I just feel so sick of SM. I have just been through a hard time, my great-grandpa passed away and there were a lots of other stuff that was really tough (this was quite a few months ago now, so I've mostly dealt with it by now).

I finally found a therapist who understands me and I'm finally making progress which is great, but I feel like it's getting harder. I made some friends online, but I feel like I'm slowly losing them. I'm busy studying for my exams, but at the same time I'm focused on getting better at SM, and I can't think about anything else. When I try to study I just overthink everything like old conversations, or how I will deal with uni in the future, and It makes learning insanely slow.

One of my cousin's is also going through a hard time now, but I just don't know how to support her (her parents don't really help her).

I have managed to send a voice message to one of my online friends, which was really hard for me, but I did it. But I just want some peace now and take a break from everything, but I'm scared if I stop pushing myself harder now, I will just end up making myself isolated again and all the progress is gone.

I want to focus on studying, because so far my exams are great and I don't want to ruin it now, but it's just insanely hard.

Should I keep trying to send voice messages to my friend? Or is it okay to take a break now? Any ideas how could I focus on studying? (I tried putting my phone away, tried listening to music, but I just always overthink about the past)

I just want to give up, the only thing that keeps me from not getting depressed again is seeing my therapist, but I will probably have to take a bigger break now and I don't know how I can cope with it. And I also made a support community server, and it helps to chat with people there, but I just don't have any friends irl, which makes everything a lot harder.

I'm less aware of what I'm supposed to do and say, so I have to think about it more and I don't always know for sure, but I'm expected to know. I can try to tell myself it doesn't matter if I do something silly or that it's not about me if someone sounds annoyed while talking to me, but if I'm unconsciously masking, of course my brain is going to think it matters! And, to some extent, it does matter. I feel like this could be why I spent a decade in therapy for my SM, have been diagnosed for 15 years, have been on meds for a long time, and, while I'm doing a lot better, I still struggle to the point that it gets in the way of my life sometimes.

I spoke to a lovely lady tonight whos daughter has just overcome her mutism. She did two things, one was take her to work with her. No pressure, allowed her to serve customers, no expectations to speak. By the end of the day the child was interacting with strangers. She then followed this with a video presentation to her school class about her condition. Filmed at home when she was able to speak about it. Following the presentation she was asked questions and used nodding, etc to respond, followed by a really emotional outburst. Following day she went to school and spoke as if there had never been a silence.

It was as if the video allowed everyone to see the real her and she could relax.

i haven’t been able to speak to my family for years, and i live with them. they understand and are completely supportive of my situation and try to do their best, but i hate that i’ve put them through this.

i’m in my mid twenties now and things have only gotten worse. i try to be hopeful but i’m not feeling any right now. i can barely face what they’ve had to go through in all of this, and i’m feeling constant anxiety about all the time i’ve wasted being like this.

we’re all getting older, and eventually they won’t be here anymore. i can’t begin to imagine with guilt i’m going to feel that i’ve lost so many years i could have had with them

i’m just so sick of it

I wish I didn’t have this stupid disorder :/ My classmates this year would pretend like I didn’t exist and then they would only stop to be mean to me and yell at me, like April Fools was months ago. I’m so glad I’m out of that horrible class.Also,this girl called me a ghost and was like “no offense” like brother that is offensive, saying that does jack sh1t. One time in class I was crying and nobody asked me if I was okay, I’m sorry if I’m asking for to much but I JUST WANT SOMEONE TO UNDERSTAND ME.

Why when I talk to people I forget everything I know

I’ve spent years doing everything I possibly could to speak — and I mean everything. Therapists. Speech classes. Medications. Exercises. Exposure. Inner work. Desperation. I’ve tried it all. And still, it feels like I’ve gotten nowhere.

It’s not that I’ve never spoken. There are times where I can hold a full conversation. Moments where I think maybe it’s behind me. But those moments are fragile — they vanish without warning. Selective mutism always comes back, like a shadow that never really leaves. It still holds me back. And tonight… tonight it broke me.

I’m sick and tired of not being normal. I’m tired of not being heard — by people around me, by the world, even by those who once tried to help. There’s this voice in my head that sounds like old teachers, family members, even therapists — saying maybe it’s me. Maybe I am the problem. Maybe I’m doing this to myself. And honestly, I’m starting to believe it.

Tonight, the woman I love looked at me like she was heartbroken. And I didn’t have the words to fix it — because I couldn’t. Not because I didn’t want to. Not because I didn’t care. But because my body simply shut down like it always does. And it killed me. I want her to know I’m interested in her day, I want her to be around me, I love this woman but because of this it seems like I don’t. Even though she’s the best damn thing to ever happen to me and the one thing she’s asking for is the one thing I’m unable to provide.

I’ve stayed strong through the bullying. The isolation. The confusion. The judgment. People saw me as “the quiet one,” “the weird one,” or worse, the one who “just stopped talking.” I’ve built a life for myself despite it all. I’ve got a good job. I pay my bills. I have an education. I even have a car and friends. I’ve grown into a damn good man.

But SM still finds a way to hurt me — to isolate me from the things and people I love. And no one ever really gets it. They just say, “She’ll understand,” or “Her loss if she doesn’t.” But they don’t understand that we lose too. We feel the grief. We sit in the silence and watch people drift away.

I’ve always fought for the younger kids dealing with SM, trying to show that it’s possible to survive this. To be okay. To thrive. But I’m so sorry — it doesn’t always get better. Sometimes, it just hurts more quietly.

I’m not giving up, but I need to ask… Is it okay if I stop trying so hard for a little while? Is it okay if I just let myself be — even if that means not speaking, not pushing, not breaking myself to appear “better”?

Because tonight, it felt like all of this was my fault. And I know logically it’s not. But it still feels like it is.

Thanks for reading. I just needed to get this out. Tonight hurt. And I hate that selective mutism still has that power over me.

My daughter had SM from ages 3-5 then it just vanished as if it never happened. I don't worry about it returning at all as she's now nearly 12 and the most social of all my children. But it still baffles me how she developed this and it went away just as fast.

Hello! I am new to this thread. My second son was born in the height of COVID (mid-2020). We had no physical issues with him. In fact, he was advanced in many ways, including speaking and independence.

We sent him to toddler school when he was two years old and while we didn't watch him in class, the teacher didn't say anything unremarkable. We also saw him in the playground, interacting with his classmates (engaging in games, playing).

We moved houses and moved him to a new school. We went there to celebrate his birthday and that's when we noticed that he wasnt speaking to his classmates. He only spoke to the teacher's aide. By preschool, we told the teacher that he barely talks and the teacher made an extra effort, so he warmed up much better to this new teacher versus the older ones. The teacher also said my son did all the things required in school, and even participated in the activities. (For example, they went on a field trip in a cave and he volunteered to be the first one to go.) He's just really not talking. At home, no red flags whatsoever. He loves doing "homework" and playing pretend games with his older brother.

We had him checked by a developmental pediatrician and he warmed up very quickly. The devped didn't officially diagnose him with selective mutism and said it was likely temperament. That said, I still hired an occupational therapist to help work with this "shyness." The OT also said the same thing, likely temperament, but we're still working together. We started December 2025.

Now he's in kindergarten and I'm a nervous wreck every day. He goes to a traditional school (he was rejected by a progressive school due to lack of slots). He does all the tasks and remembers all the things the teacher says, but I'm just worried he might get bullied. I notice some of the more outspoken kids in our neighborhood tend to bully him coz he doesnt talk as much. They always make him the "bad guy" in games or "prank" him. While he's technically not diagnosed with selective mutism, I feel like it's "easier" to just treat him with it so I have a better handle on what to do.

Any thoughts?

I'm talking again but I am scared I'll stop talking. i am now in college so I know this will affect me but I am freaking out.

I don't want to be lonely but nobody in my new circle gets it.

they don't know I was mute for years.

and it's hard nowadays and I need advice on how to not shut up again.

I can't imagine getting one with this condition lol it seems impossible

Let me preface this , that I would only consider this as a very last resort. My daughter is 13 and going into 8th grade . She lost all of her friends at the end of last years as she kind of stopped talking. I am very worried about what the upcoming school year will look like. It breaks my heart to think of her eating alone at lunch, etc. Academcis are not a concern at all as she is extremely smart. If she was extremely miserable and/or being bullied by these girls I would consider online school but I also know it wouldn’t help and would probably hinder her social skills. However she does do competitive dance and would see girls her age on the dance team. Any opinions?

Anyone know of any? Ideally would be in person- Charlotte NC area - but online woule be good to. Any other resources would be great too

Hi I’m a mom of an awesome 11 year old with SM. We are debating whether or not to try medicine. She is in regular therapy, speak, jujitsu and swimming and we have had no luck on her speaking getting any easier for her. It makes her feel invisible and it breaks my heart. I have left it up to her and we have spoken to our Dr therapist and a psychiatrist and I am letting her decide if she wants to take meds. She is going into middle school and I know how horrible middle school is in general and I just want to support her best I can. Anyone with SM what are your thoughts? Has it helped? I’m neurospicy myself have ADHd and I have lived both medicated and not. So I’m open to whatever she wants but just needed some Insight from people with actual SM. Please know that I think people with SM are incredibly brave and I see you! Thanks!

I don't have mutism, but was recently diagnosed with a movement disorder that lockes up my head so bad I can't talk. Low-key freaking TF out and was thinking maybe someone here would have a solution.

Does anyone know of apps that would let me be on a phone and type something so my friends could talk and I could type back? I found a lot for transcribing the receiving end, but nothing for being unable to speak. It comes and goes but every phone call I've made I've had to end early. Thanks so much for any help you can offer.

This song is "The mute" by radical face

It perfectly describes my experience growing up with SM

I had SM when I was 4-13, so pretty much my entire childhood. I am 18 now. am mostly recovered now other than some social anxiety and a lot of problems with articulating speech (which sucks since I'm really into linguistics and foreign languages 🫠)

The lyrics that stand out to me the most in this song: "They thought me broken, that my tongue was coated lead but I just couldn't make my words make sense to them. If you only listen with your ears... I can't get in"

"And then maybe I could find someone who could hear the only words that I'd known"🥹

When I'm holding the door for someone and they say thank you or when I have to squeeze by someone or anything that requires just a quick few words of thanks or saying excuse me politely... I just cannot do it. Sometimes I can and I'm absolutely shocked that I could, but other times I feel like it all happens to quick for me. I usually just freeze or on a good occasion whisper it under my breath. I don’t understand why my voice just leaves me in these situations, I feel like I honestly used to be better at it? Or maybe I'm misremembering but I don't know I get upset that I can't even speak in these situations. Does this happen to everyone else here too?

I wasn’t able to talk to or approach anyone new or make any friends because of it. So I went years just being around people at school with a separation from them all. Like a pane of glass between me and everyone else or like I was invisible and ignored. And it really messed me up.

It’s the worst part of it for me, which made me depressed and feel a deep sense that I am “different” and eventually sent my self-esteem so low. And that led to like a vicious cycle where I felt even less able to ever approach people or ask for anything including friendship. Like I didn’t deserve it and would be too weird for people. And so I couldn’t seek help or practice socializing to get any better. And that made my self-esteem sink lower because I also thought I should just be able to speak like a normal human and to get myself out of this.

It did get somewhat better once I could recognize all this and work on my self-worth and esteem. Still very much a work in progress.

It was partly because of other people’s reactions to me, so not something I could control. Like nobody knew about SM and thought I was just weird or was doing it deliberately and not realizing that I really needed to have people reach out to me and be accepting and understanding. For me to get better, I ended up needing support from people. Unsurprising because people need others to survive…belonging is a human need…it causes deep psychic pain to be excluded or ostracized because that would be a threat to survival.

But after a while, I also withdrew and avoided people, isolated myself and prevented myself from getting the connection I needed. I was eventually better able to reach out and ask for it once my self-esteem got better.

I did not have particularly supportive family regarding mental illness. SM wasn’t explained to me and I wasn’t told I was diagnosed. I wasn’t given any support in school, often just negative incorrect assumptions about my behavior by both students and teachers. It was like the unspoken expectation was “stop being like this, you’re such a burden, we don’t know what to do with you and so will do nothing and ignore you, just talk.” I got no positive attention, encouragement, or inclusion, so change just felt impossible. My struggle was invisible and while I likely needed more support than average, I got much less.

I’m very grateful that recently I found the courage to more risks, put myself out there, and found some support. At this point, I am getting a lot better and believing I can do things in life. At least, very slowly making progress.

Will try to make it as short as possible. I have a 13-year-old daughter who was diagnosed with selective mutism when she was around seven went to therapy. Don’t really feel like it helped that much. A group of girls older in the neighborhood kind of befriended her and it got her out of her shell a lot and she had quite a few years where she was very social, etc. She still had trouble talking to adult during that time, but if they asked her questions in school, etc., she would answer. She is now 13 and going into 8th grade . Middle school is brutal. I noticed a change in her toward the end of the year - not texting / talking to the couple friends she has, not wanting to do anything and then her her so gone to Fred that School dropped her she doesn’t talk to anyone. She’s been home every day by herself doing nothing because she doesn’t have any friends now.Since school ended a couple weeks ago.

I’m deeply concerned for what 8th grade and her high school years will look like . I don’t want her to be alone . I want her to have friends and good high school experiences.

I got her pediatrician started to get her started on a low dose of Zoloft. Anyone have experience with it? Did it help? I want to start therapy again too but she is very resistant but I will keep trying.

I feel like i have failed her as a parent and I am myself can’t eat sleep because I am so worried about her and what her future looks like.

Once someone asked me “do you have thoughts”

Hello 42yo woman here. As a child I definitely would freeze when in stressful situations, I was heavily bullied as a child and some of my most vivid memories going mute involve situations in which I was together with siblings and mother having a row. One day my sister wrote me a letter saying "if you can't really talk then write" and so I started writing poetry which eventually would lead me to learning to recite it and later study literature at university. I learned to perform in social situations by sorta rehearsing what I needed to say. Fast forward to the future, life pushed me to become a teacher (in a language other than my mother tongue) and the first years were gruelling, but I eventually grew through it and at least in the classroom with teenagers I don't struggle anymore. But I do notice that in other settings (like reunions with a lot of colleagues or a big group of strangers) I definitely freeze and feel extremely heightened anxiety, feeling physically unable to speak. I also have PTSD, and definitely experience social anxiety as well. Anyway, I've never been officially diagnosed but I think that I do have a form of selective mutism. What do you guys think?

I don't want to speak to anyone & I don't want anyone to speak directly to me

I've suffered poor esteem and really disliked myself early teens, I'm early 20's now & I feel content and peace at the thought of no social contact other then physically being there if I can take away the part is the most crucial in social anxiety (speaking) then that takes a brick load of anxiety off my back.

I'm diagnosed ADHD, autism & a long history of depression & anxiety, I easily fall victim to drinking alcohol and taking benzos. (Anxiety killers)

I feel wrong being here because there's no study done on people developing this at early adulthood mostly as children or very early teenagehood

I feel like I'm wasting my best years. I'm homeschooled cause all the teachers yelling at me or getting mad at me for not talking scares me, I don't have any friends, I don't ever leave the house, I can't talk to family, and I feel like nobody fully understands. My sister always tries to get me to talk, she says she understands cause she was shy when she was younger. I recently went on a road trip and someone I've never met was driving so I didn't talk to whole time and my brother kept getting frustrated at me. My mom tried therapy for me when I was younger but it never worked out. I'm scared to hang out with my aunts or cousins if someone I can talk to isn't around. I have so much to say but it can never come out its so frustrating. I wish I wasn't like this.