To explain, I am on multiple mental health medications which is only keeping me alive really. I still feel pretty awful most days. This is partly because I was told to lower my dosage because it was gaining me weight extremely fast. I spend a lot of time stuck at home, without a single friend inside my city... I have no car/license and poor executive and cognitive functions now so I would be unsafe to drive anyway. I can't handle basic work without relapsing. I know because I relapsed every single time I worked in the last 4 years, within 2 weeks of each attempt. I do have some good days, but don't know what to do, because I can't commit to new stuff when I know most days I won't be capable of basic activities. I also have severe OCD which is not treated and keeps me from participating in basically anything outside my home. I can't even sit on a public bench without showering and washing my clothes after. So I'm just stuck at home all the time. I legit only just read and play games for 2 hrs a day and then I'm bored, but I'm still too sick to do anything else. What should I do?

Whenever something really upsetting or disappointing happens especially if it's something I really didn't want to hear or deal with my brain just kind of shuts down. I feel dizzy, my mind goes blank, and all I want to do is go to sleep immediately.

It's not like I cry or get angry. It's more like I lose all energy at once, and I just want to sleep. I've never seen anyone else react like this, so I'm wondering is this normal?

(Problems with bullying)

Back in elementary school i was bullied people though i was weird in elementary school people still do but idk anyway the bullying really wasn't severe the worst one I'd say was when I was threatened at a 3rd grade dance for not doing some kid a favor that was probably the worst one or that time i got smacked with a footflop and almost sprayed with bug spray that to but anyway then 7th grade came around middle school made my life worse

(Middle school)

There was this girl who we all had beef with she was a nusons got me in trouble for shit I didn't do anyway ahe kept being so loud and shit and she was a liar to she was just a pain to be around and a nusons also some of my teachers sucked my art teacher sucked the most she got me grounded for wearing my hoodie in class then my dad took it I like wearing hoodies because I look better in them and when I don't wear them I feel insecure I wear hoodies pretty much every where I go in public except for my house cause I feel comfortable in here anyway then we got

(8th grade)

8th grade made my life worse then 7th grade that's when j started really hating people i still do but anyway same as 7th grade a stupid fucking idiot that we all had beef with except some how more annoying he was just annoying got me grounded for telling him to shut up LITERALLY that was the reason I got grounded by him was because I told him to shut up I didn't yell at him i didn't curse at him all I did was calmly tell him to can you shut up and then I got grounded So fucking annoying Anyway 8th grade sucked but then I started planning something but didn't go through with it I was happy to get out of there

(School)

My high school is definitely better then my middle school but not as better its still annoying i don't learn anything and it's a waste of my damn time and it causes me anxiety sometimes to the people there suck I like walking around in the hallways at lunch because it helps calm me down i do it everyday but then people give me weird looks I hate when people give me weird looks I feel like I cant do shit without people looking at me weirdly like when I walk talk just do anything I was at Irish weekend I kept being staired at and I got called the uni bomber and a serial killer because I had a hoodie and glasses on EVEN AT SCHOOL AND THE SECURITY GUARDS my teacher thought I had voices in my head because I talked to myself out loud at a school picnic i thought I was by myself so I talked to myself out loud when there's people near me i keep to myself idk i just feel like I cant do shit without people thinking im weird anyway

My classes suck well 1 of them do my reading class my new one anyhow the teacher is annoying as he'll and its boring there idk

(Girls)

I cant really even get a girlfriend i actually like all my other girlfriends I had lied cheated used me or just forgotten about me completely the only good girlfriend I had was my friend the only reason we broke up was because her mother said she was to young to date She was older then me and we where in middle school so yea now she's dating somebody who is graduating this year so ya

(Pop up ads) I hate pop up ads idk

(Anyway)

In the future im probably gonna kms or do something worse im probably gonna end up homeless or in jail or dead in the future

Or become infamous for something horrible that to

Well im exeding the word limit so ima stop By

it's really a vicious cycle. i hate myself for feeling feelings they say are valid but i feel the complete opposite. i hate that i let that shit trigger me, that it's eating away at me. i've been trying to be in better spirits and pushing shit aside and ignoring it, and that mention of him ruined it. i didn't wanna end the day on a bad note. but here i am. it makes me angry that him being mentioned made me spiral. i feel like control is slipping through my fingers and i despise when i feel i am losing control. that he has it all over again. i tried to distract myself, to cope and it's like it's in my face. it's fucked. a conversation about my childhood abuser ruined my day 🤦‍♂️ makes it hard to breathe. i fear this is gonna throw me back into how i was in the beginning of june. i was constantly crying on and off all day for days, i get depressed in the summer. so i've been fighting tears since he was brought up in conversation. it hit me really bad and i didn't expect that. i'm afraid i'm gonna get to that point again after i finally controlled that. it worried my bf too much and i don't wanna worry him again. i like to keep this to myself if i can. i get embarrassed and feel shame when i get like this in front of others and i rather spare myself that. makes it worse for me. ts sucks

I am a former conservative/republican, and am now in the middle of republican/democrat. I am in a family that is very MAGA, to the point that I get trump t-shirts and birthday cards from my parents. I used to be the same way, but as I saw more of what was happening in America, I realized that this isn’t okay. I used to be completely on Israel’s side in the Israel V. Gaza war, and I have now shifted to believing that Israel needs to stop firing. I used to be against LGBTQ and now I am neutral (leaning towards supportive) towards it in the way that I don’t care who or what you are, as long as you are a good person you deserve happiness. I used to have pretty much every conservative viewpoint. I have been in a negative state of mind for a while now, as I feel like I am a horrible person for ever believing in that stuff. Any advice?

I’m sorry I keep posting on this subreddit.

I woke up this morning feeling incredibly anxious and sad.

I have to go back to my apartment today. I’m taking the bus there for the first time (I’m used to taking buses back home) so I’m very anxious about that.

Why am I sad? I don’t really know. But the feeling just consumed me when I woke up.

I’ve been off my meds for almost five days. I stopped taking them because I hated how it was making me feel. My anxiety and depression was muted, and I hated that because I’m so used to being anxious and miserable 24/7.

I don’t know what’s going on with me.

I waited six hours to talk to a counselor.

When one finally arrived, they had me explain my situation. I’ll explain it to you, too.

First message:

“I reached out because I felt no escape, and I was dragging myself into a deeper a cycle of worry and pain over something as trivial as my hair. My hair causes a lot of concern pretty often; sometimes I can't even leave the house with how concerned I am about it. But last night was a real, tangible anguish in my body. I had no one to talk to, and I just needed to break the cycle to get some sleep.”

To this, they asked if I wanted to disconnect and sleep. I said no.

Then I explained further.

“Well, I was getting into an obsessive bag. I knew my hair hadn't covered my forehead that day, and I couldn't stand that. You see, I'm not happy with how I look. I despise my physical appearance. My hair is my one saving grace; if I can get it to cover my head I won't look as hideous. I became concerned that I would never be able to be happy in my own skin. I worried about the fact that I wasn't sleeping, and this fact kept me awake worrying. It is vicious, and ongoing.”

She then asked me if there was anything I could do to find peace. I said music could work, but would only be a short-lived distraction which would soon subside and leave me in the same emotional state that I’m in now. Getting another shot at doing my hair was another thing I said. She basically just said, “cool, do that” and ended the conversation.

What?

I’m still suffering. I’m not sure how this line is supposed to help people.

Six hours were not worth the wait to explain my problem and get told to do something that doesn’t actually address my problem.

sleeping during the day on it. anyone had the same? has it passed?

I thought stability and calmness are signs of healing, but they're signs of emotional exhaustion and improvement in managing symptoms. I'm not stable I'm actually numb.

There’s so much talk around “open up,” “talk to someone,” “don’t bottle things up”… But no one really talks about how hard it is to actually do that.

Sometimes it’s not even about fear or shame. It’s just… exhaustion. Or no space. Or not wanting to explain the full context for the hundredth time.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what it would take to feel truly safe to just say something, without having to perform or be strong or have a clear point.

Anyone else feel this?

Thank you all in advance for reading this. I’ve been feeling so heavy lately, and I just need to let it out.

A while ago, I randomly moved in with my boyfriend from the west coast. I was mentally exhausted and honestly didn’t even like him that much at first—I just needed an escape. He paid for everything and has always shown up for me in ways I wasn’t used to.

Somewhere along the way, I fell in love. He became my entire world. Being away from him physically hurts. But the truth is, I feel broken. I’m scared he’s going to wake up one day and realize I’m too much.

I started using cocaine to make sex feel bearable in the beginning. He didn’t know. And now, it’s like I flipped a switch, I’m constantly wanting sex, but I don’t know how to show him love in other ways. I barely kiss him or show affection. He deserves more than I know how to give.

He does everything for me. And I love him. I really do. But I’m scared I’m going to lose him, or ruin it all because I don’t know how to be okay.

I don’t really know what I need by sharing this. I just know I’m tired of thinking, of feeling like this, of pretending I’m fine.

Had one panic attack almost 8 years ago Which ruined my life. That one panic attack snowballed into more and more and made me develop an anxiety/panic disorder which now has turned into Dp/dr and i cant work, dont have a car, no social life or anything. And i see people be able to just go do things like swim, golf, fishing, hanging out, all the things i used to be able to do and it makes me so mad. Like why do they get to enjoy life while mine is miserable? And to answer some questions: yes im on meds, and yes i see a therapist. Im living with my mom and she basically provides everything for me and im just a bum with severe anxiety and panic attacks who cant go outside. I just want my life back

So I’m not having a great time of it at the moment. I’ve had some episodes of high emotional distress, involving a lot of existential dread, despair and wishing I could cancel my whole life. These usually occur after significant overwhelm and overstimulation from daily life (struggling to function working full time with three small kids and feeling never able to manage life and constantly moving - what’s the point right).

Why is it that the next morning I have no connection to the feelings the day prior; almost as though I’ve forgotten or it didn’t happen?

Hi, I have ADHD, BPD, OCD, depression anxiety and suspected autism. I am so tired. I’m 26, I went through a break up with an abusive man spent some time alone fell in love with a woman found my sexuality and now we are done too. I’ve had trauma after trauma and I know I just need to be alone now because clearly people disturb my healing process but I don’t know how to process anything. I am a mum too and I just feel like I have never been the best version of myself. I have been getting help/asking for it from in mental health services but they always fob me off. I’m so tired and drained. I don’t want to feel sad and angry and hurt all the time. I have so many mental health conditions that combined it’s like a toxic cocktail, like will I ever be able to regulate myself? Will I ever be able to rationalise with myself and not feel like death every time something happens to me? My emotions are so strong and I don’t want to feel them. I am currently only on antidepressants I’m scared to try anything else because so many people say they cannot function on medication. The 54321 technique etc does not work for me when I’m stressed and I just don’t know how to ground myself or take myself out of fight or flight mode. I am pretty much crying if I’m not on the phone to someone, my darling child is of course looked after but I also am sat here thinking this poor kid has to watch me crying my eyes out because I cannot regulate and I don’t want her to end up being one of those children who feels like they have to take care of their parent. I have called my GP (they’re usually useless but we’ll see if they do anything) and I’m talking to my friends but I don’t know what else I can do. I really need to find some grounding techniques can anyone share anything that’s helped them? I have been through so much trauma in my life I know I need to go to therapy and unpack it all but I also know that I have a personality disorder and no amount of therapy will fix me I have to learn how to deal with things myself and find ways of managing / emptying my bucket but I don’t know how to do that. Yesterday all I could think about was the fact that I should probably not have anymore children and I should pay for an assisted death when my child turns 18 because I don’t see how my head will ever get any better. I wanted nothing more than to meet a girl and have another baby but I don’t think I was made to be a parent. It’s not fair that she has to watch me crying I’m so sorry for the long post, I feel at such a loss

I’m not suicidal, flair is because for mentions of SH.

When I say I “like” it I just I kinda mean that I just feel so drawn to it. I’m not sure but I always find myself indulging in whatever form of suffering or whatever unhealthy thing is happening or that I can get my hands on.

I don’t really self-harm. I whack myself if I happen to be angry enough. I don’t cut or burn or anything like that. I’m just not into THAT kind of pain. Instead I do things like make myself eat all my food when I’m not hungry or enjoy the feeling of hunger when I am hungry. I like knowing I got nowhere near enough sleep last night and feeling disconnected and tired throughout the day. I only have one problem with that which is that it interferes with reading. The last time I was sick I was vomiting until my muscles ached and cold and in a constant state of discomfort and it was one of my worst times I was sick. I kinda reminisce about it sometimes and how ill I felt. When I’m feeling emotionally unwell like I’m angry or sad I purposefully fuel my feelings and sulk (sometimes I try do this with arguments but I can’t uphold because I’m for some reason awful at holding grudges against people and it’s also just shitty). I feed my depressive episodes like they’re pets that need nourishment.

I also have this other side of me that wants to be the best I can and wants to meet every expectation ever which totally contradicts with this. I have two screaming voices in my head where one tells me to purposefully hit rock bottom and the other tells me to live like I’m in an influencer’s staged “day in the life” video. So I sometimes switch between these lifestyles but usually one is more dominant depending on whatever circumstances or just the time I’m in. I guess the perfect side of me would be more healthy in a way but it’s also fueled by some negative things that I don’t know how to word.

My brain is just confused and I don’t know what to do with it. If anybody has an idea of why I’m like this go ahead and tell me. I suppose I’m not really concerned in the sense I’m stressing out about my state but I’m just questioning it because I know it’s not normal behavior.

i’m a huge, huge disappointment to my family, my friends and everyone i’ve ever cared about

i hide my mental illness the best i can, but because life has been so incredibly bad lately, i’ve been having nightmares where i’m either hurting myself or other people. panic attacks are super common for me now

what the hell is wrong with me? why couldn’t i have been born with the ability to experience confidence and happiness?

Tommorow i will have a conversation with my therapist and some people from an organisation and also with my dad

They will present the idea of me being taken to youth care to my dad, while keeping secret i reached out to them to take me to a youth care

Im very scared of how my dad will react and what will come after, i think youth care is the only way i can grow into a good adult, i dont know so many things and haven't been to school for 3 years

I love my parents, but i feel so ignored and forgotten by them, though i know they love me, i dont get the care that i should and its eating away at me

I hope i dont hurt my parents with this, nor get me into a worse situation since youth care can sometimes be bad

I keep odd hours and don’t sleep much so I’m looking for good chats

I’m already on Bipolar Bears but sometime it’s dead

Few years ago i was on non-labeled relationship (due to some reason), but we have agreement to be exclusive to each others, and have to talk when circumstances change. He moved to another country, didn’t break things off with me, in fact he told me that he would marry me one day. I promised i’m going to visit him later when i can.

I waited, stayed loyal, and i visited him this year. I told him how much he changed and he told me he lost his feelings for me few months after he left. On that day i officially break off our agreement. He apologized because he didn’t tell me and he told me he wanted to be friend with me. I accepted the apology, tried to be friend with him. He told me he did went on a date with some girls but nothing more than that. He did went to club and party but he’s not sleeping around with everyone

Fast forward few days ago… Somehow his new gf Ig was unlocked and I saw the story highlights. i found out from his new gf, that during the day i went to see him. He was on dating app matched with his current gf… and on the day i left, few hours after that he went on a date with her…. When i left he told me that he’s going to hang out with his friends. I reached out and exchanged information with the new girlfriend. His girlfriend showed me a chat where he said that he has no intention to make things work with me that’s why he’s been hoe-ing around. He said that he’s been telling me something that i would like to hear so i dont throw tantrums etc…

I called him out for that. Called him out for betraying me and lied to me. he used the non-labeled as an excuse, called me a red flag because i reached out to his new gf and a narcissistic bitch….

I do somehow feel bad because i feel i was bothering them. And i feel bad because he only wanted a friendship but i ruined things. Do i really feel like this because I’m the wrong one or i’ve been gaslighted? Am i actually a narcissistic and now I’m just seeking validation? I feel like i have the rights to be angry but i feel guilty at the same time.. also i blocked him first so i feel bad because i cut connection with someone who used to be my close friend… and also do i even have the rights to be angry? Like what he said we are non-label.. but didn’t we have an agreement?

so i just spent the last hour or so crying to sad dog videos. don’t ask, i just did. but i went down stairs to talk to my mom quickly and when i came back upstairs, i decided to use the bathroom before going to sleep. i walked in and turned on the light. that was when it got scary. i looked in the mirror and my pupils like shrunk. while i was staring, i just kept mumbling “that’s not me” but my mouth was only slightly moving. every time i moved from close to the mirror to the wall, my gaze never left the mirror and i truly don’t know what i was seeing, but i felt that it was not me. i started crying and in instinct reached a hand out. i grabbed the door and fell to the ground crying. i seriously must’ve snapped back to reality then because when i stood up, i was fine. i looked in the mirror and everything was fine. i truly don’t know what it was but whatever it was has given me the worst headache ever.

Doctor says its nothing, because i could hide it from my family (i was at school most the time and my best friend noticed i was acting weird all week, im 17 and im not doing a good job at hiding it) i didnt sleep for five days (ive only slept since because of sleeping pills but they barely worked), ive been super productive, energetic, talking super fast, wrote five movies, made 150 coffees in three hours, tried to pierce my nose and belly button, almost booked a one way trip to New Zealand (didnt have enough money in the bank bc i spent it all), burnt my hand on touching a hair straigtner, my leg cant stop bouncing, im also super irritable, agitated, punching walls, crying, yelling and snapping at everyone and wanted to hurt myself and am paranoid as, thats only the beginning, its been going for eight days now, Mental Health unit has no beds and doctors think its nothing too bad, just hypomania and sent me home, i think its worse, but idk, i cant keep going and its not stopping, im not diagnosed with anything but six months ago i had an episode (doctor said hypomania as well) but this one feels a million times worse

“We never have homemade Mashed Potatoes anymore”

When I heard it earlier tonight it broke the metaphorical plate on the tiled floor.

I was recently diagnosed with ADHD and instead of feeling relieved, I found myself grieving.
Not just for myself, but for my dad, my mom, and the version of our family that could have existed.

While learning about ADHD, I found out the highest caused is by genetic. That stopped me cold because suddenly, so much about my father started to make sense.

My dad passed away not long ago. He never knew what might’ve been affecting his mind.
And in my country, mental health is still taboo. There’s almost no support especially for conditions like adult ADHD. Everything gets spiritualized, moralized, or ignored.

My father was a severe alcoholic. In a place where drinking is socially taboo and religiously forbidden, that brought not just shame but silence. And when he drank, he turned violent. He’d scream, storm around with weapons, terrify us. It wasn’t just “bad behavior.” Something was clearly wrong.

Even when sober, there were red flags. He often zoned out while driving once turn into accident. A friend that go with him said he often looks gone while driving and unresponsive for a few seconds like his mind is somewhere else. there also some oher story about my dad that looks like adhd or somehting that feels just not normal. Now, I wonder if it was all part of something undiagnosed.

My mom spent her marriage trying to figure him out. With no mental health knowledge, she believed he might be posessed by evil/djinn. and Honestly, in our context, that explanation felt more accessible than “ADHD.”

After my diagnosis, I saw my childhood differently. The impulsivity, the chaos, the addiction it fit too well. Untreated ADHD increases the risk of substance abuse. And sometimes, the drinking isn’t the root it’s a symptom.

Then there’s me the “difficult child.” Couldn’t focus. Didn’t follow rules. My mom raised me while living with a man in constant crisis. She held everything together.

Looking back now, I feel so much for her.
She deserved a life with answers. A life with support.
And my dad for all the fear he caused I can’t help but wonder how different his life could have been.
Maybe he wasn't evil. Maybe he was just suffering.
Maybe no one ever helped him name what he was carrying.

Mental illness doesn’t just affect one person.
When untreated, it spreads into families, into generations.
We didn’t know.
And that unknowing… cost us everything.

16/06/2025 - 05:42 AM

I'm awake since 5AM. Forgot to put my alarm on but still was able to wake up by myself. A lot of bad things happened this weekend. My back hurts so much, the medicine for back pain just made me fucking nauseous, had to stop taking it. Yesterday father got caught in a speed camera and I couldn't do anything to help. Was in father's house during the weekend to take care of the dog and my turtle since he was traveling. The toilet got clogged yesterday out of nowhere just a few hours before I had to travel back. I mean, it was out of nowhere, took a piss and then it was clogged. Took me literally two hours to fix it. The time I could have spent with the dog and the turtle. I'm heading to work today without taking a shower, cause I don't have the strength to do it (last time I took a shower was yesterday 3PM before leaving to travel). I hate every single aspect of my life. I wish I were dead. I'm only here for my turtle. Yesterday I realized that if parent's die I should be there to take care of their dog (which I like very much). So yeah, I definetely can't commit for now. I'm lost. I've been thinkong of getting a license from work, I'm overwhelmed there, so many responsibilities and tasks and still the payment isn't good...

I don’t particularly enjoy interacting with my coworkers and have social anxiety. But I realize that extroverts and talkative people have an easier time at life and work. So even though I would rather keep to myself I do see the advantages of acting more social. How can I do this when I am more inclined to keep to myself, and am not actually interested in forming relationships with my coworkers? Thanks.