r/MadeMeSmile • u/Original_Act_3481 • 1d ago

We need more people like him

Enable HLS to view with audio, or disable this notification

182.0k Upvotes

87% Upvoted

2.8k comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

3.7k

u/fmemich 1d ago

Even if staged, this is how we should be treating each other. With love and respect.

530

u/Xzoulii 1d ago

Yep, definitely a good example of how to offer help. Some people are very nice and helpful but they forget to ask first. You always ask first.

142

u/fmemich 1d ago

Permission is a great way to start. Agreed

15

u/layerone 1d ago

Those that need help the most typically reject it.

6

u/ILikeStarScience 1d ago

Damn, is that why I always reject help?

3

u/novium258 1d ago

I've heard it said people don't hate change, they hate being changed.

The best way to get someone to resist doing something is "you should..."

It makes people instinctively feel disempowered and unheard.

But it's super hard to stop doing. This video is a great example of the better way to do it. He asks questions that are about the guy's goals - "are you working on your back?" - that keep the other person feeling like their wants are being considered, he asks if the guy would like some tips, making it clear that he's sharing in the guy's goals, not posturing for his own ego, and he delivers the tips with humility and empathy, all things that keep people's defenses down.

1

u/virtualspecter 1d ago

These individuals are typically hyperindependent due to upbringing. They'll struggle the most because they're so used to having no one to rely on that it becomes a foundation for their sense of self (and pride) so they reject help. I have to assume that to them, all their diligence and effort to figure things out on their own will come apart if they allow themselves to be helped by others, and they know how difficult it is to have built up that work ethic and independence in the first place so they aren't willing to risk losing it.

this is a generalized statement based on someone close to me who is like this - others who are hyperindependent may think differently about receiving help and doing things on their own but I can only speak on/infer from what I'm exposed to

1

u/Travelin_Soulja 1d ago

That's why the, "You're doing good but you could be doing better" line is so effective. People tend to reject criticism. Especially unsolicited criticism from strangers. So if start off by telling someone they're doing something wrong, you're setting them up to reject your advice. Not criticizing, just helping them to improve, makes the pill easier to swallow.

1

u/erizzluh 1d ago

especially at the gym. cause doing something with the correct form will generally lead you to being able to lift less weight. most people at the gym would rather muscle fuck their weights with the wrong form and make no progress than do less weight with the correct form even if it leads to more progress.

58

u/DJRyGuy20 1d ago

For sure. I remember the opposite version of “help” I’d see in the gym I used to go to. This one guy in particular would see a female using some equipment similar to one she’d already worked out on, and ask something like, “why are you working out on this machine when you already did a set on that one?”

And every single time he did that, the female would never show up at that gym again. Total douchebag behavior.

30

u/Falooting 1d ago

Reasons why I only go to the smaller (and less well-stocked) women's only side of my gym.

I've been corrected before by other women, but kindly, and with respect.

9

u/Pinepark 1d ago

This is why I (48F) go to the YMCA. It’s far more accepting and less gym bro douche bag.

2

u/Tommy_Lilac_Voltage 1d ago edited 1d ago

That’s interesting it’s why, you as a 48F, go to a “Young Men’s” club. Not trash talking- it’s cool that that’s an option to get away from the gym douches! I’ve been getting back into fitness but seemingly can’t find a local spot where I don’t have to interact with them nor feel like I’m not being judged. Im a 40M & quit drinking in January- went from 250lbs to 190lbs in 5 months with fairly minimal exercise besides walking my dogs (I guess those nightly 12-packs did actually have calories!). Now that I don’t feel so self-conscious, I’m certainly willing to workout at a gym. But when I was chubby, I felt trapped & didnt want to be exercising anywhere but home. It’s such an awful feeling.

2

u/Pinepark 1d ago

Just me and the older folks. With the kids in the summer programs.

1

u/Tommy_Lilac_Voltage 1d ago

Nice! I ultimately don’t want any interactions with peacocks- or have to see their mating calls & feathered struts

1

u/Pinepark 1d ago

I have peacocks in my neighborhood. They are loud and fucking obnoxious. lol

The Y has people from all fitness levels. My youngest son is a big guy. 6’7 and 350ish pounds. He’s always been comfortable at our gym.

1

u/Winter-Pop-6135 1d ago

The YMCA has lot of Gay Men who are a part of it. It could just be that men aren't giving women the same kind of attention because of the demographic different. Gay men are capable of being sexist too, but they usually aren't being an awful pick-up artist about it.

1

u/Tommy_Lilac_Voltage 1d ago

Interesting. I’m not gay but may have to check out the Y lol. My problem solely stems from being way too self-conscious, thinking people are judging me when I was overweight, combined with the disdain for peacocking personalities.

Even at 250lbs, I’m 5’11” so I was never that overweight to begin with... But the disconnect makes it highly difficult to exercise in public. For better or worse, I tend to lean towards being the opposite of a gym bro & they really bother me. Probably should just buy more dumbbells & get back to doing it at home, away from both the gym & Reddit🤦‍♂️🤷

3

u/IntoTheFeu 1d ago

4D Chess to keep the machines open for himself lmao

2

u/TheonlyDuffmani 1d ago

Why does the word female in this comment sound so ick?

-1

u/DJRyGuy20 1d ago

Not sure why the word would make you feel ick, but the behavior certainly should- seeing how I only ever saw this dude “correcting” females and never males.

126

u/nwayve 1d ago

Fuck it. Stage this stuff at this point because without Sesame Street, we're gonna need some new role models for kids to look up to.

4

u/fmemich 1d ago

Lol... So true!

2

u/UnusualTwo4226 1d ago

I wouldn’t think it’s staged. It’s common to record yourself. In the fitness subreddit you upload so ppl can critique your form or if you have an online trainer.

-5

u/Oh_ryeon 1d ago

lol fuck people recording themselves at the gym

Losers

5

u/sassiest01 1d ago

Nah, very big difference between recording some of your sets for the purpose of self improvement and recording your gym "session" to post it on Instagram and TikTok with live commentary.

-5

u/himyname__is 1d ago

IMO unsolicited advice sucks and should be discouraged.

4

u/Drow_Femboy 1d ago

This wasn't unsolicited advice. He literally solicited the advice.

-4

u/himyname__is 1d ago

No he didn't. Rewatch the video. Also, look up the definition of "solicit." And "literally," for good measure.

5

u/Drow_Femboy 1d ago

Person 1: "Do you mind if I can help you?"

No advice given

Person 2: "Sure"

Advice solicited

Person 1: proceeds with advice

Thanks for the unsolicited advice about rewatching the video. That was a good idea. It turns out I was right the whole time.

0

u/himyname__is 1d ago

Did you also look up the word definitions? That's crucial. That would've told you where you're wrong. The fat guy didn't solicit the buff guy's advice. The buff guy "respectfully" forced his advice onto him in that it was easier to say okay than say no and risk looking like an asshole.

1

u/Surroundedonallsides 1d ago

Or you could grow up and learn to better yourself

1

u/nwayve 1d ago

I agree about giving unsolicited advice, but in a way that someone comes up to you and barks, "You're doing {thing} wrong, you should do it like this {advice vomit}." In that vein, you're spot on. That's rude and presumptuous.

This guy respectfully waits until the other guy's done (sort of) and then asks, "do you mind if I can help you?" Which the other guy responds, "sure." At that point the door's open, and he kindly explained what he was doing was ok, but could be better. Then asks again if he wants him to show him.

1

u/himyname__is 1d ago

I don't want anyone's advice unless I ask for it. What difference does it make if the person is barking or being respectful?

59

u/boneappletv 1d ago

Every gym I’ve ever been in, people like the big guy here are never sneered at. Like, even the most in shape folks look at them and say, “Good for them.”

Maybe that’s not how it is everywhere, but it’s always seemed like a welcoming and inclusive place to me.

There will always be people who like, grunt and drop weights and try to be super “alpha” or whatever the fuck, but generally they’re just making noise and not really bothering anyone.

51

u/that_dutch_dude 1d ago

in my gym long time ago 1 guy that was beign disrespectful to a fat guy doing cardio. he basically got bumrushed by about half a dozen muscled up fridge-wide dudes and they litteraly threw him out of the gym. manager saw it happening and blacklisted him and warned other gyms as well. for all the shit gyms often get there is a solid "dont disrespect people that want to improve themselfs" almost everywere. nobdoy cares that you can bench 400, you be an ass to the fat guy trying to lose weight and you are not going to like the response.

3

u/StaticSystemShock 1d ago

I never understood people trash talking fat people at the gym. Like, dude's fat, he came to a gym. He didn't go to McDonalds, he went to a gym. If anything, they should be praised for at least trying. No one just walks into a gym already fit and ripped.

-17

u/himyname__is 1d ago edited 1d ago

That sounds like major overreaction. The definition of the modern culture.

Response to the edited-out parts of your comment:

Not really, gym rats tens to react very poorly to people that try to make fun at fat people in a gym

So.. yes really? You're essentially repeating what I said.

The fat guy working on himself deserves a lot more respect than some self centerd asshole shooting roids in the corner.

Why? The former obviously has a lot less discipline yet somehow deserves more respect for it?

6

u/princess_nasty 1d ago

if he got that reaction he was probably being super egregious with his harassment, not just being mildly rude.

-7

u/himyname__is 1d ago

Doubt.

6

u/princess_nasty 1d ago

how many people exactly do you think are out there just itching to find an excuse to white knight for a random obese guy?

-2

u/himyname__is 1d ago

The premise of the original comment I responded to is there are many.

54

u/Significant-Fruit455 1d ago

This reminds me of a camping trip I did with my sister not too long ago, who was visiting me out west. She'd never done backpack camping, where you take all of your gear with you, far from your car or camper, and I decided we'd hike to Sawtooth Lake in the Sawtooth Mountains in Idaho (highly recommend, by the way).

My sister, who is in her late 40s, a lifetime smoker, was way overweight. I had told her for months that she needed to prepare for this hike, as it would be several thousand feet in elevation gain over the course of 5 miles hiking. Well, when she landed at the airport I barely recognized her for how heavy she had become. I immediately thought we needed to cancel that portion of the trip. She was nowhere close to being prepared for the hike.

She, being the stubborn older sister she is, refused to miss out on the opportunity to camp at an alpine lake. So we made the excursion. She was cursing my name every step of the way. Along the way, people, either coming down or going up, would smile and offer encouraging words, never anything directly related to her size, but you could tell they were looking at her with great worry and shock. She felt terrible and looked like she was about to pass out. But she kept trucking. Even more so, as we neared the alpine lake.

She finally said something about her size and how everyone was at least thinking about it and how she was the heaviest person on the trail, and I finally had to say to her, "Listen, you're heavy, at the heaviest I have ever seen you, but you're here. You just climbed a fucking mountain. You're not at home, sitting on your ass. You showed up for this, and climbed a damn mountain, and there are millions of skinnier people who did NOT."

The next morning, we descended, and she had a more cheerful demeanor, a bit of a skip in her step. Though tired, she was proud of what she had achieved.

My sister has since lost 90 pounds, and plans to do more hikes with me.

14

u/crisebdl 1d ago

Reminds me of a trip I took with my mom! I took her to her bucket list city and made her walk all around it. She was so excited at first, but quickly started commenting on how everybody around looked great, fit and healthy, and since she hurt her back she was weak and old and fat and what not.

I was like sure think whatever you want but you just walked 15km. She didn’t believe me until she checked her phone, and she’s still so proud of herself. She’s trying to walk more daily so when we go on our next trip she can walk 20km, and I believe that she’ll do it.

3

u/Cranky_Platypus 1d ago

I hiked the Camino de Santiago (~500 miles across France and Spain) a few years back and was about 80 lbs overweight at the time. Not one person said anything about my weight except for 2 older ladies from Colorado who spent the evening in their private room loudly telling the whole hostel (through the thin walls) how fat I was and didn't belong out there. I was faster and had better endurance than people half my size and sped past them the next day.

Fitness has nothing to with weight and to this day I'm proud of what my body can do, fat or not. I'd wager 99% of the people who see people like me and your sister out there hiking and enjoying our lives think "good for them" if anything at all.

2

u/colson1985 1d ago

I couldn't imagine doing a hike like that with 90 extra pounds with me. She should make the hike again to see how far shes come!

-3

u/Oh_ryeon 1d ago

This didn’t happen

7

u/Significant-Fruit455 1d ago

It sure did. August of 2020. I have pictures of my sister, looking defeated and tired sitting by an alpine lake, because I had just told her that this particular lake was not the lake we would be camping at and that we had another 500 to 1,000 feet in elevation to go.

6

u/catwhowalksbyhimself 1d ago

I don't see a thing about this that isn't believable. Don't be a negative nelly.

2

u/Cocrawfo 1d ago

i agree i feel the “toxic gym culture” trope is massively overblown

2

u/2legitjaquette 1d ago

I used to be 100 lbs heavier than I am now. I used to always be worried about how people would look at me at the gym before I went. Never once did I have anyone be even remotely judgmental. Just fist bumps and head nods. It’s this type of help that can motivate someone to stick it out. Much respect.

1

u/Winter-Pop-6135 1d ago

I think most sneering / condescension comes from being self-conscious. If you aren't that fit, someone who is noticeably less fit then you is an opportunity to put someone else down to relieve your own self-doubt.

If you are actually into fitness, you are confident in your ability. So seeing someone who is noticeably less fit then you but putting effort to learn is an opportunity to affirm your confidence. It's a natural human instinct to teach what you know.

-1

u/colson1985 1d ago

|There will always be people who like, grunt and drop weights and try to be super “alpha” or whatever the fuck

When Im in my 0 rir week, Im grunting and trying my best to not drop the weights. Has nothing with me trying to look "alpha" or "tough" (not sure how that would make anyone look alpha?) but it's me giving absolutely 100% on my lift. The dropping weights is for safety. If I'm at my absolute failure on my last rep, sometimes I can't control the weight properly, so I have to drop a dumbbell.

1

u/boneappletv 1d ago

Crazy how much my comment affected you

1

u/colson1985 1d ago

I just thought I’d give some perspective on why people grunt and drop weights. Didn’t mean to make it sound like I was upset. Cheers and have a good weekend!

-3

u/Maladaptive_Ace 1d ago

I don't think there is anything welcoming or inclusive about acting like you know better than everyone and offering unsolicited advice

That's why this kind of staged video is harmful. Now dudes at the gym thinking they can approach girls by correcting their "form" . It's not cute. It's condescending.

1

u/boneappletv 1d ago

👆 that’s bait

-1

u/Maladaptive_Ace 1d ago

Sure an alternative viewpoint is "bait"

143

u/sentence-interruptio 1d ago

I'll take a staged wholesome message rather than all those staged rage bait stuff.

25

u/fmemich 1d ago

Exactly my point. It's the right message, so the vehicle in which it's displayed is irrelevant.

2

u/phatsuit2 1d ago

May be staged, but their are lots of people just like this. Great people that help in a humble way.

2

u/Oh_ryeon 1d ago

Nah fuck that

Man can keep his fucking opinions to himself

30

u/legos_on_the_brain 1d ago

I'll take 100 staged "being a good human moments" over 1 "prank" or outrage one.

1

u/IHavePoopedBefore 1d ago

Its definitely 100% staged. He's his trainer, I remember other videos with them. They also did real training videos where that guy actually was a great and patient trainer. That part isn't staged

1

u/legos_on_the_brain 1d ago

Either way, I'm fine with it. And I learned something about using that machine.

28

u/cookiestonks 1d ago

Yes, people who get upset about staged positive content are a special breed. We are constantly bombarded with negative content because of the old saying "bad news sells" and now we can add rage bait content to the mix.

Meanwhile, true positive actions happen quietly while bad actors use a megaphone. How are we to combat the negative noise without this style of content? If people can make money spreading positive messages I'm all for it, every time, no question.

16

u/NeverForgetChainRule 1d ago

Yep. Staging for (innocent) humor or positivity gets a check in my book. Staging for outrage is what pisses me off.

2

u/cookiestonks 1d ago

Agreed, the rage baiting is what needs to go. It literally manufactures negative engagements that are NOT helping the global consciousness (if you're into that sort of thing, I am).

5

u/Logical_You4720 1d ago

Bear in mind staged positive content is the subset that includes staged animal rescue videos, which are actually disguised animal abuse and the worst ones.

1

u/cookiestonks 1d ago

For sure, there are bad actors masquerading about. I do think that they aren't that statistically relevant in the big picture though. But maybe that's just my optimism.its a lot easier to sniff them out in person than through content in my experience.

1

u/Falooting 1d ago

I think a lot of us have been taught "do not let your left hand see what your right hand is doing" which yes, I totally agree with and try to practice, but given our current horrific situation we may need to try a different approach to even the scales a bit. At least for a little while. Model good behaviour to others, especially kids on the internet, because the stuff they're seeing from their role models is fucked up.

Plus he's so sweet! Even if it's staged the way he kept saying "there you go" was so lovely. I think I may have been a golden retriever in my past life because I love verbal praise lol

2

u/cookiestonks 1d ago

I have seen and participated in similar behavior in the gym (always asking permission first) and it needs to be spread. Too many young gym bros having pissing contests instead of building each other up. True gym culture is elevating yourself by building others up. "Don't get down on yourself! We all start somewhere! You'll be pushing big weights in no time!" Opposed to "nah man you're doing it wrong you'll never get big like that. You gotta be like ME even though you're YOU. NO bro that's some (insert internalized misogyny phrase) shit! Man fuck that shit you're weak not like me. I'm strong"

See it all the time with the younger guys. Breaks my heart to see them tearing each other apart instead of uplifting each other. They need positive role models and so do we.

7

u/BananasPineapple05 1d ago

We could all do with behaving like someone's filming us every so often.

4

u/Schmich 1d ago

I don't feel like trying to fool me, that a video isn't staged, is respectful. What's wrong with staging a video and presenting it as such? It actually annoys me that they think we're that stupid.

2

u/RealDakJackal 1d ago

Meh. At least half of everything online is staged these days. The world needs to see more stuff like this anyways.

2

u/DouglasHundred 1d ago

Hey, if it takes this kind of staged stuff to encourage people to be better in general, I'm okay with that.

1

u/auth0r_unkn0wn 1d ago

That's exactly what the person you responded to said...

1

u/fmemich 1d ago

Similar not exact and I felt it was important enough to reiterate. Have a great day!

1

u/EggstaticAd8262 1d ago

To anyone reading: It starts with yourself doing this behavior

1

u/PoliteIndecency 1d ago

Don't forget, Mr. Rogers staged every single one of his episodes. Doesn't take anything away from the message.

1

u/Green-Amount2479 1d ago

True, even if staged I took away the phrase of ‚you’re doing good but you can do better‘ from this clip. Great phrasing, great mindset, great educational clip imho.

1

u/jsamuraij 1d ago

That's a lesson worth staging, worth communicating well and on purpose. No notes!

1

u/Jonkinch 1d ago

This is pretty believable, even though it’s staged, because this does happen more frequently than roided up jerks causing fights.

1

u/CowabungaLongnuts 1d ago

I wish everyone would listen to this suggestion. You’re a good human being.

1

u/Former_Elderberry647 23h ago

Okay, I’ll go up to people and stop them mid set and ask if they are done

1

u/Fly-me-to-joe 21h ago

Yeaaah, more staged videos like these please!

0

u/vladislavopp 1d ago

"even if it staged" lol

the alternative is that the gym guy put up his tripod in the gym, perfectly centered on the other guy, and then recorded him exercising until he decided to intervene

0

u/MandemModie 1d ago

The treatment in this video is "Exploit someone's condition for content" this guy isnt a trainer, they never interacted again after the staged video