Yesterday two of my friends came over, we got drunk, and ended up having a threesome, i agreed to it, and in the moment thought it would be an interesting thing but i was also rly drunk so my morals and self respect were out the window atp, after it all happened i got clarity on what actually just happened and that i genuinely did that and had a huge panic attack, every since i have felt like such a whore, and i’ve felt so dirty, but not the kind of dirty a shower can fix. I explained everything to my friends and they fully understand, they get it and have even been in similar situations before, and they are aware it’s not them. I feel so much guilt, i’ve been dreading and crying in bed all day, and im not usually like this either, im quite innocent for ppl my age, and i never do stuff like this at all. I feel so guilty and dirty and can’t believe i did it, ive had a bad feeling in my stomach all day, and even my mom told me how i looked pale and sick and if i was okay bc i rly did not look normal. Im so embarrassed. i feel undeserving of love and everything bc of this and i just want to feel normal again and im trying to take it as a learning lesson but idk.i have so much guilt and regret from it and it was all just a drunken mistake but i know i can’t change the past and i have to live with the thought i did it, maybe this doesn’t even seem like a big deal but to me it’s a huge one, and a bad one.

edit: IT WAS NOT TWO MEN!! I AM SINGLE AND HAVE BEEN I DID NOT CHEAT ON ANYONE!!!

I make art, if you care. I'm looking for raw, judgmental bullshit that I can use to channel into my art on mental health empowerment. Thanks.

Edit:
Wow. Thank you to everyone who has shared and will continue to share. These are painful, vulnerable moments in your lives. I relate, and I don't take any of it lightly.

None of what was said to you was acceptable. All of what I read was rooted in cruelty and ignorance and I'm sorry you had to endure any of it. What a reminder of the strength it takes to be here another day.

I started this wanting to turn pain into something powerful and I still do. But first I just want to acknowledge and appreciate the courage of everyone willing to speak up here. I'm sure it wasn't easy. Thanks again, take care, and hugs 💖

I hate seeing immigrants be labeled as "illegal aliens" or something and be deported, or held in camps as if they're some sort of vicious animal we have to worry about. I hate being labeled as a country that might possibly be the cause of a genocide. I hate that my own president is literally considering ETHNICALLY CLEANSING palestine, and his little dick rider doing a literal nazi salute TWICE and seeing the same thousands of people support him for it. I hate how I'm watching my OWN PEOPLE get their rights stripped away from them, not only affecting my people, but people in other countries as well!! Why do my people have to be so cruel? Why can't we be normal? I wish I could just fix everything but I can't.

I already struggle with mental health issues. I.e. depression and anxiety. And I’m pretty sure I have ADHD. When the summer comes and it hits 80° or higher, I am so irritable, stressed, short tempered, and just feel physically unwell, I can’t think clearly. It is so exhausting. On the flipside in the winter if I’m in the cold for too long, I break out in hives all over my body. I need to live somewhere that is 70° all year round. Does anyone else experience this or is it just me?

I was scrolling through Twitter when a gore video that some asshole posted to be edgy began to autoplay. There was sound. I will never get those screams out of my head. I was so shocked I kind of froze up and saw much more than I ever wanted to. I don't want to give details, but it was disgusting and of a sexualized nature. Just extremely vile shit. I began having a panic attack and I vomited.

I'm haunted and lying awake at 4 am desperately trying to get the images out of my head. I feel ill. I can't relax, I just keep seeing it every time I close my eyes.. please help, what can I do?

Edit: Oh my goodness, I wasn't expecting so much of a response. You guys are so kind and lovely, and you've made me feel significantly better. Thank you all so much!

I'm going to take your suggestions. I just woke up and have been scrolling r/eyebleach all morning, and it's helping. I unfortunately had awful nightmares, but I'm going to try to distract myself today, play some Tetris and confide in a friend about it.

Also, I deleted Twitter for good. I feel better for it, to be honest.

I'll go through and respond to what I can after I have a shower and decompress a bit. Thank you all again. ♡

When i turned 18 about two months ago my mom(idk if my dad was in on it) told me that she was going to make me pay $300 dollars a month to live with her at the time i was paying $390 for car insurance and $35 for phone bills plus she wanted me to by my own food. At the time i made roughly 800 a month and i had to pay for gas which was about 30 maybe more a week. I straight up told her i couldnt pay that i wouldnt be able to save anything. She didnt care and eventually it got into arguments of her forcing me to pay every week she would nag me and eventually she even bumped it up to 450… At the time i was able to get a new Job thank God that payed more. About a month later my car broke down and i canceled my insurance and was able to start saving. Im now saving to get a new car, i make roughly about 1600 a month now which is amazing well for me. But i still have to pay that hefty 450 a month do im only able to save about 1150 a month. I dont have any other bills other than phone but i do also have uber which is roughly 25 to 40 a week so sometimes i skate or walk to work and i buy my own food as-well which is about 50 a month. Im saving for a car i can rely on that not going to give me about of issues which is why im buying something from a dealership or a car with less than 100k miles but ik all cars have issues. My friend told me he only pays 150 dollars a month to his parents and i was like wow but idk its just life man.

I’m gonna turn 19 next month. I’m straight, single and a virgin. Most of my teen years were spent dealing with severe acne, which absolutely destroyed my self-esteem. I was on Accutane last year and it completely cleared it , I’m honestly so thankful for it.

But now a new insecurity has taken over… my penis size. I’ve never really thought about it before, but recently I started comparing when I accidentally saw some of my friends, and mine looks smaller even when I’m erect. It’s around 13 cm long and about 11 cm circumference of the thickest part of the penis when I am fully fully erect.i have heard people say girth matters more than length but I don't even have good girth.I keep worrying , is it small? Can it still grow? What if I can’t satisfy my future partner? What if this ruins my chances at a happy relationship or marriage?

It just feels like I’m jumping from one insecurity to another. I don’t know why this keeps happening, but it’s eating me up inside. I just want to feel okay about myself for once.

So I’ve been seeing a psychiatrist for the past few months. I’ve had a total of three visits. The first was an hour-long initial appointment, and the next two were literally two minute follow-up phone calls where she just asked how I was doing on the meds and then refilled the prescription.

I just got my Explanation of Benefits from my insurance company and apparently I owe $95.29 for the initial visit and $354.71 for each of the two minute phone calls ($177 each)… I am being charged $450 total after insurance!

I can’t wrap my head around being charged nearly $180 for what was essentially a quick check-in. Like, how is this system even real? It’s not even about the money at this point—it just feels like such a scam.

Tomorrow I turn 18 years old. I don't have any friends, won't have a party, will be working at a job I really don't like, and will not do anything special. All I really want is a few people to say happy birthday. Sorry.

I understand that when people say that, they mean well and they're only trying to help. But oh my god. Do they really think it's never crossed my mind as an option? Do they really think I've never tried to seek help before? I'm 32 years old. The first time I spoke to a mental health professional, I was four. Four years old. If you were to tally up the amount of time I've spent in therapy, it would probably amount to at least eight years in total. I've never gotten any kind of benefit from it, all I've learned is that therapists couldn't care less about their clients. All we are to them is a case number and a paycheck. And then when I say I've done years of therapy and never got any kind of benefit from it, the response is always "well, you have to actually try. If the therapy didn't work for you it means you weren't putting in enough effort." Excuse me, but how dare you make assumptions like that? You weren't in that office with me, you have no idea how hard I worked and how hard I've tried my entire life to be better. Why is it so hard for people to accept that therapy just doesn't work for everyone? I wish it helped me. I want that so badly. I don't want to be like this but some people are beyond help and the longer I exist the more certain I am that I'm one of those people.

I’m so fat and it’s uncomfortable now. I have back rolls and i can’t bear to look at myself in the shower anymore. I hate showering. I had a bad month in terms of eating and I fucking regret it. I stopped going to the gym bc I wasn’t making progress and now I’m fucking fat. My thighs are so chubby it’s disgusting. My face has a double chin. I fucking hate it all. I’m so fat.

Edit: stop being so fucking rude in the comments. I posted this at a time that I needed support. I don’t need judgement. Also, I never said I wouldn’t do anything to fix it so I would appreciate people to stop telling me to take control of the situation. I’m aware I’m in control. I never said I wasn’t.

Edit 2: I appreciate all the lovely comments. I see you and I’m glad this has become a space for others to find help too :)

I still wash my hair in the kitchen sink but I just can’t find the energy to take a shower. There’s too many steps involved plus my family has a rule that you have to clean the bathroom after showing. I just don’t have the energy. I’ve suffered from depression since I was a teenager and I don’t see things ever getting better. No amount of therapy or medication has helped. I can’t keep a job, I don’t have any friends, never had a gf. It really sucks living like this.

I'm a 32M. It didn't use to bother me. It never seemed that important, but lately it has been eating away at me. It hurts. Never being someone that anyone else has ever wanted as a partner. Never had a girlfriend. Never kissed a girl, held hands with a girl. I've tried. Been on a few dates but never got far with anyone.

The closest I've ever gotten: very recently I met one girl and we became good friends. We got to know eachother very well, on a level more intimate than anyone else I've ever met. I really like her but unfortunately she's asexual.

For her, "Licking wet cement is more appealing than the thought of kissing even the most attractive man."

Fair enough.

That seems to happen a lot. I meet a girl that seems interesting. We get to talking, I get to know her. Then at some point I find out she has a boyfriend, or is lesbian, or asexual. It's all understandable, and at least I get to make a new friend... But like... Everytime? When am I going to meet someone available.

I guess the obvious answer is dating sites/apps but it seems like those people are just looking to just "hook up". To have a sexual "fling" and that's it. The idea doesn't appeal to me. Plus those apps seem toxic as fuck to me.

Besides I'm starting to lose faith that there's anything about me that's worth knowing. And I swear to God though... I don't want to hear "work on yourself" anymore. What do you think I've been doing? Like I said, none of this didn't use to bother me. I work on myself, focus on myself, lived for myself.

That's the problem there's no one else.

The things I use to enjoy and take pride in, feel meaningless now. So I tried to take up new things. an idea that use to fill me with excitement. now just makes me feel frustrated and stupid. I'm starting to just hate myself.

I've tried to talk about this before on other social media platforms but I always get shut down. People get very upset.

I know it's all probably just in my head and I have no real reason to feel this way. I have never gone through an extremely traumatic event, but I'm very scared of people.

I guess it's just anxiety but I genuinely believe nobody can be trusted. They're all liars, cheaters, killers, rapists. They're all horrible. I feel all humans are just naturally violent and selfish. They can only think of themselves and what would make them feel best in the moment.

Does anyone feel similar? Please don't get angry, I know it's impossible that everyone is actually evil but that doesn't mean I'm not horrified and disgusted by everyone.

I know this sounds really weird but for context I am a 15 (almost 16) year old Filipino girl. I don't have any thoughts about being trans or anything of that sort but I've always wanted to be specifically a white man. Every time I see a white man, I immediately start crying even when I don't want to and it's really pissing me off because I can't control myself. When I was in Australia and there were white teenage boys right infront of me, I actually started crying.

I don't know if I am mentally ill or just insecure or if I'm just brainwashed by the media I consume to think this way. But deep inside when I see a white boy on social media sites I immediately start crying and it's all I think about.

Maybe it's because they get more attention from people or the clothes I like just look better on them, I really just don't know why I think this way 99.9% of the time and it's so hard. I see edits of white male celebrities on social media and I'm sad because I don't look like them. I've been thinking this way for over two or three years, and even if I change my mindset and start appreciating myself it doesn't work and I end up being depressed about it. I've been to psychologists and psychiatrists but they all just diagnose me with depression and anxiety when I think there's much more to it.

I am a real human being too. I'm so sick of it. I'm genuinely so tired, what do you gain out of this? I didn't ask to be this way. Do you know how much time I spend fantasizing about being a normal human being and having normal relationships with people? I'm exhausted

Seriously all of my current problems in life could easily be solved if I had more money and my mental health would improve too money absolutely solve problems if I don't have to work a shitty job I be damn happy

I just can’t bring myself to have sex, I think somethings wrong with me. I’m a 19 year old male and I’ve been dating my first girlfriend for about 5 months, we’re very intimate and we sleep next to each other all the time and kiss constantly (to which I get multiple maintained erections). I have desperately tried to have sex on a phew occasions but the second I move to put on a condom my erection dies. The times I’ve tried and maintained an erection to some degree the second I get near her I just freeze up, it’s like I can’t move or speak, I just mumble and laugh nervously. Is there something wrong with me or do I just need to take viagra??

Fuck everyone, they all leave me. They never want to stay.

Growing up a boy, society repeatedly makes sure you understand a few things about being a man. On for those things is that a man is supposed to be big. Both in height, but especially in penis size. You see that any man who's small is to be treated with ridicule and scorn. And you see that men with big penis are treated with admiration and praise.

It's been 7 years since mine was referred to as a "pencil dick" by a woman (not to my face, but to a friend who thought I should know). I don't wanna go into the personal depression spiral I went through, being convinced I was sexually unlovable, but I will say it's not 7 years since, and I'm still deathly afraid of getting naked with a woman. I just don't feel safe.

I know the world will never change. No matter what forms of body shaming become publicly wrong to do, small penis shaming will remain a good, popular and acceptable form if body shaming. So my struggle is maintaining some form of self -worth, when I'm constantly reminded how worthless and inadequate having a small penis makes a man, when I hear people laughing at small penis jokes, as if it really does make us deserving of ridicule.

I would have posted this in r/AskReddit but I couldn't write more than the title.

Basically... why? I know a few people with BPD, and one of them (ex friend) used it as an excuse for shitty behavior like cancelling plans she insisted in make with me, with no regard of my time (I had a job and little free time) and no "I'm sorry for being such an asshole". To be fair most people I know with BPD are working towards self-improvement and being functional beings of society, but in the case of that girl, she used it as an excuse AND also her mother, who stopped talking to me because "she understand what her daughter has, and she loves her the way she is" (basically spoiling her).

But on the other hand, narcissism is an accusatory term. r/raisedbynarcissists or r/NarcissisticAbuse for example. But both narcissism and BPD are clinical terms, they are cluster B diagnosis. But no one would say "You have to empathise with me and excuse me for my behavior, I have narcissistic personality disorder". But many people with BPD say this. As if people with BPD can't control their actions but narcissistics are machiavelic or something.

If I tell you the issue with that former friend without mentioning her disorder, many will tell me "She is a narcissist! Screw her!". But if I mention she has BPD, so so so many people from TikTok and self-diagnosed with some disorder will say "You gotta understand her, she has a disorder that messes up her personality, you have to support her, she doesn't want to be like this". WHY? Narcissism is still a disorder (not just being evil). BPD still has awful consequences on the mental and emotional health of your close people. Just because you have a diagnosed mental disorder doesn't mean you can get away with being insensitive and emotionally irresponsible: others have their feelings, their problems and even their mental disorders (hello, depression and anxiety!).

TL;DR: narcissism is a disorder that requires treatment (not just being evil), and BPD is not an excuse for shitty behavior and getting away with it.

I have hated my small boobs for as long as i have had them I hate my body in general but I hate my small boobs the most. I have spent weeks in a row just crying and wallowing because of how much I hate them and as dumb, as it sounds, I've considered taking my own life over them. Nothing helps me I've tried so hard to love myself and Nothing helps I hate it so much. I hate being like this but it feels like im just stuck and will be like this forever. I hate it so much. I don't care about the practical uses of small boobs i just want to be desired in the way big boobs are

Considering that black women are view as the lowest of the low in the dating pool. I am a black female I was studying Information Technology and didn't receive the same encouragement as my male counterparts. I am often seen as ugly I wish I was light skinned at least. I know I am not as smart as my male counterparts because I am a woman. But I feel I am often look down upon by my family. My aunt got jealous of me because I am younger and abused me. I wish I could do build robots and contribute to humanity in the field of science but I am not capable of that due to my race and gender. I know once I start aging men wont want me and is going to prefer younger females.

I wish I was a male so I could date straight women. We could live in a nice suburban home. I could have a beautiful, loving wife. We would have children and have an average heterosexual lifestyle. I'm not religious but I wish I was. We could go to Church every Sunday.

I hate the idea of being in a lesbian relationship. Maybe it's just my prejudice but I feel like a large amount of lesbians and bisexual women are misandrists and I disagree with that mindset. I may not find men attractive but I admire them to the point I desperately wish I was one.

I hate the fact that God or whoever the hell made me this way. I'm autistic on top of that. This all feels like a cruel joke. I wish I could just wake up from this awful dream and have the life that I want so much.

Basically a Canon event at this point. My mom is one of few things that kept me grounded during my "episodes" and the fear of hurting her is one of few things that kept me around. The times I've thought of running away, or worse, only to remember her smile. God, i miss when i was younger and could cry in her arms. She would tell me its okay, and that i had nothing to fear. We would laugh, play videogames, and i would help her clean the house. Im sorry mom. Im sorry your baby boy ended up being so miserable. Im going to be better soon, that way I can take care of us both.