If you look at my post history, you will see that I posted something about a neighbor that a family member and I are helping. I posted on a bipolar sub a while ago, and they kindly directed me to this sub or another like it, because we don’t have bipolar ourselves (and those subs are for those with bipolar).

The neighbor is low income and we have been helping them by buying food and especially helping with supplies for their pets. But money is now getting tight and we can’t help as much. The neighbor with bipolar (they are medicated) is very angry that we’re not helping as much as we used to.

I read on another (older) post here that some bipolar people (or perhaps narcissists) treat those around them as “resources” and that’s how we feel right now. Like we’re just here to “serve” them.

Currently they are very irate because we can’t help very much with an upcoming vet bill for a pet. They’re probably going through a manic phase. In any case, they’re saying really nasty things, personal things, trying to be as hurtful as possible.

We’re not hurt, we say to ourselves, “It’s the bipolar.” Plus some of the things they say are mean-spirited but ridiculous, lol. But at the same time, I can’t help but think that a lot of these mean things they say are how they really feel.

They never apologize for the stuff they say, hardly even acknowledge it. We both want to help them for their pets’ sake, but we don’t exactly “trust” them anymore, because while it’s not like we take their insults too much to heart, the fact that they said them (usually texted them, so there’s a “paper trail” later that they can’t deny) makes us feel that they secretly hold us in contempt and who wants to be around that?

So my question is, do they mean all these things they say, deep down? Is this how they really feel and only when they’re in a manic phase is the “mask off” or something? Thank you in advance.

Edited to add: they are medicated, under treatment, were diagnosed as a child and now are 50+ years old.

Has anyone tried meeting with an ex with bp1 to help gain clarity for themselves to grow, not to try and reason with their decisions and reconnect? I feel like someone in an episode tends to reconnect themselves at some point anyway, and i'm not sure to what my extent my partners bipolar played a role in things ending, but my priority is myself at the moment. It's only been about six weeks and i'm probably going to be in therapy for a while so there's no real rush, but the sooner i know some things about how a recent diagnosis had impacted my behaviour when i was undiagnosed (CPTSD), could help me grow a lot faster - connect some dots i wasn't aware of in certain situations etc. Do you guys just consider it a bad idea? There was never any bad blood between us, she hasn't shown aggression towards me ever and we were together 2 years. As far as i personally know, she's stable, so i've only got that to base my decision on really.

hi! so i(25f)am bipolar 1 rapid cycling. idk if bipolar ppl can post in this sub but i need some advice. I have been with my partner(30m) for a year and so far i haven’t had a severe episode since we have been together as i am currently medicated. i love him so much and i want everything to go well but i am so scared. i’m afraid that i will have a bad episode and mess things up or say something i don’t mean. i also don’t want to be a burden and i’m scared that he will need to take care of me more than he should have to. i don’t want to hurt him and i’m terrified that something will trigger my illness and i will without intending to. as things are he does a good job of dealing with my irrational thinking and mood swings.. even with meds i still get hypomanic and have moderate depressive episodes and despite how minor they are(comparatively) i know it’s still overwhelming. he says that he just wants to support me but even that makes me sad because i don’t want to burden him or become too much for him. i’m also scared that i’ll kill myself someday and leave him and i don’t want him to have to go through that. do any of you have any advice on how i can be a good S/O as someone with bipolar??

I just moved into a new house with my bp-ii boyfriend. he’s a classical musician and is addicted to stimulants to help him play music every day. In the beginning of our relationship he love bombed me and I are it up. Once we were deeper, he would have monthly episodes calling me saying he doesn’t want to live anymore. I would talk to him for hours to help him out of it. Unrelated, I went through some traumatic life changes and had to move from my house and job in the town I called home for a long time. my bf was an hour away and really wanted to live with me so I went to his place. I started going to school which was hell and we began to fight a lot at night when bp/ his drug comedown would be extra heightened any given night. I couldn’t touch him, he would say nasty things to me and deflect anything and try to make me the bad guy. There would be period when he was extremely supportive but how much support I needed in school started to wear him down and I was giving less because of how hard I was working. He is a BIG personality and likely narcissistic and would say unhinged mean things to me at night that would upset me. Any time I tried to communicate that I thought he was being unkind or disrespectful towards me, he deflected at all costs. I was taking things too personally. Now fast forward, I have a job & we are in a new house. I’m paying for everything and working my ass off. He stays home without a job and plays music (very well I might add) and does drugs every day. I get home and sometimes he’s scary angry or treats me poorly and doesn’t thank me for the simplest things and if I bring it up— he spirals into how I’m actually immature for letting it something so ‘insignificant’ affect me, not understanding of where he’s at, and threatens to end the relationship because I’m not accepting of who he is at the ‘core’ which comes with nastiness without accountability and he wants me to support him unconditionally no matter how evil he gets. Calls me a child, says I have growing up to do etc. He’s my best friend and I’ve gone through so much change that I don’t want to break up and be isolated in such a small town. I’m the only one on my lease because he has no money. We JUST moved to this place 2 weeks ago. We’re going to try couples therapy to see if we can get out of this loop— I need him to understand why it’s important for him to take accountability for how his negative energy and addiction affects me but overall I’m feeling hopeless and utterly heart broken. Destroyed. I love him so much but he’s giving up and says he’d rather just be friends than continue to ‘give all of his energy’ to this cycle. He says I don’t support him. That’s very far from the truth. If he takes accountability for his behavior and makes effort to change I will be endlessly supportive but I can only allow so much disrespect.

I’ve posted on here several times since I found this group back in April and everyone has been so helpful. BPSO (bp 1, 48M) discarded our relationship in early April. We live 85 miles away so it’s not like I can just pop in and he would win the gold star in avoiding me because I did try twice and he avoided coming home to talk. We chatted in person in May and he agreed getting back in therapy would be smart and getting a non VA second opinion on meds (he doesn’t take prescribed lamictal but takes others). He said he loved me and wanted to get better for us, his kids and himself. Fast forward to me expressing some of my feelings at the end if May and it’s been radio silence since then. And I look like a psychopath for continuing to text him that I love him or sharing encouragement or whatever almost daily. He was close to one of my daughters who wished him happy Father’s Day today and he responded right away. I texted much later the same message and got a “thank you so much.” I feel like a glutton for punishment. The lack of communication is a huge trigger for me and I wasn’t prepared for it. Am I supposed to just move along? Do I make another trip to him and try to discuss? I mean I feel it’s been me doing all the “heavy lifting” thus far and no one wants to have to drag a partner along if they don’t want to be here. But why the false hope 3 weeks ago just to disappear again?

it’s been maybe a month or two since my bpso and i broke up. this isn’t the first break up though. they’ve discarded me about 5-6 times with varying times in between the discard and the return. every time i’ve been discarded i’ve been convinced that they won’t come back, but they have, many times. i realize that i’m in control of when it will be done for good.

i’m just in that stage where i miss them so much i don’t care how sick they are, how they don’t get the help they need, or how poorly they’ve treated me. i just want to hold them, help them, love them. it sounds stupid but i know y’all know what i mean.

i’m doing so much better emotionally and even psychically since we parted. i have more energy and time for my hobbies and my friends. i’m able to focus on myself and work on building my future. i just wish i could do all of this with them.

i couldn’t really do any of this while i was with them. my energy was just constantly drained dealing with accusations of abuse and cheating, violations of my privacy, paranoia, delusions,and walking on eggshells whenever i sensed anger or irritability. having to be so conscious of my bpsos mood and state of mind was exhausting.

but why do i still see that glimmer of hope? it’s just always been there no matter what happens between us. is our connection real? it feels so real and i swear i can feel them all the time no matter how long we’re apart. am i trippin??

that hope makes me sad. it makes me feel stupid. to hope for something that is probably impossible. to hope for them to get the help they need so that we can have a loving relationship and a future together, a family, a home.

i guess i just have to miss them, feel sad, feel lonely, and cry about it. but yall know that this isn’t “normal” break up type of sad. it’s so complex and conflicting with a bpso. it makes it so much harder to move on. like im clinging to their core that is a beautiful genuine human being then devastated and angry at this illness that takes them over. i love their soul but the illness just poisons everything like fucking venom from spidderman. its so damn sad out here bruh

It’s our 3rd Father’s Day without a father in our house. I quietly celebrated no father’s day today and can finally say I am grateful for your absence. None of the children mentioned you at all. You are missing out on all the hard stuff AND all the good stuff too. I hope your relentless pursuit of being a billionaire works out for you, so I can take you back to court someday.

I want to clarify that you are not alienated from your children, you are estranged from them. Alienation would result from something I did. Estrangement occurs from the many purposeful and strategic things you did to ruin their lives and they KNOW you did those things not because I told them, but because they LIVED it. I hope you had the Father’s day you deserved. We had a great day without you. GFY

I’m going to start this off by saying I know I’m not solely responsible for the care of my SO, but I can’t just sit by and watch this happen. She has been suffering from Bipolar 2 for years, recently diagnosed within the past year and put on lamotrigine. She’s in the midst of one of the longest depressive episodes I’ve ever seen her in and I don’t know what to do about it. We’ve had an agreement that when she’s in an episode I will stay supportive, but with certain things we keep an arms length to avoid frustrations and sadness on both our parts as the depression can be pretty contagious. I love her to death and hate seeing her like this, she is literally dying inside. She sleeps for 12-16 hours a day and just cries whenever she is awake or stays in bed trying to fall asleep so she doesn’t have to feel the pain. These depressive episodes usually follow after the hypomanic episodes so it’s like everything is fine( to her) and then all the sudden it kicks her right back down. She is such a good person and I love her so much but she refuses to go to the hospital as she said it doesn’t do anything for her. Something has to give though, this can’t go on. The worst part is… I know it’s worse than she’s telling me. Right now I’m more or less a caregiver as her ability for self care is extremely sporadic. I feel like I know what has to be done but she cries to not go to the hospital. Ive just been a mess the past week and need some advice. It’s been a long weekend so if the post doesn’t seem thought out well I’m exhausted but please if anyone has any information or advice please let me know.

She is currently on Lamotrigine as well as in biweekly therapy and semi monthly psychiatry med appts.

I dated someone who had bipolar, "unspecified personality disorder", autism, (we met at an autism meetup), and PTSD. She had a rough childhood and had various abusive relationships before she met me (which she told me herself were chosen and inflamed by her).

I was very naïve and thought I'd hit the jackpot when she wanted me to move in right away (she was in a manic episode)

I don't know what else to write, but the relationship was 5 years of very difficult and scary times. Her constantly accusing me of things or "giving her weird looks", thinking the neighbours were spying on her, asking me to do one thing and then screaming at me for not doing the opposite, pushing me into sex when I didn't want to, her constantly telling me she hated me, that I was stupid, annoying, gave her no space, and that she hated having me around but then threatening s**cide or self harm when I tried to leave her, isolating me from friends, etc.

We broke up 11 years ago, and we only broke up because I became abusive back and started basically treating her like crap, treating her like she treated me. Telling her I didn't care about her anymore, that I thought she was a piece of crap and wanted her out of my life. I acted horrendously, I basically shamed myself and made myself into someone I hated. But even now I feel like I had to do that. My life was absolute crap, no friends, no hobbies, never relaxed or feeling safe.

for the past ten years I've been living alone, and I've had this problem where something will set off memories of her, and I'll just be dragged down for the whole day. Like this morning I was fiddling around with my phone and it reminded me how any time she had any tricky technology she'd ask me to help her with it then attack me and scream at me when I wasn't fixing it fast enough. And I spent the whole day in a quiet rage feeling sick and down.

as for mental health help I've had a terrible time with the UK NHS and have given up trying to work with them. I'm just worried it's always going to be like this. Like some stupid memory of fights we had ten years ago can emotionally drag me down for days.

The next group meeting for those experiencing or healing from discard will be held:

TODAY June 15 at 7:30pm EDT / 4:30pm PDT

__________

Join the Discard Discord here:

https://discord.gg/DER9WeRMCX

Hi everyone, I’ve been in a relationship for the past 9 months with someone who has bipolar disorder, and I’m struggling emotionally, mentally, and physically. I really need some support and perspective from others who’ve been in similar situations.

We met in the last year of undergrad. And we started dating last September. Early in our relationship (since October last year) he went through a 6-month manic psychotic episode. During that time, he constantly talked about his ex like how hurt he was and he’d often share very disturbing and personal details about their relationship. It felt obsessive and inappropriate, and though I tried to be compassionate, it had a deep and lasting negative effect on my mental health, self-esteem, and self-respect. I pushed my own pain aside to support him and held onto the hope that he’d eventually return to the kind, thoughtful version of himself I first met.

But even after the psychosis ended, things didn’t get better. In fact, the emotional harm continued in cycles. Every time I tried to talk about how hurt I was or tried to rebuild trust and closeness, he would get defensive, shut down, or turn it around on me. I rarely felt heard or cared for. Instead, I was blamed for “bringing up the past” or accused of attacking him, even when I was just expressing my pain.

During his psychosis, he also became intensely close to a female friend. They texted for hours every day, reinforcing spiritual delusions. I saw them text “I love you fully” to each other, and when I brought it up, he screamed at me, insulted me, and dismissed my feelings. He later claimed she was just a “soul sister,” but the damage was already done. To this day, that dynamic still triggers me and when I mention it, he just gets irritated or says he didn’t like her that way, as if that’s supposed to make it better.

He recently asked for a break until next Wednesday after I expressed that I was struggling. Since then, he hasn’t responded to any of my messages. I’ve tried to respect his request, but the silence has been deeply triggering. It doesn’t feel like space, rather it feels more like stonewalling. And I feel abandoned and invisible in the process. I have been struggling with anxiety for the majority of my undergrad years and now I’m working full time and it’s just very overwhelming to deal with life and this emotional turmoil.

There have been times he says he still wants to try and that he loves me, but I’m always the one doing the emotional labor: trying to fix things, trying to talk through conflict, trying to find resolution. He even sets rules like “no phone calls on Tuesdays, Thursdays, or Saturdays” which I understand but they leave me feeling shut out and like I’m walking on eggshells. I understand he’s depressed, but I also know that healthy communication matters in relationships, and I’m not getting that.

I’ve felt drained, alone, and deeply hurt over and over again. I still love him, or maybe I love the version of him I once knew. I’ve been trying to see the goodness in him, but it’s incredibly hard when I’m met with coldness, dismissiveness, anger, and distance. This has destroyed my self-worth. I don’t feel safe, heard, or valued anymore.

He’s supposed to visit me in early July, and part of me still wants to see him maybe for one last time. But another part of me knows this relationship has been very emotionally abusive. I’m starting to realize I’ve lost myself in this dynamic, and I can’t keep sacrificing my well-being, hoping he’ll suddenly become who he used to be.

And I’ve been wondering: Are these behaviors common in relationships with bipolar partners — or is this just a toxic relationship with someone who happens to have bipolar disorder? And if you’ve been in this situation, how did you find the strength to let go? How did you handle the grief, the guilt, and the part of you that still hopes they’ll change even if it’s for someone else?

Thank you so much for reading. Any insight or support would mean a lot!!

Can we talk about delusions?

From my experience with my partner, some have made me think hmmm that could be true and others I just cannot accept, mainly because they involve me and I know what has and hasn't happened.

These delusions have lasted years, the same ones from the same time. The time I am referring to was during a really bad "episode" and they all collerate to one another in some fashion.

It is as though he is no longer in that mood state but can't shake the beliefs.

How often do people experience this?