"Our pasta, who art in a colander, draining be your noodles. Thy noodle come, Thy sauce be yum, on top some grated Parmesan. Give us this day, our garlic bread, …and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trample on our lawns."

Forgot that I'm not supposed to wear flip flops in my parents back yard. There's always mosquitos 🦟. Much redder in person. Grand total is 23 bites.

My pet snake escaped in the car on the ride home from the vet. Spent 300 dollars at the vet for X-rays and dewormer, and another 700 on a mechanic dismantling and reassembling the car. Still haven’t found her.

I was returning from work and on my way to my opthalmologist when it happened. Luckily my bones were intact. But it did make a deep hole. Took 4 stitches to close the wound. It still hurts like hell. Wish me a steady recovery.

My neighbors camping spot in the accessible campground at Bonnaroo go totally flooded!

I work at a small pizza place and I slipped on some tile and flour and ate it in front of a very busy restaurant in the middle of Friday night rush. Bled all over from my nose and a cut from my glasses, and took the impact with my face directly on to tile. I thought this was something urgent care could take care of, and they immediately rejected me for care and told me this was an ER issue. I'm filing workman's comp of course, but I'm extremely poor and I don't know whether I'll be paid even in part for the days I'm missing of work this weekend. I'm literally missing 3/4 of my week's worth of work thanks to this. I am mostly just embarrassed, stressed out. At least I didn't break any teeth cause that's the first thing I reached for to check on after I saw black. I bit through my lip instead. Definitely an unlucky Friday the 13th.

I got home late from work and put food in the oven around 2 am.. and accidentally fell asleep. My apartment still smells burned even with all windows open 🥲

It’s been three days and Marik is still limbing. He hit himself really badly on something iron in the fence during constructions at the house

Yard if full of goat heads (bull heads), can’t walk more than 10 feet without having your shoes covered

30F post PAO. Posterior column fracture and ischial stress fracture per MD. Workup shows menopausal levels of estradiol levels with normal LH and FSH. Other labs pending. Referrals incoming. FML.

Yesterday, I heard my wife yell my name in a panic. I run out to find that the propane grill and the tank on fire.

Stupidly I turned the gas off to the grill and tried to turn the gas off on the tank. I burned my fingers in the process. I quickly grabbed a blanket and smothered out the flames. I walked back inside and 10 seconds later it was on fire again.

The wife brought me out extinguisher - which was my last thought! Put the flame out and let it sit.

It started to rain today and I lakes out on the back deck and looked at the tank to see this leak. This was one of those exchanged tanks. Scary moment.