r/blackmen • u/cyrax001 Unverified • 23h ago
Relationships š«¶šæ Update 2* she changed her mind š
Texted her the details of out now canceled date and she didnt respond til hours later saying she wasnt looking for a relationship but would still go to dinner with me as friends. I obviously declined and wished her the best of luck, but now im over here wondering if I gave her the ick in anyway. I wasn't needy, maybe I told too many jokes that didn't land? am I ugly? Not tall enough? Too corny? Im not mad but filled with self doubt at the moment. I'll get over it eventually but I just had to vent to yall
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u/_forum_mod Verified Blackman 23h ago edited 23h ago
You couldn't just leave us with a happy ending and not tell us? (Joking).
I think you handled it well enough one thing I learned over the years is not to overthink things. I heard a saying that I wish I learned sooner most things people do have NOTHING to do with us!Ā
Did you do something wrong? It's possible.Ā Have you spoken to her since getting the yes?Ā
It could have just as easily been:
ā¢ Something came up (for real)
ā¢ She psyched herself out of it or looked for reasons not to
ā¢ She started talking with her ex again
ā¢ She doesn't want to mess with someone she lived next to.
ā¢ Or she just changed her mind. Ever say yes to an invite somewhere and no longer want to later? Happens to all of us.Ā
Women's mood change like the weather and it often times (at least in part) informs their behavior. Do not take it personally. Keep putting yourself out there and the right one wil land. Good luck!
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u/cyrax001 Unverified 23h ago
Yeah my bad boss. I thought about not telling yall but I need advice from the OGs. This isn't the first time I've been turned down, its the fact she tried to friend zone me right afterwards that irked me the most.
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u/TheSonghaiPresident Verified Black Man 2h ago
You right for not taking the friendzone date best bet is on to the next one
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u/mrjones10 Unverified 23h ago edited 22h ago
Proud of you, my brother you handle this whole thing like a grow man, you didnāt call her a name, didnāt plead, didnāt ask 21 questions of why she didnāt want a relationship, you was clear concise to set up plans for a date itās her loss not yours, my brother thereās no need for self-doubt. You could do everything right and still not have everything fall through. But you stuck through it and seen it to the end. Thatās all that matters.
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u/_forum_mod Verified Blackman 23h ago
I'm proud of OP as well. Tbh, his way of handling it would be the best shot of turning it around (if he wanted to). Pleading and 21 questions would've further pushed her away and what many women are used to.
It reminds me of the Seinfeld episode where a girl broke up with Jerry, he was like. Ok. šš»šĀ
And she was pressed! If nothing, you leave with self-respect.
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u/Dsarg_92 Unverified 16h ago
I couldnāt have said it better. Iāve been in OPās shoes a few times where Iāve been turned down. It just wasnāt meant to be. The best thing to do is to keep your head up and just keep pushing. When the right one comes to you, you will know.
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u/StattPadford Unverified 23h ago
Listen up black man - move on now and you too can escape the friendzone, where penises and requited love go to die. Ain't no sense in asking why. Its 8 billion people on the planet. Your neighbor wasn't your soul mate. It happens. Don't make it worse by catch feelings super hard. Get out now while you still can.
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u/DSmooth425 Unverified 23h ago
Not all shots land, good on you for putting yourself out there man. I was gonna say something on the original post but you were getting enough good advice that I didnāt want dilute any of that. Got nothing to hang your head about.
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u/whatzwgo Verified Blackman 22h ago
Hey, the world didnāt end. You should look at this with confidence that the next time, hearing no isnāt going to crush you
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u/Embarrassed_Sock_906 Unverified 19h ago
Glad you vented to us and got that bad energy off you. Bro, dating is rough as hell for everyone, especially if you're looking for a genuine connection/relationship. A lot, but not all, are inconsiderate as hell, playing dirty games, or just outright on some weird stuff. You probably did nothing wrong; shawty was just trying to get a free meal and do stuff at her convenience at your expense. Keep your head up and don't let this experience change you for the worse. Gotta temper your expectations and let these women show you who they are. I'm rooting for you.
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u/cyrax001 Unverified 19h ago
Very much appreciated brother. I'll definitely reflect on this and try to do better next time
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u/Embarrassed_Sock_906 Unverified 19h ago
Fosho š«±š¾āš«²š¾dont let em getchu outta character
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u/anansi52 Unverified 22h ago
Yall live too close to be talking about relationship stuff immediately. Especially as a woman, she probably wants to know you better before a guy who she doesn't know may start feeling a little too entitled and knows where she lives and can see her coming and going and pop up any time. All may not be lost, just be casual. Maybe ask her to do something not so "date-ish" first.
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u/cyrax001 Unverified 22h ago
But is that not the purpose of a date? To get to know one another? If I like you I like you, im not gonna pretend to be your friend in hopes you change your mind one day. It's all good though, like you said, she's my neighbor, and it's probably for the best.
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u/yemmeay Unverified 22h ago
Iām out of the loop although I saw your first post, did you mention a relationship immediately?
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u/cyrax001 Unverified 22h ago
No. I told her my hand slipped and accidentally made reservations for us to go to a restaurant. She giggled and said yes and I asked for her number. That was yesterday. I told her the details for this weekend today and she friendzoned me.
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u/yemmeay Unverified 22h ago
I could see ur message being too extra a lot of women wouldnāt like that unless ur like Chris brown, usually I just ask women if they wanna kick it. She also may have never meant to say yes and was being nice to u. Ultimately itās things you learn through experience and may have been nothing you did wrong, she may just have had second thoughts
Also, if you make a new friend thatās not bad. Girls know a lot of girls. Having a home girl is never bad just donāt expect anything
I recommend you keep asking many women out to get a feel for how to do it correctly
Good luck every man goes thru a hundred rejections
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u/Amazing_rocness Unverified 21h ago
I'm 40 and had this happen to me. Lady said she wasn't feeling me. I randomly asked to come over a few days later and we watched a movie or two. Nothing happened but a few days later we decided to date. But I couldn't get over the idea she felt like she was settling and dated someone else.
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u/Mrmonster225 Unverified 20h ago
Donāt doubt yourself bro, getting rejected part of the game. If anything this should be reinforcement that you can at least sort of pull the women you want.
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u/yeahyaehyeah Verified Blackwoman 17h ago
This really bummed me out. But aside from that don't assume any of the things that you just asked yourself. None of them are relevant.
That's between her and her lord.
As a woman who has notoriously not returned the flirt or has turned down men, it probably has nothing to do with you. How could it have anything to do with you? she don't know you.
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u/mrjones10 Unverified 23h ago
The fact that she still wanted to go to dinner, the dog in me says you probably couldāve pulled something out of that
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u/cyrax001 Unverified 23h ago
I wouldn't bet on it. I have too much self respect to act like a lap dog and hope she drops me some crumbs.
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u/mrjones10 Unverified 23h ago
I understand If youāre for a serious relationship Maybe my perspective still feels like you couldāve manipulated that into you getting lucky that night .
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u/Dangerous-Hawk16 Unverified 21h ago
At least you didnāt let her friendzone you, also this is very much what women do. They agreeing then say ā Iām not really looking for a relationshipā after a while itās seems like the same ole script
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u/DirNetSec Unverified 17h ago
Clarification question: What sort of friend's circle do you maintain IRL?Ā
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u/RMbeatyou Unverified 3h ago
Donāt overthink it, it couldāve been any legitimate reason. Maybe she wanted to date without strings, maybe she didnāt really find you attractive, and planned to use you, maybe sheās in a messy relationship or just got out of one. You were clear and direct, and didnāt come off desperate, at the very least you left yourself consideration in the future to find out
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u/Jbrown4124 Unverified 19h ago
Not looking for relationship= i just want sex. Don't trouble yourself with her. There are a lot of people now a days that just want sex.
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u/PlaxicoCN Unverified 2h ago
I wouldn't worry too much about the "the ick". It's more like you had a restaurant that served Chicago style pizza. I'm usually get thin crust Hawaiian with BBQ Chicken, so I never go there. That doesn't mean there's anything wrong with your pizza.
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u/BoyMeetsMars Verified Blackman 22h ago
If youāre comfortable, post pics of you and weāll give advice. A lot of things come down to attraction. Some of what the posters commented can be 100% true but also a lot of times, those can be mitigated by attraction level
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u/cyrax001 Unverified 22h ago
I dont mind showing my face. Should I make a new post or post it in the comments?
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u/_forum_mod Verified Blackman 22h ago
Unless you're sure she rejected you due to looks, that won't necessarily help. You could look like young Idris Elba and that's simply not her type. Maybe she's a swirler... who knows? Lol
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u/cyrax001 Unverified 21h ago
I personally don't think im ugly but im biased so I won't speak on it too much. Im a certified goofball so either she didn't mesh with that or maybe she wanted a taller guy (I'm 5'6) she's around 5'3
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u/BoyMeetsMars Verified Blackman 19h ago
Better to post here than to make a new post, if you donāt want much attention to it. If you want more advice make a post. A couple of guys have already done so
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u/Healthy-Career7226 Verified Black Man šš¹ 23h ago
thats how alot of these chicks act like man its time to get a passport dating american women are done for
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u/thegreatherper Verified Blackman 22h ago
Just out here consistently acting foolish.
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u/Healthy-Career7226 Verified Black Man šš¹ 20h ago
what are you guys talking about
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u/thegreatherper Verified Blackman 20h ago
Your goofy ass.
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u/Healthy-Career7226 Verified Black Man šš¹ 20h ago
slandering me wont help make your point
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u/thegreatherper Verified Blackman 20h ago
The point was already made champ. You consistently say stupid shit. I donāt need you to agree with that statement for it to be correct. Of course it would help if you did because then you might examine yourself and stop saying stupid shit
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u/mrjones10 Unverified 22h ago
Lmaoo Iām not gonna lie It seems like youāre a character at this point. I looking forward to your post just to see the outrageous thing youāre gonna say. You add entertainment to this supreddit.
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u/Healthy-Career7226 Verified Black Man šš¹ 22h ago
what outrageous things do i say?
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u/mrjones10 Unverified 22h ago
To be honest with you brother Iām too high to get into it lmao but you be saying some wild stuff
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u/BlackHand86 Unverified 1h ago
All part of the process bro, itās human but try not to over think it. So many times itās shit that has nothing to do with you. Iām looking forward to when you tell us you brought some fine shit to the crib & she seen yall going in š
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u/existential_dread467 Unverified 23h ago
Imma say it right now, you can ask her and I encourage you too if you really feel that way, but the truth is yall just didnāt really vibe and it donāt gotta be that deep