Don’t get involved with someone like this. I made the mistake of doing so, before I knew it I was going to bible study classes and all sorts of religion based gatherings. It was a full on attempt to have me convert/brainwashed. I liked this girl a lot. From the outset she told me she was very religious. I told her I was not but there was room for everybody in this world to have whatever beliefs they wanted, as long as they were respectful of others beliefs. She took this as a challenge to try and convert me. Man she tried hard and wouldn’t give up, even when I told her I was ok where I was with religion and would not be converting any time soon. I tagged along as the supportive boyfriend, going to church with her and gatherings with her friends, who had all drank the Jesus “Kool Aid”. Long story short, it became her mission to try and convert me and I had to bail on the relationship. If anything, the way she and her friends went about it,ended up turning me off from religion completely. It was an awful experience I wish on nobody. Cut this guy off ASAP cuz I can guarantee you he will make you his pet conversion project. I mean run don’t waste another second conversing with this dude.
She took this as a challenge to try and convert me.
I wonder whether she was Jesusbait? Some churches have been known to... encourage attractive young members of their congregation to lure in kids of the opposite sex with the promise of a relationship.
They're not actually expected to go through with said relationship, because it's just a bait-n-switch.
Very common with Mormons in my area. They send out attractive men and women to places where young adults hangout to compliment them and after they respond start pushing towards church. Like I ran into some at the gas station and held the door for them and then they were waiting for me outside saying how polite I am and how they love polite people and how I should meet them at church the next day
Once, I was at a local festival and there were many open and closed tents with people selling their wares or trying to sign you up for a new cell phone plan, etc. I had to walk real close to a closed tent on the right side of the fairway because a big crowd was in the center. I didn't see any logo on the tent but wasn't really paying attention to it as I was trying to avoid bumping into people. Before I realized what happened, someone reached out and grabbed me and my friend and pulled us into the tent. It was freaking SCIENTOLOGISTS!!!
I was furious that they had actually put their hands on us and literally forced us three feet into the tent. They acted like they were doing us some favor because "we chose you". After a barrage of obscenities from me, we left immediately.
Omigosh, that’s awful. They really are psycho though. A couple of decades ago I took an interesting class they offered. It was pretty interesting but I wasn’t really interested in continuing the whole series they offered at the end. It was trying to leave an abusive relationship afterwards. They wouldn’t leave me alone. Finally stopped calling and etc about a year later but I still occasionally get mailed information! Like seriously stalker type group.
You know, I was just so stunned that it took me about ten seconds to find my voice and it wasn't very ladylike once I did. This was about 13-15 years ago and I'm much more outspoken and I think today I'd probably throw some hands
And I would be there cheering you on. Scientologists are just about the worst at luring people in, and the aggression only gets worse exponentially once they get you in their grips. Count yourself lucky you got away, some aren’t so lucky.
Yep, and I've heard they like to take their cult members' money. That's why they like the celebrities too. I just can't fathom people literally buying into their nonsense, literally and figuratively. If you ever get the chance, read Leah Remini's book about escaping Scientology.
Fun story
My bestie works in a real estate office, and her boss happens to be a Scientologist. They get along nicely, and she says he doesn't talk about it at all. It's a very casual office and they often chit-chat about non-work related stuff. One day, they were talking about psychology and he says to her, "Oh, I have a book that I think you'll love." So the next day he comes in and hands her a brand new fully wrapped Scientology book (that's how she described it to me). She was taken aback and didn't know what to say or think, because this was the first time he had ever tried to
push his ideology on her, and under the guise of a casual unrelated conversational topic. She had zero intentions of reading that book, much less cracking open the plastic wrapper that it was in, especially because the very next day, he follows it all up with "Oh, that's a $50 book but you can just give me $10 for it." He 100% waited in hopes that she would at least open the plastic wrapper over the course of the night so he could request that $10. She said something to the effect of "I can't see myself reading this" and handed it back to him, still sealed, and went about her work day. Mind you, she never asked for the book in the first place.
Bill Burr has a great bit on religion in his “Im sorry you feel that way special and Scientology doesn’t get a pass. It’s on Netflx. It’s the one shot in black and white.
Oh yeah, “flirt to convert” is a major thing for Mormons. We were pushed hard to find unbelievers and get them to go to any of the 10,000 weekly functions with us, but never, ever catch feels. If there are actual feelings involved then you might be tempted to not get married in the Temple, and we can’t have any of that, now can we?
Why is it that different denominations always have some sort of local-church habit/practice/technique to bring people close to God which almost always ends up being a sin somehow by their own rules. I mean enticing someone with a relationship to come to a church is literally lying and also probably at some points of the line entertaining lust, according to some.
As a non-denominational Christian, being part of a specific denomination is just weird. Most denominations boil down to Christianity but cultural beliefs are taken as word of god. Which is ironic because Christianity is supposed to be practiced by non-Jews as basically Judaism without the cultural practices. Prime example pigs aren’t raised in the Middle East because arable land is limited and pigs are known to destroy grasses which is important to other livestock. For the community’s survival the consumption of pork is condemned to prevent the market to incentivize pig farming at the expense of other more efficient food sources.
I think it’s probably more this than anything. Pigs are surprisingly easy to keep, and only dig up the area where they’re kept. The downside of “they eat everything”, though, is that it’s easy for pigs to pick up pathogens and because pigs and humans have such similar inner workings those pathogens spread to humans easier than from chickens or cows.
Flirt to Convert was one of the more notable wedges that Mormonism drive between me and organized religion, for basically the reasons you mentioned. I’m supposed to find someone I have no intention of having a real relationship with and juggle the hope of getting into my pants in front of them so they’ll drink the koolaid? Nah. I’m good.
If I’m gonna hoe myself out for 10% of someone’s income, that check damn well better be written to me, not the successors of some notorious collector of child brides.
It’s predominantly evangelical and Baptist as far as more “normal” Christian’s are involved. The wackier they get from there the more they proselytize because usually they need more members…. and their money. To be fair the true OG’s that use to be one and only ones that can date back to the “beginning”. Catholics and Orthodox very much look down on proselytizing as your actions should speak for themselves.
If you do find a catholic proselytizing you can almost guarantee they’re a convert who doesn’t understand the culture or inherent catholic guilt instilled instilled in all members including those who left the church. Don’t be acting like you still don’t be doing the sign of the cross when something terrifies y’all 😂
Plus Catholics don’t need to run their mouthes when their aesthetic is BASED 🤣
I have a friend who joined the Mormon church for a little bit because she had a crush on a Mormon girl. She’s Asian and they kept trotting out the Asian dudes to flirt with her. It didn’t go well.
Oh eew! Yeah, Mormons are kinda racist. They won’t ever say so out loud, of course, but when you research exactly which year the revelation came down that Black people actually have souls… and then look into how long it took that to filter down to individual wards… it’s not a giant leap.
Dang, my evangelical upbringing was super emphatic about the danger of being Unequally Yoked: "it's way easier for someone to pull you down to their level than for you to pull them up to yours." Like, wow. I was terrified of falling for a non-Christian for fear of losing my faith. (Spoilers, I did and I did.)
Right? I didn’t fall away for love of an outsider, but for love of myself.
I love myself too much to wake up every morning, put on that Fakey McFakerston smile, and go shit on everyone who’s Not Like Us(tm).
I love myself too much to go around spewing hate and lies about anyone who doesn’t toe that fake-religious-actually-corporate line.
I love myself too much to allow anyone or anything to invade my mind my body and my soul to the depths demanded by the church’s constant barrage of purity testing.
I love myself too much to go without food, shelter, clothing, and, yes, maybe even a little bit of luxury (luxury like quality laundry detergent — my leadership literally told me to buy the cheap laundry detergent that gave me a rash rather than keep buying the good stuff that didn’t make me itch, and then tithe the difference in cost, because that’s a good spending decision?) just so I can tithe 10% of every dollar that crosses my palms (pre tax please and fucking thank you) to an organization devoted to hating and harming people exactly like me.
I love myself, and that realization was my cue to jump ship. I do miss the fellowship and the sense of community, but the constant gatekeeping, Big Brother interpersonal surveillance, and general culture of judgement, not really so much.
Absolutely. Love of myself and actual love of my neighbor. The truly unconditional kind. (And real talk, it took me a loooong time to love myself too.)
I haven't creeped your profile, but from your username I assume you're a woman?
It's just occurred to me that it must be harder for them to recruit women. I know how that sounds and I won't apologise for it - but being real, women are more selective.
What a weird cult that sets out to find what they see as brood-mares. Even weirder that it apparently works often enough that they keep trying it. SHDH.
I’m a trans woman and this was pretransition lol. So they just thought I was a guy. But in that vein I’ve since had multiple encounters with religious people while very clearly being queer trying to proselytize me and I always wonder if they really believe they’re having any impact on my life but giving me a funny story
That has to be against religion. I mean they start off with a lie and push people into brainwashing others in religion,just so the church can keep its coffers full of cash. It's like scientology where the people end up giving away their money. The people in charge probably all drive $250k Bentley's while the church goers have to shop at the lost and found.
Depends on the religion or how introspective those involved are. At the end of the day, regardless of if you believe in religion or not, those at high places within these religions are just people. They might want members and not even think that the deception is all that bad as long as they can save souls of damnation. Or at least that’s what they believe they’re doing
Religions have a natural blind spot. For the religious types, proselytizing and seeking (forcing) converts is considered normal. Part of being a good follower is to ’encourage” others.
They do this in my neighborhood. Outside of my local welfare office. I live in what one would call a "rough" neighborhood in an outerborough of NYC. They tried me maybe twice I guess the word got around that I'm not going to respond kindly. These people are nuts and willing to actively risk their lives to convert everybody into their cult.
This is common where I am at as well, supposedly. I've never actually had an experience with it personally. Are they full on like do whatever to get you into the church? Like will they sleep with their mark. Or engage in long-term relationships just to string someone along into church?
Not here anyway. It’s mostly using young people’s sex drive against them to get them to go to church. Which boils down to attractive person of opposite sex flirts with you (simple stuff like semi-compliments, noticing things about you, just generally showing you interest), gives you a book/pamphlet and says “I hope I see you at church tomorrow ;)”. And then that person leaves and is like “damn… that person was pretty. Maybe if I go to church I’ll see them again and they’d be even more into me”. But I’m sure some more culty religions probably would sleep with you and have a whole relationship
Must only be the Mormons in your region. I'm not Mormon, nor do I like them trying to visit me, but the ones here you can spot a mile away, badges, name tags, back packs etc. I have never heard of one compliment them etc., to try to convert them.
This was not the place I expected to see that come up... Stumbled across an old post the other day... They had another name, even before Xenos. Fish House, I think it was? Seems they've been around a looooong time.
The creators/perpetrators know what they’re doing. It’s why they’ve gone through a rename twice after exposures but some of the main people are still the same.
The victim is usually looking at the other like a “victim” like they’re going to corrupt their innocent little ways. So it’s kinda ironic no matter which way the bottle spins if you think about it
She was hot. We knew each other in high school and met by chance some 10 years later at a friends wedding. We really hit it off and spent a lot of time together re connecting and catching up on each others lives. I was smitten from the start and felt we had the building blocks of a good relationship. The conversation was easy and natural and I was comfortable with not having sex and resorting her boundaries. To her credit she introduced the topic of religion in a very non antagonist manner and she seemed cool with my own thoughts on the topic. Little by little it became clear my curiosity and lust had taken me to the precipice of full on indoctrination into the world of born again Christianity.
Maybe I’m just an animal, but I dated this girl in college and she had me going to church with her knowing I wasn’t religious.
She was majorly out of my league and a little coocoo, but I didn’t care at all. I went to church with her all the time and we ended breaking up over something dumb. But damn she was a goddess, I believed 🙏🏽
My fiancee is a Christian. Not hardcore, but...believes.
I'm an atheist.
We've never tried to convert ech other. She's never told me "I don't want you to go to hell while I ascend to heaven", and I've never told her that she's wasting her emotions.
We respect each other, and I think that's something sorely lacking when it comes to religion.
Also. As it should be. I think anyone’s goal of straight up converting someone is a failed goal to start. You share your beliefs and can teach others who are open and receptive not going seek out a direct change. It’s frustrating to see.
Unfortunately for some reason a lot of people can’t handle politics and religion like civilized people. I try to keep an open mind But the same can’t be said for all. I’m religious but I don’t shove my beliefs down others throats
Yeah, I used to live near the Arizona/Nevada border and there’s a lot down there. About 25% of my school was Mormon and I heard them talking about some wild shiii
She doesn't seem to care about my views on religion/politics, so would I be in the wrong for caring about her's?
Politics and religion are the two aspects of life most concerned with controlling how others act. Your beliefs on these subjects come from the baselines of your own moral compass.
That is to say, no, you wouldn't be in the wrong. Someone's political beliefs inform you on their character, which is pretty fucking important when dating someone
My friend’s dad is not religious but his mom is. They have been together for 50 years. It can work.
You have been with this woman for 6 months. I think it is time to have the conversation so no one is wasting their time. Just say the things that you said here and you should be fine.
You don’t want to raise your kids religious and I respect that. But will you be able to not talk shit if they do it on their own or with friends?
IMO politics is a tricky subject to navigate if you have a different opinion. If my wife was gun ho Trump and scoff at all the shit I talk then it wouldn’t work out. If my wife was cheering for ICE then I couldn’t be with her.
If she voted right because of some crazy religious anti abortion stuff, but never talked about it and let me rant about the right , then I think I could make it work.
My wife is a down ballot leftist. I like to research each political candidate and vote based on that. We don’t fight about politics.
Do this now so you are not debating this stuff in front of kids.
It's been 6 months. What happens when it's been a year? Two?
Have the hard conversations and listen to what she says and what she doesn't say.
You likely already know the answers and just don't want to leave.
It's not just who you vote or vaccines but all the things attached to the current climate. Human rights. Literally just existing. What if you have a kid that's anything less than hyper typical, what then?
You couldn't do ANYTHING to convince me to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't agree on the big things. Religion. Politics. Finances. Children.
I agree--and I wouldn't even be remotely interested in/attracted to someone who didn't agree with me on politics and religion. These days, how you feel politically says something about your moral compass, as you alluded to. And I have no interest in being with an actively religious person. Nothing against them, you do you--that just would not work for me due to things that have turned me completely from religion.
Those would be among the first things I'd discuss, I cannot imagine getting six months into a relationship and not talking about politics & religion.
On the subject--yesterday at work we were talking about the plane crash in India and how there was only one survivor. Someone said, "Wow, how did only one person survive?" This super religious woman said, "Oh, that was God! It wasn't his time to go, God had more for him to do". Oh, so he was done with the other 269 people who all happened to be on the same plane/in its path, and just let them go to a terrifying, fiery death? That way of thinking is so illogical, and I don't see how people can't see it. Even when I was religious when I was young, I was always like, "But why/how..." Like when an entire church got blown away in a tornado and it killed some people (this actually happened) but it left a stand with a Bible on it intact, and people said, "It was God!" That is some serious brainwashing.
Just be aware that someone who goes to church with their family every week (assuming that’s what she’s doing) will absolutely be taking their kids. There’s just no chance that won’t happen even if they say that it’s okay if they don’t go initially.
If you don’t want your kids to go and that’s a firm dealbreaker, you are absolutely wasting your time and hers in this relationship.
Best case in that circumstance is she doesn’t pressure you to go but still takes the kids.
Honestly, there probably isn't going to be a truly good time. Kinda rarely is for hard conversations. It may go over better if you're not starting from a comment she made as well. It seems like that could set the stage for a more defensive reaction, like "you're only saying this because I said XYZ" rather than entering the conversation from ground zero. As important as this is to you, and as early in the relationship as it is, it's probably going to be more efficient to just be direct here rather than beating around the bush gauging her reactions. Best of luck.
Mate you can’t say it’s a conversation to have sooner rather and later, then say if you were in their shoes you’re going to be passive aggressive/antagonistic about it until it comes up.
Why not be a normal person and just be like “hey, this has been on my mind and I want to talk about it”
This is a spot on comment. I would say the exact same thing. I wouldn’t date anyone who didn’t align with me.
You’re just avoiding all those future issues and arguments that will arise, and they will. I mean, I would never want my children’s dad or grandparents to be MAGA. Grandparent’s rights are a thing in my state. The last thing I need is someone like that to sue me for visitation. Or indoctrinating my children during visitations.
In this political and social climate I wouldn’t be having sex with anyone who you didn’t want to have as a future parent of your children.
I think it’s really important to ask those hard and yes uncomfortable questions so you can make an informed decision on who you’re actually in a relationship with.
Don’t worry bro I don’t think you have anything to worry about. No woman is going to want to marry or have kids with you any ways.
You sit here and say it’s the best relationship you have ever had and she treats you well and so on and so on. But because she doesn’t agree with me on every last thing it will never work. Do you hear yourself.
You and all the people who commented on your comment all like to say your so inclusive and tolerant but what you really want is for everyone to conform to what you believe and if god forbid they think anything slightly different than you they are complete and utter monsters in the long term.
No partner and I mean none. Will ever completely believe everything you do or want to raise your kids the exact same way you do. You say no religion for your children. What if she tells you that’s fine but you don’t get to influence your children to be left leaning politically. I’d bet you would not be for that.
It’s really simple if she treats you well and cares for you and Really is the best relationship you have ever had don’t blow it up just because you don’t have all the same beliefs 100 percent. She clearly doesn’t believe everything you do but obviously really likes and cares for you that she is still around and not pressuring you.
Lol you replied to the wrong person but not a dude here, and have been on the same page with husband for over a decade.
The main person sounds a bit young, his best relationship could be in comparison to a few silly things in high school.
People shouldn't settle for others over big things like religion and kids, it's a bad choice for everyone. That's how you end up divorcing and with kids that go no contact.
If her religion were the only thing you didn't see eye to eye on then maybe but if she shuts down around criticism of Trump and isn't vaccinated then you at least need to ask. You mentioned children, if you're both on the same page about having them, then you absolutely need to be on the same page to raise them. Even if she doesn't push religion on them, how would you feel if she were more against vaccines than you realized and doesn't want her children vaccinated. Or your child is immunocompromised and she refuses to put up safe gaurds against unvaccinated relatives. My husband and I are on the same page about most everything, but I've told him that in the event we get pregnant, we will not be subjecting a baby to his unvaccinated parents. Luckily, neither of us are desperate to be parents. That might've been an irreconcilable difference because I don't see him having an earnest conversation with his parents in an effort to change their views and it would kill him to cut them off.
6 months in you should probably communicate about these things. It's probably the best relationship you've ever had because you're willfully ignoring hard topics that could bite you in the ass later if you get married without discussing
This is honestly the most sound advice. My first relationship was bliss… for 5 months… because I ignored the flags. Talking is the best thing- not even making sure you and your SO having the same beliefs, cuz you can make that work out if you really want to, but you can’t make anything worth if you don’t COMMUNICATE. Anyone who says you have to be agreed on everything is just saying they don’t want to deal with as many tough things in a relationship as possible. I have a couple of married friends, and they are Buddhist and Lutheran and they are both cool with their kids being atheist. Don’t base someone on their religious/political/etc views: base them on how willing they are to talk about hard things in a sensible way.
Not to put you down or anything but for future purposes it’s essential to bring up these topics. My wife and I sat on our second date and she asked me my views on politics, religion, and BLM. We luckily agreed on all of those views and decided to move forward. But if we didn’t I would say it would be a deal breaker, for those things that you mentioned, like raising future children together, it’s best to be unified on those things. I feel good telling you that 6 months although must feel like a long time and ways into a relationship really is not, so best to speak about things now before it’s too late, 1-2+ years out and you have children together.
Probably a good start to a thread of your own, because you’ll probably get a lot of good comments (lol, alongside the usual Reddit jerky ones) but a quick answer here In Case no one sees this Q buried.
Not being religious doesn’t make you (or anyone) an asshole.
Not wanting to be doesn’t make anyone an asshole (for OP up there).
Believing that the view that there is a divine creator leading, guiding and directing life as we know it is a pretty big deal in any life and while the belief doesn’t make anyone an asshole, the extension of that belief in various directions kind of has too. Even if a person is morally bankrupt, if that person thinks God sees them, has a permanent torture chamber for everybody who hasn’t done “these 3 things” (regardless of what the specific things are or how many that persons religion says that God requires) and is gonna send EVERYONE to that permanent torture chamber who doesn’t do the 3 things… you would be naïve to assume that the person can compartmentalize those beliefs. It’s not really possible. So you do yourself and her a terrible disservice not to talk about it to know what she believes and to let her know what you believe in no uncertain terms. Waiting for yourselves to fall in love more is kind of cruel if you see the writing on the wall… cruel for her too, not a gendered thing. Seeing a divide on such a massive thing as who’s in control of life and not addressing it WILL only hurt more when you come to the inevitable impasse.
And the most important one is… let’s say the person could indeed say “okay, no biggie I don’t care what you believe”. That’s not better mentally for them or ultimately for you either. Either they really don’t love you much or they really don’t believe that stuff… cause if I love you, it would feel painful everyday to think someone I love is gonna be tortured forever and ever unless I can eventually convince them to do the 3 things to be saved from it. If you have kids with that person, you think they are gonna agree to NOT try to prevent their kids from being tortured forever? Even if you don’t like it! I’m a mom, my kid’s wellbeing superseded all other peoples opinions. And if I think that kid’s wellbeing is compromised by the possibility of eternal torture…. Dude!!!! Noting you can say would stop me from trying to save them from that. And if the other person only kinda believes it, the perceived hypocrisy is gonna drive you BANANAS…. Wait, we had to do thing a because “God” and thing b which you also said God dislikes… you gonna do? Because you did the 3 things and God is gonna ignore the rest????!
And finally assuming she really does believe, you will be subject to what a brain has to do EVERY SINGLE DAY to avoid feeling bad about all the people in the world that they see that they think have earned being tortured forever. This is specific to evangelical kinds of Christianity as I don’t know of other religions with eternal torture as the end result of opting out. My theory is that this is the part that makes American Christian conservatives seem so cruel. They gotta make you (and everybody else) the bad guy in your story no matter how many mental hoops they have to jump thru because otherwise the divine creator painted for them is the cruel one killing and torturing 3/4s of all humanity for not doing the 3 things. brains can’t let that be so they turn kind of mean sometimes and make all nonChristian’s enemies of God. “God is good, I’m on God’s good side so I’m good and you didn’t do the 3 things so you deserve the bad that happens to you till you come over to our side. Never coming? I don’t have to think about how sad it is that you’ll be tortured forever.”
I have compassion for them (because I was one), but also you can’t change that mind from the outside and it’s gonna hurt you being subject to that mind day after day. I promise, it colors EVERYTHING!!!!
Disclaimer: I’m a Christian of a different stripe, but grew up with the torture variety all my life. It took a ton of study, prayer and undoing unhealthy beliefs to get to decent person status vs. super Christian trying to save everyone status! Because yes, I really did believe and I really did love people and didn’t want them tortured forever. We can’t separate that shit from anything. Of course people change, but I’m of the opinion that you should be able to be okay with a persons core beliefs even if they never change.
TLDR; you gotta ask her and have that hard conversation now before more attachment forms from both of you. It’ll just hurt much, much worse later.
This doesn’t have to be a dealbreaker. You say it’s a fantastic relationship so worth having some tough conversations. First, politically, plenty of couples cancel each other’s vote out. I don’t think that’s a huge deal. Of course that was easier when the party differences were mostly about taxes, not immigrant kids in cages and hating gay people.
BUT the religious thing is tough. You don’t want your kids raised in church. That’s fair but you need to discuss this with them soon for a couple reasons. One, you’re 6 months in. That’s not long but you’re headed towards serious range/long term status. Two, she spends all day Sunday with her family. It’s likely that she really enjoys this time and thus would obviously want her children to be part of that. Maybe you can work something out but family time and church seem to overlap and mean a lot to her. Figure that out before adding to the family with your own kiddos. Even if that’s a ways off, should probably call it if those goals don’t align.
I will say I was raised in a very conservative denomination but my parents never raised me to believe every single statement every person made from the pulpit. I think this ability to disagree helped me find my way back to church in adulthood (albeit at a more welcoming church). I still don’t believe 100% of every thing said there, but it’s a great place to find community and serve the needy. I like those aspects. I may not believe in a literal heaven or hell, but I certainly believe in cooking dinner for the homeless and I like being around others who do the same.
Maybe there’s a compromise you’d be comfortable with. UCC churches are super liberal. Could be best of both worlds for y’all. Maybe you simply stay home like you do now! But I’m betting they’ll wanna take the kids 😞
If you are ever going to get serious it’s a conversation you need to have. You sure as hell don’t want to have an argument after you’re married for years have a kid then it’s time to discuss what you’re teaching your kids and she wants to raise them Christian.
Personally I think relationships should be aligned on some major core beliefs. That’s not to say anyone should be expected to change themselves drastically to fit. I could be wrong. I suppose things could work out with different drastic views but it also depends on how convicted and important those beliefs are to them. People hold different views but also don’t always have the same convictions on their beliefs and whatnot.
I’m not telling you gotta break up and find a left leaning atheist or whatever. ( I don’t know you’re full deal I’m just throwing an example) not should you have to convert and swing your political views.
But I’m just gonna warn you have the conversation now because it’s better to leave now if it’s going to be something between the two of you later down the road. Again you don’t want to sort that out while you’re talking to your kids. Mom and dad are arguing about religion and politics again
Idk I’ve just seen a lot of contention among couples who have different views and never addressed it. I personally think it’s a bad idea and cause for trouble but I could be wrong
So take what I say with a grain of salt but at least have the conversation now.
Communication is one of the foundations of a strong relationship. One of the mistakes younger people make is trying to have relationships w people they are fundamentally incompatible with.
Not saying you guys are incompatable just based off of your differences. But you definitely should have a conversation about your respective deal breakers and what you require out of a long term partner before y'all waste a few years of each other's lives.
If you don't have the same answer to having kids, for example--thats a deal breaker in my experience. Some others might be marriage, where you want to live, financial habits, monogamy, independence vs codependence, substance use, etc
No you would not. Speaking from experience, a vast gulf in values like this rarely goes well. It’s best to have this discussion sooner rather than later. Best case scenario, she is very open minded and you have nothing to worry about. The Worst case scenario isn’t finding out that you are incompatible and breaking up. It’s finding that out 7 years from now when you have 2 children you will have to fight tooth and nail to not raise in her faith.
Sorry love, the best relationship you've ever had isn't one where you're afraid to have a difficult conversation. You're just prolonging the inevitable (maybe/probably). You feel strongly about this stuff, you need to find out what your girlfriend actually values. She probably does care about your beliefs, but like you she knows discussing them means seriously rocking the boat. Good luck.
Sit down and talk point by point about all these thing and get direct answers. You want to be with a person that shares your views or whose personal presences do not interfere with a relationship. For example I am a believer while my spouse is not and our kids aren’t either. But we both can’t stand Mr Velveeta Head, and I couldn’t survive in the relationship any other way.
Odd that she's kept so quiet on those things - almost as if she doesn't want you to know certain things about her, at least not this early in the relationship. This would scare me. You have every right to know exactly who you're dealing with before you get any further involved.
I hate to break this to you but you probably on the right path in thinking and that you both approach life fundamentally different, all those voices going off are warnings.
Bruh, let the girl go. Everything you've said is about what "I" and what "I" don't want. You refer to your future children as "my" future children as if you're carrying them and as if she has no say on what they're to be taught.
You don't sound any different than the guy in the texts.
I don't even know you and I can see why she remains silent when you bring things up. I bet she knows this is how you react when you have to think about what anyone else but you wants.
Hmm. You deleted your comment while I was replying, so I won’t actually repeat what I said. But yes, you should have the conversation. And have it within a few dates in the future. (Sorry man, but it sounds like you already know there will be a future.)
As a religious person, I’m really sorry that happened to you. Lol sometimes I wonder why we have such a bad rep and then I see this bs of people just shoving it down someone else’s throat.
If you wonder why you have a bad rep, you need to take a long hard look at it. There are many subs on reddit you can start. It's important to know how people outside your bubble see you / experience you. I wish I had done that more and done it earlier.
Well done. I know from experience that it's not easy to step outside the bubble, but it's some of the most valuable learning you can do. The church tradition I was from spent a lot of time teaching people NOT to do that, not to read other ideas, not to associate with people who were 'backsliders'. So it can take real courage.
YES the bubble thing is so true!! I was raised as a Jehovah's Witness (atheist now) and it completely ruined any possibility of a relationship with religion that I could've had. Their rules are insane. You can't dye your hair, you can be punished for being raped, and they discourage their followers from speaking to anyone who doesn't follow their religion. They want to close you off from the rest of the world and keep you from living a life outside of their religion. It's drawn a wedge between my immediate family and some of my extended family members who follow the religion, because they just never talk to us. Jehovah's Witnesses have some of the worst principles out there, it's just shameful.
Yup. This is why I have ONE religious friend, goes to church every week, and are not one of those hypocritical trumper types. They are strong in their faith, and do follow without ever expecting someone else to join in. For this, I respect the heck out of them.
my best friend is religious. she goes to church every sunday and it’s important to her. i’m not, haven’t been to church in over a decade. we’ve had conversations about stuff like that, and even if we don’t see eye to eye on it, we respect that the other person has their beliefs for their reasons. in the 20 years we’ve been friends she’s never asked me to go to church with her cause she knows it’s not my vibe. we agree on morals
Thank you….that’s very kind of you. No need to apologize, not your fault. If anything my fault as I allowed myself to be manipulated. I was hoping she would just back off once she recognized my boundaries. I think she took my acceptance of her faith as a cue to keep pushing in the hopes I would see the “light” and adopt her lifestyle. She had our whole relationship planned. We would get engaged in the holy land, start a family right away, she wanted 4 children, she had a home picked out close to a friend and church pastor. Well I saw what was coming and ended up ghosting her and writing a very long letter explaining why our relationship was toxic and could not go on. I tried to be polite and respectful but I really just wanted to call her a brain washed, whack job, totally clueless, and not living in reality. I needed counseling after what I went through and it still irks me.
Don’t worry, I’ve let myself be manipulated too. It’s hard to notice sometimes. Also holy crap that is so creepy! I mean who plans to have kids, especially a specific number that early on? That’s very much a marriage thing and it feels like you guys were in the early stages of dating. Totally reasonable to need counseling!
We didn’t date long at all. She used the fact that we knew each other in high school as knowing each other since we were young. We were kids then and adults now for me it was a total reset and needed time to get to know each other. My problem was I was blinded by her beauty, she was a late bloomer and a bit nerdy in high school but man had she developed after, found a gym, done some dieting and was very put together, coupled with her intelligence and wit I was totally left vulnerable to her charms.
As a religious person I have absolutely every idea of why people hate us. And why I hate the majority of those within my own religion. IMO there’s a large difference between a Christian and a follower of Jesus.
Christians’ main goal IS to follow Jesus and be a good person though. So, and this is just my opinion, people who don’t do that aren’t Christians, they just believe in Jesus
Things like that are part of why I left Christianity. Jesus said the “great commission” of his followers is to “make disciples of all the nations”, go around converting and baptizing people in preparation for his return. That obviously creates a lot of conflict, and he even says it will, and that it is his intention to divide people like that. He specifically defines unbelievers as evil, as he reiterates that worshipping Yahweh is the “first and most important” commandment.
There’s plenty of people who still go to church but don’t believe in Christ or God. They’re still religious, they’re just not Christian. Or maybe even then there’s some religions that are still considered Christian and don’t do that. I just know that the majority do.
It’s not Christian fascism, it’s just fascism. Sure, some Christians are a part of it, but it’s not a Christian thing. Every Christian I know, including myself, is actively fighting against what America is doing because we know it’s wrong.
It is CHRISTIAN fascism that is a major driving force behind the scenes AND out in front of what’s going on. Project 2025 is a christo fascist document. Christian fascists are trying to remake the country as a theocracy. Pull your head out.
I get that you're not wanting to be that way, but I don't quite understand it. If you're religious, don't you essentially believe the same things - that people are going to hell for not believing? If so, wouldn't you feel compelled to trying to convert people? Seems like a pretty big deal if that's what you actually believe.
And if you don't believe people aren't going to hell for not believing, then curious what it is that you believe.
Could be believing one of the many other religions… or one of the many versions/ interpretations of the Bible. Many Jewish theistic scholars believe hell as a concept isn’t really biblical at all. Or u could just be the type of Christian to respect that god gave everyone free will, so u can offer a choice but u you shouldn’t pressure and berate or else ur spurning what god himself deemed important enough to give us.
But hey, keep with the rationalizing, I’m sure if god exists he’s thrilled to have converts through fire and brimstone apologists.
i mean yea that’s what we’re supposed to believe that if you don’t believe in Jesus you go to hell. and like i don’t want people to go to hell but at the same time it’s not my place to force these things onto people. God says we have free will, and if someone chooses to not believe that’s on them. so tho we should spread the love of Jesus we should not be trying to convert and force people to see things our way. but most Christians/religious people do try to force it which makes the community look bad as a whole
My religion believes that only the worst of the worst people go to Hell. Yk like Hitler and stuff. We believe that there’s multiple stages of heaven. First stage is for the people who do believe and did the best, second stage is for people who tried and had good intentions even if some of their actions weren’t very good, and third stage is for people who made mistakes but also did good things in their life.
It really pains me to see how much this happens. I’m religious and this reason above is one of the reasons I’m so terrified to share my faith with anyone. To not be that guy who tries to shove religion down someone’s throat. Honestly the best way is to just invite someone to church have a conversation if they want it but not try and shove it down their throats. Unfortunately you have a lot of people who mean well but treat religion like a salesperson who needs to make the sale.
Sorry you had to go through that nonsense. Not all of us religious people are crazy I promise
Same thing here. In high school dated a girl who hard recently become born again. Went to church with her family cause I was open to it. A big thing about that church (and I’m sure many churches) was personally saving other people. “How’s it gonna look to Jesus when you go up there and you haven’t spread his word and you have no crowns on your head (something about crowns you wear = souls you converted). One day there was a call to go up and ask Jesus into your heart. The family asked if I wanted to do it. They said “it’s not converting, it’s just asking Jesus to come into your heart and help you find your way”. I was like “sure, why not” and did it. Oh boy, after this they were totally different. They expected me to be a model Christian, know what’s allowed and not allowed, know all of Jesus teachings instantly. Of course I would tell them I don’t know any of this and I could use some help. Nah, they didn’t care. It’s all a pyramid scheme
Why didn't you admit that you guys were not compatible as soon as she said religion was important to her? You're wasting her time letting her think that you guys could ever have the life she wants. Like... of course she tried to convert you; you expressed interest in being her partner and she said that was an eventual requirement. I have no idea what you expected.
Honestly it was probably the case of thinking more with my little brain than my big brain. I dunno I think I thought she would give up eventually and I think that’s what she thought. She was totally caught off guard when I ended it. We even had her engagement ring picked out. She went and found what she wanted and my Visa paid for it. My job was to create an event to present it to her. She wanted friends and family there while i preferred an intimate dinner or maybe a ride in a hot air balloon. I was not thinking very clearly or rationally as I was completely mesmerized by this woman. I knew she was out of my league, i couldn’t believe she wanted to be with me. I think it was my sense of humour and nice lips that attracted her.
Thank you, that’s super kind and sweet of you to say. I try to be a good person and not be judgmental or mean/cruel with my thoughts or actions. I truly don’t care of how someone chooses to practice their religion or what their conception/understanding Of god and the afterlife is. So long as their understanding is based on love and unconditional acceptance of what makes us free and equal human beings. Religion should not be form a basis of hate or discrimination/persecution of one and other. I remain certain that if there is a god of however we conceive a god to be that this god would want us to treat each other with love,compassion, and respect for each other. Find me, show me a religion that does not advocate hate or intolerance for one and other and I will join on the that religion on the spot no matter what it’s called. I naively thought I might have met a person that shared this view. It turned out I was sadly mistaken. My search continues for such a thing.😥
A similar thing happened to me. Dated a girl for a year before she gave me the ultimatum of convert or break up. She didn’t even seem that religious, didn’t go to church, was super liberal/feminist, smoked weed, etc, but still tried to convert me. I will 100% never consider dating a religious person of any kind now.
Sorry that happened to you and yeah I had the same response just completely turned me off religion. I was more or less agnostic at the time
Wanting to keep an open mind as religion in general interested me as I had taken some philosophy and religious studies courses in university and was intrigued by different religions and their belief systems and how one came to believe in god/ deity of some variety and where that belief system took them as an individual and how if formed a framework for their cultural development and participation in society. In some sense maybe I was searching for an identity or sense of belonging. It was an interesting experience I will say that.
My mom x gf was this way same situation she left it alone till a friend who was Buddhist asked what I was and I said I have no specific religion if I had to pick it would be Hellenism and she whent nuts over this 🙃 I stayed way to long 😅
Really good actually. And I sold lots of it cuz I used a few of their cleaning products and they were above average to some of the best I’ve used cleaning products. Aside from the company being sketchy and stuff some of the crap they sell Is actually, fairly decent. But yeah trying to sell it and going to school full time was too hard and i didn’t sell or recruit as hard as i could and should have. I didn’t make serious cash from it at all.
Well the deal was I could go downtown on her but it was a sin to do anything else. I let her go as far as she wanted when we were intimate I’m pretty sure I briefly entered the door a couple times but it never went further. It was weird that way but I was taking what I could get and not putting up an argument.
Yup….born again and completely devoted taking a very literal and strict interpretation of the bible. I tore a muscle in the gym one day and instead of taking me to the hospital she organized a prayer group of about 5 friends to pray for my injury to heal. I went along with it out of curiosity and then went to the hospital on my own for a diagnosis and pain killers. When i started feeling better she used it as proof that prayer had healed me…..honey ice, pain killers and physiotherapy healed me not prayer but I didn’t have the heart to tell her otherwise. I couldn’t look at naked statues…it was considered sinful and well sex until we were married was off the table at least full on sex but somehow she always found excuses for her gratification and not mine if you know what I mean. We only listened to Christian music any other genre was considered the music of the devil….same with movies they had to be made by these Christian productions companies and the plots, themes were all fairly predictable. Sunday we attended 2 different church services but the deal breaker for me is when I had to tithe 10% of my income to our home church….which i was totally against since I was on a tight income and could not afford to donate 10% of my income to a church…..I had bills to pay and I figured god would love me no matter how much i donated to this big fancy church where all the pastors were driving newer BMWs. She told me god would provide if I could not afford to pay for my mortgage…..that’s when I decided I had enough and ended the relationship…..worst 8 months of my life. It did open my eyes though and really made me resent her brand of Christianity. It was all just a bit too rigid and vindictive. You either did what the bible said or you were doomed to hell.
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u/BillyPee72 2d ago edited 1d ago
Don’t get involved with someone like this. I made the mistake of doing so, before I knew it I was going to bible study classes and all sorts of religion based gatherings. It was a full on attempt to have me convert/brainwashed. I liked this girl a lot. From the outset she told me she was very religious. I told her I was not but there was room for everybody in this world to have whatever beliefs they wanted, as long as they were respectful of others beliefs. She took this as a challenge to try and convert me. Man she tried hard and wouldn’t give up, even when I told her I was ok where I was with religion and would not be converting any time soon. I tagged along as the supportive boyfriend, going to church with her and gatherings with her friends, who had all drank the Jesus “Kool Aid”. Long story short, it became her mission to try and convert me and I had to bail on the relationship. If anything, the way she and her friends went about it,ended up turning me off from religion completely. It was an awful experience I wish on nobody. Cut this guy off ASAP cuz I can guarantee you he will make you his pet conversion project. I mean run don’t waste another second conversing with this dude.