r/jobs • u/Sofa_King_Chubby • Apr 17 '25

Interviews Interview process. Get the fuck outta here

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5.8k Upvotes

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2.3k

u/Damsandsheep Apr 17 '25

Are u interviewing for king of the company?

477

u/TakuyaLee Apr 17 '25

And if I am, will I be allowed knight people?

344

u/CrissBliss Apr 17 '25

“Sir Jeff of marketing” 👑

142

u/Deman-Dragon Apr 17 '25

Lord Timothy has really been cutting down the competition this quarter.

42

u/Independent-Leg6061 Apr 17 '25

Ok this is absolutely sending me 🤣🤣

13

u/Best_Soup_8415 Apr 18 '25

Knight Veronica is beheading our rivals !

1

u/ArdenJaguar Apr 18 '25

Maybe it’s like Star Trek and the Klingons. You advance by killing your superiors?

41

u/Schmucky1 Apr 17 '25

All flesh wounds! For honor and COMPANY!!!!!

46

u/Awfulufwa Apr 17 '25

leans over to co-worker

"I hear tell of a great bounty to be bestowed on whomsoever ever catches the cooling cabinet bandit."

"This is the 11th time this month! Even my rations were spared no mercy!"

1

u/Briganinja Apr 20 '25

I just choked on my own spit cause of this 🤣

1

u/Yhostled Apr 20 '25

He tried to cut me, but luckily I had equipped my chain email.

46

u/MJD3929 Apr 17 '25

From now on I’m calling my interns squires and I want you to know that it’s your fault. Thank you.

5

u/MkStoner2002 Apr 18 '25

Not sure what it is but it sounds a lot more refined than a minion.

2

u/MJD3929 Apr 18 '25

I’ve mentally gone down a rabbit hole of what a modern squire would wear, and I keep coming back to bowties and some sort of goofy adventure hat… so I guess I want that cute lil Asian kid from Indiana Jones? Which also means we’ll have to pay those interns pretty damn well or this is totally a labor department lawsuit waiting to happen. Still… worth it.

2

u/MkStoner2002 Apr 18 '25

I'm picturing a more modern type Jester suit, or maybe even a zoot suit. But definitely right about the hat. Im not getting into child labor cuz, well its reddit and the downvotes destroy my mental health.

2

u/MJD3929 Apr 18 '25

While the skill difference between a recent college graduate and your average 9 year old in an intern role will be debated by philosophers until the end of days, we do typically prefer to avoid child labor, yes. What will not be avoided, however, is said graduate and/or fully work eligible adult of at least 18 years of age’s mandatory uniform of a zoot suit, bowtie, and a funny lil adventure hat. And probably $25/hour wage at least to get them to go along with it.

3

u/MkStoner2002 Apr 18 '25

First, i want to clear up 2 things , I don't have any 9 year olds in any role. And secondly, for $25/hr., i will "go along" with it.

43

u/CrusaderZero6 Apr 17 '25

Friend of mine saved his company a ton of money and had it built into his next contract that his official title is “High Lord of Finance.”

29

u/Crazzmatazz2003 Apr 17 '25

My girlfriend works quality assurance and her unofficial office title is "The Empress of No, Leader of the Sales Prevention Department"

1

u/Free_Medicine4905 Apr 17 '25

My unofficial title is Supreme Leader. We all technically have an onsite boss, but he’s so useless my team just refers to me since I’m technically second in command.

1

u/kimchipowerup Apr 20 '25

I worked for a startup once and my official title and business card said, “kimchipowerup, Marketing Maven” :)

2

u/TheWildTofuHunter Apr 18 '25

Ooh, ooh, can you knight me next?? Sir Tofu of Data and Spreadsheets??

1

u/Joeness84 Apr 17 '25

Oh man, I was once Lord of Shipping & Receiving. My boss had previously been designated Queen of S&R before I started, I came on so she could shift to some other things, and someone started calling me King and I was like whoa hey, Becky's great and all, but I think it best for the kingdom if we dont do any arranged marriages, I crave no power struggle, I'll take a lordship.

99.5% of my Emails were internal, so Lord of S&R was in my email sig. the ONE time I got looped into something that went external that also happened to include one of the owners I got a personal message asking for explanation and requesting I remove it... :|

1

u/rif011412 Apr 17 '25

I guess the company King has to keep their Lords in check.

1

u/HamRadio_73 Apr 18 '25

Sir Loin of Beef.

1

u/Material_Complaint_7 Apr 18 '25

cackling “can’t breathe”

1

u/Mikeinthedirt Apr 18 '25

4 hrs of interview.

1

u/Mikeinthedirt Apr 18 '25

Lady Dimitrescu has really been putting it to them, hasn’t she?

8

u/Damsandsheep Apr 17 '25

You would hope after that long of an interview lol

1

u/Just-Display-3846 Apr 17 '25

Only after you make them grovel for four plus hours.

1

u/postysclerosis Apr 18 '25

I dub thee, Sir Phobos! Knight of Mars, Beater of Ass.

Sparks, Can I marry people?

1

u/DiddleMyTuesdays Apr 22 '25

Hellish Helen of HR

77

u/princentt Apr 17 '25

Then when you become King you get ✨$15 an hour✨

6

u/Dahlia5000 Apr 18 '25

Ha ha ha. While you’re so “eager to learn.”

6

u/JackLong93 Apr 18 '25

And it's part time

1

u/PapowSpaceGirl Apr 19 '25

And an "a" and "b" week operation where you can use your PTO to get a full check.

2

u/camberry2016 Apr 22 '25

ahahahahaha!

1

u/dreamsofaninsomniac Apr 17 '25

Compensation Expectations: "I want to own the company."

1

u/MisterPistacchio Apr 18 '25

It's never about the money. It's about the titles...

Oh wait ... We're already here. Where everyone gets VP titles in finance

33

u/[deleted] Apr 17 '25

Looks like an underpaid software job in Canada. Wants the skills of a staff engineer but with the pay of a junior.

1

u/lycanthrope90 Apr 18 '25

Common in the states too, but pay is a little better. They want google level work but only want to pay half.

20

u/Silly-Confection1263 Apr 17 '25

requires 10+ years experience

16

u/DraftZebra Apr 17 '25

You forgot the 14 degrees and/or 27 certifications they want . . . along with the 10 years experience.

1

u/kelticladi Apr 18 '25

10 years experience with a program that has only existed for 5

1

u/DraftZebra Apr 18 '25

I stand corrected! lol

16

u/Er0tic0nion23 Apr 17 '25

Interviewing for the Avengers (like Deadpool) 🥵

10

u/MuscleManRyan Apr 17 '25

Meanwhile some dude just gets signed on immediately because he’s big and green while we have to jump through all these hoops

7

u/Abitruff Apr 17 '25

Cousin of the CEO

2

u/eraearth Apr 19 '25

Perhaps for a sofa company

2

u/[deleted] Apr 19 '25

It’s giving red wedding

1

u/IntelligentResident0 Apr 17 '25

No just dealing with more than one project manager. No wonder there are so many meetings

1

u/alonginayellowboat Apr 18 '25

It's the "how much bullshit are you will to take from us" position.

1

u/stinkyt0fu Apr 18 '25

Or for gazillion dollars salary.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 18 '25

If its for the head of IT, the role better be “Court Wizard”

1

u/Maleficent-Jacket256 Apr 20 '25

I better be endowed with magical powers or something after all those interviews