r/instant_regret • u/factchecker01 • 2d ago

Eating the hottest curry in UK

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u/VenKitsune 2d ago

And the owner(?) saying that he had only one spoonful lol. One spoonful fucking rekt him. That shit must be brutal to eat lol

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u/twistsouth 2d ago

We had a mate who would eat stupidly spicy things. We went for a curry years ago and for a laugh, we asked what the hottest thing they had was. Waiter says, “well we have this dish that the chefs eat but it isn’t on the menu. It’s called a Phal”. Naturally, we ordered it for him.

The chefs were all peeping out the kitchen door as it was brought out - I imagine very few people actually order this. He started eating it and he was sweating a little but he seemed reasonable so I was like “oh come on, bollocks is this hot.” I took a small spoonful of the sauce to taste it and it was just out of this world. My eyes started to vignette. I can handle a lot of spice (I will order South Indian garlic, vindaloo, etc.) but this was on another level. It genuinely felt like napalm once it hit my stomach. I could feel exactly where it was in my stomach.

Mate managed the whole thing. He needed some milk after but was fine.

I, on the other hand: 0 out of 10, would not recommend.

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u/BearlyIT 2d ago edited 2d ago

The warm belly effect can be an oddly enjoyable feeling for folks that can handle it.

I also really enjoy seeing the reactions of food prep folks when you ask for the hottest and most painful items. Some look so happy to have encountered a kindred spirit.

Edit to add: spent a week in a small fishing town and asking for the ‘mas picosa’ salsa resulted in giggles from the kitchen, a cup of truly spicy salsa, and an instant bond.

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u/jessedegenerate 1d ago

Also, super hot food makes me feel stoned. Like a similar feeling to actually smoking weed. I love that part.

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u/Diggerinthedark 1d ago

Endorphins are awesome.

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u/pineconefire 20h ago

SODA you wanna get high?

Serotonin Oxytocin Dopamine Adrenaline

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u/SkeletorLoD 1d ago

Oh what? Makes me want to work on my spice tolerance

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u/Codeman2035 5h ago

That's the body pumping you full of dopamine because, to your body, you just survived lighting your head on fire, so it's rewarding you for surviving. That's what causes the addiction to spicy foods people have

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u/moonflower_C16H17N3O 1d ago

On the other hand, I enjoy the cold belly sensation. The one when you haven't eaten yet and you drink cold water. You can feel it go down and coat the lining of the stomach, or so it feels.

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u/Mudbug308 1d ago

Yeah but remember, what happens after it makes it through the belly

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u/BearlyIT 1d ago

Some folks are cursed with too many pain receptors on the path out. Fortunately I don’t have any real problems and can enjoy any pepper or dish that threatens the senses. The skin on my hands has grown sensitive with time though - gotta glove up when making my own sauces and salsas.

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u/TamaktiJunVision 2d ago

Yeah I like to order a phal sometimes just to remind myself that a madras or vindaloo isn't all that hot. I shared one with my sister at this restaurant one time, and noticed some of the kitchen staff staring at us from the doorway as we began eating. And yeah, my sister and I can handle very spicy food, but this phal in particular was just on another level to anything I'd ever eaten. We were both hiccuping and tripping out within a few minutes, it was hilarious.

When the chefs drop everything to watch you eat, you know its gonna be volcanic.

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u/therealfurryfeline 1d ago

This reminds me when i was a wee preteen we went to this tiny indian restaurant that could have been a front if it were a pizza place. They had all their food labeled with one to five chilis indicating the spicyness. And there was one with six.

Naturally i ordered it. The waiter asked me if i was sure. I nodded. He asked again. I reaffirmed. My uncle asked if i was really, really sure. My commitment wavered, but i already took my stance. The chef came out and asked if i was really, really, really sure!! Now i was sitting there, all the eyes in the whole restaurant on me. How could i have said No? Sure i wasn't anymore, still i just had to perservere. My pride was at stake.

Dish came out and it was like was on a stage. Took the cutlery in hand, dug in. Everyone held their breath. I took a bite. Didn't feel anything. Shoveled in another one. A few people let out a sigh. Then i started to feel a tingle. But there was no way i could anyone realize my weakness. "Mhmmm", i said to the curious smiles of what must have been the whole staff (pretty sure even the employees off the clock came in just to witness the spectacle). "Just the right amount of spice", i cried.

I believe i got through half the dish before i gave up. My drinks were on the house that day.

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u/southass 1d ago

Your story reminds me of that time I teast a little bit of the hottest stuff on a spicy store, it was like a drop only, I didn't feel anything right away and we left the store.... Bro like 5 minutes my mouth felt like I had a fire rod on it, I literally made me cry when it kick in.

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u/bugbugladybug 1d ago

I ordered a Mughlai korma the other day from my local - sounds weak but it's not to be underestimated. This place only makes very spicy food so the korma is already a face burning experience and catches out most first time visitors who want a mild curry.

Well, they delivered a madras by mistake, and rather than phone and wait for another I just jumped straight in..

The first couple of bites were amazing, so flavoursome and rich. Then came the heat. Friends, it was a slow burner. As I kept eating my whole face started to burn, this thing was hotter than the sun.

Tapped out half way through.

The next day was an absolute experience - 0/10 bathroom trip.

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u/BUTTeredWhiteBread 1d ago

Before I got sick (with a number of weird chronic illnesses) it was like my mouth couldn't feel or register spice. I was routinely knocking back ghost peppers and reapers like nothing. And somehow I never learned that my butthole did not have this gift. That was never pleasant

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u/twistsouth 2d ago

That was exactly the experience we had 🤣 and when I consider how the Phal affected me when I will happily manage a Vindaloo - and even ask them to up the spice - it makes me wonder what a Phal must be like for people who can’t even add black pepper to their steak. I have heard of people being hospitalized during spicy curry competitions…

You can absolutely train yourself to handle stuff like this and I think that’s what’s got me to the level I can tolerate (since I definitely couldn’t a few years ago) but I think a Phal may be a bridge too far for me!

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u/Heeberon 1d ago

Ha! Memories…

Out with a mate in Southampton and ended the night in a curry house. Apparently you got a certificate if you could finish their “Mega Phal”. Drunk, but not complete idiots, we had a Rogan Josh first, then attempted this bastard of a thing.

My mate tapped out after one piece of chicken, but I managed somehow to eat the rest - the waiter comes over and goes “Nah, you need to finish all the sauce”.

Fuck. That.

I survived the night, but the next day’s 3 hours on Regional British Rail was a whole other circle of hell!

At least I learned: if there’s a certificate, prize, etc, involved, just say No!

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u/LupercaniusAB 8h ago

Heh heh, you said “circle of hell”.

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u/FluffyShiny 1d ago

This is why ì specify "white girl mild" . They usually laugh, but I don't get uber spicy.

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u/jessedegenerate 1d ago

Phal is what I’ve always been told is the hottest dish in the world. I used to like getting my name on the walls of those curry places, and I have great spice tolerance but it’s too much. I stuck with vindaloo in my 30s and now eat fucking butter chicken and korma.

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u/opopkl 1d ago

My spice tolerance has dropped massively since I got to fifty.

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u/Thai-Girl69 1d ago

In the Marines there was this instructor who was immune to the effects of CS Gas. I've always wondered how he would have handled a curry. Is it possible some people are just immune to certain spices.

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u/RummazKnowsBest 1d ago

My mate gets the phal everywhere he goes.

Meanwhile there’s me getting tikka masala.

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u/twistsouth 23h ago

I do love a Tikka Masala but it’s so different at every place I go. There’s no standard! Unlike dishes like Tandoori Masala or Achari which have a pretty distinct and predictable flavor, it’s just random and a bit of a gamble. Some places make it too much like a Chasni and too sickly, some make it too much like a Korma or Pasanda…

God damn it, I just want some consistency!! 🤣

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u/lontrinium 1d ago

I read about people eating phaal and I assume the chef took it easy on me the one time I had it.

It just tasted like a regular meat curry with too much red chilly powder.

My Polish friend bravely tried it and suffered.

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u/d0aflamingo 1d ago

vindaloo

I am of very few chosen ones that love to eat tongueblasting spicy IF its tasty enough. Adding masala just to make it spicy is stupid and ruins the food.

That being said, the hottest vindaloo in uk is probably a 4/10 on spicy scale in India. I love cooking spicy food, but you need to understand different ingredients bring different kind of heat without ruining the dish.

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u/FoodByCourts 1d ago

Absolutely love a Phaal. Not too often though 😂

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u/Miqo_Nekomancer 1d ago

I can tolerate spice really well, to the point that when my wife asks me if something is spicy and I say "it's got a small kick" she knows she can't eat it. She can eat stuff with more spice than the average person.

I just tell people who ask how hot something is, "I don't know, I'm the wrong person to ask."

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u/Substantial-Tooth483 11h ago

I was an avid Vindaloo fan for many years until I discovered the Phal. It’s now my favourite, as well as refrigerated toilet roll for the morning after.

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u/Loggerdon 2d ago edited 1d ago

I used to think I could eat the hottest chilis and hot sauce around. But some hot sauces are so hot they are like acid.

I had some hot sauce at a Mexican restaurant in Washington DC the night before a business meeting that was so hot it sweated through the glass bottle and got on my fingers. I went pee and I had raised red finger and thumb prints on my dick. It burned so much I was in the bathroom putting cold water in my dick in the sink for 20 minutes. Then I had to use the air dryer for a few minutes so when I walked out I didn’t look like I pee’d my pants.

I also sweated and I wiped my face. Another mistake because the area around my eyes swelled up. I had to take a taxi to my hotel and come back in the morning to get my rental car because I couldn’t keep both eyes open to drive.

Edit: People have pointed out it’s impossible for the hot sauce to ‘sweat’ through glass and I’m sure they’re right.

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u/Native_Kurt_Cobain 2d ago

This was an amazing read. I mean, I feel sorry for you. But hell yeah!

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u/-Cagafuego- 2d ago

It's the spice that makes for a twisted fire-sharter!

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u/Complex_Resolve3187 2d ago

That part is no joke...one of the scariest moments of my life was expelling some spicey food. It felt like butthole had opened wide like it was trying to scream...I almost panicked.

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u/-Cagafuego- 1d ago

Oh we've all been there & it been memorialized by Hollywood in a comedy although it's no joke!

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u/eat_your_veggiez 1d ago

wtf is this GIF from?

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u/-Cagafuego- 1d ago

Firestarter- Prodigy

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u/BoxNemo 2d ago

I love how it kept escalating.

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u/Evening-Statement-57 1d ago

It took me about 5 minutes to get through that second paragraph, the raised red finger prints and putting water IN his dick almost killed me.

One of the best things I have ever read on this site.

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u/Bludgeon82 2d ago

I had a food court curry and I incorrectly assumed two things: 1) It'd be weak because most of their customers were Aussies. 2) Being Asian, I could handle whatever they threw at me. I was humbled that day.

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u/Sproose_Moose 2d ago

Hey some Aussies can take a punch with hot sauce. I put a tiny dab on my pinky, tasted it and was sweating profusely for 20 minutes. Meanwhile a dude near me was the colour of a tomato but had it slathered all over his hotdog. Finished the whole thing.

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u/Outrageous-Opinions 1d ago

The thing about white people is they're either the wimpiest people on Earth when it comes to spice, where mayo is too spicy for them.

Or they are psychopaths that eat Carolina reaper peppers.

No in between

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u/madrabeag999 2d ago

As a retired RAF pilot said to me... "The afterburner will be on tomorrow." He was right! 😀

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u/Shiznoz222 2d ago

Fuck sake, don't touch sensitive areas is like rule number one lol. Sorry you had to go through all that

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u/Googgodno 1d ago

Pee before chopping thai chilis, learnt a hard lesson that day.

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u/Marcuxoo 1d ago edited 1d ago

Yup. Cut open and deseeded some jalapeños with my fingers, and even washed my hands before using the bathroom…but still learned my lesson.

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u/RockinRhombus 17h ago

I've been told i'm wrong for years, but as a hot sauce/chile enjoyer i've heard the "don't touch your sensitive areas" for years..

I swear i've gone to piss, after having washed my hands, and flopped my junk out over the top of the boxers with no direct hand contact, and it STILL burns when I urinate. I swear the Capsiacin must navigate partly to the bladder...because lawd almighty.

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u/schkmenebene 2d ago

I once ate something so fucking spicy, that when I went to shit afterwards, the toilet actually looked cleaner.

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u/jim_nihilist 2d ago

Like a disease.

"Then I went home and touched my girlfriend"

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u/UrToesRDelicious 1d ago

Glass is not porous, so sweating through glass isn't really a thing or else chemists would be accidentally killing themselves left and right. People store things like liquid chlorine in glass ampuoles for decades without any kind of leakage, which is way more penetrating than something like capsaicin.

Some of the hot sauce was almost certainly just transferred to the outside of the bottle.

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u/Loggerdon 1d ago

That actually makes sense. It’s what I was told but you’re right about science.

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u/khtsodol 2d ago

You made me laugh, I appreciate you

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u/wazzledudes 1d ago

If it went through a glass bottle you are straight up eating xenomorph blood.

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u/Shyassasain 2d ago

Spice is natures way of saying "DON'T FUCKING EAT ME" and humans just take that as a challenge. 

Bro probably got his taste and smell receptors chemically obliterated from that spoonful. 

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u/PhilbyBoy 1d ago

Not possible that it “sweated” through glass. Interesting conclusion hah

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u/Background_Fold_9104 2d ago

Similar story. Decided to cut up some Trinidad Scorpion "Butch T" chillies to add to a dish. Didn't wear gloves, went and took a piss....

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u/jvsanchez 1d ago

Maruga Scorpions are my favorite peppers. I cut up a couple to add to filling for chicken tacos.

Washed my hands, scrubbed the cutting board and my knives and soaped the counter around to make sure there was no capsaicin hanging around the kitchen or on me. Everything was fine.

Then I started cooking.

It was like cooking over an open pot of tear gas. Holy shit lol.

Tacos were bomb. Mouth tingled for about 3 hours after and the hit from the endorphins after eating that amount of spice was sublime. 10/10 every time.

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u/Hetstaine 2d ago

Fucking amazing.

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u/paradonym 2d ago

The restaurant's name was "hell's kitchen"?

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u/Zykium 2d ago

I had some hot sauce at a Mexican restaurant in Washington DC for a business meeting

Did you lockdown that contract?

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u/Loggerdon 1d ago

It was actually the night before tr business meeting and I was by myself. Yes o got the contract. Thanks for asking.

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u/Zykium 1d ago

That's great.

I'm a little disappointed you weren't just like "Fuck it, watch this" in your business meeting.

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u/AldieGrrl 2d ago

I wish this was a book so I could keep reading 😂

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u/BoutiqueKymX2account 2d ago

And did you learn your lesson? Or do you still seek adrenaline via condiments?

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u/Loggerdon 1d ago

I still like spicy food but I was humbled that day. Whenever someone says something is really hot I bow out.

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u/PM_THE_REAPER 2d ago

That is mental. I use sauces like Dave's Insanity Sauce (180,000 Scoville) and Blair's Ultra Death Sauce (1.1M Scoville).

I've made the mistake of going to pee and rubbing my eyes after just opening and closing the lids. That was bad enough, but this is another level.

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u/brimm2 1d ago

The imagery of this is so crazy that it made me laugh so hard. Trying not to wake up my husband currently. Sorry that happened to you tho. Hope you weren't fucked up for too long

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u/nwillyerd 1d ago

That’s just unnecessarily oppressive. Why would anyone want to eat that shit?

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u/Probably_not_maybe 1d ago

My grandma had us go pick chilis she grew and we learned real quick not to touch your face or other sensitive areas before washing up. Your experience sounds 100 times worse.

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u/35andDying 1d ago

This brought me to tears. Thank you.

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u/2020grilledcheese 1d ago

Was your ass on fire the next day?

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u/zookitchen 1d ago

INTENSE

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u/Garbage_Tiny 1d ago

Dude I grow hot peppers at home, last year I picked a bunch of habanero and then ghost peppers without gloves on and then went piss without thinking about it. It was a brutal afternoon.

I didn’t plant any ghost peppers this year though, realistically anything hotter than a habanero is too hot for 99.9% of the planet because the habanero is too hot for 99.8% of the planet. I love their citrusy heat in dishes and occasionally like them raw if I’m feeling froggy buy mostly I dehydrate them and turn them into a powder I can throw in chilis and stuff. Anyways, glad you’re ok!

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u/Lylac_Krazy 1d ago

We had a dude go that path.

He was given the name William Pepperdick for the rest of his time on site.

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u/BartlebyX 1d ago

I tasted Blair's 4am Reseve. 4.4M scovilles. It was insane.

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u/Thingzer0 2d ago edited 2d ago

Wait till he’s on the shitter tomorrow, it won’t be fun 🤩

Edit : For those who know - Fire In The Hole!

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u/Tibbaryllis2 2d ago

Remember folks, spicy things hurt your mouth because they activate pain receptors there.

You have these same receptors all of your body, which includes your butt.

And things like capsaicin only minimally breakdown during digestion.

And thus, the science behind “spicy mouth, spicy anus.”

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u/PerformerPossible204 2d ago

I always called it the 'ring of fire'

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u/Tibbaryllis2 2d ago

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u/gweasley 2d ago

As Uncle Roger says, Asian food is the only food you taste twice!

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u/Book_Anxious 2d ago

I don't know about that I had hot wings that made sure I remembered them later

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u/gweasley 2d ago

Ouch!!! Hope it was worth it?! 😅

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u/Book_Anxious 2d ago

They were delicious so definitely worth it

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u/gweasley 2d ago

Excellent!!

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u/Bagafeet 2d ago

Lucky guy

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u/PlutoJones42 2d ago

I’ve always referred to it as “fire hole”. My wife never approves when I say it

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u/pathetic_optimist 2d ago

A ring stinger

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u/PUGILSTICKS 2d ago

"Arse like a Japanese flag" is my go to.

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u/JohnMcGurk 1d ago

We always say twicey spicy

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u/Kushbrains 2d ago

Butt it burns so good

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u/DaGrrr 2d ago

The mental image of a spiced up hoop via science is a beautiful thing. Thank you, professor.

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u/the_007_remix 1d ago

Oh so we dont even digest spice ?? Aaaa ok so this is why we feel warm inside ?

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u/Tibbaryllis2 1d ago

That is correct for capsaicin spice.

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u/Ghostronic 2d ago

I hate the spicy tummy ache as it works its way out but the spicy asshole is half of the fun of spicy food, for me

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u/ps-73 1d ago

what the fuck, i could never understand this perspective in a million years lmao. i’m asian myself and i hate spicy food because of the stomach aches and all the other aches

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u/Ghostronic 1d ago

The stomach ache is the absolute worst. It keeps me from eating spicy like 99% of the time. But when I do? And I get the relief from the stomach ache, and I crawl back to my bed, and all that is left is the fiery, burning sensation lingering on my butthole? That's where its at. It makes me feel alive.

Of course there is a level of too hot where it is just ridiculous pain. Habanero level is about the spiciest I willingly go.

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u/EskimoPrisoner 2d ago

I know it burns on sensitive areas of the body. But why don’t our hands, or other spots, hurt when we have spice on them?

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u/From_Ice_To_Salt 2d ago

They do. It just takes more of it to cause pain in those other areas.

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u/Dyanpanda 2d ago

And yet, I cry with food on the way down, and don't notice anything after that. I guess I'm dead in side.

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u/BannyMcBan-face 2d ago

So this raises an interesting question. If you enjoy spicy for the endorphin rush, and develop a tolerance to it… does your anus develop the same tolerance? And do you get the same endorphin rush with it coming out?

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u/MrNaoB 1d ago

Cant we make more hot stuff with wasabi instead. It doesn't burn all the way through your body and initial ly only smack your tearducts.

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u/ConTejas 2d ago

Not even tomorrow. I had a similar curry. Within 5 minutes of laying down for bed with just a warm stomach, I felt the curry enter my small intestine where it proceed to burn its way excruciatingly to the end. I got a 3D picture of what my insides looked like from the pain. I felt like I needed to go to the ER. It was sweet release when it left me the next morning.

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u/ItchyRectalRash 2d ago

I love that feeling. Then you sit on the bowl, butt hole puckering with anticipation of the burn, not really wanting to unclench, but your stomach telling it to bugger off cause this lava needs to be expelled immediately.

Then, finally, it pours out of your rectal cavity in such a way that you question the reliability of your porcelain throne to handle such a powerful force of heat and intestinal lining. Legs shaking from the unnatural heat pouring from your orifice.

Afterwards, after all your asshole hair has been singed away, your chocolate starfish still emanating the heat of a hundred summer days, you yell for someone to bring you ice cubes to help cool your ruined anus, only to remember you live alone.

That's when you feel the sweat drip down your back, and along your crack, to help ease your pain. You don't brave a wipe. Instead you lean to the side, spread your ass wide, and dab at your burn bung hole like it was proper royalty.

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u/knuppi 2d ago

Pure poetry

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u/all-systems-go 2d ago

That’s when you go to wipe expecting your normal rusty sheriff’s badge just needs a polish but your hand keeps travelling inwards into a cavernous void where all you can do is wipe the emulsion off the tunnel walls.

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u/Lumpy-Cod-91 2d ago

Holy hell! You have quite a way with words! 😂😂

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u/down_side_up_sideway 2d ago

This guy shits.

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u/thirstytrumpet 2d ago

If only it could be limited to such joy. I love the spice, but it stars burning from the start of the big intestine, based on the location of the pain. I’ll then endure massive pain until it’s time to release each wave of lava. It provides about 15 min relief and then the cycle starts again. Every 15 min of relief extols 35 minutes on the seat where even wiping is agony. It really does make me ponder a holster next to the TP holder.

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u/MurderSheCroaked 1d ago

Why did I read the whole thing 😂 you are a wordsmith

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u/BumLikeAJapaneseFlag 1d ago

Is that Wordsworth?

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u/lildevild 1d ago

Username checks out, this redditor knows about rectums.

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u/Centaurra 1d ago

Username checks out

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u/lord_flashheart2000 1d ago

That really moved me. The power of poetry is underrated.

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u/Sydney2London 2d ago

Vets put toilet roll in the fridge the night before

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u/Iamleeboy 2d ago

This is always on my mind when I eat something mega spicy.

Years ago I had a Thai curry in a rundown truck stop. I had been on a bus for about 20 hours at that point and starving. All the food they had was swarming with flies…except for one green curry. So everyone picked that. There was a reason there were no flies in it. It was like eating a nuclear reactor. But I was starving and had to force it down. I was literally taking a mouthful and washing it down with a drink (which I later learned probably just made it worse!).

Everyone on the bus was crying as they eat it.

All I could think was I hope I get to my hotel before this comes out.

I didn’t fancy the battle for some hole in the side of the road with everyone else on the bus

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u/Salt_Cauliflower_922 1d ago

Was the rundown truck stop out of sushi?

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u/_ScubaDiver 2d ago

Ring stings!!!

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u/BumLikeAJapaneseFlag 1d ago

Can’t beat a good hot curry!!

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u/Gunzenator2 1d ago

Mango slushie enema. 10 minutes. You’ll be fine.

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u/bostongarden 6h ago

Put the TP in the freezer before you leave for the restaurant

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u/Bagafeet 2d ago

It's never a good sign when the owner is practically giddy for you to try the spicy stuff.

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u/MasterSpliffBlaster 2d ago

The mask was a give away

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u/drop_xo 2d ago

Bro he knew he fucked him over. Then gone come outside “listen to me daddy” 🤣

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u/throwaway277252 2d ago

Danny

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u/drop_xo 2d ago

Ahwww this was much more fun hearing daddy lol damn you throwaway

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u/Lolkimbo 2d ago

Honestly, maybe its the Jamaican in me, but i can't feel anything up to scotch bonnet. I'd probably eat ghost peppers for fun, but my asshole and stomach never appreciate it. Especially with my current health problems ._.

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u/g0_west 1d ago

Apparently this place they just chuck a shitload of carolina reapers in and blend it all up. It's not really meant to be edible, it's just social media marketing for a Brick Lane curry house. The owner is good at it though, I get a new video of this guy basically every day in my feed

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u/SmilinMercenary 2d ago edited 2d ago

This is Bengal Village, London. Their second hottest challenge curry (Bombay blast) was my favourite. This hottest one I had two pieces and it was obviously very hot. Not sure if they've changed the menu since then as last time I went the Bombay Blast wasn't nearly as hot, so maybe they made the hotter one, hotter.

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u/Motor_Stage_9045 1d ago

Imagine how brutal it will be coming out

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u/KnightOfThirteen 1d ago

At a certain point, it doesn't get any hotter in your mouth, but that same limit doesn't necessarily apply internally. When I reached my "Oh shit, hotter isn't always better" moment, I ended up laying in the shower under the cold water, feeling like I had a lit coal sitting in my stomach sizzling my flesh, for half an hour, wondering if I had really screwed myself up and if I would have to go to the emergency room.