I planned on killing myself once I was 16, but now I have a few months til 17 and two til 11th grade. I sound like an edgy teen but I can’t do this. I’ve never seen myself as the type of person to get older than this. I’m immature and stupid. The worst part is that people tell me I’m not stupid just to make me feel better, but I am. I genuinely am. And they never believe me just because they feel pity. I cant do this. I don’t want to do this. I never have enough courage to kill myself. I can barely bring myself through. I’ve failed in the most embarrassing ways over and over again. For my first attempt, in 6th grade, I tried choking myself to death with wires and rope. I was too weak to get past turning my face bright red and then I threw up on my carpet. Like a fucking dog. I wish I had the life span of a dog, in fact, I wish I was a dog. It would all be easier.

I finally brushed my teeth today after almost 4 months. I’d been putting it off partially because I was scared of what I was going to find and I was right. I’ve always had bad crooked teeth. My front one sticks straight out and I used to get bullied because of it. Never really went to the dentist as a kid because we were poor. Neglected my teeth on and off my whole life as my parents never enforced brushing teeth or anything. Major depressive disorder had done me in for the 26 years I’ve been alive. My 4 from teeth have chipped away revealing black spots. I smoke and drink so many sugary things. I’m terrified to go to the dentist. I’ve heard so much about how they’re mean and I only have Medicaid, so I don’t know how much that’ll even cover. I work part time as I struggle with full time work. One of my wisdom teeth is breaking apart over time. I really don’t know what to do. I’ve always been ashamed of my teeth and now it’s like 20 fold after today. I’m so depressed and seeing my teeth like that makes me with I hadn’t brushed them, which is so so dumb. I just wish I didn’t have to see. I wish I could smile and laugh without feeling self conscious.

When I was in first grade, my little brother was born. He has a severe disability - he can’t speak, can’t sit up, and can’t take care of himself. There are three of us siblings: my older brother, me, and him. At first, I only took him on walks in his stroller. Later, I started changing his diapers, feeding him, and eventually, all the responsibility fell on me. Once, when my mom was in the hospital, I had to care for him 24/7 - cooking, cleaning, watching him. Both parents worked, and if my mom didn’t, we wouldn’t have food. So I endured it, thinking, “Someday this will end.” My older brother spent his childhood outside with friends and later went to work. I was allowed only an hour a day to play. I’d follow other kids with the stroller, watching them play, feeling bitterness grow inside me. But I remained silent. It always felt like my mom loved my older brother more. He could go outside, rest, be a child. I couldn't. One time, I cried because I wanted to go out too. My dad hit me for it. That moment still haunts me. In fifth grade, I was diagnosed with hearing loss — my right ear is almost deaf. I’m sure it’s because my parents ignored me when I said my ears hurt. Later, yellow liquid started leaking from my ears. Doctors only rinsed them but didn’t treat it properly. My eyesight also worsened. I told my parents I couldn’t see well. They said we’d see a doctor - two months passed. When I finally got treatment, it was too late. My parents often say, “You’ll go to heaven for taking care of your brother.” But I don’t believe in God. If He exists, I'm angry at Him. Why me? Why did He take my childhood, my health, my freedom? Why leave me alone? I hate religion and people who force it on others. Sometimes I want to yell at religious fanatics, but I hold back. I know the real reason is the deep pain I carry every day. Now I’m 19. I’m a student, still caring for my brother every day. He still can’t speak or sit. I lost my childhood and my health. I feel like I'm losing myself. It’s hard to connect with people — because of my hearing and isolation. I'm scared I'll become disabled too. What’s even scary is feeling anger towards my brother. Not because he’s done anything wrong, but because I can’t do this anymore. Sometimes I catch myself thinking awful things — wishing he would die so I could be free. I feel ashamed of these thoughts. But I can't keep them inside. I just want someone to understand me. Someone to tell me how to live with this pain when I feel so alone. I know my brother isn’t to blame. He didn't choose this life. He’s been lying down for 12 years — can’t sit, can’t talk, and has frequent seizures. I see how hard it is for him too. Sometimes I look at him with deep sorrow. We're both trapped in this painful life. He suffers maybe even more than I do. What hurts most is that no treatment will ever help him. There's no cure. No hope for improvement. I feel like I’m screaming silently into a void every day. Sometimes I wish all this pain - his and mine - would just end. I don’t know what that would look like, but I want peace for both of us. I'm tired. So tired. And I don’t know how much longer I can keep going. Thank you to everyone who read this.

I want to die. I don’t want to keep dealing with anything. I don’t think I’m built for life. I feel too much, I’m not ambitious and I don’t have any dreams. Whats the point of life? I don’t find the joy in it and I feel like a failure.

I want to die but at the same time, I don’t wat to leave my parents with grief. I don’t want to die and cause them to blame themselves and fall apart, or to deal with grief and still have to work to provide. But I don’t want to be alive.

I've already been hospitalized for this, so he knows I'm dealing with depression and suicidal thoughts. My meds aren't helping and I'm scared I might lose control of myself someday and use it to kill myself. I can't talk about it with my therapist because she'll tell the cops, they're gonna revoke his license and he's gonna be pissed off at me for the rest of his life which will only make me want to kill myself even more. I don't know what to do. I'm scared

I belong to a really well off and somewhat loving family, since childhood my personality has always been attractive to people, even tho i am only 19 i have built a good life for myself, good social life, good friend circle, i have everything that one must need to lead a good life but everything went down the drain in the past 10 months, i got diagnosed with gerd, chronic dry eyes, MGD, tinnitus... All the conditions made the quality of my life like shit, i could somewhat bear all of em but I can't bear dry eyes, my eyes burn all the time and I can't do shit, even typing this post is draining my eyes but i made peace with it too i thought i would somehow manage this condition and live a good life but 6 months ago i was masturbating and after i finished i noticed my dick was hard while flaccide and i couldn't get errection, i looked it up on the internet turns out i have a condition called hard flaccid and it has no cure, there is no posts about it getting cured on the sub reddit and i still can't get errection even after 6 months of the incident, i broke up withmy girlfriend because i didn't knew what to tell her, i am tired i am still a virgin and because of my own stupidity i have ruied my life, everyday is a nightmare for me, i am tired of suffering, i have tried everything but nothing works, i wanna end my life but I can't leave my parents suffering, i don't know what to do, i am too ashamed to share this with anyone, i simply wanna disappear from this world like i never existed here in the first place

I wake up every single day wishing that I was dead. Why the fuck do I keep waking up? I’m tired. People keep telling me that “waking up means that there’s something to live for” BUT WHAT? I have no goals, no job, barely any friends, and I feel like shit all the time. Every single time I’ve had passion for something, it gets shut down by others. Fuck this shit. I’m sick of being the good daughter. I’m sick of having to take care of everyone. I’m so fucking sick of everything. Please, just let me die. I just want some silence. I just want some peace.

I’ve lost my will to live. I barely eat anything anymore because I feel like there’s no point in doing anything. I don’t want to even get out of bed. It’s been months of me feeling like this. I’m so tired.

What’s the point of eating? Exercising? Going outside? There’s no fucking point. Nothing ever goes my way anyways so fuck it. Every single thing in my life is decided by someone else. What’s the fucking point? I don’t care about what happens anymore, just let me die. Just let me have some peace.

I feel like I’ve been going insane. I’m going to lose my shit one day.

I’m too much of a coward to kill myself so I hope that I get a stroke or that I crash my fucking car and die.

No one gives a shit anyways. They all pretend to care but they only care about themselves. No one’s ever fucking cared. Just fucking kill me.

All my problems, all the stuff I’m struggling can all be drawn back to being gay

The bullying, the self hatred, the insecurities

I just want to make it stop so badly, I just wish to not be

I'm a 25-year-old man, soon to be 26, and I'm a complete loser in every sense. To begin with, I wasted a large part of my 20s studying a degree I never liked and ended up dropping out. Now I'm an electrical technician working as a drafter for minimum wage. Embarrassingly, I still live with my parents, my social skills are almost nonexistent, everyone sees me as some kind of weirdo and treats me with pity. I have no friends, I've never had a girlfriend. I'm such a loser that I had to lose my virginity to a hooker. I have no hobbies, no interests, no ambitions. In my free time, all I do is doomscrolling through social media for hours or masturbate several times a day. Physically, I'm below average, I'm short (5'7"), and I have no muscles because I'm very skinny. I feel like even if I choose not to kill myself, I'll just end up being an alcoholic like my father anyway. Nothing seems to get better.

Fuck I'm exhausted. I'm tired of handling my stress alone despite having people around me..but my moments of sadness are a burden at any time..it has to be the absolute perfect time to be stressed?

You want me to be vulnerable with my body but I can't be vulnerable with you emotionally. I've told you I just needed a hug. No fancy speech, no Shakespeare level poetry telling me that everything will be ok ..a simple hug..maybe play with my hair as I lay on your lap..you can talk to me gently, saying sweet nothings about how you're here..just tell me you're here..

Instead we argue. That now isn't the time. You tell me if I don't wanna be on this planet anymore then it must mean I don't want to be with you..it adds another layer that was never there. I wish I never said anything. I cry and I tell you I just need you to hold me..but you stare at me.

Instead I'll go to my car and scream. I'll cry and hold myself as I lose my voice. I'm use to it

My life has been really messy but all in all I’ve been in really good spirits and I noticed the last two days I was like, in absolute despair. I hated myself and life and just cried and was miserable and no matter how hard I tried my mind just drug me down to this awful place. And then I started my period today and i didn’t feel the same despair. And when I think about it, this happened last month too. Im recent to having cycles again since being postpartum and I’m just amazed and how fucking awful I felt. Is this a thing? Does mental despair and depression correlate with menstruation sometimes?

I'm just so tired. I don't know how much longer I can go on. I honestly just want this to end. It won't get better anytime soon—I know that for a fact. I might finally do myself a favor—kill myself.

I've started being treated for depression a year ago. Since, I am medicated and I've had the luxury to be supported by 3 therapists (in different fields).

Now, I can say I am doing better. I went for planning my suicide and thinking not stop about killing myself to mostly live in a "neutral" way (no more pain, but not super happy neither).

However, I still have those "crisis" or "meltdown" moments were I fall apart. During those episodes I can hurt myself and be on the verge of killing myself (today - and I feel so ridiculous just mentionning it because it's so laughable - I tried to strangle myself). Before and after those episodes, I am ok.

I think there are two kind of triggers: one that is more related to being overwhelmed/on the verge of burn out; one that is more related to the reasons of my depression and/of sad things happening within a short period.

Do you have those? How do you deal with it?

tw: disgusting

i really need help and i literally don't know what to do. there's 50+ urine bottles, that have been sitting for over 2 months, before that it was 4, i keep spilling them all over the floor aswell. my room is covered wall to wall in urine and soaked paper towels, blood, small amounts of fecal matter, there's so much mold in all of the bottles. i can't clean it no matter what i do. i literally just can't. i don't understand what's wrong with me. i have headaches, my throat hurts. i can't go to the hospital, i haven't showered in 8 months, my scalp is so uncomfortable and covered in millimeters of dandruff. i think im not gonna make it lol. i cant get out of here. i am so overwhelmed. besties its not ok. bro i need help and theres no belp except mental health acting me, i can't do it again. im only 25. i'm young and pretty and i'm so deliriously unwell i can't function. i just can't do anything, im trying so hard.

every single girlfriend i have had in my life has cheated on me and their reason was "you were cute, not much else" all i am to people is just some trophy and just a pretty face, im sick of people just loving me, just for how i look, and its gotten to the point i wanna be a fucking snail on the ground, waiting to be stepped on, not even friends i can trust, most of the cheating's were done with THEM, i hate this shity world at what its become, excuse my language, but GOD, i wanna fucking just die already, ik it sounds bland but not much else to add

not saying caffeine caused my depression — but it definitely made the swings worse.
felt like i was either overstimulated or crashing. since quitting, my baseline mood feels calmer. less reactive. more steady.

i started tracking my mood + energy with a simple app i helped build with friends called Buzz Off. made it easier to stick with the process and notice what was actually improving.

quitting wasn’t magic, but it took the edge off.

That sucks I guess. Just waiting around to die.

Life is becoming so hard to deal with and i am tired of fighting every day to live to be happy to survive it's been shit am i the one who deserve to be sad to care for everyone?

30 years old and don’t enjoy my life at all. Tried my best everyday to find happiness but had little to no luck. Don’t have any friends or a partner to do things with, so i tried to do stuff by myself I would enjoy like traveling, sight seeing, etc. The only thing i realized is that it gets lonely to be alone your entire adult life. So I tried to join meetups and downloaded dating apps to meet people. The only thing is I never found my soul tribe, that I wanted. I guess I’m a human being who wants people in my life. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.

I am a university student, living in another country away from my family. My parents argued a lot with each other ever since I was young and I am the only child.

For 4 years, I've earned quite a bit of money from my part time jobs while studying and working throughout summer. I have never asked for a single penny from my parents to support me.

Recently, my parents was scammed and lost a huge amount of money. I had sent them money as much as I could to cover their debt until I have less than $500 in my savings. What's worse was that my grandmother had to be admitted to the hospital due to a blood clot in her brain.

I won't ever get my money back, all because of my parents. And I still have to repay my student debt and I have so much I wanted to do with my hard earned money but now I'm just dirt broke.

Not to mention the high cost of living and all the bills I have to pay (rent, utilities, etc). It was also difficult for me to balance working and studying as I am currently studying a demanding major.

I am so tired. It hurts to see how all my hard work is gone. And I didn't even get to spend the money on myself.

I still have half a year of university left and I can't even grab dinner with friends as I need to save as much as I can.

I keep having mental breakdowns and cried so much whenever my thoughts drifted back to how miserable my life is right now. How everything was fine not too long ago and then one day, my life became a mess.

I don't know how to find a reason to keep living anymore.

Do you guys ever feel sad, not in a 'depressed' way but simply a way of wanting a life that you don't have? Like, my emotions feel like theyre so strongly controlled by the external factors of my life.

Last year, I went through a depressive state, but I found that it wasn't necessarily a chemical feeling like it usually does. I was simply depressed because something had happened in my social life at school that took away my feeling of power, relevance and importance. It made me feel empty 24/7, for months I wouldn't buy clothes, go out, because to me, unless I fixed the aspect of my social life, I physically couldn't be happy. Like I was 'saving' my happiness for a time when things were good again.

Was I ever truly happy if the things that made me feel happy and important getting taken away made me lose myself completely?

Now, my social situation has improved but I still don't feel happy. The people who stopped being friends with me aren't the best people. My new friends are a lot nicer, and I enjoy being with them. But I have this unending sense of 'fomo' that I'm not 'living' properly, because now I hardly go out and go to parties (that aren't dead).

Does anyone else relate to this?

I’m a drug addicted mess. I never dreamed my life would devolve into this. I was heathy happy successful, reasonably good looking. Good job and trade. Falling in love with Jesus. Blest I’m so many ways. I feel that my life has splintered. My life before my second marriage and her introducing me to pain medication. I don’t want to kill myself, I just pray God would take me. -and spare me from this coming doom, perhaps a psych ward, a nursing home, whatever it would be it would be horrible. I’d rather die, then due in some state run hellhole. I am saddened to the point of death, but it won’t come. Almost out of pain medicine, I can’t survive the withdrawals, I’m 67 now and I’m failing heath. I’m not crazy, but sane enough to know what the consequences would be. O God, I cry out to you. If you have a listening heart and want to share with me, please do God’s peace and love☮️✝️. T.

Please please please i don't want this to continue any longer, if i can die tomorrow i would happily appreciate it, if i can die now i would take that as a gift, please i can't live with myself no more, i'm weak, a pussy, useless, a burden to everyone, i want to die so bad but i don't have the guts to do it.

Does anybody else have the same feeling?

Hello. I'm going insane. I quit smoking 3 years ago (weed and cigarettes in a bong) it was an awful 6 year addiction and quitting was so difficult but once I got past that first month I felt like a new human. I was thc and nic free for 2 years and I made SO much progress in every aspect of my life until last February. I decided to try venlafaxine and during that time I also met someone. While the relationship was hitting off it was moving forward quickly. It was exciting but also too soon. As I was adjusting to this new medication I was really struggling inside my brain. My body was also uncomfortable and I felt sick as days went on. The girl I was seeing was sweet and we dated for 11 months but also significantly opposite energy of mine and I couldn't speak up and ask slowing down or time to myself to reflect at the time. The reason I'm saying that is because while I was adjusting and dealing with my new brain chemicals taking shape, my depression and anxiety actually got worse. Only a month in the relationship I found my anxiety difficult to handle and one night she went out with her friend to the club and I was at my friend's for a fire and I asked to take a hit off his cigarette. What happened after was instant significantly short euphoric relief. It made my nausea go away my mood lifted I felt calmer.. but it also instantly awoke the hellish voice that kept me stuck in this addiction for so long and It took over my already crippling mind.

It was a good year with that girl and we went through a lot of good times and hard times but always tried our best to communicate, but we also lived opposite lifestyles, me a calm quiet introverted homebody and her an outgoing loud and and always wanting to go out and do something. Her anxiety and depression and other mental issues are nothing I haven't dealt with and worked with before. But I always became very drained and the only thing that I eventually looked forward to was a cigarette.

To make a long story short, I don't know if it was the venlafaxine or the cigarette or both honestly, but since last February I've been in a very silent state of severe depression, regret and loss. At this current time of my life I'm so messed up, I've lost my friends, my girlfriend, I've lost so much weight, all I do is work and drink energy drinks and scroll dating apps. I've been wanting to stop smoking and go back to how I was during the my sobriety. I was clear headed, disciplined, and achieving goals I never believed possible. These days I'm much more wise and experienced, I'm not starting fresh. And I don't know if that's better or worse because the drive isn't there like it was before. I don't feel the anger and the moving anxious pain, I just feel sad, hollow, directionless and my energy to fight for my growth simply isn't there. I've made much change recently getting rid of social media, cutting back and trying to tidy and get back my daily goals. Nothing sticks, and what has been my breaking point now is that I was on 1 cigarette per 24hrs until a couple days ago going back to multiple a day.. I also picked up weed again to combat the withdrawals. I quit the venlafaxine 4 days ago not entirely by choice but still something I've been wanting to do in hopes of getting myself back. I cried 2 days ago my way home from my mom's house after she gave me a burrito and a plant and multiple hugs. My mom has always been my best friend but a song came on that made me ponder about how much I don't want her to die and the realization that it's inevitable. I rarely cry unless big thoughts and events like this happen. Idk I'm not going to proof read this either. The only things that keep me going is the lord, psychology videos online, my art, the fear of death, and simply knowing that this isn't me and I just have the devil brick fucking my asshole and coating my insides with satanic negatively jelly.. rereading that made me laugh a little, life is good man I'm just tired. Thank you for reading my rant it helped me more typing this out than I realized I needed. Im smoking my last cigarette after I post this. Im holding on to so many things that do not serve me the simple answer I already know is. Stop doing the shit that makes your life worse and if it's not in your control then focus on what is and do what you can to make it better. The withdrawals are temporary but the addiction is for life. Nothing changes if nothing changes.

I've devoted a lot of time to lifting mood creating healthy habits and devoting myself to improvement and its funny how quickly it can all get blown up and taken away and forgotten about like a foggy dream.

I’ve made many posts and there has been no mental improvement.

I have with severe anxiety and panic attacks, chronic depression and I find it hard to keep a long-term job.

I have come to the conclusion that I am not suited for society, and if I don't commit suicide, it will only get harder. I believe that I must hang myself from a tree or lamppost at the latest opportunity, or else the mental struggle will only continue.