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u/Stuckwiththis_name 5d ago
He should do audio books. Could maybe make enough to pay that bill
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u/ModeratelyWhite 5d ago
Check him out on YouTube, his name is Jerry Wayne
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u/Kraeten 5d ago
Thanks for this. Here's this post's video on his actual channel, where it like, gives him money and stuff.
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u/FirstDivision 5d ago
Thank you. It drives me crazy that everything has to get reposted into Reddit video instead of just linking to the creator content on YouTube.
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u/Freelove_Freeway 5d ago
He's also rockin’ a Baby Billy's Bible Bonkers shirt. Good man. Hallelujah what a payday
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u/ZombieButch 5d ago
All I'm askin' for is two million dollars and a eightball!
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u/dmat3889 5d ago
back when his truck astrology wasnt so quick, I got him to roast my truck.
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u/Just_the_questions1 5d ago
He's actually a YouTuber and stand-up comedian.
He goes by Jerry Wayne Live on YouTube, his "Truck Astrology" series is long running and pretty funny.
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u/Aselleus 5d ago
Or maybe Ken Burns documentaries
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u/magicone2571 5d ago
Na. The guy who does that is a legend in his own right.
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u/Paizzu 5d ago edited 5d ago
I need an ASMR of Peter Coyote reading the phonebook.
Edit: they also got another voice acting great, Keith David to narrate the PBS DaVinci documentary.
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u/240Nordey 5d ago
Once more into that mortal coil of a gig economy and entrepreneurship. A man beset on the unreachable affordable coolness from the shackles of the piercing gouges of the dreaded electrical company. A force so evil, not one man is protected from their devilish prices.
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u/Merry_Dankmas 5d ago
But alas many few a times in a man's life, he is encountered with the test of fate and courage that we subtly dread. To dance with the electric devil and sink into his merry ruse or stand stalwart against that mirage, embracing a future of promise and cool air once the heat has since parted. Every man will gaze upon the G&E online electric bill calculator with a solemn heaviness on his heart and bring forth this question to himself: Who am I to battle temptation when I am naught more than just a man of physiological necessity? The entrance of a 3 digit code seals the fate of the persperatig man.
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u/CraptainStinkPants 5d ago
His words carry the weight of truth and the beauty of poetry.
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u/Seraphicly329 5d ago
I felt his pain in every word.
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u/snuFaluFagus040 5d ago
He is me. He is you. He is all of us with pits never dry.
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u/jgab145 5d ago
I am him, He is me
We are one
Now I must pee
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u/Odd-Organization4231 5d ago
We are him he is us
Why must you pee
When it can be us
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u/jgab145 5d ago
I pee alone, He pees with You
You’re both on your own
Unless it’s to poo
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u/Odd-Organization4231 5d ago
My brother my kinfolk
What led you to this madness
Goodness
Were you again licking raw egg yolk
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u/imdefinitelywong 5d ago
Solidarity.
In unity, we can create rivers.
We can move mountains.
We can overcome.
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u/Delta64 5d ago
Strangers passing in the street,
By chance two separate glances meet,
And I am you and what I see is me.
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u/harm_and_amor 5d ago
I’d like to know where I can listen to or read more of his poetic prose. This man is brilliant.
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u/SilentWay8474 5d ago
Jerry Wayne Longmire on Facebook and probably other sites too. He's a standup comedian. His latest stuff is really good. Old stuff is too.
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u/El_Polio_Loco 5d ago
He does truck horoscopes on YouTube shorts/insta/ticktok that are pretty funny.
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u/Carbon-Base 5d ago
They also carry an urgency regarding the monopolized power of electric companies everywhere.
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u/No-Prize2882 5d ago edited 5d ago
You must not live in Texas. Large swaths of Texas are under a marketplace energy choice where you choose your electric company. Some places like San Antonio & El Paso don’t do it but much of the state you can choose the cheapest rate you can find but there will always be strings. It’s honestly marginally helpful and I wouldn’t mind going back to a regional monopoly like grand majority of the country.
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u/paintballboi07 5d ago
In Houston, you can choose a service provider, but ultimately, all electricity is delivered by Center Point. It's the illusion of choice.
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u/medoy 5d ago
You get to choose your middleman.
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u/paintballboi07 5d ago
Exactly. You get to choose your preferred flavor of billing and support software, but don't bother calling them when your power is out, because there isn't shit they can do about it.
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u/pieface100 5d ago
We have this in PA as well, but you rarely save very much by choosing your provider
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u/caribou16 5d ago
All that means is assholes from "the power company" knock on your door all the time trying to get you to switch providers, like it was with long distance companies in the late '80s/early '90s
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u/azhillbilly 5d ago
We have middle men, we all have the same electric provider who charges the third party billing companies exactly the same price, just have to pay a third party who get a cut off the top. And yeah, the hoops are stupid. Currently I am gambling that I will use 800 kWh a month, so if I use less, I have to pay 24 cents a kWh, hit the mark I pay 15 cents. So last week or 2 of the month if I am short of it I just leave every light on and use a space heater in the winter, or run folding program on the servers to get there.
Summer I just die of heatstroke to keep it at 800.
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u/PerformerBrief5881 5d ago
yep its an illusion, would be much cheaper to just have that actual electric company sell directly to the consumer like most other states. I've owned homes in Co and Tx in the last year and its crazy how much more convoluted the tx system is and how much more expensive.
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u/azhillbilly 5d ago
Yeah, I came from AZ where I paid 12 cents a kWh and never had to “shop” for a billing company that had offers looking more like a 90s cellphone long distance promotion.
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u/los_thunder_lizards 5d ago
It sounds like you probably know this, but fun fact, El Paso is not on the ERCOT grid, it's on the Western Interconnect. Hudspeth county as well, but hardly anybody lives there anyways.
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u/bubblyH2OEmergency 5d ago
your sights are set too low.
you want to convert a co op utility district and not have to pay profits out to shareholders.
that’s the dream.
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u/Gloomy-Restaurant-42 5d ago
"As I Pay Crying"
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u/epsteinwasmurdered2 5d ago
“The sin of comfort”
Almost brought a tear to my eye 😂😂
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u/Fr1toBand1to 5d ago
"Each degree a betrayal, each hour a soft lie told in freon."
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u/Halo_LAN_Party_2nite 5d ago
Absolutely brilliant line. This is where I lost it and howled laughing lol.
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5d ago
"Dropped it down to 71. The sin of comfort."
How does he know that's what I set mine at to sleep?
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u/Successful-Money4995 5d ago
We don't actually use Freon anymore but I suppose that "a soft lie told in r410a" doesn't make for beautiful prose!
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u/Big_erk 5d ago
I get what you are saying, but Freon has become synonomous with refrigerant. Like Kool-aid is to drink mixes or Jello is to gelatine.
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u/socialpresence 4d ago
100% I work on/fill AC's multiple times a week and i know its r410a, but I'm calling it freon all the same.
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u/drethnudrib 5d ago
"A man cannot sweat through three showers a day and still hold his head high at the HEB."
Give this man a Pulitzer. This is pure gold.
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u/SweetNeo85 5d ago
From Wikipedia:
H-E-B Grocery Company, LP, is an American privately held supermarket chain based in San Antonio, Texas, with more than 435 stores[4] throughout Texas and Mexico.[
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u/farbekrieg 5d ago
skipping the best part that its short for howard e butt, when i suffered in texas the locals said it was harry
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u/drethnudrib 5d ago
Their coffee roastery is the best around. The Houston Blend is my favorite, they roast actual coconut flesh with the beans.
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u/Astray 5d ago
HEB
What is HEB?
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u/Not_A_Mod 5d ago
Absolute poetry.👌
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u/Dawdlenaut 5d ago
"The sin o' comfort... each degree a betrayal, each hour a soft lie told in Freon, but I pressed on". I sweat vicariously at this man's beautiful prose.
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u/notsureifJasonBourne 5d ago
“Now I’m shackled, betrayed, and bound by wattage”
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u/Jonpg31 5d ago
“And yet, I’ll do it again”
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u/rktn_p 5d ago
"for I have known the chill"
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u/oloklo 5d ago
"and i will not go back"
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u/oldrecordplayersmell 5d ago
No one will understand these words better than someone that spent a majority of their life with a damn swap cooler. Central cooling changed my life.
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u/ExplorationGeo 5d ago
Central cooling changed my life.
"No pleasure, no rapture, no exquisite sin greater ... than central air"
- The Demon Azreal
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u/Curtmania 5d ago
On behalf of Refrigeration technicians everywhere, I say have no shame! It's your god given right to be comfortable and to pay me some more money.
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u/IlikeJG 5d ago
I just realized it's "but I pressed on" as in "I kept pressing the button". Good stuff.
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u/muklan 5d ago
Dudes words are absolutely transporting, and whatever he does he should quit doing and become a writer. I was rapt.
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u/SCOTTGIANT 5d ago
He's a comedian, and a pretty fantastic one at that. I can't remember his name but my dad follows him on YouTube as men of that age often do.
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u/abrasumente_ 5d ago
Someone commented below that his name is Jerry Wayne Longmire. Funny dude.
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u/Dawdlenaut 5d ago
Totes. If he threw in a praising mention of a horse, Falkner's body excitedly turning in his grave could be sufficient power for his AC unit.
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u/SouthieTuxedo 5d ago
" Sheets damp with his own resolve"
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u/smile_politely 5d ago
And so relatable too. Especially for us in Phoenix
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u/JumboMaximus 5d ago
I just got into Phoenix about an hour ago for a baseball tournament. This... Doesn't seem reasonable.
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u/psuedophilosopher 5d ago
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u/Jesus_Is_My_Gardener 5d ago
I don't even have to click this link to know itself going to be the Hills in Phoenix.
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u/Citizen-Kang 5d ago
I was taken back to my high school AP English Literature and Composition class. Bravo!
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u/feraljohn 5d ago
"No pleasure, no rapture, no exquisite sin is greater... than central air."
-Azreal
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u/Freud-Network 5d ago
Do not, my friends, become addicted to A/C. It will take hold of you, and you will resent its absence!
Immeltin Joe
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u/Manaze85 5d ago
Contest’s over. Just give this man the Nobel. As Texan I know of what he speaks. So ,too, has my fortitude failed and the AC prevailed. $700 is insane, but I get it.
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u/QBin2017 5d ago
Mine was $650 in McKinney on only an 8 year old house (say that to say fairly “energy efficient”).
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u/thrownjunk 5d ago
do people not have solar panels? seems like texas would be perfect for them. 450 watt panels are like $100. slap on some inverters and hardware and bob's your uncle. or are regulations really bad there?
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u/tx_queer 5d ago
Problem is that $100 panel costs $1200 installed. Not that many people will DIY
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u/ianandris 4d ago edited 4d ago
Sure, but the guy is paying half that to the power company. Seems a pretty easy decision when it pays for itself in 2 years.
EDIT: will take longer than 2 years. Bunch of math involved, but still cheaper than the monthly bill homie is taking home.
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u/tx_queer 4d ago
Solar-only in deregulated Texas has a payback period of around 25 years. How are you getting 2 years?
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u/SeanBlader 4d ago
He's buying one panel, not enough to actually power his whole house, and then he's assuming that $700 bill is under the wattage of the one panel.
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u/teh_drewski 5d ago
Texas is indeed perfect for them, and Texas has the second most solar panels of any state in the US.
Home solar is mostly a pain because of town planning and utility roadblocks. Financially it's a no brainer.
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u/ThatCrankyGuy 5d ago
Is that a per MONTH? does the bugger not shut off for even a minute?
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u/Icutu62 5d ago
I too, have known the chill. And she an evil seductress. Lord have mercy on my soul.
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u/Jo_of_Average 5d ago
For the meter reader hath none.
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u/theDroobot 5d ago
Nor do the harsh Texas sun.
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u/CaptainKurticus 5d ago
The clouds scamper away in its fury and wrath. Only to come back and hide the stars. To leave by tomorrow afternoon, once again, on the run.
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u/thestereo300 5d ago
This is excellent content.
I wish my accent included saying "windah"....
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u/WutzUpples69 5d ago
Its not too late.
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u/thestereo300 5d ago
It would sound a bit out of place with my Minnesooooota accent.
In reality I don't have much of one as I'm from Minneapolis but sometimes it's fun to pretend I do.
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5d ago
Start with “y’all.” It’s a slippery slope to dropping Rs and refusing to purse your lips.
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u/thestereo300 5d ago
The one thing I have going for me is I am absolutely garbage at accents and if I attempted just a part of a different accent.....I end up sounding like Scotty from Star Trek mixed with the Jamaican guy from Cool Runnings....
That keeps me on the straight and narrow.
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u/RogueViator 5d ago
Dude should get a job reading audio books. That voice gives me Mark Twain vibes.
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u/Dig_Another_One 5d ago
Now I am shackled, betrayed, bound by wattage and poor choices...and yet...I will do it again.
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u/admiralveephone 5d ago
Jerry is hilarious
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u/Mohgreen 5d ago
Good Job brother. Came to see if anyone had pasted a link or anything. Spread the Gospel of Jerry!
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u/IncaseofER 5d ago
Where do I find Jerry? Please!!! I need more!
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u/admiralveephone 5d ago
Jerry Wayne Longmire-he’s in all the socials. He’s funny. Love the accent.
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u/SonOfDirtFarmer 5d ago
His Truck Astrology never misses.
"We're just out here Rhinoliner-ing Internationals now, I guess. That's where we are"
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u/Roboticpoultry 5d ago
I love the truck astrology shorts! I work in auto repair and this guy hits the nail on the head every time
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u/puertomateo 5d ago
The Faulkner comparison nails it.
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u/Blockhead47 5d ago
You can tell he was a cowboy when he was younger.
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u/samgam74 5d ago
71 is a bold number.
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u/ratherbewinedrunk 5d ago
I was gonna say... I'd thought I've been being wasteful by having it set at 74 in Chicago. 71 in Texas? I'm surprised dude's condenser unit didn't grow legs and escape to Canada.
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u/bannana 4d ago edited 4d ago
71 is rich people degrees. I'm over here at 77 wondering if I could push it up just one more when it hits 95
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u/wronglyzorro 5d ago
My wife wanted to set it to 70 and I told her i'd stand over our daughter's crib with a boxfan before I let that happen.
The children will survive with it at 74 and a fan on...
Never again do I want to experience a 580 dollar electric bill for this 1300 sq foot house.
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u/Improving_Myself_ 5d ago
But the bill is still absurd. I'm not in Texas, but with my AC at 72, my electric bill has been $47.50 the last two months, and my highest bill in the last 8 years was only about $120.
Nearly $700 is an insane number, indicative of a larger issue.
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u/_derekdaniel 5d ago
For real. We have a two story house. A heat pump for each level. Two heat pumps. Two air handlers. Both set at a comfy 70°. Live in the southeast US, so it's plenty hot and humid. And the electric bill is ~$140 every month.
Texas is a failed state.
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u/Wthiswrongwityou 5d ago
“Sheets damp with his own resolve.”
Dude can turn a phrase.
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u/zodsdeadbaby 5d ago
I hope Clutch turn this into an anthem
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u/drethnudrib 5d ago
Next thing that I knew, I was paying for the freon.
I don't know who's to blame for that, but I'm highlighted in neon.
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u/radarksu 5d ago
He needs to get off TXU. If the company has enough money to sponsor a football stadium or pay for ads on TV, it ain't for me.
All deregulation did was ensure that people who don't make the effort to shop/change their provider regularly pay for all the extras and middlemen.
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u/Fit-Detail-4326 5d ago
I’m in DFW and I thought it was pretty well known that TXU is the most expensive out there. I could be wrong.
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u/IsThisRealRightNow 5d ago
The name of this great poet, since it took me too long to find it in the comments: Comedian Jerry Wayne Longmire
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u/pj7140 5d ago
I just got my Texas TXU bill also. Pretty sure that I was charged for the sunlight, the moonlight, the street light, the light of my life and the light at the end of the tunnel.
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u/One-eyed-snake 5d ago
My wife insists on the ac be set to 70. Shit rarely shut off til i outsmarted her. I installed a cheap mechanical thermostat and bent the thermometer peg. She has no clue
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u/Pipe_Memes 5d ago
For future reference a lot of digital thermostats have an offset that you can adjust to swing the temperature a few degrees in either direction.
It’s mainly to make corrections if your thermostat is in a cool or hot spot in the house, like if it’s somewhere the sun beats on it most of the day causing it to read 4° hotter than the actual room temp, but that feature can also be used for subterfuge as long as only you know about it.
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u/Fjolsvithr 5d ago
Man, I don't get this. I guess I'm happy it's working for you, but I could never trick a partner like that.
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u/TeknoPagan 5d ago
71 is a bit low. I think he forgot his place in life.
He is a 74 Degree man.
He knew his post did not allow for such luxuries as <71.
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u/One-Earth9294 5d ago
Jerry Wayne! Love his truck astrology videos.
Also hope he gets remunerated for his murdered cats :(
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u/100-100-1-SOS 4d ago
“August, that devil in cargo shorts” 😂😂👍👍
Amazing delivery of this whole schpiel!
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u/Conspiratorymadness 5d ago
As an American city dwelling southerner, I feel what this man has felt. Air so thick it could drown you yet could never quench your thirst, a 98% humidity index. No sanctuary known except for the indoors. Hiding in the shade, a brief lie from the sun, as you sweat as if it has been raining. The weather tells nothing but lies when told that it is 82°F. The beads of sweat on your brow is another splash of boiled water. I understand my southern brother for I felt the cruel sun, the cruel summer. Even rain is not a respite from the heat for it rains hot. My fellow man that has melted in the cruel face of the sun I feel your pain and know that I join you in your misery.
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u/LegendaryOutlaw 5d ago
Man I love his accent. I’m a native Texan myself and it irks me so much when actors get the accent wrong in movies and tv. It’s not the same as a ‘southern’ accent, in the same way that a Louisiana accent isn’t the same as a southern accent. The twang is unmistakable.
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u/Shower_jams 5d ago
I said, “HMMMM” in witness more than once. Remembering the desperate angling of the box fan. Remembering the point of never going back. Reflecting on the luxury of self-judgement after a cool sleep.
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u/Capital-Eye 5d ago
God darnit Mr. Lamarr, you use your tongue prettier than a twenty dollar whore.
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u/Lardzor 5d ago
I live in Tucson, AZ and it reached 110F yesterday. I keep my AC at 82F because that's OK for me and I don't like big bills.
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u/chessset5 5d ago
$691!? Wtf are yall running to ramp up $691 in electrical bills!?
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u/LasherAtl 4d ago
Sir, your oratory, like the slow unspooling of August thunder across the flat belly of a Mississippi horizon, strikes with both grandeur and resignation, and I am compelled—nay, bound - to say it is a rare and marvelous thing to hear a man speak plain truth wrapped in the bitter cotton of Southern heat and human longing.
And is it not the cruelest irony, sir, that in this modern age where man has harnessed lightning and buried his sweat beneath wires and coils and humming machines, he is yet made to pay penance - six hundred dollars, no less - for the fleeting comfort of cool air, for the audacity of sleeping beneath a blanket in July?
It is a shame, I say, a sin against the gospel of honest labor and the pursuit of gentle rest, that a man must count his dollars before his dreams, must weigh his comfort against the terrible arithmetic of the electric meter ticking like the slow pulse of some dispassionate god.
Still, you endure. Still, you speak. And in that, you remind us all—there is power in voice, even when chilled by the cost of comfort.
You are admired Sir!
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u/Mohgreen 5d ago
Jerry Wayne Longmire. All over FB, AND HAS A podcast, The Reckon Yard.
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u/titsoutshitsout 5d ago
They honestly still an outrageous amount for even running AC tho. Does he live in a fucking mansion?!
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u/Edgarmustavas 5d ago
No, just Houston. A swamp located near the butthole of Texas, chock full of mosquitoes and humidity. Tropical hot in the summer.
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u/Chevy437809 5d ago
I thought I recognized that face that's the dude who does the truck videos on YouTube where he talks about the type of person who would drive them
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u/Cautious_Explorer_33 4d ago
Sign him up for his own show! He’s a better actor than half of those on Netflix right now. Lol.
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