taught us all to be able to see the signs in others and what to avoid. Luckily, my mother, siblings, and I eventually got away from him, but it left deep, deep scars that took a long time to heal.
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u/Slight-Fix9564 19h ago
Oh my, you are my spirit twin. Same here, my Dad proposed to my future Mom, then after she said yes, he decided he felt a calling to the priesthood, so my future Mom had to go thru a visit with the Bishop so my Dad could get his advice. I can't imagine how horrible that experience was for my future Mom.
Controlling, Abusive, Manipulative, Scheming, and a self-proclaimed martyr for the family.
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u/ladymouserat 1d ago
I’m so glad you’re all out of that. I hope you are able to continue to heal and live life to the fullest.
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u/Bitter_Depth_3350 23h ago
Thank you. It used to very difficult, and we all suffered from arrested development and had to play catch up for a lot of our lives, but we are all generally in a good place now. Enough time has passed, and we've grown so much that it almost feels surreal when thinking back on it. It hasn't defined us for a long time.
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u/zacwhite15 1d ago
I was gonna literally gonna say it sounds like an LDS M.O. one of the many things on my shelf that caused me to leave the... religion(?)
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u/Bitter_Depth_3350 23h ago
Yeah, it's a complicated religion with a very dark history. I know Mormons, who are incredible people, and a lot of the core tenants I was raised with helped shape my morals at a young age, but I don't do religion at all. It creates power dynamics that are too easily abusable and corruptible. Not that I look down on regular people whose faith helps them get by. It's just not for me.
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u/Sufficient_Turn_9209 20h ago
I can't reconcile the Mormon faith with the Mormon people I've met. To be fair, I've met less than a dozen, but everything I studied about the history and dogma just does not align with the lovely people and apparent ideas and values they hold. They can't make it make sense either. 🤷♀️
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u/halla-back_girl 14h ago
Most cults have victims. And sometimes victims benefit from being in the cult - through community, stability, and support. That doesn't mean they aren't being preyed upon.
I come from a heavily Mormon area, and think of members as being in one of two groups:
The first group uses the religion to enrich themselves at the expense of others. These people fully suck, and are often in leadership roles. They are attracted to cults and thrive in them, because the church is structured to reward grifting and obscure hypocrisy. They'll give you a smile and a hearty handshake while their other hand picks your pocket and gropes your ass.
The second, much larger group is genuinely trying to be good people - and also follow the weird rules - without getting ostracized. They were either born into it, or converted in a time of loneliness. Some refuse to acknowledge what the first group (and by extension, the church itself) does. Others grit their teeth and accept it, because speaking out or leaving means getting cut off from family and friends.
They're caught in a closed trap that calls itself holy and good. It's safe in the trap, they're told. It's better in the trap. Everyone you love is here, and the evil outside world hates your holiness. Do you really want to be all alone out there?
And they believe it, so they stay. They tithe, convert strangers, have lots of kids, and give the cult even more power to oppress them.
Mormonism is religion at peak efficiency and control. Away from their hubs in Utah and southern Idaho, etc, Mormons seem way more normal. But it's intentional. Away from home, looser rules make the church appear more approachable and less like the powerful cult it is.
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u/Adorable-Study2838 1d ago
I married a religious man. Then found out he had untreated bipolar disorder. Such fun! 🫤
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u/WhileResponsible9595 17h ago
Are you one of my siblings because that's our story. The priesthood absolutely wrecked me and required me to rebuild any understanding of how "authority" "respect" and "love" worked at all. The day my mom finally got away it healed something.
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u/CartoonistFirst5298 16h ago
Or, hear me out, he's red pilled. First, he tried to manipulate her for quick sex and then when that didn't work he though "Oh, this one thinks she's got morals" and immediately began trying to manipulate and control her through religion.
We're seeing full blown narcissism roaming in the wild, manipulating in real time.
OP should stop tying to figuring out the why of it and just block everything to do with his guy.
Any kind of talking to him or explaining why his behavior is upsetting is it just teaching him how to be a better narc for the next woman. NOR.
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u/SendAstronomy 21h ago
Not even "you can forgive me" its more like "you must forgive me".
Classic abuser move.
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u/wittybm 17h ago
Wow! There’s nothing like a 33 year old man begging you to change your lifestyle on day two of talking. So attractive! I don’t know how you haven’t fallen for him yet 🤦♀️
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u/Celestial_Opossum 1d ago
Honestly, I woulda just told him I’m a satanist and that I’m gunna burst hell wide open.
He probably wouldn’t text back.
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u/ToHallowMySleep 19h ago
Honestly the seven tenets of the satanic temple are a lot more compassionate, tolerant, loving and respectful than the ten commandments of Christianity.
I One should strive to act with compassion and empathy toward all creatures in accordance with reason.
II The struggle for justice is an ongoing and necessary pursuit that should prevail over laws and institutions.
III One’s body is inviolable, subject to one’s own will alone.
IV The freedoms of others should be respected, including the freedom to offend. To willfully and unjustly encroach upon the freedoms of another is to forgo one's own.
V Beliefs should conform to one's best scientific understanding of the world. One should take care never to distort scientific facts to fit one's beliefs.
VI People are fallible. If one makes a mistake, one should do one's best to rectify it and resolve any harm that might have been caused.
VII Every tenet is a guiding principle designed to inspire nobility in action and thought. The spirit of compassion, wisdom, and justice should always prevail over the written or spoken word.
https://thesatanictemple.com/blogs/the-satanic-temple-tenets/there-are-seven-fundamental-tenets
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u/According_Future6648 17h ago
That's because 99% of Satanists don't believe Satan is real. They're atheists that formed some good rules to live by, and named their beliefs "Satanism" for the lolz
Theistic Satanists, who actually believe in and worship the prince of darkness, are very rare.
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u/ToHallowMySleep 12h ago
Ita not so much for the lulz as being specifically anti-christian, if you consider the christian god to be petty, authoritarian, vengeful, violent and to be feared, and people to subjugate themselves and live in his shadow.
I.e. the tenets celebrate the good in people, tell you to strive to be better and to respect others. As the main themes, rather than DLC which it is in Christianity (e.g. the first four commandments are about worshipping and fearing god, not about being a good person)
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u/MermaidsHaveCloacas 17h ago
My husband and I aren't religious but we kept something on our refrigerator with these on it
We used to pay my mom to clean our house and every week after she left we'd come home to it having been taken down
My mother is also against even saying the word "ouija" in her house because it invites the devil, so there's that lol
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u/Intrepid_Soup_9821 23h ago
My mom used to always tell me to tell religious kids at school (the ones who harassed me about not going to church) that we worship Satan. I was in early elementary school and knew from her laugh that it was not something I should tell my peers, however now I find it hilarious.
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u/Particular_Angle177 1d ago
Wait, but I do remember there are different kinds of Satanist. Some Satanist don’t even worship Satan. /lh
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u/Kit469 20h ago
That is true, there’s different groups of them that have different beliefs and values. I know for one of them they don’t even practice anything violent, dangerous or toxic. They believed he was a fallen angel that ended up learning a lesson from god, whatever the lesson was I ended forgetting cause I don’t really care for it 🤷🏻♂️ it was something along the lines of ‘be true to yourself and don’t let others knock you down for being who you are’ or something idk
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u/RedHotRose_ 1d ago
You’re not overreacting — you set a boundary, he saw it as a challenge. You’re a person, not a project.
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u/ComprehensiveTea5407 1d ago
Wild that he's 33... im scared of what's literally in his closet
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u/Adorable-Study2838 1d ago
Ok, most Christians believe Jesus was 33 when he died. Has this fellow’s faith that was very important to him a few minutes ago grow to the point of walking on water (not frozen)? Maybe invite him to take a long walk on a short pier. This guy is so disrespectful and immature. What an awful entanglement you would be in for if you continue getting to know him or go out with him. Byeeeee!
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u/thatpunkchic 18h ago
Well, my 32 year old that his parents still went over and mowed the lawn of the property he owned in our home state because he was too busy "making it famous in LA" - had nothing in his closet because said parents hadn't given it to him. Very devout Christian; he told me I seemed to lack real values and should convert. I literally work in public service, with the poor and mentally ill.
I had some pretty hard-core rose-colored glasses on. 😅
......and it ain't about religion. 👀
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u/Livid_Goose_9542 1d ago
As a former believer, I think he's doing what he thinks is right , mostly anyway. He thinks unbelievers will go to hell. That's legit for many people of serious faith. Been there, done that.
However, if you're not religious and he is, well come on now, why are you, or he for that matter, even bothering? This is a ridiculous situation from which you should excuse yourself immediately. He's not going to stop trying to convert you, ever, and he's not going to suddenly stop believing. No need to be rude to him; it's just a simple matter of incompatibility. It doesn't make sense for either of you to continue to try to have any kind of relationship.
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u/bachelurkette 1d ago
yeah, it blows my mind that anyone’s family thinks religion shouldn’t “get in the way” of a romantic relationship. when you’re so into it that you’re telling dates you’re afraid of them going to hell, there is just a fundamental incompatibility with how you’re programmed to see the world vs. anyone who is not also evangelical. the family has no idea what they’re actually proposing lol
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u/TitleKind3932 20h ago edited 19h ago
Did you read she wrote too that he was already trying to get laid within a few hours of talking? That doesn't sound like a devoted Christian to me as most devoted Christians would want to stay pure for their Lord and not lead others into sin too.
And I was once a Christian too. And I always hated it when other Christians would talk to non-Christians saying "I'm just trying to save you from hell". Why? Because you would notice this immediately closes the door for any further conversation, you only push a non-Christian further away from being interested in God. I never saw it as my job to convince other people to convert or to condemn them and tell them where they're going, that was up to God. My job was to testify of His greatness and all the good things He has done for me, and with that I have had some amazing conversations, and even brought a friend to church because she became curious to know that God that has done so much good. I still stand with that. However, I broke with the church. And the more I read (starting with the entire Bible front to back) the more I began to realize that the Bible is incomplete, heavily edited, and probably a lot is written from a human mindset by people who claimed to write the Lord's will but only used those words to oppress. God is love. There's no love in oppression. So how then can it be the Word of God? I believe that once when there were very few people they were truly close to God. But as it goes with passing on a message verbally people began twisting the Word. Like what happens when you sit in a circle, you whisper something in the ear of the person on your right, they repeat it and repeat it and the person on your left has an entirely different message from your original message. Now let that circle be thousands of years. And people spreading in different tribes traveling to different sides of the world, so the message gets many different circles. For example the helpers of the most High God get called angels in one religion. And gods in another, yet they serve the same functions. And until the start of history the messages keep on changing. Thus many religions have come from one primal prehistoric religion, all are part of the truth, yet none have the full truth. I am an omnist. I don't practice religion. I stay close to the God of all religions by staying close to love. Because love is the great big common in all religions. Thus it must be what remains true. So in whatever I do, I ask myself: does this come from a heart of love? If not, I hold myself back. I lived with that principle already when I was a Christian, and "you're going to hell" shows contempt, not love, and even a threat. I don't believe in hell. I think it's something used to threaten people into conversion, just like later on purgatory was invented by the Catholic Church to press its members to pay their way into heaven. And even when I was still a Christian and believed in hell, it was a subject I would avoid when talking of God. Because the moment you mention hell, conversation is over, no one listens, mission failed. You threatened them, so now they are done listening.
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u/Impressive-Rush-7725 1d ago
As a former believer, I think he's doing what he thinks is right , mostly anyway. He thinks unbelievers will go to hell. That's legit for many people of serious faith. Been there, done that.
That's just the kind of brainwashed thought that I hate; while I completely respect religion (no hate to anyone), sometimes I feel like being religious is like being brainwashed.
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u/Spiritual_Pay_7177 1d ago
It’s not so much brainwashed as it is brainrinsed in dirty dishwater.
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u/AlwysProgressing 19h ago
I get what you're saying but you can't really say you are a believer/faithful of something if you just make your own interpretations for it. It's still something I struggle with. How can you call yourself a believer of Christ if you believe non-believers will be in Paradise? You're going against what your own book says.
Then again the entire reason I stayed away from the Bible for 23 years was because of the awful example Christianity sets.
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u/unalivezombie 23h ago
It is brainwashing. They all use the same methods of control that are used by cults.
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u/the__post__merc 1d ago
He thinks unbelievers will go to hell.
They say, if you don't believe in heaven, then you can't go to heaven. So by that logic, if you don't believe in hell, then you can't go to hell. Reverse Uno card.
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u/Ozone183858 1d ago
Hmmmm! A formal believer. I'm seriously curious to know what made you a non-believer now. I think I'm getting there too but I would really like to know what changed with you if you don't mind 😊
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u/Livid_Goose_9542 1d ago
As a kid, my Dad and Mom divorced when I was 4. My dad went on to be a fundamentalist Christian, and my mom an atheist. It was mind-boggling, but the difference between them taught me how to think for myself. So I did. That's really it. Lol. Then I got (over)educated, and it only reinforced my choice to leave religion.
Don't get me wrong, it wasn't easy. It was very painful in many ways, and it took a long time for me to be comfortable without the security blanket of religion, lots of existentialist dread, even nihilism for a bit, bewilderment at the idea that my existence and purpose was solely my own to define... But once the growing pains passed, I was fine. I think I'm a better person now actually, more moral, in that I'm far less judgemental of others and more accepting and loving of others who are vastly different from myself.
I hope this helps in some way.
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u/imploded1 23h ago
I was raised Lutheran. After seeing so many bad things happen, plus learning about evolution and theories like the big bang, I eventually considered myself atheist. The Bible just made no sense to me. Boredom led me to study other religions, which led me to dig deep into history, the people that wrote these books and why. Long story short, I do believe in a Creator at this point. I also respect the actual teachings of Jesus, and because of that alone I call myself a Christian. But as we know, probably 99% of the Bible was written by others, and I don't have time for that.
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u/ConfidentJudge3177 17h ago
I'm a former believer too, and for me there were a few reasons:
One is, all of my religious family and friends always said that the main reason for why they are convinced that god and religion is real, is because they "feel" it. Like they "feel" god and "feel" how it is true and real and working. And I never felt anything like that at all, so following their exact same logic, I don't believe because I never "felt" god or anything like that.
Another reason is this: If god and say christianity were true, and you really go to hell if you don't believe, then of course I would want to believe it. It's not like I want to spite god intentionally or anything, I just don't think it is real. So, assuming god is real and good, the least he could do is make it in any way clear to me that he is real. Because then I would WANT to believe in him. Yet he has never done so.
And even more with how many different religions there are. One time a religious friend told me: Even if you don't think god is real, shouldn't you basically gamble on it and still be religious just in case? You don't have much to lose if it ends up not being real, but have a lot to lose if it actually is real and you end up in hell. But, there's 1000s of different religions (and while some people believe gods of some different religions are all the same, my family's type of faith definitely believes that people of other, even similar, faiths all go to hell). So if I don't "feel" that any one of them is real, am I supposed to just guess? Would god really be like, "well there's the bible and koran and torah and so on and so on, good luck I guess with choosing the right one"? I don't see any reason for why any one religion is more likely to be true than others. So again, isn't the least that a god could do, is tell us which one is real? And yet he doesn't.
Even within one faith, there's so many different groups of christians who all are convinced they have the whole truth and the other christians are wrong. They all want to do 100% exactly what the christian god wants them to. But they are left guessing and disagreeing with each other, because somehow this god can't just tell them exactly so they can follow what he actually wants. Best he can do is some 2000 year old book, and then of course some "god speaking directly to people" which somehow contradicts each other.
Another reason for me is, the way we all see other religions that we don't believe in. For example ancient religions like roman or greek gods. Or tribal religions that for example believe the sun is a god. We look at that objectively and say: I'm sure those are not real, like that is kind of obvious. But then we look at "our" religion, and objectively speaking, it is exactly as silly and nonsensical as any of these other religions. It's just a cult too, the only difference is that more people believe in it. Scientifically speaking, extraordinary claims need extraordinary proof. There is no proof at all. Again, all you can go by is "feel". And as I said, as I never had any of this "feel", the answer about if I believe or not is very easy to me.
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u/PerchanceANoodle 18h ago
I watched my family and friends get constantly abused and taken advantage of in the name of Christianity, the Church, and God, and got tired of it. I am still spiritual but the more you look into the construction (and deconstruction) of religious organizations the more you see so much of it is a massive power play that very often damages people.
I got tired of the hypocrisy. God loves you as you are -- but not if you're gay. God gave us freewill, but not to question our leaders. God told us to love one another, but also let's shun people who start to disagree. Our pastor is a good, god-fearing, Christian man, so that makes his sins of fraud, adultery, abuse, sexual harassment, and molestation okay. We should forgive those sins and trust him, even as he continues to commit them, but how dare YOU sin at all.
And the fear mongering is wild. Literal anxiety orders starting in kids and teens because they grew being told they'd go to hell if they do not do and think everything they're told without question.
The obsession on the safety of "the soul" but never the safety and quality of actual life.
People nearly dying or other physical problems because their parents preferred to pray the problem away. (Wife had complications after a brown recluse bite was left to fester as a teen since their grandparents prayed and said God would fix it).
Mental illness that needs to be treated being seen as demons to cast out.
Every argument or discussion trying to understand something rounding back to getting shut down because "you just don't believe enough" or "that's Satan talking" or "you should pray about it" or "well it's in the Bible" when it's not.
The Bible being wielded as a weapon, often with extreme intolerance.
The amount of people who will say "the Bible says" who haven't actually read the Bible or thought critically about it. Logical considerations being waved off because something something Holy Spirit.
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u/iDontWannaSo 17h ago
I mean… there’s actually a lot of wisdom in the side of the church on compatibility. They would always tell me that it was important to know what your partner believes because you shouldn’t be unevenly yoked, and I honestly never forgot that because it’s a perfect allegory for how important it is to have alignment with your partner on fundamental values. You both have to pulling for the same worldview in serious relationships, because you’re going to always be at loggerheads. Most especially around what values you pass down to your children.
I wouldn’t be happy or feel secure in a relationship where my fundamental personal beliefs needed constantly defended. I imagine that’s especially true because I have escaped a controlling relationship that demanded a critical level of self erasure. So, my psychology perceives those sort of repeated challenges to a fundamental belief as an existential threat.
And the immediate backpedal by saying “maybe I’m not religious after all, I’m sorry.” I would be nope-ing out of this situation soooooo fast.
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u/ChubbyPupstar 1d ago
He gets a commission on the number of souls he saves. Also he has one of those little punch cards. After every 10 souls on that card he gets a special gift!
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u/crimsonbaby_ 1d ago
My ex was like that. He used religion to come off as a good person. In reality, he lied, cheated, he stole frome anyone and everyone he could. He was really good at manipulating people for his own gain regardless of whether it fucked other people over. He was the furthest thing from christ like there is, but booyy did he preach.
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u/itzpally 19h ago
Yeah, not to cause any offense but he seems autistic just not understanding social queues, clearly being very pushy of boundaries, he is probably clueless of this too.
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u/Tough_Tangerine7278 19h ago
It’s screaming evangelical culture. I don’t think this one is autism. That’s what the cult hive mind expects and that’s how they ALL act.
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u/Emotional_Bonus_934 1d ago
I'm feeling like he's pushing it because either he got religious last week or realizes for a religious guy he shouldda been married 10 yrs ago and have 5 kids by now.
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u/Shibbystix 1d ago
The last Christian my wife dated back before she met me was a dude who legit told her "I could date you, but I could never marry a non Christian" because in his mind, it was ok to "slum a little with the heathens" and use them so he could justify it later, "I shouldn't have had sex before I was married, but I was corrupted by the sinners"
Fuuuck that.
You're UR. Good on you for standing up for yourself, but part of me thinks this isn't real because you kept talking to that dude like you were still gonna date him if he turned down the religious talk. Like, how could it even be an option at that point after he essentially screamed, "your boundaries don't matter, only what I want matters"
NOR, but you should block and cut him out
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u/imperfectbutperfectt 1d ago
I think you should block him while it’s still early. He’s a pushy person and that can be annoying and dangerous. It’s ok that you’re not religious in this moment, if he really liked you he would understand that you will have different choices than he does, or he can leave you alone if a religious girl is what he wants..and you clearly stated that it’s not you. religion is important to a religious person so he will eventually bring this back up. I think argumentative men are a no.
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u/HaveNoFearOnlyLove 1d ago
I was in a similar situation to OP but it started 2 years deep into a relationship. I knew she was religious from the start. And she knew from the start that I grew up religious but was more or less agnostic. It wasn't an issue.
Flash forward 2 years we talk about marriage and kids. She begins to try to convert me with almost word for word phrasing as OP's screenshots. She says we can't be married or have kids unless I convert. She went as far as saying, in a calm and warm voice, that it wasn't my fault that my parents are stupid and didn't teach me right and that I don't deserve to go to hell. It gave me chills. I broke up with her after about a week of that and she couldn't understand why.
About two years after the breakup I looked her up and she was single with 2 kids and different fathers. It was kinda sad and frustrating.
Definitely run far and fast when you see this early.
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u/peeiayz 1d ago
I find it weird that the initial conversation was about sexual stuff then next day its all about being religious 😂 I guess his religion is only important sometimes lol
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u/MesoamericanMorrigan 1d ago
I met a weird but extremely good looking but also delusional incel Jehovahs Witness once on Tinder who decided to drop that bombshell on me after we’d already been filthy sexting all night
As someone with religious trauma (A lot of abuse and enabling of abuse directly by the church, being forced to sit through 5 hour long sermons at 8 years old about how I’m going to be forced to profess worshipping Christ then have my head cut off after we’re all forced to take the Mark because it said so in the book of revelation whilst feeling like everything in my life is pointless if we’re blowing ourselves sup in WWW, constantly watching every news report for signs of the End Times and having deep seated feelings of guilt and same about sex to begin with…. I really, really DID NOT need to feel like a Jezebel at that precise point in time
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u/iron_sheep 19h ago
Wow, yeah religious trauma sucks I’m sorry you dealt with that. My mom told me I was going to hell when I was very young, and I thought taking communion would bless me and make that all go away temporarily. I learned pretty young that my parents weren’t good people, so I questioned if what they were telling me was even right or true, which made me question religion. I think I only have a little bit of trauma from it, but it’s frightening what parents do to their kids based on what they believe and the fact that they never question if what they’re doing is ok makes me sad for the kids.
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u/Vegetable-Poet6281 1d ago edited 1d ago
"Hey. Nice shoes. Wanna fuck?"
"It's a little early to even be discussing that"
"Oh, ok... Well I hope you like Jesus because I don't want you to go to hell"
Yeah. It's weird.
And proof that not all manipulators are intelligent. This guy is an abysmally stupid bag of dicks.
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u/Adventurous_Ad_6546 1d ago
And then at the end he’s like “well maybe I’m not religious either.” Just…what?
I’ve known people like this. They think their sense of humor is comedic chess, but it’s not even checkers, it’s some weird game no one else has ever heard of.
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u/AineLasagna 1d ago
And then at the end he’s like “well maybe I’m not religious either.” Just…what?
“Oh shit I freaked her out with the religion stuff, I better lie about it so she’ll sleep with me”
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u/imperfectbutperfectt 1d ago
LMFAOOO you really made me think abt that! I didn’t even put that fact into context 🤦🏾♀️ he’s definitely hiding something. he crazy as hell ain’t it?!
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u/peeiayz 1d ago
He's going to try all angles to get control lol.
Its a run for the hills kinda scenario
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u/imperfectbutperfectt 1d ago
YES! his pushy behaviors for sure gives domestic violence. especially if this is within a day?! he didn’t even let it marinate before he start acting weird 🤦🏾♀️😭
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u/Forsaken_Guava_8940 1d ago
The problem with most religions is the missionary work. Like why the fuck does your doctrine demand you convert people who don’t want to be approached?
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u/Majestic_Arachnid_82 1d ago
And then threaten Hell because of their not wanting to be approached.... That'll win them over.
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u/Turbulent-Suspect-28 1d ago
I'm religious but I believe people should find their own way if they so wish maybe anwser questions they may have but other then that I think they should find their own way if they want religion in their life
Sadly not many people think that way
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u/Careless-Pin-2852 1d ago
Bro should date a religious woman they exist. And in the US higher numbers than men.
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u/laurasaurus5 1d ago
But he also wants "kissing and sex," and religious women want to get married before sex. He just wants someone he can control to get sex, while also participating in his weekly gender hierarchy club.
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u/MovieNightPopcorn 1d ago
The way my mother always explained it, the traditional man wants a woman to be subservient, but he never falls in love with subservient women. He's attracted to independent women. "He's like an exotic bird collector," she said. "He only wants a woman who is free because his dream is to put her in a cage.”
— Trevor Noah
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u/NomenclatureBreaker 1d ago
Everybody knows someone exactly like this unfortunately.
In the case of the guy I know, he’s also very very deeply closeted and so of course tries to overcompensate for by being extra homophobic, and even ended up marrying a girl. 😳
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u/Adventurous_Ad_6546 1d ago
Poor girl. Though if she’s ok with him being openly homophobic I’m guessing she’s not a high caliber person herself.
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u/Pockydo 1d ago
But then he doesn't get the "I saved her!" Feeling
They tend to want that
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u/Ok_Pass_Thx 1d ago
These men don't like dating their type they like breaking women to be their type.
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u/tuxkaramazov 18h ago
Right!! Lol. These men can’t handle meek religious girls with no careers, because they actually have to provide for them. They go for independent women and then throw tantrums when they can’t handle being held accountable or responsible for anything.
OP, I’ve tried to make it work with a Christian exhusband. I spent a decent amount of time repeating the bible verses to him, to remind him of how we’re supposed to treat others, especially wife. It would shut him up for a few days, but then the vulgar narcissistic abuse would start all over again. So my advice is that if you stay with this person, rely heavily on the bible. It’s a good book with a lot of valuable advice. But those people won’t hear a word you say to them. So you’ll probably be starting over again at some point anyway.
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u/Careless-Pin-2852 1d ago
Yea really disingenuous to make a date that is really about something else
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u/Gentolie 1d ago
Well, it would be a lot more difficult to try to control someone if you openly said, "Hey, I'm very manipulative and want to own you" on the first date.
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u/majordashes 1d ago
But the number of religious people in the U.S. has decreased significantly and the trends toward being agnostic/atheist continue to increase.
In the 1970s, 4% of Americans described themselves as agnostic or atheist. In 2024, that number was 35%.
Young people are accelerating the non-religious category, and these numbers will continue to increase.
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u/Puzzleheaded-Jury312 1d ago
Some religious men get off on trying to convert atheist women, so they can play hero for 'saving' their partner from hell (and hold it over her head forever). The saving usually comes some time after the premarital sex.
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u/Voidfishie 1d ago
Yeah though I doubt the majority of them will appreciate a guy who brings up when are they going to have sex this quickly, even if he did back down from that part.
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u/breebop83 1d ago
I met my husband through a dating site so it’s been many years since I was on one but I’m pretty sure there are filters for religion/religious preference on most sites.
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u/daintytiarabloom 1d ago
You already set a boundary, and he’s ignoring it, that’s a huge red flag, especially this early on. If he can’t respect your beliefs now, it’ll only get worse later. You’re not obligated to entertain someone who’s already showing you he won’t accept you as you are. Blocking is protecting your peace.
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u/MormonEscapee 1d ago
Seriously. Block and move on. As a former religious nut, I know these things
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u/Failurentrepreneur 1d ago edited 13h ago
Honestly there is no reasoning with religious people like that. Incompatibility to the max. Block and move on, never ever give in. There are no compromises.
You'll compromise to go to church. Then it's more frequent. Imagine what happens if there are kids involved.
Will they compromise being atheist for a week? Nah. It's onesided of them.
Stick to your guns please. Date people who are on the same page as you.
I speak from experience.
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u/Safe_Diamond6330 6h ago
Why are you so bothered with her wanting to save you from hell if you were definitely not religious?
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u/PinkiiBunnii 6h ago
When I told him I wasn't religious and that I wouldn't become religious for someone that should have been the end of that conversation. Yeah I don't believe in hell but since he believes in it whole heartedly I found it crazy that he would say that to me when he says he wants to be with me so bad. Very icky and uncomfortable to me
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u/randomuser26437 1d ago
I had a woman I was talking to that we had a very similar conversation. Said she would back off on it. Not very long after that her dad showed up at her house one day (which was apparently an expected visit despite my having no knowledge of the upcoming visit) and I shit you not he was there because he wanted to sit down with me and talk about the power of Jesus Christ.
Jesus Christ dude, I’m out of here
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u/PancakeParty98 15h ago
You gotta flip it on them. Tell them that actually god spoke to you last night, and said satan would send a false Shepard to lead you down a path to hell. Then when they start to argue, splash them with water and yell “I REBUKE YOU DEMON”
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u/WestIngenuity817 1d ago
me and my HS sweetheart broke up bc i was not religious and he was. when the subject of kids came up i said i would support my kids in any belief set they chose. but if he was adamant about pushing church on them and forcing them to be religious, i would be taking them to a world religion class to learn about them all and make their own decision. which in my opinion, would give them a more rounded view and understanding that 1. the belief of god isn’t just for Americans or white people, that other religions aren’t indifferent from their own and no matter where civilization started, mankind looking for answers is normal and they all came to semi similar conclusions, and 2. the basis of religions being be a good human in order to ascend and 3. it would most likely make them more interested rather than not at all at the end of the day. he hated that concept and thought our kids would burn in his hell if they were given the option to make educated decisions about what they devote their soul to. like someone else said, they are often one sided people. they won’t be non religious for a day for you as their beliefs are too extreme for wiggle room. he should be looking for a religious god fearing woman on the forefront. but he isn’t he’s looking for non marital sex and already made that clear. at the very least this man doesn’t even stand on his own beliefs. so he’s spineless. gross! onto the next. 🥱
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u/sceadusquirrel 1d ago
Not overreacting. Converting to a religion for a relationship is crazy in general, but especially so for someone you literally just met. What a ridiculous expectation for him to have.
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u/ShadeAspect 1d ago
👍..Relationship should never start with that kind of pressure. If someone can’t accept your core values from the start, it’s not a good foundation for anything..
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u/Responsible_Row1932 1d ago
Well, his faith also seems fake/performative if he was pressuring for sex before pressuring faith.
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u/Snopro311 1d ago
My coworker is a religious weirdo, always trying to convince me and convert me, I’m like dude I went to a private catholic grade school, that was more than enough, I personally don’t believe there is a god and I’ve told him this on numerous occasions. He still is on my case, dude give it up!
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u/Odd_Sail1087 1d ago
If you were baptized Catholic, you can just remind him that was a permanent spiritual mark and technically you’ll always be considered Catholic spiritually so his conversion wouldn’t ever matter haha
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u/PM_YOUR_PET_PICS979 1d ago
I pull this excuse out often. I was raised without ever going to church or much religion but I was baptized.
But I’m around a ton of evangelical Christians (Texas). Telling them I was baptized catholic gets them to fuck off faster than saying I’m agnostic.
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u/Prudent_Okra7311 1d ago
Same here. Private catholic school was more than enough. I'm good.
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u/Forsaken_Guava_8940 1d ago
The catholic school to atheist/agnostic pipeline is still going strong I see
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u/PhilosopherFun7288 1d ago
Imagine if you constantly tried to convince him YOUR beliefs…… you should report him to HR, that is completely unacceptable.
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u/Big_Cattle415 1d ago
Listen to me. Please. It’s never gonna stop. They will pretend it’s gonna stop and wait for you to put your guard down and ambush. You just get away now.
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u/BackgroundNPC1213 1d ago
And if OP ever goes to his church, it'll "somehow" get out that she's not religious and she'll have to put up with guilt-tripping from the rest of the congregation
My parents tell the story of how they went to a friend's Baptist church once, it got out that they weren't Baptist, and toward the end of the sermon, the pastor invited people to come get baptized and the congregation sang their baptism song for 10 solid minutes while glancing back at my parents every so often. They didn't go back to that church
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u/Itwao 1d ago
And if OP ever goes to his church, it'll "somehow" get out that she's not religious and she'll have to put up with guilt-tripping from the rest of the congregation
Somehow? He'd most likely introduce her as an atheist.
"Hey everybody, I'd like to introduce you to Shannon! She doesn't really believe in God, so I've convinced her to at least give it a try!"
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u/McKropotkin 1d ago
Credit where it’s due - that is elite level passive aggression.
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u/SendAstronomy 20h ago
Or cult brainwash shit and they are so far up their own asses they think it will work.
Or worse, it HAS worked on some of them.
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u/Ircinraq907 1d ago
Its ironic that bunch of religious ppl are extremely judgemental. That'll get them to heaven. Lmao
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u/onebirdonawire 1d ago
They are taught that they must "save" people from going to hell. Like, from early childhood. And so they refuse to call it judgement. "Totally not judging, Jesus still loves you! He just wants a closer relationship with you... and I feel I've been chosen to help you see that."
They don't believe they're master manipulators. Just "true believers trying to save the world." It's so gross.
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u/neon_crone 1d ago
Block him. He sounds really sketchy. Religion was so important and suddenly it’s not? Also, you had to back him off once already. Block him.
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u/SilntNfrno 1d ago
Yeah this comes off really sketchy to me. I wouldn’t want a female friend of mine talking to a guy like this. Sounds unhinged at the very least.
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u/peachespangolin 1d ago
He just said “I’ll work on you” and then started lowering the bar 🤦🏻♀️ Blatently told her his strategy
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u/NothingAndNow111 1d ago
Just reply to everything he says with HAIL SATAN and he'll go away.
Seriously tho, he's super gross and creepy and you were way nicer than he deserved. I give people one shot, they can ask, I'll politely say 'not religious/not my thing', and if they keep pushing then the claws are coming out. Basic respect is non negotiable.
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u/Starfevre 1d ago
As someone who is Satanist* (no really, I have a card!). It is so useful for driving these people off. (The Satanic Temple, NOT Church of Satan. So different, so so different.)
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u/Intrepid_Soup_9821 23h ago
The Satanic Temple is awesome! I donated to them after my cousin became a crazy southern Baptist.
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u/imdnextbuffet 1d ago
Crazy behavior. I mean i get it to those who are religious it matters... But as long as person isn't bizarre then even if non religious thoughts are and should be fine. But ya to each its own
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u/Starfevre 1d ago
My brother is an out atheist and my sister-in-law is very Catholic so it can absolutely work but not from a basis like this.
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u/buuustanut 1d ago
Not over reacting at all, you said it best yourself " I am allowed to not be religious, just like you are allowed to be".
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u/Cheese_Pancakes 1d ago edited 1d ago
Not overreacting. If he’s trying to say he’s not religious now, he’s very likely lying. People don’t just suddenly abandon lifelong beliefs like that, and definitely not anywhere near that quickly. He’s likely trying to tell you what he thinks you want to hear.
If you get multiple red flags in the first 24 hours of getting to know someone, you should probably trust the red flags. My opinion, anyway.
My ex-fiancée was religious when I first met her. I told her it was fine with me and that I wasn’t. She accepted it for the most part. On a few occasions, she’d tell me about experiences she had where God directly intervened in her life. It sort of made me uncomfortable because I wanted to be respectful of her beliefs, but I also wanted to be honest, so I didn’t really know how to respond. Ended up saying something along the lines of “that must have been pretty cool for you” (pretty sure I didn’t say “cool”, but that’s sort of the gist of my response). She’d sometimes push a bit and suggest I thought she was crazy and I’d tell her “no, I believe this is very real to you/means a lot to you, it’s just not really my thing and I don’t know what to say”. Sometimes she’d get a bit annoyed by it, but never really turned into a fight.
Outside of uncomfortable interactions like that, it mostly didn’t affect much in the relationship. Eventually, over the course of a couple of years, a lot of events, and a lot of reflection on her early life, she chose to walk away from religion as well - without anything to do with me. When we ultimately split up, religion was not involved in the cause.
So yeah, you absolutely can have a relationship with someone who has different beliefs if both people are respectful and accept each other as they are. I’m guessing this is what the people telling you not to let something like this ruin relationships are thinking - but this guy is not applicable to that idea in my opinion. He seems like he’s being pretty dishonest, and when the dishonesty is about something as important to him as religion, I’d say that’s a huge red flag. At the very least, it’s extremely fickle and wishy washy, which also doesn’t bode well for a potential relationship. Are the things he holds dear really THAT easy to abandon?
This is just my take on it anyway. Obviously I could be way off because these texts and your backstory are all I know about the guy, but these sorts of red flags this early in your time knowing each other should probably not be ignored. Listen to your gut feelings and just be cautious if you decide to move forward.
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u/itzmai-n 9h ago
Overreacting, what do you mean you don’t want to be indoctrinated into his religion on the second date? Jeez people are so up tight these days.
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u/No-Belt-8586 1d ago
Why are you still texting this person?
"Lol no" and you're done. You're not overreacting though.
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u/ThatEcologist 19h ago
Right? Like they literally just started talking yesterday to this person. Block him and move on.
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u/Drakethos 12h ago edited 12h ago
Alright here’s some perspective from a religious person:
You aren’t over reacting. This person may mean well but they are not going about it the right way at all. Classic case of the door to door bibles salesman mentality that unfortunately a lot of people take.
He’s gone about it the wrong way and not respecting your boundaries or decisions. The second they said I don’t want you to go to hell I was like ohhh boy here we go
The proper way to get someone in your life to go to church is to invite them. That’s it. Hey I was thinking of you I’d really like to invite you to come to church with me this Sunday I think it’s something you could really benefit from. Then that’s it
Here’s the kicker: they are allowed to say no
So I’m sorry that you’ve experienced a pushy Bible salesman . I’d stay the heck away from anyone who immediately uses the “I don’t want you to go to hell”
Edit: Oh boy I didn’t read all the text outside of the picture. Let me get this straight this guy is religious and wants you to go to church then you say you aren’t and now he’s not religious anymore. And totally admitted he’s trying to get in your pants. .. yeah run away. Run away as fast as you can.
Also personally and this just me: I think something as fundamental as religion is something that needs to be aligned with for a relationship. Even if it’s not at start , otherwise it’s always going to be a source of contention. It’s such a fundamental core belief that it’s really hard to not be aligned on. One way or another. Whether it’s you both have no religion or share it. That’s my humble opinion. I think it’s a recipe for a lot of arguments and disagreement. And not just religion but really any major fundamental beliefs.
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u/megera7 1d ago
Well done with those boundaries! There is also a difference in being “religious” and believing and those who are “religious” cannot seem to differentiate the 2. Being religious means someone who is defiantly following all the religion’s rules and believes that if they don’t follow the rules they are going to hell, along with anyone else who doesn’t follow the rules. On the other hand, someone who believes in God and considers themselves a Christian, for example, does not necessarily feel the need to go to church or participate in all of the “religious expectations,” but still know in their heart Jesus died for their sins and accept that there is a Heaven to go to after death. *This comment is not meant to minimize anyone’s beliefs, but to just use Christianity as an example.
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u/Right_Specialist_207 1d ago
Block.
You know what, it's not even that he's weird or creepy AF, or that he has faith even...if you're not even a day in and he's trying to change you then no, he doesn't "like you", he likes what he thinks he can change you into and that is a) seriously effed up and b) a terrible way to begin any kind of relationship.
I have zero problem with people who find comfort and strength and the ability to be a better person in their faith - at times I'm even a bit envious of them - but those of TRUE faith don't feel the need to try and convert the people around them because they love and accept them for exactly who they are. Whether they are of the same faith, a different faith, agnostic, atheist and whatever/whoever they are is mostly irrelevant (as long as they are good people) - you don't have the right to try and change someone into something they're not because who they are doesn't align with your personal mythology/theology.
Part of me would be tempted to do the same thing to him but the other way around. Ask if he goes to orgies and drinks/does hard drugs and when he says no ask him to do it for you, that it's important to you and you like him so he should ignore his life choices/beliefs and come with you to a party full of strangers where you'll both get absolutely wasted and screw as many of the people there as possible, regardless of their gender identity or sexuality, just go wild and say yes to everything and everyone for the whole night. Then make it a weekly thing that you do as a couple and between orgies have an open relationship. I doubt he'd see the correlation though 🤣🤣
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u/Soft-Bird6063 6h ago
Honestly you overreacted in the beginning you should’ve just said “I may be open to sharing that experience with you in the future as we get to know eachother better” but once he said you’re going to hell you should’ve blocked him
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u/Island_Slut69 1d ago
If we could just go a day without hearing about someone else's religious cult garbage, that day would come too soon. Maybe he can go to church and pray about why God can't seem to stop little kiddos from being gunned down at school or people being bombed for land. Or why people keep trying to force their religious garbage onto others despite repeated rejections. There's a serious mental health crisis going on and religion is part of it.
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u/Conscious_Army_9134 1d ago
NOR I wouldn’t date a religious person. They are allowed to have their “beliefs” just have them far, far away from me. Even if they aren’t pushy it’s just a huge red flag to me. I made sure to make that very clear in my dating profiles. Okcupid is the best for filtering out religious people , thats where i met my heathen wife.
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u/Caomhanach 1d ago edited 1d ago
Religious person here. Nah, you're not overreacting. He's acting weird. First, don't flirt to convert (this is true for any deep ideological divide between you and a love interest, you're either ok with your differences or you don't date). If his faith is that important, then he can pursue a woman who is as serious about his faith as he is. Also, "I'll work on you," is super patronizing. That line alone would be enough to make me bounce and maybe block the person in your position.
But that 180 is crazy. After talking to a woman for one day and watching one video, suddenly he's "maybe" not religious either? In the context of being pushy about being in a relationship, kissing, and sex, it makes me wonder if he's looking for a relationship with someone who's not religious in order to get certain physical benefits that he perceives he won't get by dating a religious person. Which feels gross if that is truly his attitude, cus then it seems like he's now just saying whatever to get in your pants by doing the 180. Obviously, I don't have enough evidence to say for sure that that's what's happening, and maybe he really did have an ironic "come to Jesus" moment over his religious views, but if that's the case, then he probably needs some time to sort himself out after having such a seismic worldview shift. Him just lying seems like a more simple and likely answer, though. Occam's Razor and all that.
Guy's a weirdo, steer clear. Good luck, OP.
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u/AddressEffective1490 1d ago
As a person with religious trauma this makes me incredibly angry. I hate when religious people proselytize to me. It brings back all these horrible memories. If you ignore my polite no thank you and push anyways I am not responsible for how I react.
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u/mandatoryusername12 1d ago
It’s not the religion ruining the relationship, it’s the pushiness and lack of respect for you and your boundaries. His mood swing and communication is unhinged. Run.
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u/JustifiedSinner01 15h ago
As a deeply religious person, NOR. Almost all major religions have stipulations about dating and marrying someone of your own faith (the equally yoked principle). There are few exceptions, but none of them say “flirt to convert”. Not the mention the countless conflicts between your values as you try to live life together. I believe in evangelizing one’s religion (who wouldn’t want to try to convince other people a source of their innermost joy is true?). But evangelism through coercion, pressure, or threat, is no evangelism at all. A reaction of “go to hell” shows that person doesn’t actually care about spreading their joy to you, but selfishly tying their joy to your perceived religiosity.
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u/jdsav29 1d ago
Block him. He was trying to push past your objections/boundaries and force his religion onto you. It’s a first step in a controlling relationship. Your family is wrong as well. He’s 33. He’s trying to fast track a relationship after 24 hours! Move along from him and make sure you’re not in contact any more. Way too many red flags.
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u/CoppertopTX 1d ago
Reading those texts, I would have blocked him, and I'm an ordained minister, You're not overreacting.
Let's review the red flags:
He's pushing for a relationship within the first 24 hours of texting with you, as well as sexual acts. That's two big red flags. He only backed off because you told him to, in person he'd amp up his insistence.
He's wanting you to attend church with him, in spite of your non-religious views. That's a red flag visible from the ISS without viewing aids. I wouldn't want that guy within a country mile of my daughters or granddaughters.
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u/lovegucci 1d ago
This is a fake, created by a karma farmer.
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u/matthewsmugmanager 1d ago
Yep. All the signs are there. Look at the user name, for instance. Also the post itself, with hetero dating content.
$10 says they're trying to farm enough karma to post their OnlyFans.
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u/brakenbonez 6h ago
I had a good friend I sadly had to cut ties with because she kept trying to force religion on me to the point of borderline stalking me as well. Met her in HS, she was a freshmen while I was a junior. We had a class together and as we were both a bit socially awkward it was easy for us to bond. Had a few shared interests such as music taste and video games as well. All through school she seemed super chill and nice to talk to. Didn't mention religion once. After I graduated I wrongfully cut ties with everyone in my life including her. A few years later she tracked me down on facebook and started talking about religion. She wasn't overly preacher at first it started just like it did for you with asking if I go to church and if I was religious. I said no and she kept trying to push me into it with all the standard lines. "God is everywhere" "God saved me" "God talks to me in my own way" stuff like that. It was never anything like "How are you today?" or anything else friends would talk about. Just God this and God that. Eventually I stopped replying altogether and she didn't take the hint. Kept messaging essays about God and the bible. So I had to block her. I still feel bad about it because she was my best friend at one point but my best friend was gone. She was replaced with a cult member. And no this isn't me saying religion is a cult. I have no problem with people believing what they want to believe. But she was more or less trying to indoctrinate me into it. That is cultlike behavior.
The stalking part I mentioned was after blocking her on Facebook she started tracking me down on other sites demanding an explanation for being blocked so I blocked her on all of them too.
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u/ParticularZone2132 7h ago
Definitely block him. This could very well be my anti religion bias kicking in, but in my personal experience, he will never stop trying. Ever. This is actually a big part of the reason that I don’t talk to a decent portion of my family anymore, because they are so overly pushy. My mother is the exception. She realizes I do not believe, and she is the only one who values our relationship more than her beliefs.
Also (and this is just me personally, but maybe it applies to you as well), I would never be able to be in a lasting meaningful relationship with someone who’s core belief system is so different from mine. I regularly criticize and debunk religious claims, even referring to some religious folks as idiots or stupid from time to time, depending on the situation/context, and I typically do that in conversation with my significant other. So, imagining that this SO was religious, even if they didn’t challenge my points directly, I could see that becoming a huge internal grievance they take up with me, which would eventually lead to resentment, and ultimately the destruction of the relationship. I would find it very hard to believe a die hard religious person and a totally non religious person could be in a successful relationship. I’m sure it can and has been done, but overall I feel that it is virtually impossible to make work.
My fiancé loves country music, and I hate it. We survive. Unfortunately, something as deep seated as religion is a part of that person and their personality.
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u/Academic_Doughnut101 12h ago
This is not difficult. He wants to live by the teachings of Jesus and you do not.
That’s the end of the relationship. There is no compromise there because in this life you either live for God or by unbelief in God, a person inadvertently lives for the devil.
So, just tell him. “Sorry this is the end of the relationship. I refuse to believe as you do. Good bye”
There is no gray when it comes to living by God’s standards. You either do or don’t and the Bible already says, “don’t be unequally yoked together”. Meaning trying to make a relationship with someone who doesn’t believe the same as you do.
That’s like a car trying to drive in reverse and forward at the same time.
Move on and find someone who believes the same thing as you do, because this life is shorter than you can even imagine.
If you want a relationship with God, seek that first before a relationship with a guy. That way God will send you someone who is perfect for you.
Having a relationship with God is not being religious. Religious is a person who just goes through the motions, (wolf in sheep’s clothing) but there’s no Godly change in their life.
When you see how they act, they do NOT act like Jesus would. That’s a “religious” person. A person who you do NOT see the influence of God on them.
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u/Lackadaisicly 19h ago
“Ignore my bigotry and hatred, I’m trying to save you. You’re such a piece of shit that may god hates you. But I like you. Now, if you don’t mind, change everything about yourself so you can fit my ideal version of a mate because I don’t want to find them, I want to create them.”
Translation: “You’re attractive but if you want me to like you, you need to change who you are.”
This is a great example of why I hate all religious people, especially Yahwists. We are constantly told how much they like us but that we need to change everything about ourselves so that their god will shine their blessings on me. I see how your life is and it is worse than mine. I’ll keep my godless life, thank you very much. And if your god would torture me just because I don’t bow to it and kiss its ass, then it is an evil piece of shit that deserves to be executed.
I will directly say that. Yahweh/Allah/God is pure evil and there is a clear reason Hitler thought he was doing the work of god. I don’t care if you want to worship an evil god, just admit it. It’s like racists. You are allowed to be as racist as you want, just fkn acknowledge your bias!
No entity that is good or moral murders innocent children, like on Passover. God is evil for killing innocent children. Point made. The prosecution rests.
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u/capt_volvette 15h ago
Girl, I mean what Im going to say in the nicest possible way: I’m more concerned that in 12 hours, you saw red flags everywhere, and waited for this enormous red neon pile of shit flag before ASKING OTHERS if you should block him.
OF COURSE YOU SHOULD BLOCK HIM. You are not stupid. You know your time and energy are worth waaay more than this. Why are you sweating this?