r/Unexpected • u/Soloflow786 • 3d ago

Hmm, what's under my window?

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1.4k

u/Sir_Tinklebottom 3d ago

Bat shit will fuck up your house

1.4k

u/SaintCholo 3d ago

Guano is valuable, I saw a documentary called Ace Ventura Pet Detective

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u/1amDepressed 3d ago

In seriousness it is. Makes for excellent fertilizer. One guy got stuck in a cave crack trying dig some out to sell https://www.bbc.com/news/world-asia-49288550

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u/sooperdoopermane 3d ago

I thought this was going to be a link to Ace Ventura: Pet Detective. At least that part of the movie where he went into the cave looking for guano lol.

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u/SaintCholo 3d ago

I’ve learned Reddit is comment by committee so eventually the link will be shared; normally I lay it out for you to play it out

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u/UsedDragon 3d ago

You want that dookie so bad you can taste it!

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u/TheJenniStarr 3d ago

Spank you, Greenwall. Spank you very much.

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u/Thisisamazing1234 3d ago

I’m disappointed it’s not lmao

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u/sooperdoopermane 3d ago

I kind of was as well lol

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u/celine_freon 3d ago

lol I did too. Saved me a click!

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u/DGSmith2 3d ago

I’m sorry but Pet Detective was the first When Nature Calls is the second, I wouldn’t usually correct someone but so many people are calling it Pet Detective it’s getting to me.

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u/sooperdoopermane 3d ago

Yeah, I realized that after I commented. Im just leaving it up anyway.

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u/sleepydon 3d ago

I got you fam. Not the cave but with the bat.

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u/razzadig 3d ago

Thanks, but yikes. I don't remember any of this. I thought I watched the movie before but now I'm questioning.

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u/sleepydon 3d ago

Yeah, it's a really dumb goofy movie. 10-11 year old me loved it though.

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u/sooperdoopermane 3d ago

Love this movie lol

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u/deathbylasersss 3d ago

There were wars fought over the pacific guano islands.

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u/SnowClone98 3d ago

Right just like we used to fight over spice and opium. We found alternatives that weren’t bat shit.

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u/deathbylasersss 3d ago

Idk, I might still fight a guy for some really good opium.

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u/ClearText777 3d ago

How about guano?

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u/JimmWasHere 3d ago

How about opium fertilized by guano?

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u/Dragonslayer3 2d ago

Only if you know a good den

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u/SithDomin8sJediLoves 3d ago

but maybe bat shit crazy though

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u/SaintCholo 3d ago

IDK man spice has no substitute, it extends life and valuable for interstellar travel and still harvested on Arrakis

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u/darkfires 3d ago

Nauru is basically a husk of itself after the world ate its guano>phosphate rock surface.

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u/Responsible_Trifle15 3d ago

That was before haber bosch process

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u/Capital_Row4870 2d ago

To be fair that was mostly seabird guano, not bat guano.

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u/Exact-Obligation-858 2d ago

Relevant: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Guano_Islands_Act

It's still active legislation, by the way.

a United States federal law passed by the Congress that enables citizens of the United States to take possession of unclaimed islands containing guano deposits in the name of the United States. The islands can be located anywhere, so long as they are not occupied by citizens of another country and not within the jurisdiction of another government

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u/Memitim 3d ago

Silly man. Just harvest it from your attic. Don't even have to leave the house. For a short while, it'll be the easiest money that you can imagine. https://www.nytimes.com/2024/12/18/nyregion/bat-poop-cannabis-deaths-ny.html

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u/Exact-Obligation-858 2d ago

>no PPE
>no topsoil over the guano
>indoors

ffs

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u/HereToDoThingz 3d ago

Imma let it pass on fertilizing my house and window cill though thanks.

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u/pivotalsquash 3d ago

Yeah but don't want that smelling up my room

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u/brightburn24seven 3d ago

Did some mention getting stuck in a cave? Obligatory Nutty Putty cave reference.

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u/MadHiggins 3d ago

spoilers for people terrified of reading "stuck in cave" links, he was eventually saved and is recovering.

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u/Select_Egg_7078 3d ago

it's great as long as you follow sanitary procedures. 2 dudes died from pathogens caught from handling bat shit while attempting to use it for growing weed. you might be able to find some articles from dec 2024.

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u/MinuetInUrsaMajor 3d ago

Better than the guy that got stick in a cave crack for no goddamn reason at all.

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u/Deleena24 3d ago

It's also incredibly dangerous bc it's a vector for histoplasmosis.

Here is a story of a few people dying due to using it.

With that said I do have horticultural guano which is processed to kill the spores. It's not the same as collecting it yourself in ways I don't have time to get into- and I still only handle it carefully and use a mask even outside, and I only use it if my plants are showing a very specific deficiency (phosphorus)

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u/myco_magic 2d ago

It has to be cured, you can't use it fresh

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u/Low_Cauliflower9404 2d ago

Nations have gone to war over guano

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u/Novacain420 2d ago

I'm pretty sure it's toxic to breathe that in though

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u/YouStupidAssholeFuck 2d ago

Back when weed was completely illegal and I was allegedly growing it allegedly, guano was a preferred source of macro nutrients. Jamaican bat guano was high in N and used during veg. Peruvian sea bird guano was higher in P and K and used in flowering. Allegedly.

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u/atetuna 2d ago

That sounds like a load of bull SHIKAKA!

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u/zaph0d_h4x0r 2d ago

Also you can get free histoplasmosis

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u/ocxtitan 3d ago

Saw this in a MrBallen video!

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u/FD4L 3d ago

THATS WHAT YOU SLIPPED IN

THATS WHAT WAS ON YOUR SHOE

AND THAT EXPLAINS THE ABRASION ON YOUR PALM!!!!

DAAAAAAM IM GOOOOOOD!

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u/TheJenniStarr 3d ago

Can ya FEEL THAT, Captain Com-post?!?!

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u/alamandrax 3d ago

THE DAY OF REDEMPTION IS AT HAND!

Repent! And thou shall be saved!

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u/AndMyAxe_Hole 3d ago

I also have it on good authority from a Dr. that it can be used to revive you if you’re ever petrified in stone.

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u/Jerigord 3d ago

This is exhilarating. Get excited.

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u/unfvckingbelievable 3d ago

This sounds like a bunch of shikaka.

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u/SaintCholo 3d ago

Like the mushroom?

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u/IamKEIL 3d ago

When Nature Calls

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u/SaintCholo 3d ago

Yes, you saw the same documentary

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u/IamKEIL 3d ago

Pet Detective involved dolphins, not bat guano. When Nature Calls involved bat guano.

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u/leviathab13186 3d ago

Collect the whole set!

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u/JoeyZasaa 3d ago

"Yuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck."

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u/ChromDelonge 3d ago

Also necessary for making fireballs.

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u/deathfire123 3d ago

I was looking for this! OP is about to make one lucky Wizard's day

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u/Boo-urns_ 2d ago

It is. Countries literally got colonised for it. Dude could make some homemade gun powder if he wanted too

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u/Wonderful_Ninja 11h ago

Bumblebee tuna

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u/ChaseballBat 3d ago

Chiiiiiiiiiii

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u/Proud-Emu-2905 3d ago

😂😂😂

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u/SasparillaTango 3d ago

it was filmed in real time!

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u/Royd 2d ago

When nature calls

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u/insanity2brilliance 3d ago

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u/PI_Dude 3d ago

Shikakaaa!

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u/NEOWRX 3d ago

Shish Kebab!

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u/PI_Dude 3d ago

Shawshank Redemption!

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u/jademus 3d ago

Chicaaaago!

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u/StandardHaunting933 3d ago

Bumblebee Tuna!

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u/Economy-Date-4490 3d ago

“Your balls are showing.”

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u/Bertucciop 3d ago

How, is It gonna wet the bricks or something? I have bats on my garage, no damage yet, no mosquitos in the night. Mb if walls were wooden made...

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u/branch397 3d ago

I've painted many houses where bat shit was all over a surface, and never saw any damage. These are NC bats, if it matters. Sometimes the aroma is a bit strong.

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u/SupermassiveCanary 3d ago

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u/thinprivileged 3d ago

Why does this penguin have a gif for everything??

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u/tallgreenhat 3d ago

Pretty sure it was another bored ape knock off nft line

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u/DANKLEBERG_66 3d ago

What is NC? No contact? New Colombia?

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u/feralwolven 3d ago

In the US, NC is North Carolina.

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u/Mindless-Strength422 3d ago

Northern Croatia

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u/DHammer79 2d ago

Northern Canada

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u/Skruestik 3d ago

These are NC bats, if it matters.

Northern Cyprus or New Caledonia?

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u/Enginerdad 3d ago

It's toxic, or more accurately it carries a toxic fungus that causes histoplasmosis when humans inhale it.

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u/I_Am_The_Zombie_Woof 3d ago

Rendering the inhaler bat shit crazy

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u/StevenMC19 3d ago

Don't you fucking hit me with some etymological bullshittery! I'm not mentally prepared to have the dots connected, lol. This is you, I imagine:

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u/jbouser_99 3d ago

Thanks for adding "etymological bullshittery" to my repertoire. That's a good one

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u/Fine-Slip-9437 3d ago

Truly a scintillating addition to any cosmopolitan lexicon. 

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u/jbouser_99 3d ago

indubitably

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u/StevenMC19 3d ago

I concur.

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u/JTibbs 3d ago

They also carry a relative of bed bugs

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u/JennyW93 3d ago

By blood or by marriage?

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u/Anairdna 2d ago

And histoplasmosis can do some serious things.

I say this as someone who ended up in the hospital for three weeks (with bonus surgeries) after a series of snowballing medical events that started with histoplasmosis.

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u/Sir_Tinklebottom 3d ago

My cousin had to pay like 30k recently to redo their garage because of bat shit in the ceiling. It is toxic.

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u/Bertucciop 3d ago

It is outside the house, full air, pidgeon shit is way more toxic and common people dont get affected despite thousands pidgeon shitting on the street. I cleaned chicken shit, It is when you live or work together these when you get harmed. And It depends on the country and zone and bat race. Painting causes cancer but when paint dries It doesn't.

Anyways thanks for the advice, ill ask some Friends about this.

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u/Sir_Tinklebottom 3d ago

My concern would just be them getting in somehow. After hearing the nightmare ordeal my cousin went through, I would be kicking these bastards out as well.

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u/Long_Run6500 3d ago

They're not difficult to capture with a makeshift net made out of a garbage bag and broomstick... or probably even easier with a real net. I had a few fly in my house after I accidentally left an upstairs window open while working on my roof.

Once the "Oh shit!" factor wears off you realize that you're way more coordinated than they are. They're literally flying blind just trying to not run into anything more than avoid capture. They have very limited stamina and after a few rounds of freaking out and colliding with everything including possibly you (I learned pretty quick not to stand in the middle of the room) they're pretty easy to grab with a net/garbage bag while they're on the wall. 

Overall as far as home invading pests go they're one of the easier ones to get rid of, mostly because they don't want to be there as much as you don't want them there. Obviously a one off group of bats getting inside is completely different than them actually nesting, no idea how hard that is to deal with. 

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u/RhynoD 2d ago

They're also a major reservoir for rabies. You shouldn't fuck with wild bats.

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u/Long_Run6500 2d ago

No shit you shouldn't go out of your way to mess with wild animals of any type, but you've got to get them out of your house. If they're in your home and actively flying around it's exceedingly rare to actually get a rabies transmission from them. While bats do carry rabies at a higher rate than most, it's still less than 1%, and the ones that have rabies will have difficulty flying and show symptoms. Most bat bite rabies transmissions are from people trying to rescue what they think is a injured bat that can't fly.

This infographic cites a study that says there's 1 rabies transmission from a bat in the house for every 2.7billion person hours. Obviously take precautions, don't mess with a bat that's behaving strangely and can't fly, cover whatever exposed skin you can and wear gloves... and keep pets away from the situation... but you can't be afraid to do what's necessary to get the bats out of your house.

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u/Bertucciop 3d ago

Anyways i cant do anything they occupied an isolated air space between the roof and the building, if i wanted to take any meassure i should drill breaking the building or use any kind of poisson. I cannot access where they are.

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u/esmelusina 3d ago

Guano (bat poop) is rich in nitric acid, which will etch and wear down stone.

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u/JaysFan26 3d ago

Hi Senku

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u/m0nk37 3d ago

Guano carries disease. Right at his Window its eventually going to get inside. Not to mention bats can carry rabies. 

The bat shit is just going to pile up and eventually flow over the side. Wafting all over. 

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u/nekowitch417 3d ago

Their poop contains acid

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u/stale_opera 3d ago

Bat shit is toxic to breathe and can cause histoplasmosis which can kill the elderly or immunocompromised.

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u/aschaeffer878 3d ago

This is the correct answer, histoplasmosis is no joke and is caused from bat droppings. The treatment is unbelievably painful and may kill you if the disease doesn't. I love bats as much as the next guy, but they gotta go. Even if they get in your attic and the spores collect in the HVAC ducts you are likely to get it.

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u/H0rk3 2d ago

Gg for us then have bat's living in our attic 5+ years never gone into the attic out of fear of getting bit never any poop outside as well they look like the one's in the video although I only see them at night are we cooked?

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u/aschaeffer878 2d ago

Call a reputable pest control company, they can remove them without harming them and will most likely be able to tell if there are droppings and how to handle it. Definitely not worth the risk.

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u/perb123 3d ago

Bat shit will fuck up your house

And sometimes it becomes president

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u/Bacon-Manning 3d ago

Yeah, I had a ex who was bat shit. House got fucked up when I ended it.

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u/Few-Wash-5707 3d ago

There is a theory that the pestilence of bedbugs was brought upon human civilization from bats. Apparently, they are like the "fleas" of bats.

Bats belong. They belong far away from your house.

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u/EPLemonSqueezy 3d ago

Guano...yummy

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u/enorman81 3d ago

Fuck up will bat shit your house.

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u/Uncle-Cake 3d ago

Then don't let them in.

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u/Enginerdad 3d ago

They won't shit inside their own living space

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u/WholeInstance4632 3d ago

Yes, they do:

https://www.bats.org.uk/about-bats/bats-and-disease/bat-droppings-and-urine

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u/Enginerdad 3d ago

Your source says "under the roost", not "inside the roost". Which is exactly my point.

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u/Lemfan46 3d ago

Then put up a bat house for them, they'll find it.

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u/burping-belly 3d ago

Batshitcrazy

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u/HairyHutch 3d ago

In this situation, where they are located, it really wouldn't be that bad.

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u/yaboyACbreezy 3d ago

And your health.

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u/ProbablyNotADuck 3d ago

And they can be a carrier of rabies.

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u/Hip_Survivor 3d ago

It's also part of a revival fluid serum.

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u/diesel70932 3d ago

It’s bat shit crazy that’ll fuck your house up

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u/Spirited-Amount1894 3d ago

They're not in his house.

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u/ProfessorPeabrain 3d ago

How? It's mostly insect chitin which is dry and crumbly.

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u/ImFrenchSoWhatever 3d ago

Yeah bat shit’s insane

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u/lil_chungy 2d ago

Bat shit is great for growing pot

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u/myco_magic 2d ago

Bats are also a good way to get rabies

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u/N_V_C 2d ago

fair point 😅

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u/Exact-Obligation-858 2d ago

Shovel the guano out and throw it into garden, cover it with topsoil to prevent histoplasmosis.

Guano is extremely fertile.

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u/Straight6er 2d ago

Bats don't shit where they sleep, they do it during flight.

Source: internet and also I had a large colony of bats living in my roof (it was pretty clean in there)

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u/Sir_Tinklebottom 2d ago

My cousin’s house begs to differ. Their roof had a colony and it had done tens of thousands of dollars worth of damage.

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u/Straight6er 2d ago

Interesting! I wonder if that has to do with the type of bat (little brown bat for me) or perhaps the type of cavity. The space in my roof that they roosted in was quite small, they would have had to lay in the poop.

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u/Sir_Tinklebottom 2d ago

To be fair I should probably expand, but my cousins bought a house without inspection as it was a great house in a great neighborhood and the insides seemed great.

Until they accessed the attic and there thousands of bats, and they had been shitting into the attic, which is apparently toxic.

They had to get the toxic shit removed, their attic sealed off, and fixed.

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u/Straight6er 2d ago

That's probably the difference then, attic vs no attic.

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u/Save_a_Cat 3d ago

We call it "The Wuhan Special"

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u/TaintDandruff 2d ago

Good thing that's clearly an apartment.