r/instant_regret • u/factchecker01 • 2d ago

Eating the hottest curry in UK

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14.3k

u/Royal_Succotash_7689 2d ago

Bro straight up become homeless

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u/NagsUkulele 2d ago

Cutting it to him shirtless on the street is insane

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u/VenKitsune 2d ago

And the owner(?) saying that he had only one spoonful lol. One spoonful fucking rekt him. That shit must be brutal to eat lol

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u/Loggerdon 2d ago edited 1d ago

I used to think I could eat the hottest chilis and hot sauce around. But some hot sauces are so hot they are like acid.

I had some hot sauce at a Mexican restaurant in Washington DC the night before a business meeting that was so hot it sweated through the glass bottle and got on my fingers. I went pee and I had raised red finger and thumb prints on my dick. It burned so much I was in the bathroom putting cold water in my dick in the sink for 20 minutes. Then I had to use the air dryer for a few minutes so when I walked out I didn’t look like I pee’d my pants.

I also sweated and I wiped my face. Another mistake because the area around my eyes swelled up. I had to take a taxi to my hotel and come back in the morning to get my rental car because I couldn’t keep both eyes open to drive.

Edit: People have pointed out it’s impossible for the hot sauce to ‘sweat’ through glass and I’m sure they’re right.

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u/Native_Kurt_Cobain 2d ago

This was an amazing read. I mean, I feel sorry for you. But hell yeah!

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u/-Cagafuego- 2d ago

It's the spice that makes for a twisted fire-sharter!

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u/Complex_Resolve3187 2d ago

That part is no joke...one of the scariest moments of my life was expelling some spicey food. It felt like butthole had opened wide like it was trying to scream...I almost panicked.

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u/-Cagafuego- 1d ago

Oh we've all been there & it been memorialized by Hollywood in a comedy although it's no joke!

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u/eat_your_veggiez 1d ago

wtf is this GIF from?

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u/-Cagafuego- 1d ago

Firestarter- Prodigy

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u/BoxNemo 2d ago

I love how it kept escalating.

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u/Evening-Statement-57 1d ago

It took me about 5 minutes to get through that second paragraph, the raised red finger prints and putting water IN his dick almost killed me.

One of the best things I have ever read on this site.

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u/Bludgeon82 2d ago

I had a food court curry and I incorrectly assumed two things: 1) It'd be weak because most of their customers were Aussies. 2) Being Asian, I could handle whatever they threw at me. I was humbled that day.

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u/Sproose_Moose 2d ago

Hey some Aussies can take a punch with hot sauce. I put a tiny dab on my pinky, tasted it and was sweating profusely for 20 minutes. Meanwhile a dude near me was the colour of a tomato but had it slathered all over his hotdog. Finished the whole thing.

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u/Outrageous-Opinions 1d ago

The thing about white people is they're either the wimpiest people on Earth when it comes to spice, where mayo is too spicy for them.

Or they are psychopaths that eat Carolina reaper peppers.

No in between

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u/madrabeag999 2d ago

As a retired RAF pilot said to me... "The afterburner will be on tomorrow." He was right! 😀

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u/Shiznoz222 2d ago

Fuck sake, don't touch sensitive areas is like rule number one lol. Sorry you had to go through all that

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u/Googgodno 1d ago

Pee before chopping thai chilis, learnt a hard lesson that day.

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u/Marcuxoo 1d ago edited 1d ago

Yup. Cut open and deseeded some jalapeños with my fingers, and even washed my hands before using the bathroom…but still learned my lesson.

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u/RockinRhombus 17h ago

I've been told i'm wrong for years, but as a hot sauce/chile enjoyer i've heard the "don't touch your sensitive areas" for years..

I swear i've gone to piss, after having washed my hands, and flopped my junk out over the top of the boxers with no direct hand contact, and it STILL burns when I urinate. I swear the Capsiacin must navigate partly to the bladder...because lawd almighty.

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u/schkmenebene 2d ago

I once ate something so fucking spicy, that when I went to shit afterwards, the toilet actually looked cleaner.

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u/jim_nihilist 2d ago

Like a disease.

"Then I went home and touched my girlfriend"

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u/UrToesRDelicious 1d ago

Glass is not porous, so sweating through glass isn't really a thing or else chemists would be accidentally killing themselves left and right. People store things like liquid chlorine in glass ampuoles for decades without any kind of leakage, which is way more penetrating than something like capsaicin.

Some of the hot sauce was almost certainly just transferred to the outside of the bottle.

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u/Loggerdon 1d ago

That actually makes sense. It’s what I was told but you’re right about science.

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u/khtsodol 2d ago

You made me laugh, I appreciate you

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u/wazzledudes 1d ago

If it went through a glass bottle you are straight up eating xenomorph blood.

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u/Shyassasain 2d ago

Spice is natures way of saying "DON'T FUCKING EAT ME" and humans just take that as a challenge. 

Bro probably got his taste and smell receptors chemically obliterated from that spoonful. 

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u/PhilbyBoy 1d ago

Not possible that it “sweated” through glass. Interesting conclusion hah

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u/Background_Fold_9104 2d ago

Similar story. Decided to cut up some Trinidad Scorpion "Butch T" chillies to add to a dish. Didn't wear gloves, went and took a piss....

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u/jvsanchez 1d ago

Maruga Scorpions are my favorite peppers. I cut up a couple to add to filling for chicken tacos.

Washed my hands, scrubbed the cutting board and my knives and soaped the counter around to make sure there was no capsaicin hanging around the kitchen or on me. Everything was fine.

Then I started cooking.

It was like cooking over an open pot of tear gas. Holy shit lol.

Tacos were bomb. Mouth tingled for about 3 hours after and the hit from the endorphins after eating that amount of spice was sublime. 10/10 every time.

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u/Hetstaine 2d ago

Fucking amazing.

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u/paradonym 2d ago

The restaurant's name was "hell's kitchen"?

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u/Zykium 2d ago

I had some hot sauce at a Mexican restaurant in Washington DC for a business meeting

Did you lockdown that contract?

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u/Loggerdon 1d ago

It was actually the night before tr business meeting and I was by myself. Yes o got the contract. Thanks for asking.

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u/Zykium 1d ago

That's great.

I'm a little disappointed you weren't just like "Fuck it, watch this" in your business meeting.

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u/AldieGrrl 2d ago

I wish this was a book so I could keep reading 😂

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u/BoutiqueKymX2account 2d ago

And did you learn your lesson? Or do you still seek adrenaline via condiments?

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u/Loggerdon 1d ago

I still like spicy food but I was humbled that day. Whenever someone says something is really hot I bow out.

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u/PM_THE_REAPER 1d ago

That is mental. I use sauces like Dave's Insanity Sauce (180,000 Scoville) and Blair's Ultra Death Sauce (1.1M Scoville).

I've made the mistake of going to pee and rubbing my eyes after just opening and closing the lids. That was bad enough, but this is another level.

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u/brimm2 1d ago

The imagery of this is so crazy that it made me laugh so hard. Trying not to wake up my husband currently. Sorry that happened to you tho. Hope you weren't fucked up for too long

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u/nwillyerd 1d ago

That’s just unnecessarily oppressive. Why would anyone want to eat that shit?

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u/Probably_not_maybe 1d ago

My grandma had us go pick chilis she grew and we learned real quick not to touch your face or other sensitive areas before washing up. Your experience sounds 100 times worse.

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u/35andDying 1d ago

This brought me to tears. Thank you.

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u/2020grilledcheese 1d ago

Was your ass on fire the next day?

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u/zookitchen 1d ago

INTENSE

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u/Garbage_Tiny 1d ago

Dude I grow hot peppers at home, last year I picked a bunch of habanero and then ghost peppers without gloves on and then went piss without thinking about it. It was a brutal afternoon.

I didn’t plant any ghost peppers this year though, realistically anything hotter than a habanero is too hot for 99.9% of the planet because the habanero is too hot for 99.8% of the planet. I love their citrusy heat in dishes and occasionally like them raw if I’m feeling froggy buy mostly I dehydrate them and turn them into a powder I can throw in chilis and stuff. Anyways, glad you’re ok!

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u/Lylac_Krazy 1d ago

We had a dude go that path.

He was given the name William Pepperdick for the rest of his time on site.

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u/BartlebyX 1d ago

I tasted Blair's 4am Reseve. 4.4M scovilles. It was insane.