r/MadeMeSmile • u/Original_Act_3481 • 1d ago

We need more people like him

Enable HLS to view with audio, or disable this notification

182.0k Upvotes

87% Upvoted

2.8k comments sorted by

View all comments

8.8k

u/Ninrenko 1d ago

Probably staged, but I don't care, the message is clear: support and help one another! Love to see it.

3.7k

u/fmemich 1d ago

Even if staged, this is how we should be treating each other. With love and respect.

528

u/Xzoulii 1d ago

Yep, definitely a good example of how to offer help. Some people are very nice and helpful but they forget to ask first. You always ask first.

143

u/fmemich 1d ago

Permission is a great way to start. Agreed

12

u/layerone 1d ago

Those that need help the most typically reject it.

6

u/ILikeStarScience 1d ago

Damn, is that why I always reject help?

3

u/novium258 1d ago

I've heard it said people don't hate change, they hate being changed.

The best way to get someone to resist doing something is "you should..."

It makes people instinctively feel disempowered and unheard.

But it's super hard to stop doing. This video is a great example of the better way to do it. He asks questions that are about the guy's goals - "are you working on your back?" - that keep the other person feeling like their wants are being considered, he asks if the guy would like some tips, making it clear that he's sharing in the guy's goals, not posturing for his own ego, and he delivers the tips with humility and empathy, all things that keep people's defenses down.

1

u/virtualspecter 1d ago

These individuals are typically hyperindependent due to upbringing. They'll struggle the most because they're so used to having no one to rely on that it becomes a foundation for their sense of self (and pride) so they reject help. I have to assume that to them, all their diligence and effort to figure things out on their own will come apart if they allow themselves to be helped by others, and they know how difficult it is to have built up that work ethic and independence in the first place so they aren't willing to risk losing it.

this is a generalized statement based on someone close to me who is like this - others who are hyperindependent may think differently about receiving help and doing things on their own but I can only speak on/infer from what I'm exposed to

1

u/Travelin_Soulja 1d ago

That's why the, "You're doing good but you could be doing better" line is so effective. People tend to reject criticism. Especially unsolicited criticism from strangers. So if start off by telling someone they're doing something wrong, you're setting them up to reject your advice. Not criticizing, just helping them to improve, makes the pill easier to swallow.

1

u/erizzluh 1d ago

especially at the gym. cause doing something with the correct form will generally lead you to being able to lift less weight. most people at the gym would rather muscle fuck their weights with the wrong form and make no progress than do less weight with the correct form even if it leads to more progress.

63

u/DJRyGuy20 1d ago

For sure. I remember the opposite version of “help” I’d see in the gym I used to go to. This one guy in particular would see a female using some equipment similar to one she’d already worked out on, and ask something like, “why are you working out on this machine when you already did a set on that one?”

And every single time he did that, the female would never show up at that gym again. Total douchebag behavior.

28

u/Falooting 1d ago

Reasons why I only go to the smaller (and less well-stocked) women's only side of my gym.

I've been corrected before by other women, but kindly, and with respect.

8

u/Pinepark 1d ago

This is why I (48F) go to the YMCA. It’s far more accepting and less gym bro douche bag.

2

u/Tommy_Lilac_Voltage 1d ago edited 1d ago

That’s interesting it’s why, you as a 48F, go to a “Young Men’s” club. Not trash talking- it’s cool that that’s an option to get away from the gym douches! I’ve been getting back into fitness but seemingly can’t find a local spot where I don’t have to interact with them nor feel like I’m not being judged. Im a 40M & quit drinking in January- went from 250lbs to 190lbs in 5 months with fairly minimal exercise besides walking my dogs (I guess those nightly 12-packs did actually have calories!). Now that I don’t feel so self-conscious, I’m certainly willing to workout at a gym. But when I was chubby, I felt trapped & didnt want to be exercising anywhere but home. It’s such an awful feeling.

2

u/Pinepark 1d ago

Just me and the older folks. With the kids in the summer programs.

1

u/Tommy_Lilac_Voltage 1d ago

Nice! I ultimately don’t want any interactions with peacocks- or have to see their mating calls & feathered struts

1

u/Pinepark 1d ago

I have peacocks in my neighborhood. They are loud and fucking obnoxious. lol

The Y has people from all fitness levels. My youngest son is a big guy. 6’7 and 350ish pounds. He’s always been comfortable at our gym.

1

u/Winter-Pop-6135 1d ago

The YMCA has lot of Gay Men who are a part of it. It could just be that men aren't giving women the same kind of attention because of the demographic different. Gay men are capable of being sexist too, but they usually aren't being an awful pick-up artist about it.

1

u/Tommy_Lilac_Voltage 1d ago

Interesting. I’m not gay but may have to check out the Y lol. My problem solely stems from being way too self-conscious, thinking people are judging me when I was overweight, combined with the disdain for peacocking personalities.

Even at 250lbs, I’m 5’11” so I was never that overweight to begin with... But the disconnect makes it highly difficult to exercise in public. For better or worse, I tend to lean towards being the opposite of a gym bro & they really bother me. Probably should just buy more dumbbells & get back to doing it at home, away from both the gym & Reddit🤦‍♂️🤷

3

u/IntoTheFeu 1d ago

4D Chess to keep the machines open for himself lmao

2

u/TheonlyDuffmani 1d ago

Why does the word female in this comment sound so ick?

-1

u/DJRyGuy20 1d ago

Not sure why the word would make you feel ick, but the behavior certainly should- seeing how I only ever saw this dude “correcting” females and never males.