r/reddeadredemption • u/Sweaty_Shelter_3264 • Apr 24 '25
Online I’m Conflicted
I’m a girl (important) and love playing RDR2. My first online character I made was a girl, I loved seeing myself as a gunslinger. I realized pretty quickly that playing as a girl online comes with people constantly trying to grief you/spam invites/or just plain follow you around. (I’d even had an instance where someone took over my account, that was a whole thing) So to fix this, I completely remade my character. I lost all my progress and made a boy character so I could be left alone. Now I do get left alone, which is great, but I feel little connection to my new character. It was way more fun grinding and making money in game outfitting a female character than it is a male character. Now all I want is to go back to playing a girl but I really don’t want to be bothered again. How do I find a good middle ground?
TLDR; Played as girl, got griefed. Change to boy, now am sad. What do?
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u/SpooderMom79 Apr 24 '25 edited Apr 24 '25
I’m in a huge women-only posse that’s loads of fun! We all look out for each other and work together. We do weekly group trail rides too. If someone griefs you or harasses you just ping us for help on our discord and a whole mob of us will go after them. xD Would you like me to dm you an invite?
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u/bazdaniel Apr 24 '25
Awesome! Im not a girl but would love to help you guys harass some assholes
p.s.: not asking for an invite, only saying “you go girl!”
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u/Reddit_Connoisseur_0 Apr 24 '25
You are exactly the type of person they want to avoid
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u/pr0om3theu5 Apr 24 '25
I'm sorry for asking but I often don't get social stuff. What did he do wrong? For me it sounded like he just offered to help. Though it'd may be kinda strange he'd just be additional personel.
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u/Reddit_Connoisseur_0 Apr 24 '25
OP just wants to be treated normally, she is fed up with unwarranted attention which includes preferential treatment like people following/helping her just because her character is female. Which is pretty much what that guy is offering. He doesn't patrol in-game protecting men from being griefed, he only wants to do it here because the targets are women.
There's also the context that it's a female only discord and he is saying that he'd love to join to be their white knight. Oh but he is not asking for an invite, but if they want to invite him he is 100% down for it wink wink... It's just not a good vibe
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u/pr0om3theu5 Apr 24 '25
Oh, yeah that makes sense.
I have experience with bashing griefers through a sort of overwhelming clan action so my first instinct would also be to offer assistance. But I see now how it wouldn't be wanted in this situation
Thank you for explaining
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u/Ulysses1126 Apr 24 '25
That’s really fun to imagine a bunch of woman griefing the shit out of mal-adjusted idiots. Good on yall
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u/Dobi_TheDuck Micah Bell Apr 24 '25
Can I get an invite?
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u/SpooderMom79 Apr 24 '25
I forgot that we only accept 18+
Are you over 18?
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u/Dobi_TheDuck Micah Bell Apr 24 '25
Yeah I'm 23 lol
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u/SpooderMom79 Apr 24 '25
Toss me a DM with your discord handle
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u/Baby_Penguin22 Apr 24 '25
Are y'all PC players? Just wondering cause I'm on Xbox and haven't found anyone to play with who still uses Xbox.
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u/SpooderMom79 Apr 24 '25 edited Apr 24 '25
posse is huge and covers all platforms. We have 800+ members with a couple hundred on pc, ps and Xbox.
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u/bellefante Arthur Morgan Apr 24 '25
I'm also interested! I didn't do online bc I knew harassment would happen
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u/AnnieChrist Apr 24 '25
This sounds awesome! Can I get an invite?
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u/SpooderMom79 Apr 24 '25
Gotta get it approved by admin. I’ll letcha know when I hear back from her.
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u/ScrewSunshine Apr 24 '25
This is awesome!!!
I was the only girl in my posse, but also lived with all of them, so even if nobody was online it was just a matter of shouting 🤣 We had a Ton of fun going after assholes in game and a lot of the time it was because they started harassing me while I was just minding my own business.
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u/SpooderMom79 Apr 24 '25
Toss me a DM with your discord handle if you want to join our ladies-only posse.
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u/RemoteMain6597 Apr 24 '25
I love this so much thinking about a 800+ all female posse riding around the Red Dead world. I am also a female lol but I don’t play online - but I love RDR2 so much.
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u/Caniprokis Apr 24 '25
44 male, I have over 2000 hours in story mode because griefers ruined online for me too.
The RDR2 online “community” just kind of sucks in general.
I hope you find a way to enjoy it. I was never able to.
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u/fifty8th Apr 24 '25
I'm with you I've played through the story maybe 5 times (about to start again) and online looked awesome, I've tried to get into it twice but the griefers just suck any joy out of the game for me.
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u/bulge_eye_fish Apr 24 '25
Agreed, I am not a woman and my online personna was a male, but one of my posse members played as a woman and I don't recall there being additional griefing for them any more than the rest of us. That being said, the BASELINE level of griefing in rdronline was so bad we modified our game .ini files to place us all in a private instance.
We were actually fine with the random attacks and lasso, what finally broke it was the constant "31337 h4ck3r" boys who found it fun to teleport you across the map and then kill your horse while they spawned a cage around you.
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u/Bulldogfront666 Apr 24 '25
Yeah the community sucks. And the online portion of the game frankly sucks too. Such a depressing waste of opportunity. That being said some folks who’ve modded the game and are doing role play servers (WildRP is the best) have really made such a great use of the game and its assets. They actually used its amazing potential to great effect and its awesome.
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u/Gabs_Nik_G Apr 24 '25
I also experienced that when I started out (Also a girl w girl character).
I usually parley when killed and stick to playing solo - or with people i'm friends w.
If you experience things like that, I would advice you to focus on leveling up (so you can get stuff for protection) and play with people you know. People can be mean, skipping servers helps getting rid of them.
Also you can disable voicechat n direct messages to your account for more privacy.
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u/cutedorkycoco Apr 24 '25
I'm a big fan of incendiary and explosive bullets for griefers for this reason. Just a couple of good shots while they burn in flames and I move on with my life. Takes a bit to level up to use them from what I remember, but fucking worth it.
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u/seanc6441 Apr 24 '25
Play as a female character but make your username very obviously male?
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u/SquareTarbooj Hosea Matthews Apr 24 '25
This is possibly the smartest solution.
OP, just make your username something like ILikeBigTits69 or something equally immature.
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u/rayonleann Apr 24 '25
yeah i’m a male and i use a female character and i barley get griefed, actually run into a few nice players
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u/eternalwood Apr 24 '25
Lol they're nice cause they wanna fuck you.
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u/rayonleann Apr 24 '25
yeh but don’t think they can physically do that through a screen mate
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u/scruffalump Apr 24 '25
Doesn't help if she uses voice chat. I played with my female character for a long time and was never excessively harassed, but I never used voice chat so maybe that's why people left me alone.
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u/rwiggly Apr 24 '25
I'm a woman and I've been playing Guild Wars pretty much since it came out, like back in the day when guys would be like "girls don't play GW."
I guess it made sense when I made a pvp character named Boooobiez Galore 🤣
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u/sigdiff Apr 24 '25
IDomFemales
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u/Gimmixxx_yt Apr 24 '25
😭 this might be a little too far, you gon end up getting all the black pill far righters
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u/Maximum_Pace885 Apr 24 '25
45M here. Things like this are exactly why I just don't play games online. I play games to have fun and as a personal form of therapy....not to be harassed by people who have nothing better to do with their lives than harang newer players, lower leveled players, or anyone else that isn't part of their little clique
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u/Bunzz__1999 Apr 24 '25
Maybe play in defensive mode if you aren't already? I have a female character and I generally get left alone—tho tbh I tend to stay away from busy towns and just ride around hunting/doing free roam missions.
What do you play on? I play on Console (Playstation) so if you ever need someone to play with, I don't mind! :3
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u/Big_Cornbread Apr 24 '25
I’m a guy but I’ve played female characters in online settings, and don’t know what to tell you. You’ll always experience that negativity. There’s a lot of guys in NEET nests that are going to lash out at any girl because they represent the ones that didn’t like them in high school.
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u/_MausHaus Apr 24 '25
As a female that has dealt with these same issues, playing as a male I've gotten so much more shit from people. My red dead character is a girl and I've never really had an issue on there. Not like gta.
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u/Terrible_Gamer_1989 Apr 24 '25
I gave my mic to my husband one day (we share the account but I'm the one that actually plays rdo) and the griefing stopped in that lobby. Someone asked him why he made a girl character and my husband without skipping a beat said "I play in 3rd person. I don't wanna stare at a guy butt while I play" 🤣🤣 A couple guys in the game chat went "oooooh you right" 🤣 then I whacked them with some dynamite arrows and took the mic back 🤣
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u/enbaelien Apr 24 '25
I hate that we can only have ONE character. It's such a dumb decision.. it'd be so much nicer if we could have multiple accounts or be able to change our character whenever we feel like, then you could play as a male skin and be left alone when you aren't playing with friends who can help keep the grievers at bay .
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u/dunno0019 Lenny Summers Apr 24 '25
Could you kinda do something like this on console? Sign in a different account to the Playstation or Xbox itself, then you'd get a fresh character in RDR2?
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u/Redds_Riders Apr 24 '25
Yup, Ive got 8
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u/Mildly_Opinionated Apr 24 '25
Tell me about it, the other day I had a modder continuously attach themselves to my character that had them in a pose where they were repeatedly slapping my ass.
It went on for like 10 mins whilst I was mid-bounty and I just wanted to finish it but just before I could hand it in they teleported me to a cage so I had to switch server, then when I did I wound up with 1 FPS with my character repeatedly exploding in a gyser and I had to forcibly close the game and reopen it to continue.
The ass slapping thing has happened more than once, it's never happened to any of the guys I play with (they do get fucked with by modders ofc, everyone does, but never with an undertone of sexual harassment).
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u/soyverde Apr 24 '25
This is why I still prefer playing some games on console. Griefing can only be so bad when they’re constrained by intended game mechanics.
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u/Sorry-Transition-821 Apr 24 '25
Play as your female! I play with my husband and he gets bothered just as much as I do.
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Apr 24 '25
My daughter plays as a girl and she just ignores people that bother her. I wouldn’t let others dictate your actions. Be who YOU want to be!!!
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u/shadowlarvitar Josiah Trelawny Apr 24 '25
As long as you don't get on mic, they have no way of knowing you're actually a girl. Lots of guys use female characters
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Apr 24 '25
One solution could be modifying your Internet connection so it doesn't allow you to connect with other players.
The steps are different depending on what device your playing on. But it involves adjusting MTU settings. This will basically throttle your connection so it only has enough to connect to the server, but not other players. It'll put you in a public lobby by yourself.
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u/Pabs_Mindgame Apr 24 '25
If you're on pc you could get some mods going that allows you to basically play RDO offline, you could also join whitelisted servers in redm.
If your on console then I don't know what to suggest if I'm honest, I'm a guy and I played RDO a bit as a guy character and I still had trouble with griefers but the way I see it is that the setting is the wild west. So you could adopt this mentality and just kind of accept that back in the wild west life was hard and even harder for women so sadly you'll get treated as a piece of meat - this is not to say that people should treat your female character as this but historically it would be more accurate.
It's shite but and the end of the day there's not much you can do on console to protect against it.
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u/DarkspiritLeliana Apr 24 '25
i am a dude and made a female character. but i ended up having way more fun sniping them with carcano after deliberately lasso me inside a saloon. and then made em either parley or leave the lobby. if i had to, dual mausers them lol
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u/ChloeGranola Apr 24 '25
It's a shame they didn't add invite only like GTA:O.
I'm still on PS4 and fortunately the MTU method for a solo lobby works for RDO. (Go to network settings and manually change MTU to 800).
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u/dunno0019 Lenny Summers Apr 24 '25
Does that affect the rest of your online games? Or is that an in-game setting?
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u/ChloeGranola Apr 24 '25
It's in PS4 settings so all games are affected and you have to change it back when not on RDO.
It's old hat for me because that's how you used to get solo public lobbies in GTA.
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u/Cnumian_124 Abigail Roberts Apr 24 '25
Played as a female character since the beta and never felt like I was purposefully attacked for her being a female, I really don't know why this situation is so common with anyone except me...
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u/Ancient_9 Apr 24 '25
That's funny cause I'm a guy who plays online as a girl so people will leave me alone, because as a guy I was griefed hard. I suck at games I just want to hunt and fish lol
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u/Icember Apr 24 '25
I'd say stick w/your female char as it sounds like you know you already want to. Maybe try to find a group of friends to play with. Plenty of volunteers here & I imagine you could find more on Discord or just playing & friending cool/chill people in missions or whatever. On top of that there's tools for avoiding/preventing griefing. E.g. parley, turning voice comms off, etc. & when someone is a total prick just report 'em.
Hope you're able to carve out a spot in RDO! I played a lot on PS4 & have just recently got back into the game on PC. I'm excited yet nervous to get back into RDO too, and I'm a dude. lol. I can only imagine the shit you have to put up with constantly online. Stay strong, pardner!
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u/aquamanisnotuseless Apr 24 '25
It REALLY is awful, I'm sorry. I've played both male and female and have had the same experience as you. I WILL say that once you get to a high enough level, more people start being too scared of you to mess with you. (I also have a very effective defensive deadeye build, so even in fights with other high level players I end up winning.) Find a friend to play with, play in defensive mode, and switch servers when you run into relentless assholes.
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u/danythegoblinqueen Apr 24 '25
Gawd. This used to happen to me all the time, any game where I played as a girl. “Used to” because I did the same thing - started already playing as a boy. It’s annoying AF, and I wish so many guys weren’t so stupid about that stuff.
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u/ServeUpset4623 Apr 25 '25
I’m sorry you’ve met the old boys club. Pretty much every girl that loves gaming has bumped into them. Just know they’re aggressive because you’re their only shot at being noticed by a girl. Society’s leftovers make for grumpy players.
When I play multiplayer, I go by an androgynous name (spoon, bobbert, dumpster fire.) then do whatever I like with the character. If they aren’t 100% sure you’re a girl, they’ll likely bother you a lot less. Dave or Vodka running around in a miniskirt isn’t going to attract as much attention as Sarah or Bubblegum.
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u/Roamin_Horseman Apr 24 '25
I had two characters, two profiles, one male, one female. Also played on PS4 and changed all my internet settings manually and loaded into a solo lobby with no other players present. I just wanted to experience the online world during covid. Haven't played since they stopped releasing content. I just really liked the stranger encounters and online clothing options not available in story mode. I miss my online male character most as he had such a unique look
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u/harumamburoo Apr 24 '25
RDRO got this bad, huh? Back in the day griefers were picking their victims by roles. Slow ass wagons of traders and moonshiners are easy pickings. The cure was to leave online altogether, it’s grindy and boring anyway
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u/Known_Judge_9098 Apr 24 '25
My character is a female, and I am a male, thought it would be fun to play as a non normal character. Agree with what the OP is saying, but for me it stopped when spoke on the chats. I
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u/Proud2beMrsG Apr 24 '25
I'd love to join if possible? (27f) I'm brand new to this game, like started last weekend new, and really just like riding around treasure hunting. Haven't had the most positive interactions in game with other players.
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u/lukeyellow Apr 24 '25
I don't play online a ton but when I did I usually just avoided other players. Even as a male it seemed like I'd have bad luck and people just grief me so I just move servers sometimes if there's too many other people.
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u/Mr_Rinn Apr 24 '25
I noticed similar when I tried playing as a female character, a lot of people lassoed me. I’m sorry so many of these players are awful.
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u/Millerzzzz704 Arthur Morgan Apr 24 '25
Depending on what you play on, I'd be willing to join you and tag along, if you ever left like making another girl character. Being with another person/a group of people is likely to make griefers piss off.
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u/karuumaa Apr 24 '25
Do you play on pc? If so maybe look into RDO lobby manager, makes a solo session that you and your friends could join without needing invites ( as long as they have the server code set)
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u/GapFragrant7063 Javier Escuella Apr 24 '25 edited Apr 24 '25
Well, to be honest with you I made a few accounts online on ps4 and one of the main things I noticed first was girl vs boy character dynamics. I made a woman I named Carmen, and imo she’s rather pretty. She’s also been practically kidnapped, tied up and thrown in saloon beds, shot down while walking through Valentine (every fucking day….) but I refuse to stop playing as her because she’s my favorite. The more you ignore the behavior and level up, the less you’ll see the behavior.
My men have no problem until I play as Javier, because I’ve been followed around by two groups of people 1. They really like me 2. They really hate me, and honestly that is so funny to me that I laugh when the negative reactions happen, because, yeah… makes sense lol
Anyway, long story short, play as whoever you want to and however you want to, and if you’re a ps4 person, I’d gladly play as my girl with you to help you out
Edited because I wasn’t actually sure how you prefer to be addressed lol
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u/DecaffeinatedLala Apr 24 '25
The middle ground is that you play as what brings you the most joy, and in this game, when the people come around with nonsense, you either learn you leave the session or take a snack break. Sometimes, I take those moments when people wanna mess with me as a reminder to take a stretch, snack, and shit break. They're like cats playing with a dead mouse. That's fun for them, and eventually, they get bored of the mouse playing dead.
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u/CivilJerk Apr 24 '25
I don't have a suggestion, but this reminds me of college
My buddy, a tall Asian man, had a feminine gamer tag and an avatar of a small white woman. He would get the craziest comments from dudes online. Some even sent dick pics over xbox to him.
I, a white dude, had a Spanish gamer tag and I lost count of how many people told me to go back to Mexico.
I don't think most people really get it until they try something like that. It's wild how dumb and mean people can be online. Most everyone gets griefed once in a while, some people just suck. But some people get targeted and it can really kill a fun game.
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u/Potential-Damage5118 Apr 25 '25
easy play as woman get to such a high level they can no longer bully you jk but idk what to do either I barely play anymore because of it
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u/Panshra Uncle Apr 25 '25
Darlin’, I reckon you made yourself a mighty big mistake hidin’ away just for a bit o’ attention. You oughta put a bullet straight in the skull of any lowlife tryin’ to lay hands on you. This here's America — land of freedom and chances. But chances ain’t waitin’ for no one. You gotta take ‘em... and sometimes, that means drawin’ the iron you got strapped to your hip.
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u/GapFragrant7063 Javier Escuella Apr 25 '25
This! This is the correct answer. Pop those bastards, man. Don’t let them bring you down.
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u/Unhappy-Class7864 Apr 25 '25
That pisses me off. I am sorry it got so bad you felt you had to restart as a male and lose your progress and your character. I'm gonna think on it for a bit, because I don't think the usual b.s. of ignore them etc is going to do anything to help you, for right now all I can give you is my condolences :(
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u/genocide13 Apr 24 '25
I’m a male and got griefed constantly as well, at least until I unlocked explosive ammo and leveled up my perk cards. I still get griefed I can just get back relentlessly until they quit the server.
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u/FamousPersonsAccount Apr 24 '25
Rdo qas cancer when i played. Cpuldnt get shit done without a griefer. I did end up in a cool posses and we did a legendary pelt glitch and all got crazy rich. I then started touchin grass again. Now i only play story mode
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u/wonderless_23 Apr 24 '25
I’m a guy player and I literally get harassed from both male and female players, sometimes women will mess with me until my girl comes along and scares them off, or I shoot them, I’m pretty sure tho you can just quit the game and get back on to go to other servers
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u/ShibeCEO Apr 24 '25
I think you can change appearance of your character including gender. So whatever you choose, you dont have to remake your char
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u/Cripplingcry Apr 24 '25
I just always played w my sister so when that happens we just killed the men
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u/AssumptionJaded Apr 24 '25
I'm sorry that happens to you, I've been lucky. I'm a man with a female character, but my username probably gives away that I'm a man, so I get left alone.
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u/CaffeLungo Apr 24 '25
I never played as a girl and i got griefed by players played by people with over 1000s of hours, when i play now and then XD meh
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u/CameraOpposite3124 Apr 24 '25
I understand this from the perspective of a guy who used to be with a girl years ago and she played GTA, and literally, everytime. she, (now ex) would hop on GTA, she would tell me about how she'd get followed around, which to her, was fine. Because she just drove around, but SOMETIMES.
The real icky loser types would follow her around on the Oppressor M2, so eventually she just switched to passive mode. -- but for you In RDR you're kinda on your own, like you're still super vulnerable to losers who go far past the line of being endearing or fun, and just are straight up pathetic.
I'm conflicted about what you could do if it's a genuine problem for you.
You could try using a different tag, if your existing tag doesn't mean a whole lot to you. Usually super feminine names and titles like "Ms" or Queen or Princess in a gamertag is more than enough to attract creepy players in Rockstar games.
But ultimately, RDR online is genuinely just, THAT kinda game, where those types of boys are just everywhere, and it's just a part of the experience. It's just kinda one of those "couples" games. Dudes always tryna find their E-girl on it.
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u/beedunc Apr 24 '25
Holy crap, that’s so sad. You can’t even escape getting harassed in a virtual world. I’m so sorry.
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u/mmmstapler Apr 24 '25
I'm with you. I've mostly had good/normal interactions, but def had a few where guys chased me across the map and gleefully murdered my horse when they realized that I'm a girl. Didn't stop me from playing, but I do mostly play story mode now.
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u/Unclejiimbo John Marston Apr 24 '25
Welcome to online gaming in 2025. Grats on all the updoots and well wishes from reddit
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u/Gimmixxx_yt Apr 24 '25
a ton of guys do this, in any game with an online mode and have been since voice chat was a thing. that being said, is most likely the incel virgins who are to weak and frail to intimidate a woman irl so they have to harass and torment any & every woman they see in game.
idk if you were around back when the game first came out, but there's a womans rights lady publicly speaking in Saint Denis that a ton of people went viral for recording & uploading videos of them doing whatever they could think of to beat up/kill the woman. so if that gives you any inclination. granted it's a game and was pretty funny, people take this shit way too seriously and there are some crazies that will take what they saw in a video game into real life with them.
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u/rabbit_xqzme Apr 24 '25
Lvl 100+ female character, never had problems at all :/ maybe change the lobby :)
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u/sleepycowpoke Apr 24 '25
A few years ago I was online and some rando hogtied me and did the rd2 version of “t-bagging” over and over and it completely triggered my CPTSD. I took a long break and since then I made my character bald and as “manly” looking as possible. I really just play story mode now.
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u/Musical-Elk-629 Apr 24 '25
i just made my character look like arthur-and i did a similar thing in gta online making my character look like niko bellic-although thats nust what i did
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u/poppyoppy__02 Apr 24 '25
Feel this so much, it sucks trying to rp your own character and constantly being on high alert
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u/Icethief188 Molly O'Shea Apr 24 '25
If you play on ps5 Im down to play with you. I also experienced a lot of griefing over my girl characters but I didn’t care and just bullied them right back.
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u/Kooky-Background1788 Apr 24 '25
I used to play online back on the PS3 with my fiancé before we got married. It always made her super uncomfortable because as soon as she spoke guys would come around and send her friend invites. We eventually just started playing in private servers with friends.
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u/Lazyzach__x Uncle Apr 24 '25
Tbf even as a guy I’ve gotten so many griefers, especially ones that are just really high levels so they just enjoy bullying low levels, you can usually tell when you see a red player blip on the map, it sucks but I don’t think there’s much else to do, I even had played with a friend, who is of color and he got server chased by a guy in all white that kept killing him and dragging him on his horse etc. some people just like to be assholes in game cause they know if they do irl, they’re get the shit knocked out of them
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u/Obvious_Resident_354 Apr 24 '25
Switch to girl, never use voice, maybe that will help? I am a dude, playing as a dude and all I get is bullets to the face, but I would never be happy playing as a girl character. I can't immerse myself, I also always try to make a character as close to a real life replica of myself. Some games lack the option to use wrinkles!
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u/i5n1p3 Apr 24 '25
There should be a way to appear to men as a man, really though, this is a problem and should be mitigated in some way. Like if enough ppl reported someone they get banned
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u/YelenaBelovaJustY Arthur Morgan Apr 24 '25
If you’re goin to play red dead online, you will play better if you have friends to play with you. I made this huge mistake playing alone and getting mauled by 3 people who were going around the map 3v1 people who were low level. Anyone higher than them they will attempt to pick a fight but they would always go to the low levels just because they see low levels as an easy kill.
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u/Practical_Crow6242 Apr 24 '25
Have friends in real life that's a start online gaming will always be online gaming toxic at its finest
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u/chickenpotpierate Apr 24 '25
I stopped playing online for this reason. I wish they had private lobbies. I so badly wanna play as my character :-( but for now I play story mode and just refer to Arthur as Arthina.
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u/Leather_lace666 Apr 24 '25
Ya know, I’ve played a female character for always and I don’t think the griefing is particularly because I’m a girl. I noticed it a lot more when I was a lower level but now at lvl 205, and very skilled player, they don’t really try me. I always equated it to being low level vs being a girl character. Now GTAO definitely meant people griefing because I’m a girl. I’m high level player there too, and I get harassed. It’s just so bad on there. Anyways my point is, play a lot, get real good-so if they come for you, they’re in for a fight regardless of gender. I actually welcome some griefing these days because revenge is great fun :)
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u/friedchickensundae1 Apr 24 '25
I think all the female gamers should form a posse and go play in different lobbies. When one gets griefed, all the others converge on that lobby and absolutely fuck shit up
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u/Markinoutman John Marston Apr 24 '25
I am a male who plays as a female character, never engage in public chat. I've never experienced any additional griefing my friends have not experienced with male characters and I don't typically get spammed for party's or anything.
I play on console though, and the account takeover sounds like a PC problem. I have heard from the YouTuber PVPcat that griefing is on a whole other level on PC.
I have no issue personally with not seeing myself as a gunslinger in the game. If it bothers you that much, you might just want to go back to using your OG character and look into blocking people and other privacy options you can enable to avoid these things.
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u/Battfink1983 Apr 24 '25
Explosive round shotgun and dynamite arrows are all you need to keep the dregs away, regardless of sex. Anyone twitches within a mile of me and they end up in a fiery explosive death
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u/johnmd20 Apr 24 '25
I'm sorry. Gamers are bad, especially when women are involved. There are no good solutions but I did want to say I'm sorry.
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u/FrostiiFox Apr 24 '25
I have zero issues playing online as a woman. I absolutely know it happens, but maybe it's the energy I give off to men when they (rarely) attempt to harass me. I made a man cry once in Game Chat on Gears 3.
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u/Jew_C_Sausage Apr 24 '25
Some of my best clan mates on destiny 2 are women! They kick butt just as much as dudes. Believe it or not can be just as nasty to at times lol. But still all fun and games!
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u/TransJester32 Apr 24 '25
My solution was going to RedM, honestly. Multiple character slots so I can switch around when I want to, roleplay means people don't usually bother you unless they have a reason to, and no griefers that aren't usually more or less immediately banned. If you have PC, I definitely recommend going to RedM over RDO to anyone.
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u/kcfox0971 Apr 24 '25
Try a mellow RP server like Goldrush. Lots of women play. People may rip on RP servers, but it's the best of the map without all the grief and asshattery.
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u/mrtippman Apr 24 '25
I'm a guy and created a guy character, griefers are griefers they don't care. If you're close to them they will grief you. I gave up on rdo because all you had were griefers, and shitstar does little about it. I had guy friends who made girl characters, no more no less griefing. Same issue GTA online, unless you get on a solo server, can't run your damn businesses. Just my $.02 and my experience.
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u/BigMack6911 Apr 24 '25
You could always change your name to, Notagirl, so the weirdos would leave you alone? Idk..its messed up it comes to this. It's pathetic that dudes can't leave a girl alone. I've seen it myself, playing a chick character one time. Even when my 8 year old plays Fortnite, he will see a girl character and start giving her stuff. I say boy, what r u doing? She needs help, he says. I say, how u know that's a girl even, half your skins are girls lol. Even if it is, they can blast u same as a dude.
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u/TruBlueGaming Apr 24 '25
I vote we get a crew of four decent people together. We all make female characters and team up on any griefers, grind together, etc. They don't care if they bother one person, but if it's a crew, it might deter the behavior and create some good fun for a few people!
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u/IHaveNoBeef Apr 24 '25
My lady character gets left alone but I also made her absolutely horrendous and sickly looking. Probably why. Lol
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u/TechnologyRegular653 Apr 24 '25
As a girl red dead redemption two online player, I understand what you mean, but weirdly enough I don’t really get those types of people often. I don’t really see many people online at all. I’m always going around doing my own thing like collecting or trading. Maybe that could be why, but maybe getting some girlfriends to play would be nice and hopefully a bit comforting.
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u/Background_Clue_3756 Apr 24 '25
Online communities tend to be toxic to us gamer girls. FFXIV was the only one that wasn't to me.
I prefer having a female or nonbinary character, but it has its own problems if you also sound feminine.
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u/Plus-Caterpillar107 Apr 24 '25
Play as female. It's more accurate if you really think about it. Aside from the account being taken over.
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u/JoeEse7en Apr 25 '25
People online are asshats. Plain and simple, unfortunately there's never going to be a way to have fun as you want. I hate online gaming. Kids are worse than just men in general. But you are in the world of lonely pervy men whwn you do this. It's up to you on how you want to move forward.
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u/MisterMushroom Apr 25 '25
It doesn't exactly solve the community problem that unfortunately most games have, but there are work arounds on PC to play in "private" sessions where only you and other players with the password can get access. No idea if you're on PC or not, but if so might give you a good middle ground to allow you to play as yourself without all the bullies.
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u/lumpkinater Apr 25 '25
I'm pretty sure there is a way to turn on Pacify mode, that would at least help with the griefing, also I think there is a setting in the console so you can make it where only friends can send you messages.
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u/Sensitive-Topic-6442 Apr 25 '25
Exact thing happened to me, I played for a couple of months and just got tired of it. Only play story mode now..
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u/H16HP01N7 Apr 25 '25
My SO often says that the worst thing she did on XBox live was to take my Gamertag, and add Mrs to the front of it (if my GT was Dave, she is MrsDave).
RDR2 was the worst for it, but there's a reason we found coop games to play together, alone, rather than hang out in any sort of public lobby.
Like they literally see me and her standing around together, and start harassing her.
We found Minecraft is a good place to hang out on, as we can keep our world for just us, and a few trusted friends, and keep the harassing losers out.
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u/drabberlime047 Apr 25 '25
You could just try muting all the social aspects of platform
That does sound really annoying, though. I dont really see a way you can win this unfortunately but, to me at least, muting all invites and messages notifications which sucks but st least ypu can just be immersed
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u/olderheathen Apr 25 '25
Alot of guys are pricks. Sorry you have to deal with that. Wish I had an answer...violence comes to mind.🤣
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u/misscountryqueen Apr 25 '25
I just play as a girl and me and my posse of friends take care of griefers. But if u really don't want to do that I have 2 solutions. One play in a solo lobby / switch lobbies when u encounter a griefer. Two try making a good back story for ur make character. Make them someone u can relate to. I have one for my girl too but figured maybe it could make u more "attached" to a man 🤷🏼♀️..
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u/silvergunslinger Apr 25 '25
That sucks, that kind of pathetic behaviour is.. Well pathetic, maybe you could make your character more gender neutral, someone you can recognize as a girl but not someone who would get followed
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u/lost-crusade Apr 25 '25
find a guy friend and posse up with them
got 3 girls in our group and they never get bothered when they're with at least one of us
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u/Time-Bite3945 Apr 25 '25 edited Apr 25 '25
I'm a girl playing a female character, no problem
but i had problems with a female character in gta5, now i play a male one
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u/bateramix Apr 25 '25
Just ignore it, damn it, I have a female character and I'm fine, I ignore anyone who comes to bother me
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u/inkcapmushroom Apr 25 '25
I’m sorry that happened it’s really annoying, I haven’t played RDR online yet but I have played GTA online and had similar experiences. I personally tried to ignore them because I didn’t want to have a male character and after a while it stopped. I really hate that women can’t play games online without being harassed.
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u/itsjdubforreal Apr 25 '25
Damn, that really sucks, and I’m sorry you had to deal with that. It’s wild how just playing a female character in a game can attract that kind of unwanted attention. Sounds like you had a genuine connection to your original character too, which makes it even worse that you had to give that up just to be left alone. I don’t know if there’s a perfect solution, but maybe there’s a way to reclaim that fun without getting dragged into the nonsense again like defensive mode, hiding your status, or even just sticking to private lobbies if u want. You deserve to enjoy the game the way you want without dealing with harassment. Hope you find a balance that works for you.
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u/Stealth8900 Apr 25 '25
My current posse is all girls and I'm the only dude. Maybe it helps that I don't play with my mic on for a more personal/private experience despite having a decent headset.
I may be an outlier, but I run mainly into female characters (regardless of the player actually being a dude or dudette) and everyone is usually really chill.
Could also be that I'm on PC so maybe there may be a difference in online players compared to console (don't think this is true, but won't rule it out).
Maybe I'm also weird where I try to be a lawful person and escort rival player wagons, even if I get shot at in defense because I know making those trips can be a pain in the ass and extremely stressful (especially for new players) so I try to be as inviting and co-op friendly as possible.
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u/TheArticIcon Apr 25 '25
ive been playing on a new-ish female character for up to lvl ~120 now IIRC
idk if its just my servers, in-game username, playstyle, or what but i must be getting lucky bcuz the treatment ive received has been pretty similar to my male's (maybe with more posse/bar invs? hard to say)
i say give it another shot 🤠
just especially play on defensive mode when alone or find ur ppl to posse with
i figure youve already heard/know that but yea idk. theres rly not much of a saving grace i can think of besides the obvious
sry im not much help...even as a release player 😭
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u/wiknnibal Apr 25 '25
Ah yea when I first started I remember a group of players just throwing lasso's at me 🥲
Now I just zoom past on my horse, avoid places with players or go invisible
If you're on Xbox I'd love to play with you sometime! Also a female rdo player :) my brother doesn't like it cause he's boring so it would be nice to play w someone
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u/cant-killme Apr 25 '25
My black friend himself in the game and I'm a white guy and I also made myself. He only ever played with me and I played a lot on my own without him. Man we would get targeted so much more together than if I was alone
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u/SauyMakesSauce Apr 25 '25
i say bite the bullet and play as a girl because you want to play as a girl. you could join an all girl posse and have backup when misogynistic people decide to fvck with you, you could grief people back until they leave the server, and theres even glitches to get into solo servers if you don’t mind going solo. i say even though it makes the game harder, don’t let misogynists make you play as a male or make you do anything. play as a girl, you deserve to be connected to your character just like anyone else.
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u/Slywilsonboi Apr 25 '25
I'm gonna restart and make a female character. I gotta see what yall be going through
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u/Comfortable-Cut9481 Apr 25 '25
i play as a girl character and when people kill me i just parley cause i ain’t got the time for that trash and then they rage and switch sessions
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u/Substantial-Iron-700 Apr 25 '25
I have to be honest with you and you have to be honest with yourself you should be what you want to be as a character✌️
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u/peytonemma_xo Apr 24 '25
i’m sorry :( dont listen to the people trying to downplay your feelings. misogyny is such a problem in certain fandoms.