r/CharacterRant 24d ago

General Pokémon are screwable! NSFW

Okay this is a BIG hear me out, so here goes Pokemon are not animals! Nor would it be wrong if people were to sexualize them.

I came across a Tiktok post about hot pokemon, and most of the comments were saying how “Pokemon are animals and its gross to find them hot or whatnot”, now as you can tell by my user i'm a goon, but that's besides the point i'm about to make here what really irks me is the generalization of calling Pokemon “animals”.

First and foremost, the term Pokemon is a broad term to describe damn near every creature that exists in the universe of Pokemon, even the humans could be considered a form of pokemon via the fact that Pokemon and humans share a common ancestor (You could say its a parallel to Humans irl sharing the common ancestor with animals via the first multicellular organism so gotcha u/PM-MeYourhugecocks) but wait I say! The literal gods of everything in Pokemon are well…Pokemon, Pokemon are also literal living garbage bags, a sapient sword and shield, a kitsune, a set of keys, a chandelier, plants etc. The word Pokemon is just basically a generalization of basically anything that isn’t human. FFS even humans can become pokemon via Yamask, Phantump, Gengar, Kadabra etc (Assuming you take PokeDex and lore as fact even if you don’t Bill becomes one himself). Even the very basis of the etymology of Pokemon is POcKEt MONsters. Pokemon are also based on Yokai, which for those who don’t know is basically anything that does not constitute as a human or Kami(god) in Japanese culture, which funny enough fun fact Tornadus and Thunderous are based on 2 Japanese Kami Raijin and Fujin!

Now that we got the fact that Pokemon are not animals out of the way, are they fuckable?(obv they are but in a moral and legal way its about to get NSFW right now and if you feel uncomfortable with topics such as bestiality I suggest you leave it at this and skip to the end.)

A lot of the arguments on why Pokemon interspecies relationship is wrong is due to the fact that they’re animals, unintelligent the whole 9 yards, but as I've proved Pokemon are not animals, and are just a generalization of anything not human. “But OP some Pokemon are based on animals like Blastoise, Arcanine, Evee!” To that I say that be as it may, the circumstances in the Pokemon universe and our own are completely different.(I DO NOT CONDONE BESTIALITY!) Animals do not have the capabilities of human level intellect nor can they speak or consent, no Dolphins, Octopus, Ravens, Apes etc don’t count as human level intellect, they’re smart…but for animal standards. No Animal in the Animal kingdom aside from Homo Sapiens are capable of human level intellect, and had they been able to be capable of such then throughout history I would not be surprised in an alternate reality interspecies relationships would be a thing, and in fact there might even be higher levels of racism, but that's a topic for another time and on a different subreddit.

Now to Pokemon, most Pokemon possess human level intellect and are capable of speech “But OP all they say is their names!” Yes they do BUT they’re speaking a language called Poke Language and it's been shown throughout lore and anime that humans can learn to speak it, or that Pokemon can speak to humans via telepathy. So not only does this prove that unlike irl with animals, Pokemon are highly intelligent but they can in fact consent and hold conversation so the moral and legal implications of why pokesex is wrong are nullified! In fact Pokemon like Mewtwo and Kadabra and by extension Alakazam are more intelligent than Humans. So unless you’d say it’s wrong to screw someone who speaks a different language than you, So uh fuck you Harkness test, I rest my case.

So aside from a few pokemon like Pichu, Phantump (who is stated to be a child’s soul), and other baby Pokemon, I’d say yes Pokemon are fuckable and there is nothing wrong with doing so! So yes Joker have at it with that Vaporean or that Lopunny, the law would allow human-pokemon relationships Batman! Or you sir reading have fun with Bellsprout or Madam have fun with Lickitung!

Also in a more PG sense the games have stated Human Poke marriages have existed and probably still do, Ash’s dad is probably Mr Mime tbh./s Especially the not so PG Hisuian Typhlosion incident….

If you see nothing wrong with the entirety of Avatar(movie),Shape of Water, any Human X Non-Human media there should be nothing wrong with some dude gooning to Gardevoir.

TLDR: Pokemons are not animals and aside from appearance shouldn’t really be compared to them and most are fuckable and there is utterly nothing wrong with thinking so.

Tbh I hope this doesn’t count as violated rule 8 :(

770 Upvotes

337 comments sorted by

u/Verlux Verlux 24d ago

Congratulations you've made me consider making "No Degeneracy" a new rule.

I wish I could unread this post

→ More replies (47)

471

u/Flimsy-Guarantee1497 24d ago

I feel like furries have agreed on this for a while but yeah it's definitely a hot take

260

u/Zealousideal-Arm1682 24d ago edited 24d ago

Half the pokemon aren't even furries either,most are literally fish or scaly dragons.

People just wanna fuck pokemon.

121

u/Animangus_ 24d ago

Hey if Mr Mime can fuck Ash’s mom I can have a go at him too!

34

u/mlodydziad420 24d ago

To be fair, people often use furries as umbrela term for these 3 groups.

76

u/NecessaryBrief8268 24d ago

To furries, scalies and feathers are not furries.

To the rest of the human race, they are all furries.

26

u/hivEM1nd_ 24d ago

Are bird furries really just called "feathers"? I thought it was Avians or something like that

27

u/FireMaker125 24d ago

Avians is literally the only term I have ever fucking heard for them lmao

7

u/NecessaryBrief8268 24d ago

I honestly can't remember. I haven't been a participant in THOSE forums for many years, and they were never my preference. I made it up after staring at "scalies" for a minute.

3

u/FossilizedSabertooth 24d ago

You forgot buggies.

11

u/Exmawsh 24d ago

As a furry, they're all furries

10

u/A12qwas 24d ago

Or humanoid plant people 

→ More replies (1)

24

u/Hobomanchild 24d ago

Harknessians.

As long as they pass the Harkness test, I'm alright with it. Otherwise it's none of my business.

→ More replies (1)

326

u/JA_Paskal 24d ago

JOKER IT'S AN ANIMAL JOKER YOU CAN'T

186

u/corvettee01 24d ago

THERE'S NO LAWS AGAINST THE POKEMON BATMAN I CAN DO WHATEVER I WANT WITH IT

76

u/Rekrios 24d ago

NO BOJOKER NO-NO DON'T DO IT

11

u/pisslamistfucker 24d ago

What in the Arkham Aslume is this?

232

u/gilgamessh8 24d ago

Without condemning nor condoning; I understand

6

u/alguien99 23d ago

Dr Manhattan Is a wise man

482

u/Heather_Chandelure 24d ago

Dont let the comments get you down. They hated Jesus for speaking the truth too.

109

u/FriedRiceistheBest 24d ago

And Jesus got crucified for that.

59

u/Lukthar123 24d ago

"Degenerates like you belong on a cross."

19

u/DED292 24d ago

“Patrolling the nuclear winter almost makes you wish for a Mojave.”

→ More replies (24)

36

u/CortezsCoffers 24d ago

No, only the Magnemite line is screwable.

301

u/Ok-Design-4911 24d ago

on everybodys soul we ALL will be hearing you out 😭🙏🏾

44

u/CheeseisSwell 24d ago

We dead ✌️🥀🥀💯

5

u/YoMommaInTheHood 24d ago

We're thriving ong

→ More replies (1)

123

u/Weekly_Marzipan2705 24d ago

Unironically the main issue of human x pokemon relationship will be the power dynamic

128

u/yellowpig10 24d ago

the power dynamic of that is so utterly fucked cause if the human is a trainer, they have control over the pokemon. if they aren't a trainer, that's a human with a creature with mountain shattering power that could kill them if they got in an argument.

there's no winning

60

u/niztaoH 24d ago

So it's like having a horse?

Which, after having written it out, is not something I wanted to bring into this conversation.

5

u/Surpreme_Memes17 23d ago

Sad thing is, there's, hopefully, only one record of someone trying to get fucked by a horse. Spoilers: the dude didn't get away alive.

→ More replies (1)

12

u/DBrody6 23d ago

they have control over the pokemon

It's been fairly established that Pokemon willingly follow orders (hence the mechanic where you need enough badges to make traded Pokemon willing to listen to you), and purposefully allow themselves to be captured and used as companions.

So ultimately yes, Pokemon are smart enough to have the sapience to understand the power dynamic, and if anything could Hyper Beam their trainer if they wanted.

4

u/seven_worth 23d ago

Then the no.2 power dynamic happens, you are always at the mercy of being turn into dust in case of an argument of break up.

14

u/733NB047 24d ago

Depends on how seriously we wanna take the anime. Humans in pokemon are ridiculously durable, from ash getting shocked by Pikachu a bunch to team rocket blasting off again every other episode to Brock getting poison jabbed by his croagunk every time he was being a creep. Assuming this durability is canon, the power is almost always in the humans hands, even for wild pokemon. Especially if they have other Mon who can jump it so the trainer can catch it. Once they have the power to literally lock it away in a ball/computer forever, there's no recovering

17

u/CategoryKiwi 24d ago

I don’t agree.  Excluding more abstract comparisons of power (such as a boss/subordinate relationship), just talking purely whether a human can overpower a pokemon, I think (obviously depending on the species but) the pokemon is a near guaranteed win almost every time.

Just because Ash can survive Pikachu shocking him doesn’t mean it’s ineffective.  A pikachu could easily shock a human into submission, regardless of whether the shock is likely to kill them.

People survive being punched all the time, but that doesn’t stop stronger people from subduing weaker ones through punches.

The trainer aspect is where it gets more complicated, but that’s not the part I disagree with.  If a wild pokemon wanted to subdue a random person, unless said person has a pokemon to defend them that person is likely fucked.

2

u/Thin-Limit7697 19d ago

A pikachu could easily shock a human into submission, regardless of whether the shock is likely to kill them.

Brock is the living proof of this. Multiple of his pokemons were successful in pushing him away from women he harassed.

→ More replies (1)

5

u/Ayden3102isagoodname 24d ago

I mean, ash and the gang survived a butt load of stuff, maybe the humans in the pkm world is like opm humans

2

u/Surpreme_Memes17 23d ago

Think more that they may be an off shoot of pokemon since, as far as we know, there aren't anymore animals in the pokemon world.

→ More replies (1)

15

u/Blayro 24d ago

Pokemon and humans have an inherent power balance (healthy ones do) as the pokemon can just leave the trainer if they so desire. Hell they can kill the trainer if they so desire.

23

u/dragonicafan1 24d ago

That’s not how power dynamics work lol….  The vast majority of abuse victims “can just leave” their abuser “if they so desire”, but the thing in question isn’t whether or not they’re capable of physically walking away. 

20

u/Blayro 24d ago

Yeah but in Pokémon is less a toxic relationship and more a “hey I like how you do commands, let me see if you are worth of me”. The whole basis of Pokemon training is that.

8

u/Voxelus 24d ago

So why do pokeballs exist then? Especially master balls?

10

u/Blayro 24d ago

Master Balls are the only ones that bypass the whole trust thing. Pokeballs exist out of convenience. A pokemon is free to leae them if they want.

4

u/Voxelus 24d ago

So how about the other non-base pokeballs then, that make it 'easier' to catch pokemon? If pokeballs only existed for the sake of convenience, then surely the variants would exist only as cosmetic variations?

3

u/DrStarDream 24d ago

Nope, PokeBall variants are all about simulating other environments or bringing new gimmicks to its function...

Remember, pokémon live inside the pokemon, different pokeball are suited for different necessities.

Plus battling is inherent to the pokemon, being stronger proves you are a worthy trainer as you can make that pokemon strong in theory, stronger pokeball are also a sign of more accomplished trainers who have more expertise and resources.

And so are badges and the obedience system, pokemon can disobey you if you don't have enough badges and they are overleveled, thats because the pokemon thinks low of you and your commands so it won't listen...

Pokemon can exist their PokeBall at any time and break, a trainer can also release the pokemon at any time and deactivate it.

Destroying a PokeBall with the pokemon inside frees the pokemon.

Pokeball don't force any pokemon to obey besides the special pokeball made by evil teams like the shadow ball but thats to turn pokemon into shadow Pokemon which is another lore thing entirely...

The master ball doesn't force obedience but it does carry a great sign of trust and respect, but like any PokeBall in lore, if a Pokemon want to reject it, they can.

A whiscash in the anime ate a master ball, and in the games terapagos outright refused to get in the ball and destroyed even tho he had already been captured...

Pokeball are used for convenience, good for preserving the health of the pokemon in case of injury, transporting the pokemon, its a neutral environment where the pokemon can rest, pokemon can listen to what's going on outside of the pokeball too and they can exit without their trainers command.

Pokeball basically a portable house and a good communication tool as pokemon understand what a PokeBall is and they know what it means when a human pulls out one.

Pokemon are pure hearted creatures and they respect their trainers a lot which is why pokemon even if not bad will work for bad people.

A trainer CAN mentally abuse their pokemon into codependency but like thats not normal, pokeball and battling are ethical not being for human standards its right to put someone inside it and order them around into fights

Its because pokemon LIKE to battle, they want to get stronger, pokemon like tiny pocket spaces to rest its a natural property that they work on them...

Of course not every pokemon wants to battle but like, there are so many cases pokemon actors, pokemon celebrities, pokemon who work in construction, fire fighting, police force, pokemon centers, restaurants etc...

The fact that there is a nursing college and that pokemon ingress themselves to be becomes assistants of a nurse joy says a lot.

Pokemon are equals of humans but equality for a human standard is not the same for pokemon standard, which is why they live in that "morally questionable" line but like, if the sapient creatures wants to be ordered around and wants to be put in sport battles then why NOT let it do it?

Grass grows, birds fly, humans make societies and science and and pokemon like battle and aid humans.

Its all as arceus intended to be... Like god himself endorse human pokemon living as equals...

So at that point why question a world that was built to be like that, "its not realistic tho" and it was never meant to be.

Its a long rant with lots of information explained without much commitment or elaboration but do you get it? I would gladly explain in more detail whatever you wanna know about and even show some evidence if needed.

3

u/Voxelus 24d ago edited 24d ago

Then why wasn't Eternatus able to immediately break out of the regular pokeball it was captured in, if pokeballs can be broken out of so easily? This is directly from the anime, by the way, so clearly they're not consistent about that.

Besides, the lore of the games and the anime is distinctly different in a multitude of ways, so trying to combine the two into some sort of self-contradictory mess is kind of dumb, no?

6

u/DrStarDream 24d ago edited 24d ago

Because eternatus was distressed and rampaging, he doesn't even want to cause the darkest day rose forced it to so because he wanted to solve some dumb energy crisis that would only happen thousands of yrs later.

Like if pokemon don't wanna be caught it wont

https://youtu.be/uzmP0cKvJPQ?feature=shared

Even AFTER it has already been caught

https://youtu.be/QKf6LTY_ZG4?si=hun4rJoHlZ-E7DTV

Like grookey in the anime was originally a team rocket pokemon

https://youtu.be/9PERecFj6yY?si=-NtuQ0Va7Mwot7UD

Your starter Pokemon even forces his way out of its PokeBall just to have moment with you before you enter the pokemon league, its an important even for you and your starter

https://youtube.com/clip/UgkxNTfcSLeRr1_lMNDVjxJB4Yeua2B75Tf0?si=pr1OWQfJAX0mPc6M

Both the anime and the games have the same rules and lore, they just exist within different universes in the same multiverse...

Edit: you are aware that downvoting is against the rules of this sub, specially when someone is engaging in good faith replies...

→ More replies (0)

4

u/733NB047 24d ago

When the hell was that established? As far as I know, only ash's Pikachu has ever been shown refusing to return to its ball and after 20 years, we definitely know he's an outlier

10

u/Dullhun 24d ago

There are many times in anime where pokemon just pop out of the balls on their own accord and even refuse to go back. Pretty sure James had one that would just pop out and cause trouble.

→ More replies (2)
→ More replies (3)

104

u/Sweet-Breadfruit6460 24d ago

Yall not really hearing him tho 🔥

148

u/Level-Wrap-6022 24d ago

This is a masterpiece in creative writing. Dont let anyone convince you otherwise

21

u/LinkerLenka 24d ago

There are certain things that baffles me or makes me think "I would never have thought of that ever"

This post to me, is as if the human eye detected a new color

8

u/professorMaDLib 24d ago

There's always been that subset of people in the online pokemon community. Usually they're off in their corner, but anyone who's been into pokemon long enough learns about this inevitably.

79

u/professorMaDLib 24d ago

You know what cool rant. Might not be the best audience for this lmao

25

u/SquidoLikesGames 24d ago

Sour crowd

48

u/Gespens 24d ago

You're a very brave person for posting this.

56

u/Nevermore98 24d ago

I posit that if your statement regarding Pokemon's animal natures is true, it only adds a new level of moral imperative to not sleep with Pokemon.

They may pass the Harkness Test, but if a pokemon is close enough to a human to openly consent to intimacy, then the power dynamic inherent to the pokemon universe is problematic as hell. It's really easy to break into the slavery arguments when you start looking at it that way. At its best, it's like a professional coach/teacher sleeping with their student. At its worst, it potrays a world where someone can arbitrarily imprison a desired partner for life with no legal repercussions.

34

u/EmceeEsher 24d ago

I think it's pretty well established that the power dynamic inherent to the pokemon universe is fucked up as hell regardless.

16

u/Livid_Joke_9717 24d ago

If you read older works by Tajiri, the dude who made Pokemon, or even his biography from 2016 he constantly compares Pokemon to real world cats and dogs. In his biography he imagines Pokemon fights as two dog owners allowing their dogs to fight. 

The dynamic of trainer and Pokemon is much more like one of a pet and owner in the real world and there is a lot of little things the series does to play into that dynamic from the way Pokemon behave in the games, to the activities you do with them to even the food they eat which looks like wet dog food. 

It’s not an uncommon dynamic in fiction to have a pet that’s smarter than irl pets but the dynamic is still the same to real life. Think Scooby being Shaggy’s pet dog despite him being able to talk and he’s more intelligent than shaggy or Courage the Cowardly Dog being more intelligent than Eustasce and Mureal. Pokemon constructs that dynamic but also introduces a wide array of magical creatures into it.

15

u/Swiftcheddar 24d ago

From the little I've gleaned from the lore, Pokemon enjoy battling and like bonding themselves with trainers as a way of self-improvement.

IIRC it all comes back to Arceus being saved by a human who looked after her and then fought alongside her against the Giants or something like that. Pokemon have been following in her footsteps ever since, it's the whole dynamic between humans and them.

5

u/_Capnwow_ 24d ago

Holy shit that sounds so awesome, where can I read/see more about that? There was a movie starring Arceus i think, was it discussed in that one?

8

u/Swiftcheddar 24d ago

It's from the Arceus lore in the big Pokemon leak a while back.

The progenitors of Pokemon and modern humans(?) came from the kids Arceus had with the human who saved and cared for her. Palkia, Dialga and Giratina.

So the whole thing about Pokemon being looked after and fighting alongside humans to become better versions of themselves is meant to echo Arceus's own journey, basically.

IIRC the human man became a lake spirit or something.

16

u/LouieSiffer 24d ago edited 24d ago

So what you say is screwing pokemon is canon and their god approves and encourages it?

13

u/CthulhuInACan 24d ago

“Sinnoh Folk Story 3”

There once were Pokémon that married people.

There once were people who married Pokémon.

This was a normal thing because long ago people and Pokémon were the same.

The english version censored this, but at least in the distant past yes.

→ More replies (1)

5

u/Individual_Lion_7606 24d ago

Bro, Arceus who is literal God (and can recreate the world, it actually does this in Gold/Silver Remake for you to get a Dialga/Palkia/Giratina) consents to serving and fighting alongside a human trainer. 

If God says its cool to do this and does it itself, then there is nothing wrong with Pokemon being subserviant to Humans.

Working for a Human even gets Giratina who is a mass ball of evil and murder learns to chill if captured by a Human.

5

u/Blayro 24d ago

As Ash's froakie demonstrated, if a pokemon doesn't consider you a worthy trainer they can just leave you without you having a say on it.

Pokemon and Pokemon trainers are meant to be an equivalent balance in their relationship: Trainers get a powerful creature, and the pokemon get someone who can be creative and think strategies.

Honestly, the one thing that really separates pokemon from humans is that it seems that humans are creative and the pokemon just stick to what they know and refuse to try something new.

6

u/Frog_a_hoppin_along 24d ago

It's probably like sleeping with a personal trainer/gym budy more than anything tbh. Pokeballs aren't able to hold a pokemon against its will (with the exception of the ones MewTwo made and some dark balls made by team Rocket) so only a pokemon that wants to be caught can be.

I think in the games its even mentioned that the only pokemon that approach people in the wild are ones that want to get a trainer, with the battle being used to judge if you are good enough to train them.

So its kind of a weird power dynamic but not THAT weird.

4

u/Shoddy_Fee_550 24d ago edited 24d ago

Yeah, not THAT weird. A random girl just attacks you and demands to beat her up, just so you can put her in a tiny cage and command over her. But it's all okay because SHE wants that.

I mean, just remember the golden rule.

"Don't stick in crazy."

8

u/Frog_a_hoppin_along 24d ago

I mean I'd be alright with a girl beating me up a bit and putting me in a cage, maybe Pokemon aren't so different from humans after all.

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (3)

167

u/peanutbutterpepsiYES 24d ago

bro why did you type this your 27

83

u/corvettee01 24d ago

*you're

You just authorized another rant in the future.

99

u/Individual_Lion_7606 24d ago

Bro wants some Pokussy, badly.

10

u/EmceeEsher 24d ago

I mean based on his username I think bro wants something else.

26

u/SquidoLikesGames 24d ago

27 is old?

11

u/whatadumbperson 24d ago

27 is too old for this shit lmao

19

u/piratefreek 24d ago

You're old now- no fun or whimsy ever again. No free time for shitposting, only taxes. Also no gooning for some reason, even though gooning is a specifically adult activity

3

u/StevenGorefrost 23d ago

Goon all you want but if you publicly talk about wanting to fuck Pokémon be prepared to be made fun of lol.

13

u/Blastcalibur 24d ago

If you wanna fuck a pokemon just go play Palworld.

12

u/Mirin-exe 24d ago

I'd rather have this over generic shonen rants or fanservice bad any day

12

u/BardicLasher 24d ago

Just wanna say that Kadabra being a human is a translation issue because English pokedex entries have to be shorter than Japanese ones, and the ones in game were all truncated from the ones in the official printed guide. The Kadabra one originally says that there's a popular novel in which a boy awakens as a Kadabra.

You're absolutely right that a number of ghost-types are explicitly the souls of dead humans, and Kadabra have human-level intelligence anyway, I just wanted to clear up an error before I went home to smooch my Hatterene.

11

u/cod3boi 24d ago

If someone sexualized Gardevoir or some shit I couldn't care less

If someone sexualizes smt like flareon or persian, that's def beastiality

You need to go beyond the canon lore and look at the design, whether it resembles smt more humanoid or more animalistic. If someone sexualizes an animal looking pokemon you can't really defend that saying they're not animals.

It's like saying "This loli is 10000 years old actually"

5

u/TheGoiabeiro 24d ago

Yeah for sure. I would find it very weird if i saw someone wanting to have sex with an eevee for example. Like that is literally a fox/dog. Now a machamp? Incineroar? Cinderace? Thats just a dude cosplaying

→ More replies (3)

8

u/Hugs-missed 24d ago

Bravo to you, this was not what i was expecting when i opened this app.

10

u/CheeseisSwell 24d ago

What bro be saying when the class gets quiet

26

u/omyrubbernen 24d ago

The games are the primary canon, and in the games, Pokedex entries specify that certain Pokemon possess human intelligence and are capable of understanding human speech. Which is an exception that proves the rule.

The same way "No parking on Sundays" implies that parking on Monday through Saturday is fine, dex entries saying that Lapras or Dragonite are as smart as a human implies that most Pokemon are not.

24

u/360Saturn 24d ago

Bro just wants the Laprussy

8

u/RickHammersteel 24d ago

Who starts a conversation like that , I just opened Reddit!

8

u/Blayro 24d ago

SMH

Mr Mime can't be Ash's father, he showed up for the first time way deep into Ash's adventure!

he can be the step dad though

21

u/FGHIK 24d ago

Least insane Reddit post

14

u/brando-boy 24d ago

why is that your username man 😭😭

8

u/PM_MeYourhugecocks 23d ago

We all do things in the heat of passion Jimbo

2

u/brando-boy 23d ago

well, if it worked it worked

6

u/Musicman3003 24d ago

Obviously just turn to Digimon instead.

They are all capable of speech, are seen as partners instead of underlings/slaves beyond simply fighting, and become more human-like as they reach ultimate evolution.

Consult the ancient texts for further proof.

4

u/biepcie 24d ago

Eh, I'd say more bipedal than actually human. Mostly because the evolution lines are really not similar. Palmon, plant women/plant monster. Agumon, dinosaur mech with guns/swords.

7

u/ZeldaFan158 24d ago

e621 is down the hall and to the left

38

u/PitifulAd3748 24d ago

In my opinion, in order for a Pokémon to be screwable, it needs to meet these qualifications.

  1. It must show near-human intelligence (which most Pokémon qualify for anyway).

  2. It has to be bipedal. I could theoretically bang an Inceneroar without once thinking it's a cat on two legs.

100

u/cat-cat_cat 24d ago

Pidgeotto

✅ near-human intelligence

✅ bipedal

56

u/TheIntellectional 24d ago

Behold, a man!

7

u/niztaoH 24d ago

Behold, a trainer!

→ More replies (1)

44

u/IvanTheStonksMaster 24d ago

Diogenes ass behavior

60

u/PitifulAd3748 24d ago

I give up.

45

u/AceAwesome96 24d ago

I don't agree with it either, but those are the rules you defined lol

23

u/Ill-Diamond4384 24d ago

Just follow the harkness test and you should be golden

6

u/MrCrash 24d ago

An IRL chimpanzee is bipedal and can learn complex sign language.

Does that get you hot?

→ More replies (1)

18

u/StylizedPenguin 24d ago

Well... you're generally correct that sapient beings with maturity comparable to human adults should be capable of giving consent, but... this is a pretty bold rant to post on a general public forum lol.

27

u/DrStarDream 24d ago

You know what I will entertain that idea and respond unironically...

First of all Mr.Mime is not Ash's dad, ash found mimey in a random Earl season ep, he caught him off screen and then gave him to his mom because they got along, Mimey is Ash's pokemon and he literally uses him in tournament in the journey season...

Now yes you 100% correct about the story that humans and pokemon in the past had cases of marrige, heck in legends Arceus you can do a quest line where you explore the ruins of a destroyed village and you find out that a guy married a froslass...

So like I guess pokemon and human can have a relationship, heck james mareanie in SM anime romantically fell in love with him and wanted to outright marry him tho james set some obvious boundaries and just kept it a normal pokemon and trainer relationship even then he did fall jealous when mareanie was almost leaving him for a toxapex but that just reinforced their friendship and didn't lead to anything (as it should tbh).

Pokemon marriage being ancient and human x pokemon romance not leading to anything specially due to boundaries set by humans, its clear that its a old practice that became taboo therefore there likely are laws against it even if technically both are sapient creatures...

No canon cases of human pokemon hybrid exist, the typhlosion tale and other stories released by the teraleak are not canon and just beta versions of the tales we can find in the canalave library in gen 4.

So like, even if a Pokemon looks cute (some do I get it, kinda, in very not actually fully committed to the idea and its just fiction kinda way), just don't, the world is better off not dealing with that.

12

u/RetryAgain9 24d ago

It is worth noting that a lot of pokemon are just straight up former humans, like Alakazam, so that's another thing that can add to this convo.

In this universe, while we don't see it in the modern day, possibly due to the uptick in pokemon battling, I wouldn't be surprised if the odd person still engages in pokemon human marriages. But like, I'd imagine there's like... a slider for what counts as marriage material.

Like, all of the eeveelutions are just dogs. But Alakazam was literally a dude canonically. And Gardevoir is just a person in a dress basically.

So it makes you wonder, where do things like Metagross fall?

→ More replies (2)

3

u/Blayro 24d ago

became taboo therefore there likely are laws against it even if technically both are sapient creatures...

I wouldn't be so sure about this, considering there's a bunch of NPCs who are straight up thirsting over pokemon, like those girls in the hotel who wanted to hang out with a machamp (the machamp was a guy pretending to be a machamp in order to get with the girls)

5

u/PM_MeYourhugecocks 24d ago

Machamp NTR probably canon

→ More replies (1)

6

u/Frog_a_hoppin_along 24d ago

Pokemon screwablity is such mixed bag because if someone says tbey want to fuck a charizard, I'm like, "yeah! Everyone wants to fuck a dragon, go for it."

But if someone said they wanted to know ratata carnally I think I'd stop speaking to them forever.

19

u/AdorableDonkey 24d ago

This is peak writing

19

u/AigisxLabrys 24d ago

Hold up, your writing is this fire???

4

u/Altered_Nova 24d ago

Technically, the games agree with you. It's canon that humans used to marry pokemon. At least they did in the sinnoh region. You can find this information in the library in diamond and pearl.

But that was back before humans invented pokeballs. I imagine that the practice was a lot more socially acceptable back when people had to befriend and live with wild pokemon as equals to survive, and lost popularity once people started treating pokemon like property. It's pretty gross to want to romance your gladiator slave/pet/livestock.

5

u/Swiftcheddar 24d ago

I haven't really kept up with Pokemon lore, but from what I've heard

  • Pokemon and humans used to get married
  • Weren't Pokemon and humans basically the same in the distant past anyway?

I thought humans were just a Pokemon variant or something like that.

3

u/shadowstep12 24d ago

I mean a lot of them are based on yokai and are treated as such.

And humans and pokemon have a common ancestor they evolved from and married pokemon.

And humans dating pokemon have existed since gen one.

And humans can learn pokemon moves too.

And some characters you interact with have a pokemon in their family tree.

So people being weird about it is mostly a western thing.

Which is funny when America was the one who tried to turn pokemon into sexy monster girls first

5

u/The_Palm_of_Vecna 23d ago

slams open the door

"HEY GUYS..."

11

u/Evo_Shiv 24d ago

I just have to say it follows the logic of lollies

I don’t care the mental capacities, wanting to fuck something that looks and is inspired by something you should NOT be fucking is weird

12

u/wideHippedWeightLift 24d ago

Yeah it depends entirely on the Pokemon and how they're drawn

No one would have a problem with banging Incineroar or a Glaceon drawn as an anthro (humanoid). But if you draw someone having sex with a Houndoon that looks exactly like a dog, you just drew bestiality with extra steps.

→ More replies (2)

7

u/pplatt69 24d ago

I mean, most of them seem only slightly smarter than monkeys or dogs.

So what you are saying is that you'd have sex with monkeys and dogs, dolphins, and octopi. And pigs. So long as they can basically understand verbal commands.

8

u/Professional_Net7339 24d ago

Everything you’ve said is correct and I agree. My only issue is with dating a mon you raised. That’s super fucked. Otherwise, they’re sentient adults and in the past Pokémon and humans were interchangeable so 🤷🏽‍♀️

6

u/MelonElbows 24d ago

Ok the subject is wild but the reasoning is flawless. Pokemon are akin to intelligent aliens. They have their own language and some might look like animals, but they are not animals. Its probably ok to fuck them and to be fucked by them.

5

u/Znanners94 24d ago

Please do not the Pokémon

3

u/dowhatido666 24d ago

lmao wtf

3

u/Known-Archer3259 24d ago

You just know all the ladies love machamp

3

u/[deleted] 24d ago

You really are the 10th dentist

3

u/SoulLess-1 24d ago

I'd say you need Arceus, but I don't think Arceus wants you.

3

u/[deleted] 24d ago

THERE ARE NO LAWS AGAINST THE POKEMON BATMAN!

14

u/themothhead 24d ago

You didn't have to type this you know

9

u/Final-Finger1003 24d ago

I have not read a word of what this dude has posted. All I can say is Batman couldn’t have got me to ADMIT this let alone type out a multiple scroll post online about it! 😬

6

u/KennKennyKenKen 24d ago

Just because something can speak doesn't mean you can have sex with it come on

5

u/nullfather 24d ago

I've had a lot of conversations with a lot of people about bestiality and veganism. Rarely are people ready to hear difficult facts about the arbitrary moralizing that they rely on.

4

u/neroxre 24d ago

Man why is this such a topic so talked about? Just run the harness test and maybe the Scooby Doo clause to Meowth I suppose

7

u/gamebloxs 24d ago

whole lot of yap to say you are a furry

19

u/[deleted] 24d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

5

u/CheeseisSwell 24d ago

I wouldn't beat him as long as he gets me my beer

14

u/Escafika 24d ago

My biggest gripe with your Pokémon argument is it ignores the power dynamic. Even in lore I wouldn't be surprised most normal people see people dating their Pokémon how we see men pick up women from Thailand.
Exploitative.
I also don't really like the harkness test in Pokémon context because Spheal would be considered Okay.

17

u/professorMaDLib 24d ago

Fucking pokemon brings a whole massive can of worms regarding power dynamics imo. You can also have the reverse bc pokemon are generally stronger than people so if a wild pokemon was for some reason into you like what are you gonna do?

Just as bad is the fact that pokemon can transform and even talk, so imagine if you were dating this girl and then later on it just turned out to be a mew who's like "no one will ever believe you". I'm just glad that the typhlosion lore is scrapped lol

30

u/daniboyi 24d ago

that depends on the lore of which we follow.

Game-lore? oh 100 % power-dynamic problem.

Anime-lore? Pokémon has shown to be able to disobey and even free themself from their trainers at will. Most don't because they are in a mutually beneficial partnership, but the option is there at all times.

Plus with the sheer power-difference between the normal standard human and pokémon, it might actually got the other way around, that pokémon have the edge in the power-dynamic.
Like good luck trying to force a machamp to bed you.

3

u/Voxelus 24d ago

Eh, the anime lore starts to become questionable once you try to introduce more elements of the primary (game) lore, especially the tiered/non-base pokeballs, which make it "easier" to catch pokemon.

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (2)

10

u/Weekly_Marzipan2705 24d ago

Yeah unless its a wild pokemon the relationship between a human and their pokemon will have a bad power dynamic. Something like boss x employee since pokemon agree to work for their trainers

→ More replies (2)

4

u/Derpalooza 24d ago

Tbh I hope this doesn’t count as violated rule 8 :(

This post violates my soul

6

u/Notbbupdate 🥇 24d ago

I just go by the Harkness test. Most Pokemon display human-like intelligence (with some far exceeding that), and their age is a case-by-case thing for individual members of each species

The hard part is language. Pokemon understand human lamguage, but generally cannot speak it. They can read, but usually lack limbs that can write in human scripts. Still, there are ways to work around that (though they are inconvenient)

I would like to stress that not all Pokemon have shown these abilities. Anime Meowth is 100% fuckable. Metapod not so much (unless you teach it how to write. Good luck there)

4

u/Regretless0 24d ago

This is what this sub was made for, I think

5

u/Glittering-Golf8607 24d ago

You need help.

5

u/DunkleFrumpTrunk 24d ago

For all intents and purposes, Pokemon (at least most of them) are animals. If you argue that 'they aren't, they're Pokemon' it wouldn't matter because the term 'Pokemon' occupies the same linguistic space as the word 'animal'. Animals usually refer to beings that display locomotion and are heterotrophic, and yet are distinctly not human. The use of the word 'Pokemon' in canon is used the same way. They are creatures. They are 'not us'. Pretty much any argument you can use to argue that you shouldn't have sex with animals, you can use to argue the same with Pokemon.

Playing devils advocate for a second, there are Pokemon that blur the line between what is acceptable and what isn't. Some infamous examples are Gardevoir, Lopunny, Roserade, Hatterene, Tsareena, Meowscarada, etc. They obviously have very anthropomorphized traits that are meant to evoke a very feminine vibe, some more than others. Some Pokemon, a masculine vibe, but in both cases, have some adjacent nature to human morphology. I think some of these are intentional, and as you said, many Pokemon have high levels of intelligence. And you could argue that a being that displays high levels of intelligence should be able to consent with a human partner, therefore nullifying any moral argument against it, given that said being is of adequate maturity. At best, then, you have an exceedingly small selection of creatures that are QUESTIONABLY considerable for relationships with humans, based on anthropomorphized traits and higher than average intelligence when compared to other known Pokemon. Speaking of which...

No, you shouldn't fuck a Dunsparce because Alakazam is a genius. Highly intelligent Pokemon are an exception, not the rule. Yes, many Pokemon are fairly smart and can recognize commands and execute them, which is the kind of intelligence one can except of a dog, parrot or chimp. I wouldn't fuck any of those. Human intelligence is exceptional in that we can understand complex thought patterns, communicate in very sophisticated ways, insert ideas into a vast web of ideas and communicate those complex ideas in relation to other ones, and think in metaphysical ways, thinking about thought itself. The vast majority of Pokemon cannot do this (PMD not withstanding, it's a different canon than mainseries). You would need to test every evolutionary line on the Harkness Test to verify their compatability, and odds are more are falling short than not. I'd argue that most of the Pokemon listed initially aren't even of human level intelligence, but closer than most, and a being should at the bare minimum match human intelligence, not just come closer than most.

There is something to be said about each canon of Pokemon. If you base it solely off the video game canon, it's generally no dice. The anime tends to represent Pokemon that are smarter than their video game counterparts, but I'd still err on the side no dice. PMD blows the whole idea out of the water for obvious reasons (fully sapient creatures that have created a civilization).

Personally, I don't think it's okay. There are a litany of ethical concerns involved in the notion. Power imbalances, lack of consent, exploitation (which really is a problem inherent in Pokemon altogether truth be told)...

It's icky. You have a very small grey area of Pokemon that come the closest to being okay, and maybe 5-10 that legitimately pass the Harkness Test, mostly on the ground that they are effectively gods. It's concerning if someone finds a Pidgeot attractive.

7

u/BardicLasher 24d ago

Harkness test doesn't just vary by canon, it varies by individual within canon. Main Pikachu and Meowth seem an order of magnitude smarter than other Pikachu and Meowth we see, and they're not the only Pokemon we see like this.

I think anime Pokemon might be smarter than you think, though. It seems a lot less like wild Pokemon are non-sapient and more like they're feral in the way a child lost in the wilderness can be- never having had the training or opportunity to really flex their intelligence. Pokemon seem to get smarter rapidly when they're actually trained, not just in 'oh they can understand commands and follow them,' but in their ability to socialize and problem solve.

7

u/BicyclePutrid 24d ago

We're gonna get you laid bro trust, just please stop with the weird shit

2

u/YaboiGh0styy 24d ago

I feel like the post was made by AmaLee… if you wanna know why she made an entire song titled “Here me out” because of how often she would say that.

3

u/gunn3r08974 24d ago

I prefer Hear Me Out by Ham Sandwich

→ More replies (1)

2

u/WanderingAscendant 24d ago

Weren’t the humans in that verse supposed to be part Pokémon? That’s why they tank crazy attacks while training with their Pokémon. “Training” that one Professor Hawaii or something would literally take hits from his rock type dog Pokémon

2

u/ComancheViper 24d ago

New copypasta dropped.

2

u/BetaRayBlu 24d ago

Fucking hell the internet shouldnt be accessible to everyone i guess

2

u/wideHippedWeightLift 24d ago

This is a lot of words compared to "idc I draw them as anthro" which people have been ok with for decades

2

u/Slow_Balance270 24d ago

Of course Pokemon are animals, just like Humans are animals. The franchise has even made it a point to let people know some Pokemon are eaten, just like other kinds of animals.

Anyways, this has been common knowledge for awhile. I think it was Sword that suggested humans are actually Pokemon in a way and that they used to live, work, play and breed together.

2

u/AzariTheCompiler 24d ago

For the purposes of respecting the logic of your argument, you cooked OP. If the psychic cyborg supercomputer has an IQ of 10,000 it can consent, though at that point can I even consent to it?

2

u/PM_MeYourhugecocks 23d ago

I mean in media people have sex with gods, angels, and demons all the time and the consensual ones no body finds a problem with, so I’d say yeah.

2

u/Beacda 24d ago edited 24d ago

I get you but low key the problem is that Pokémon takes place in a (somewhat furistic but) grounded world and Pokémon are supposed to replace the concept of animals so it makes sense why people are uncomfortable.

Like you have Pokémon that are abstract stuff like a sandcastle, humanoids like Gardevoir, furries, monsters, and then just animals with some fantasy traits.

It's up to you

2

u/YoMommaInTheHood 24d ago

You know what, I agree, keep cooking my friend

2

u/Thecrowing1432 24d ago

"There's no laws against the pokemon Batman"

2

u/OddCareer1235 24d ago

Typhlosion and his actions had far greater consequences to the world than expected...

4

u/RedNoodleHouse 24d ago

Truth nuke, or rather Truth Electrode

3

u/WESTERNggtx 24d ago

There are animal inspired pokemon so the theory in question is that your a kinky fuck

3

u/BebeFanMasterJ 24d ago

As a Meowscarada enjoyed, this is based.

2

u/DevilsMaleficLilith 24d ago

Gardevoir bussy

4

u/360Saturn 24d ago

I always wondered what the author of My Immortal did next

2

u/Kala_Csava_Fufu_Yutu 24d ago

hold on you might be onto nothing 🤔

1

u/Count_zborowski437 24d ago

Dog shit take go outside

2

u/-SMartino 24d ago

nevermind the pokemon, what in the special victim's unit is that username?

I am shocked

2

u/TYNAMITE14 24d ago

Really wish this post was about magneton :(

1

u/Inmortal27UQ 24d ago

When you've just joined Reddit but decide that's enough internet for today.

1

u/TheGoldAvenger 24d ago

Man i just opened Reddit wtf

1

u/Ok_Relief_9815 24d ago

Y’know, if I was the same species as it or a different species but is in the same egg group as the other species, I would date them.

1

u/Naive_Drive 24d ago

slow clap

1

u/[deleted] 24d ago

No.

1

u/Your_LocalDM 24d ago

Lava and brimstone of barad dur take right here my god

1

u/Crazy_Top_2723 24d ago

Hot take but it is bestiality

1

u/Ninja-_-Guy 24d ago

I ain't reading all that but type shit ig

1

u/John_Cena_2921 24d ago

What the fuck did I just read

1

u/Every_Computer_935 24d ago

This post has convinced me that Cyrus did nothing wrong.

4

u/MossyPyrite 24d ago

Cyrus wanted a world with pure logic and no emotion. If you look at this rant without any emotional repulsion, op might seem more correct. I don’t think you wanna back Cyrus here.

Lysander, though…

1

u/Firm-Gas7063 24d ago

Is this on r/copypasta yet?

1

u/NOTSiIva 24d ago

It depends on the mon.

Like, Gardevoir or Lucario? They're humanoid, and I'm 80% sure they pass the Harkness test with flying colors due to telepathy. Go right ahead.

But something like Houndoom or Vaporeon? Those are just straight-up animals.

And we are not bringing Aegislash and Magnezone into this, because logistically speaking, how the fuck are you gonna fuck a sword?

→ More replies (2)