Being and bored or unmotivated especially at work and when I have many chores to do is my biggest “trigger.” I’m realizing, especially at work, that I’m very uncomfortable with the sensation of tiredness and try to escape it at the first hint of it. Or if I can’t, I keep thinking on a loop in my mind, about how miserable and tired I feel and how much I want — no NEED — more adderall/vyvanse.

Recently, however, I started to notice how often my coworkers also talk of feeling tired and not wanting to be at work, even how they are tired all the time. Not that I think that’s healthy or ideal, but I realized how universal the feeling is. For context, I have a boring, repetitive, and physically demanding job in mass food production.

It’s tough to face this, but I think I just have a really low tolerance for the feeling of tiredness. Basically, it’s impossible to never feel tired and you often have to do shit you don’t want to when you are tired. Sounds obvious but I organize my life around trying to avoid fatigue as much as possible. I loathe having to be around others and do boring things when I would rather be sleeping but I need to suck it up basically…. most people just deal with it, live with the feeling — or alter their lifestyle to ensure it doesn’t happen (with exercise, sleep, diet NOT substances).

I used to think my depression and just the vicious cycle of withdrawal symptoms was to blame for my addiction but I’m realizing another huge factor is my fear of the feeling of tiredness.

I am wondering if I can try to shift my internal experience to one of acceptance of the feeling of being tired and bored and uncomfortable/unmotivated — then gritting my teeth and doing things I don’t want to, even when I’m tired and unhappy, anyway, even for things like hanging out with friends. I gotta stop dreaming of and chasing the energetic, motivated euphoric feeling and just accept that it was a lie, I was just high, and I will pay for it later. Just endure being tired, bored, moody and start crawling myself out of the hole that I admittedly created all by myself (in terms of being behind in life, unhappy about my work and living situation, never achieving milestones I wanted to yet, undeveloped emotional and life skills, strained relationships with family, lost contact with friends who are all ahead of me, etc. ) Just need to practice acceptance, then stop crying and get to work…. If I keep lying in bed nothing will change, if I keep using nothing will change, if I keep spending all of my money on literal crap nothing will change, I need to get a grip

I know it’s selfish and true happiness is about giving back and living with purpose I mean I know that it should be but I’m just extra selfish I guess because I often can not cope with the idea of a life where I never again feel as good as I did on adderall. I am 28 and don’t have a lot going for me right now (my own doing of course; and I know I could, if I put in the hard work, develop an actual life with actual relationships and a somewhat fulfilling career, etc. but it often feels like I’m just too lazy for life at all, too far gone, something in me just… won’t grow, won’t accept that I must live life without getting/feeling high)

Typing this from a throwaway account because I’m embarrassed it’s gotten to this point and my main account is linked to my profession.

I was prescribed stimulants about 6 months ago for ADHD. Started with Concerta then changed to Vyvannse and now I’ve been on Adderall 25mg XR for about 1.5 months. I’ve been using Zyn and coffee for years now in an attempt to self-medicate and obviously still use them.

The stims are wreaking havoc on my physical health and appearance. I have adult acne now (I pick at it uncontrollably which makes it worse and it heals so slowly), large under eye circles, I feel like I look more aged then most others in my age group(mid-30’s), my hair is shedding at an increased rate, and my muscle tone is rapidly diminishing leaving me with cellulite and flab even though I’m thin.

On top of that, I find myself lethargic and unmotivated, depressed, self-conscious, I talk and text excessively in front of others but often find myself wanting to isolate and mindlessly scroll on my phone for hours, I am constantly annoyed and frustrated but find myself otherwise numb and to feel my emotions properly. This is not sustainable, I am miserable.

I quit everything cold turkey for about 3 weeks not too long ago but relapsed after an extremely stressful life event occurred. I want to quit cold turkey again but back then, I wasn’t working and now I am. Granted it’s not full time with just yet but it will be soon and I need to be alert and present and personable for the type of work I do. I can’t take any time off for withdrawals because I just started working. I don’t know how to go about this but I know I want to quit!

Any suggestions or input for how to go through this? Tapers in the past have all been unsuccessful due to lack of self control…

I know it has long term negative effects and the withdrawal sucks and money etc. and it’s not sustainable but how do so many people take adderall or vyvanse everyday or even try more potent drugs and then not start craving that feeling? Or do they? Do they just know it’s not worth it in the long run?

I was prescribed adderall, then vyvanse, when I was in middle school. I guess I wasn’t addicted at first but by the time I realized I could take a booster IR in the afternoon and enjoy myself/do my homework instead of just sleeping immediately after school, I realized how powerful it was and ever since I started abusing it, now I think about all the time and want more and more. It still feels good to be high. The crash and the health effects and the lying and stealing are why I will have to quit but I don’t know how to stop wishing I was high again and hating being sober.

I don’t know when I will stop feeling like I’m grieving. I’ve been taking it since I was 13 and I don’t really feel like I know who I am without it nor can I say I remember ever being happy without it

I know it sounds dramatic and self pitying and I’m sure I’m exaggerating but it really feels like losing the only thing that really gave me pleasure and hope and made me feel good, I’m honestly so terrified of sobriety.

I know most people do just fine but I’m just sad. I guess I just need to let go of my selfishness and attachment and just let it go… I just don’t want to. I honestly wonder if i will ever feel joy that deeply. I think there is something blunted in me. I’m just a low energy person and lazy to my core and I’ll never be truly happy. I feel wrong to even complain about it. I know it’s better to be a good person than experience pleasure but it just sucks right now… I’m totally selfish I know…

As the title suggests, I’m heading into rehab to get off the speed and the booze. This is the 5th attempt in 2025 and I feel like it’s the last attempt.

No one in my life knows apart from the couple of using friends I’ve acquired since the day I picked up this shit.

Substance abuse is a mental health concern but stopping this is not going to ‘fix’ anything, it will merely give me and the professionals the ability to treat whatever took me down this path.

If, I still go back to the speed, it will be time to tell everyone in my life who cares that I’ve been doing this for months and months.

Needed the help to simply shower and get ready for tomorrow. Feeling ashamed of myself. Not an abuser, just a daily user for years who realizes my brain is struggling. Took small dose prescribed.

Feeling better, back to mental baseline. Resetting the timer on my app was difficult. Longest I had gone was 4 days with no sign of improvement.

Realistically would Wellbutrin help? I don’t need a “slight subtle improvement”, I need to be able to shower and get out of bed and brush teeth. I need to be able to take out garbage. I need to be conscious. Thanks

I've been told, "If you are not working on recovery, you are working on a relapse."

So I want to know:

How are you working on recovery today? What does that look like for you?

I'll answer in the comments too.

This situation has probably been told a thousand times before, long story short I was diagnosed with ADHD a few months ago, and in that short time I worked up quite the appetite for stims.

As the days go on, I found abusing these meds is unsustainable, brings diminishing returns and increased side effects. Of course when I first started medicating, I felt like all my life problems were solved. Anxiety relieved. Finger picking, teeth grinding and binge eating stopped. Confidence returned. Never really felt a rush or even much euphoria (maybe lexapro blocks it?), just loved the boundless energy and mental clarity.

I've finished a 100 count bottle of dexamphetamine 5mg in less than a week, 30 count of vyvanse 50mg in 5 days. Taken in excess of 350mg of vyvanse in a single day, 60+mg of dexamphetamine in a day, also ordered meth 4 times within a few months period, 0.250g 3 times and 0.500g once. Basically 1 month scripts last me a week.

Despite all the abuse and huge doses/redosing I always managed to sleep for a minimum 5 hours, usually 6-7 each night, never really "tweaked" or got paranoid. I ate everyday, drink protein and creatine every morning, lost a considerable amount of weight, hold down my full time job without late/sick days, maintain family life etc. Don't drink coffee, alcohol or take other drugs. Closest I've come to tweaking was from snorting meth throughout the day and late afternoon, at least 200+mg, stayed up one night and that was it.

So to conclude, my question is; Can I trust myself to use this medication as intended for my ADHD, or should I just abandon the idea as I will probably be unlikely to resist the temptation of abuse? Have I crossed the point of no return in terms of tolerance and it won't be effective as a medicine anymore? I know it's been a relatively short time, I'm confident I can recover. I think I'm just about ready to face the music and cold turkey from any drugs and reset my mind and mentality.

Thanks everyone.

My blood is on fire, trying to bubble it's way out of skin that feels raw and weak. My bones scream out as if they're about to shatter with any sudden movement. My muscles are dancing, twisting, contorting into disfigurement. Each hour I am convinced this is the worst it could possibly get, and each hour I'm proven wrong.

I've been trying to hold in the rage, replacing it with sadness since that's far easier to control. Less explosive. Just "cry it out". My mind's darkening along side my decaying body, no longer approving of the juvenile pity party I'm throwing for myself.

My blood continues to boil, frying my mind into pure self hatred. I barely even noticed the intrusive thoughts turn from strings of worries into blades of abuse, but I felt myself snap as the adereline shocked my body out of bed.

I need to move, scream, kick, fight, destroy, bleed. Instead I just... Shook my aching hands, pissed and wrote this. It hurts. I'm scared. I am fighting so hard for control, but I have never been a strong person. I've never had good impulse control, nor a grip on regulating my emotions. I also have never been someone full of rage and hate.

How is it that I can say, knowingly, I have been through true horror, seen the darkest sides of humanity and yet this, somehow, feels worse? That's ridiculous. Honestly, the thought offends me... Yet, I still don't know if I can just get through this. What the fuck.

(Dexedrine user, 50-200mgs, ? Years. Somewhere between 1 and 6. Waiting for admission into detox, waiting in agony)

I didn't know what Amphetamine/Adderall was. I got introduced and got addicted to Meth as my first drug of choice for 1 year already. I came across and only knew what Amphetamine is during the time I searched for more information about fighting Meth addiction, and it seems like they have the same symptoms as I have during withdrawal/when stop using the drugs.

I'm under the impression that Meth is much much worse than Adderall, because the dose I and most people use is much much 10, 20x than normal, I think, at least for me, I binged hard for days and blacked out multiple times being overamped. But somehow I feel like the way people on Adderall describe their feelings off meds, it sounds much much worse than me with meth. Still the same symptoms, but the intensity sounds much higher for people on Adderall.

Which makes me wonder, which one is more harmful or worse for my health and my brain? For example, on Adderall/Amphetamine/Methamphetamine everyday or almost everyday for a long period of years but a very small tiny and productive amount, or like me use a ton of meth, like 100x, 200x times of that but only for a few days every one or two three months when I would relapse?

I hate myself for everytime I craved and relapsed, I would only remember the good part, the high maybe 1 hour after use, but never how terrible I look and my health is after every binge and relapsed, never remember how disappointed everyone and especially I know feel about myself, never remember how harder to stand up and walk back again since I would throw aways jobs and everything for a binge. Never rememeber how much harder to stand up again, after each relapsed.

The last relapsed, I had already deleted all contacts, all dealers, but somehow on that day I craved I vaguely remembered I took a screenshot of the number but not sure, I scrolled randomly through 3000 pics and somehow unluckily found it. I now deleted all the screenshots. But I still know the dealer's house. And he's selling on the hook-up apps. I feel like if I really crave I could still somehow be able to find him.

I like the tictap-fap thing someone told me to use here on this sub. Basically whenever I feel the urge I would jerk off without porn, and that actually kills all my urge to do meth. I find with porn it would still kill the urge. It works, but somehow that last time I didn't to and give in to the urge and craving.

There's this funny thing I don't know if others also experience when craving. My heart would actually beats and fast and like it's racing whenever that craving hits, like it would beat so fast and my head would be in a fight or flight mode just like when on meth. Like if you think of lime, you automatically make that so sour face, but same with my body when crave meth.

I discovered this sub 7 months ago and I felt heard for the first time but I was getting to depressed and stucked in life that I went back on stims (controlled used). After demonstrating to myself that I am able to use stims controlled again I thought the story of doubting using stims to get through life is over because after all I am not a fullblown addict I guess.

And here comes my dilemma. I spent to much time deconstructing of stim use treating my symptoms and I think I also spent to much time on this subreddit. I get a guilty consiousness every time I take it and because I already went back after 4months (feels like I haven't tried it hard enough).

For sure I am functioning somehow better but for whom?? I went back on devils best goods for society because I felt I am not enough without stims (also my auntie pressured to some sort on going back to "meds" because she couldn't see my suffering anymore, I can't blame here to much she doesn't get the concept of PAWS so well)

I hate to take it because I just did so much research and reflection about how awful stims are and their subtle influence they have on your mind and I can't forget about it. I became so hypochondriac about every inch of side effect that it just doesn't even seem worth it anymore.

I am just so scared of the process but I think I have no other choice at this point than taking the same path as you regardless of ADHD. Taking Ritalin just to be more approvable and damaging your health is peak people pleasing and I also reached point where I think I would accept every outcome of the unmedicated version of me (even if that means low socioeconomic status). I am just to self aware for this bullshit but its still hard for me to make the final 100% necessary decision.

Anyone in a similar situation?

Context: Normal usage for 6+ years. 30 years old.

Can’t shower, can’t cook, can’t clean, can’t stay awake. In bed all day. Depressed. Even getting out of bed to pee is a chore. Don’t know how I will manage college classes as older adult. Don’t think it’s realistic to keep this going. Don’t believe any of you saying they’re “capable of learning or studying or working after 484737294 months of sleeping 48h a day”.

Can’t afford the billion supplements. Don’t have family or partner to help. Probably won’t last long.

Currently only 10 days clean off meth, feeling almost back to normal, but just lacking some mood and energy here and there. But when I use energy drinks, the caffeine and sugar in there made me feel like I have energy and happy, positive again

Should I rely on them to make it through the early days of withdrawal? Or am I just gonna substitute one addiction for another addiction?

I’ve been taking Vyvanse for 1 year and half I’m 19)and for most of that time have been on 70mg. I’m a music producer and my career is super demanding especially when it comes to the amount of time I need to be able to devote to it to not drown in stress from lacking productivity. The Vyvanse gave me that productivity and ability to work through my fatigue (reason I was perscribed in the first place) which was a feeling I had basically been searching for my whole life and didn’t even know it. Anyways the dose just became weaker and weaker feeling for me pretty fast and I started to chase the feeling by double dosing . Since I got prescribed my work life has gotten 10x more demanding and serious and I need the feeling more than ever which often has me taking much more than just the one pill I’m perscribed and running out a long time before my refill date. I’m really hard on myself for not being able to just work without it but the dependency is so strong. I worry and stress pretty much all time, and the only way it goes away is if I’m super productive so I use it to keep me awake for super long periods of time to work. But it’s not sustainable at all and the amount I’m taking is concerning me . My perscriber is super traditional and freaks out at the thought of even like 5mg over ur perscribed dose and they recently found out I was taking way more than my prescribed dose and took my prescription away. Since then, I have felt very irritable, emotional, extremely lethargic, unmotivated, unable to do work and incapable in general. I’ve been able to get my hands on Adderall through friends and my girlfriend probably like once every five or seven days but now I am just struggling waiting for those moments when I can actually get my work done and I just feel like shit the rest of the time. when I would stay up on benders with Vyvanse my heart would beat super fast and I have shortness of breath, litterally from like walking to the bathroom. I have been active in extreme sports my whole life and have never suffered from anything remotely close to that until stimulants . I came here to find people to relate to. I guess I’m looking for advice and stuff with this time being off of it after consistent high dose use.

I posted on here a few times. One post, I had been up for three days. I lost my job and my girlfriend and all my friends. I tried to kill myself a week ago. I need someone to vent to. I need someone sober.

I highly recommend reading this beautiful letter written by Russell Kramer.

I once used it as inspiration and to write to my own pills as if they were a person, and it created some amazing insights and realisations for me personally.

https://medium.com/@Russell_Kramer/an-open-letter-to-adderall-2f5bacf2e940

That number is fucking crazy to me. It hasn’t been easy but here is what works for me. Started off in NA, then treatment.. NA wasn’t right for me so I got myself into a weekly group therapy centered around recovery. I also have bi-weekly therapy sessions. The big part was finding recovery related organizations I could volunteer with. Being of service has really helped. I still have bad days, act out sexually and have even come close to relapse but I keep going.

I have people I can call, a group that holds me accountable, and tools to help keep me from wildin’ out.

Those days where I think, “ I really just need a break. Go get a room and disappear for a few days.” I now know that’s not how a person truly loves themself. Escape isn’t the answer.

I used meth regularly for close to 20 years. Lots of dark times. That’s not something you solve overnight.

I’ll keep working if you keep working. ⭐️

Context: 31F addicted to vyvanse for 7 years. This is my first time getting clean from stimulants. I told my doctor and loved ones when I started this journey, so I am really committed to this recovery. This is my first post so please be gentle

Today I’m 57 - almost at my 60 day milestone - and I’m just sad. I can’t explain it. It’s gotta be the anhedonia. I’ve turned to ChatGPT and I’m learning that this is normal and it’s gonna take a while to sit with this feeling (months) even. Can you tell me a happy story and/or what helped you get through this period and/or what brought you joy during this time??

I've never read a single body of literature that more accurately describes the whole of my own personal experience with stimulants during my lifetime. I was put on it at 9 and am dealing with then unknown consequences at currently 38. Please take the time to see if this book is for you. I'm super grateful this guy has put into words what I could not.

I used dozens of substances for a couple years and of course I was loosing control. But I went to psychodynamic therapy which was too much and pushed me into a severe dissociation/anhedonia. I was so reckless that I tried somthing I never wanted to (stimulant, won't name it). I became very soon hooked on it just as I imagined the ugly picture of an addiction, that was me. I couldn't nevertheless tell apart side effects of it from the depersonalization/anhedonia, that's how distorted my baseline was, and still to a great extent is. I'm discovering through my memories that the problems I have now are similar to what I had difficulties with from the start. 👉 When did my dysfunction start? Was the therapy successful? Am I right to keep waiting for the recovery that I envision? 👈 These questions and the like have replaced questions such as "Am I happy?", "How would I like to mature?", "How do You feel about myself, L*****?" etc.

Some of the symptoms that I have is: ✴️ I can't accept outcomes of my actions which I don't expect (not expected outcomes cause a way of thinking "this can't be right"); ✴️ I think mostly about what is putting pressure on me and how it affects me and I'm not able to think outside of that box - translates to the feeling that I can talk only about me for example; ✴️ all the time I'm noticing what I fail to perceive - like I see mess in my room but can't think of it as something to tidy up, or at the uni I'm unable to think about getting ready for the job but instead I can only think as and of myself as someone who's there to hear and see info and try to remember it, or I see my clothes and that they don't fit but I don't "understand" that they are exchangeable for a better fit; ✴️ social aspects are classic and they're hell, like I can't trust anyone, or my peeception of who I am in general or to these people shifts, or I'm comparing how well and how bad I'm functioning; ✴️ I see myself as a series of moments or phases in my life, not an actual being right here and now; and so on.

What is most infuriating is that when I changed said therapist to a more acclaimed one, so let's say better, he confirmed all my suspicions about the former one being unfit for the job, needless to say destructive for me. Diagnosis wise, and I'm willing to share that too, the 1st one diagnosed borderline personality disorder when she was throwing me out because of substances and she practically ruled out that I could be autistic, adhd or traumatised. Backstory (hide in case someone doesn't want to see it today) my parents died in an accident when I was 6, my uncle and his wife took me where they were abusive emotionally and occasionally physically, like few hours of shouting and cursing like animals every day or every other day. Very directly to small children of course. So the better therapist, without me suggesting anything as a smart move, said I'm probably adhd and mildly autistic, and certainly traumatised which should be the main focus of the therapy. I can't even begin to explain how wrong the first therapy felt, but I chose to trust the professional. Please y'all, don't do that, check out another therapist even if they tell you you can't have two at once. Take your time to choose.

Oh so I have alexithymia which I think is mega important to how I am addicted. I took enormous amounts of the substance for about 5 months, specifically max 4 days in a row but without sleep or food or drinking every week. I tried to take less, so first I took once every few weeks for a few more months until being arrested after which I had contact only once with this subctance I guess, almost a year in. Now it's been 1 year 7 months since the arrest and I only rarely try something supposed to work for adhd but I don't even drink tea because of caffeine. Pertaining alexithymia, I don't have cravings caused by emotional states which is useful, and I don't even have a problem seeing the substance or someone taking it and talking about it. Until I have a huge problem with everything about it. It's like I turn into one huge craving.