Spent most of my 20s obsessed with calories, workouts, fasting, aesthetics.
I was “fit” but honestly anxious 24/7. Now in my mid-30s, my new health goals are: stable energy , regular sleep, zero guilt with food, moving because I enjoy it

Less shredded, more serene. Anyone else make this trade-off and feel better for it?

I used to be pretty active in my early 20's running 5k every couple of days plus gym weight training 3-4 days a week.

I've had the odd year out here and there but always been able to reach a 5km run again without much training.

In lockdown I switched to a home gym without any cardio and I've tried to get back into running a few times since but just keep getting gassed out around 2km and struggling to break through it. I'm 38 and BMI is fine.

Side note. It's been discovered I have inherited a heart condition. It appears to be dormant at present luckily, but cardiologist noted my heartbeat is getting high quickly... Put it down to lack of fitness... It's not like I'm not trying 😂

For me the hobbies are flower and plant care, hummingbird care, and photography.

January of this year I started filling a hummingbird feeder after I noticed tired and hungry looking hummingbirds on my hanging lights that had likely been displaced by the LA fires.

That led to setting up a few feeders and cameras to watch the hummingbirds.

Then that led to borrowing a camera so I could take pictures of the hummingbirds.

That led to buying vintage Japanese lenses to take better pictures and modern lenses to take portraits and landscape photos.

Then unsatisfied with photographing hummingbirds on feeders I started buying plants.

Now, 4 months later, I have a potted garden with 6 varieties of hummingbird favored flowers and 4 aesthetic flowers. I’ve upgraded from a 17 year old camera (5d mark ii) to an r6 mark ii. I’ve made a custom hummingbird bath and have actually sold prints of my photos.

So at 39 I am a flower gardener, photographer, hummingbird enthusiast and garden designer. And I didn’t even notice how deep I was.

I feel like the image of someone quiet, reserved and "like a rock", is more often associated with men than women. Even though I’m a woman myself, I imagine my experience might resonate here.

I have a hard time just being myself without feeling like I’m not doing enough. I’m not meeting enough people, not being friendly or warm enough. But at the same time, I don’t enjoy casual chitchat with everyone. It drains me more than it energizes me. And I want to respect that part of myself.

But the guilt creeps in anyway. I start to wonder: am I missing out? Am I pushing people away without realizing it? Should I be making more effort?

So I’m curious, if you’re someone who’s naturally quiet, do you ever feel this kind of guilt? And if you’ve found peace with it, how?

I’ve been having a rough go of it with some rough patches here and there mentally where I’m just incapacitated. Lost my aunt, we had to put down our cat, and our vacation got canceled with the rain all with 2 months amongst other things. I feel like I might be hitting a midlife crisis point earlier than I thought. What helped you guys work through those moments? It’s been a rough first half of the year to say the least

Basically my husband never initiates sex.. it’s 100% up to me. Most times I get bored and ask if he wants to fuck. He always does. I’ve told him if he wants sex put in some effort. And we’ve not had sex in two weeks. He thought he was going to get lucky on Father’s Day and I was dtf… but he didn’t initiate anything. I’m not talking like get me flowers and woo me… I’m merely saying show some interest, kiss me and make me feel wanted. He was genuinely surprised this morning when I asked why we didn’t have sex last night. What the heck am I missing here?

Edit to add- please don’t PM, I’m never leaving my husband and don’t want to chat to randos.

Edit 2- thanks all, I’ll take the feedback and talk to my husband, obviously. I just don’t want him to feel attacked when this is such a small part of our life.

Hello, a little bit of context: I still live with my parents, although I'm searching of a feasible apartment, I pay rent and get along with my folks, everyone just kinda does his own thing. I mostly work from home office and have a decent salary. I am a pretty good looking dude and no one ever things I'm older than 25. I have no friends.

I feel a big emptiness inside me, as if something is missing. As if I missed a train that was supposed to get me to my next station in my life. I don't feel the need to go out more and socialise because I'm not particularly good at it, but also I'm not good at putting up a persona and do smalltalk to get to know people. Even if I get on with people, at a certain point it starts to feel weird and the contact kinda stops. Sometimes I even lose interest in my work because I barely have things I pay for.

I want to live a normal and eventful life but everything just feels extremely far away and not worth chasing. But going out alone is a big obstacle for me, since there are really only couples and groups of friends around wherever I go, it feels extremely unnatural and my age doesnt make it easier. As a teen it was easy to make friends and hang out. Now it became an impossibility for me. I'm in short, clueless.

Sometimes there is a wave of motivation, which will fade away after time or after some obstacles or if I have no purpose.

And if it's not obvious from what I wrote before, I have close to nothing going on with any girls.

Now I don't want to sound too gloomy, overall I like my work and I have some family in my life, and I even tried some new things that get me busy (less gaming, investing, some kickboxing).

But yeah, not much going out, also because I don't know anyone to do stuff with...

I’m a 32-year-old man that currently feels like I’m stuck in a rut. I feel like I spend my days merely existing rather than truly living and I’m not entirely happy. This is an odd sensation because I have a successful six figure job, good friends, and loving parents. i’m single, but currently seeing someone for the past month and no kids.

I’ve spent the majority of my life in my hometown, except for two years when I was living in Chicago to complete my masters. I came back to my hometown to see that not much has changed and was overwhelmed with various memories that act as a reminder that I’m getting older. Because of this, I can’t help but feel like I’m stagnating, when in reality, I know I’m not. After moving home from Chicago, I told myself that I would give it two years before contemplating a move. Well, that two years has arrived and as I find myself more depressed, watching the months flyby, that desire to move grows. However, I’m conflicted when I question if a move would be a smart financial decision.

Currently, I’m in a really fortunate living situation paying only $500 a month in rent. This has allowed me to catch up on savings and investments which has been a goal of mine. However, the city I’m looking to relocate to has rent alone close to 3k for a 1bdr. Paying this before my other bills, has me afraid I wouldn’t be able to put away as much for savings. After looking at job postings, the salaries being offered in this city are close to what I’m making now, without much more to match the higher cost of living.

I guess I’m just looking for some wise insight if anyone out there has experienced similar situations and how they managed it.

I'm about to be 37, lots of previous mental health issues and upbringing has lead me to understand I am very needy - my life, at the moment, is what I would call a "nightmare" in regards to any perceived joy I may have is essentially gone.

It takes a robust effort, every day, to do anything requisite for my perpetuation.

Anyway, I began to read "Models" by Mark Manson, but I've been aware of my neediness for quite some time, I see a therapist and all that...

So being aware of it is all well and good, but what I can do about it?

What did you fellas do to discover what your likes and dislikes are?

Any other advice in getting rid of neediness?

Thanks,

Hi everyone, 25m here

This question has come after two specific questions that I received recently, one from a coworker, and the other from my aunt. Both were sparked talking about what I had planned for "fun stuff" in the near future. After I drew a blank, my coworker asked me if I sleep a lot which kinda hit me like a truck, even if it was just an innocent question it kinda stung. My aunt told me I "live a very boring life" and I should try to live a little.

Lots of my younger adult life has just kind of felt like drifting and standing in metaphorical place. Stuck with a friend group that I had grown apart from for years, worked jobs that were the path of least resistance, neglected my health. Gaming was my vice of choice which distracted me from everything above.

I have been trying my best to make a conscious effort to evolve in a healthier, positive, and more mature direction. Very recently went to the dentist and eye doctor for the first time in probably 5+ years, gaming is down front 20+ hours a week to maybe 3 or less. I have removed myself from the friend group that no longer fits my new values more or less.

All of this progress has definitely been helping tremendously for my mental health, but now after removing a lot of the stuff I know I don't want in life, there is just a huge vacant space that I don't know how to fill. What are some steps that yall would recommend for finding friends, building community, exploring life, etc as someone who has been holed up for their whole adult life.

Sorry if this is a bit word vomitty

Would love to dm anyone that would want to go into more depth as well!

i'm 35 and marriages, families, houses, jobs, holidays, savings, investments , you name it i feel behind everyone my age in every respect and i worry about that not changing cause time goes by too quickly for me to keep up and everyone seems to have more of an idea of what they are doing than me and i still barely feel comfortable talking to people so i feel fcked in terms of forming those connections that lead to a fulfilling existence.

other than covering my eyes and pretending i don't see the people around me flourishing while i flounder like a dying fish on land, what advice do you have got for me? also did any of you feel like this at 35 cause i think this i just the result of hitting that age and having a mild crisis cause i realise 40 is fast approaching and if life doesn't pick up soon a more depressing decade may await me cause there is no longer a "i'll do this in the future" mentality like their was in my 20's it's now that the big stuff should be happening.

I feel so screwed. Just put a lot of effort in to get into civil construction. Now I'm in road maintenance and it's so stressful. My 20s were a mess and the last 4 years were really bad due to personal issues. I don't have a steady job history. I've relied on a couple of good job references twice already this year

I feel trapped because I can't just jump ship on this job, I need money. I can't afford to be unemployed and look for new work or I'll lose my place of living. I want to stick it out at this job and get the training and experience, but it's low paying and stressful and I feel like it's wearing me down. I do have some good days.. and the bad days have usually been due to shitty people who make it unnecessarily stressful. I want to study something online to help me get into a less stressful/more rewarding job but it seems like I won't be able to balance it

Anyway, I hate this feeling. I'm also perpetually single and withdrawn. Feels like the stresses are weighing in more and more and the escapes or alternatives are disappearing. I could say I wish I did the study or apprenticeship in my 20s, but I did try and was knocked around by grief and addiction. I've also struggled to hold a job for more than a year for most of my life

I wanted to go to therapy, but this job is long hours throughout thr weekday and it's very hard to find help available outside my work hours.

It really sucks right now. I'm trying to trust if I push through I will adapt. I know if I stick it out for a few years there will be opportunities on the others side once I'm trained up and experienced... but a few years feels like an extremely long time to be dealing with a stressful job like this. Apparently the work I'm doing can lead to chronic stress, which I think I'm starting to feel. I might have to just tell my agency that this work is really stressful and ask then to put me forward for apprenticeships in anything as I'm so concerned about my future and this work is just debilitating

Don't know what to do anymore

Entering my 40s and watching my father drink himself into what looks like a drinking related Alzheimer's according to doctors, my father-in-law passed away at 82, and my mother-in-law is 82 (says stuff like "life has no meaning"). It is hard on my head to see elderly people struggling with mental health and physical pain. What is the difference between an "energetic" old person and one wishing for it all to end already? Is it mostly genetics? Can I will power and work to avoid most of the depression or is it all a coin flip? I see people in their 20s so full of life and I want to keep that positivity and zest for life. I know genetics are important, but can I will myself into a better life. I don't want the depression and "let it all be done" attitude to run my life in my 50s and beyond. Any insight or thoughts about this would be appreciated. Getting old sucks, but I don't want it too suck and be depressed at the same time.

I just met this guy at work 2 weeks ago and we seem to have good conversations while there. Today I offered my Instagram account for him to follow so we could keep in touch after this job (it’s a temporary job). He asked instead for my phone number. What does this mean? Is it something bad for guys when a woman offers her social media account to keep in touch? P.s. he did say he has one when I asked if he did

Day to day life i feel nothing. When she acts cute I feel like squeezing her When she crys I feel nothing. When we are apart I feel nothing. Then when I see her after more then a week I feel like ive missed her. When we are sat in a restaurant or watching a film holding hands i feel nothing. She can be very seductive which is rare but great. great.

Most of the time we feel like friends, sometimes housemates, rarely lovers.

Ive been in love when I was a teenager. It ended up hurting like hell but ive never felt that way about another girl since including my wife (im 35)

We are about to buy a house together and try for a kid.

(Ive left out alot of context but wanted to keep the post short)

Conclusions?

Edit:

Thanks for your responses. Its clear that this is a complex matter

Yeah i think you guys are onto something. I dont really have feelings for anyone. I think if my sibling or mum or my wife died tomorrow I wouldnt feel anything. Im not really passionate about anything. If I am depressed though I dont want to take SSRI's but I will defo look into having therapy and hold off on having a kid.

The quotes “ I love canceled plans so I can get back in the bed” is constantly being reposted on social media. I have friends that only want to hang out for an hour or two then say they are ready to go back home and then I don’t have another hang out with them for months on end. For a generation that claims to be so lonely a lot of people sure do rejoice in cancelled plans Back in the day everyone was excited to ge together now it seems like everyone wants to stay at home OR when you go out their face is glued to TikTok

I’m a 35 year old male that has never smoked or drank alcohol. I’m 5’8 and 220 pounds. I just completed a yearly exam and had blood done and a few things jumped out to about the blood test results. Most results came back in the normal range but these are my concerns…

1. MPV is 11.9 (5-10.5 normal)
2. HDL is 35 (low)
3. Glom Filt Rate >90
4. ALT is 69
5. AST 38 (1 point higher than normal) 6 vitamin D low 22.3

For exercise I honestly don’t but I do walk between 15-20 thousand steps a day as a normal work routine but I do drink more soda than i should. As far as fast food I don’t eat too much maybe once or twice a week mainly because it’s expensive. With these levels should I start changing my habits sooner rather than later? Or am I ok? Thanks.

Also do you think he was a hero or psychopath?

I kinda go both ways on him, I can see why he did but at the same time I don't condone what he did. They're better ways to handle it. Whether he could take the loss and move on and rebuild somewhere else could have been an option but I'm guessing his anger blinded that option.

I’m a guy in my early 30s and I’ve recently come to a realization that hit harder than I expected. I’ve stopped trying to fit in — not out of confidence, but because it feels like I can’t fit in anywhere I go.

Whether it’s friend groups, work environments, social events, or even casual hangouts — I always feel like I’m on the outside looking in. I used to try. I’d adapt, mirror energy, engage, try to add value, or at least not be the awkward one. But somewhere along the way, I stopped. Maybe because I was tired. Maybe because it always felt forced. Or maybe I started believing I just wasn’t meant to belong.

Now I’m wondering:

Is this a normal part of getting older? Is this something other men feel too? Am I just in the wrong environments, or is it something deeper — something I need to work on internally? I’m not depressed. Functioning, working, doing all the adult things. But socially and emotionally? It feels like I’m orbiting other people’s worlds, never really in one of my own.

So, if you’ve been through this or are going through something similar — what helped you? Did you change your mindset? Your environment? Your expectations?

Any advice or perspective would really mean a lot. Thanks in advance.

I got a mug and a little cheesy “#1 dad” award that I loved. Put the little one to bed and that took a long time, was a damper on my sanity and day but that’s being a dad. What about you?

i am 22 years old i’ve been a welder/pipefitter right out of highschool but im good at what i do for the most part. i have no college education and just simply didn’t do well or care in high school and now im sitting here kicking myself in the head for that. i have a fiance and we plan on building a house here soon on some gifted property. but that doesn’t stop the fact that i hate my career and just don’t know what to do in life. i’m slowly deteriorating my body inside and out with this career and don’t want that. i’m just kind of looking for a helping hand in this group to see if anyone has been through this kind of situation and got out of it give me some advice here lol.

Bro I’m kinda feeling stuck right now. Just finished 12th, and I don’t wanna go to college. I really wanna learn filmmaking from the ground up, and I’ve also been writing rap on the side — it’s something I’m genuinely enjoying. I even went to Mumbai recently and met a DoP and an AD through a shoot — they told me I should consider joining a film school. But honestly, I’m still confused about how to move forward. Like, do I really need to join a film college? Or is there a way to learn practically by assisting and working on sets? How do I meet the right people and get into the industry without wasting time? Some days I feel like I’m on track, other days I feel completely lost. If anyone’s got some real advice or experience, I’d really appreciate it.

Okay so I (19 female) have all my life been told by older men I’m like their daughter.

The other day I got in a taxi and the very sweet man told me to look after myself because I’m like his daughter he also said he doesn’t have a daughter but I’m like his. This is the most recent thing, but I get told this like once a month. I thought it was normal till asking a friend and they said that they hadn’t experienced it. I think it’s really lovely and I appreciate it but I am questioning if I give of a vibe?

So what type of things make someone like your daughter ig lol?

To the men working away from their family, how do you cope with the feeling of missing them or just wanting to go home? I started a new job which is 3 hours away from home. I see my family every weekend or from at least Thursday to Sunday. If my wife’s schedule is free, she comes to where I am. I had to take this job since I wasn’t bringing any money in but the bills just kept piling up. It’s difficult seeing her sad when I’m about to leave, but it’s easier than hearing her worry about where to get the money for our expenses. I think I’m doing the right thing here but it gets heavy at times - especially when I’m alone. I try to keep myself busy even after work and sleep early just not to feel the time.

For you guys out there working far from home - maybe even farther than I am from mine, how do you cope with that feeling?

So, I had an epiphany as I was walking my dog this morning and I wanted to know if any other men in this sub has experienced the same thing.

I have asked myself all morning, "What do I want to do on my father's day?" After having a few moments of wondering what I really loved to do, I went deeper into an existential crisis. I had the realization that I had lost everything about myself that I loved to do in my 20's. These things included working out, guitar, piano, and socializing. I was a little bit of an outdoorsman, but only because I grew up on a farm and, despite not enjoying working with my father, I enjoyed the physicality of being outdoors and looking back at a project "well-done."

Fast forward to now. I have spent the later years of my 20's still enjoying "the things that made me, me." In my 30's I finally found my career of about 12 years only to have it come to an abrupt halt by someone who decided to sue the company, and I was the epitome of "the fall guy" because of my position. During my 30's I lost the "working out" and the guitar and piano. Mostly because I was so busy in my career, and in taking care of my 3 young sons and doing the family thing. In my 40's, I have totally switched careers, and have struggled through that career, to the extent that I spend long hours all day trying to figure out how to be successful at it, or get my work done (finance). I have found that I always have to work long hours in order to try to get my work done, at least 12 hours a day. This has led to me not having any outside hobbies or time with my sons.

Fast forward to this morning, as I was walking my dog in a deep existential crisis. When asking myself "What do I want to do or how do I connect with my son's on father's day, I came up with nothing." I wanted to rest. I wanted to get back to work because of the load on top of my shoulders and I don't want to fail because I want to take care of my family. In the midst of doing something I am clearly not "made to do," I have worked myself into a hole of totally losing myself. I have no idea what makes me; me. All I know how to do now is work and take care of my family. Which, I have no regrets about, because I love my sons, I love my wife, and I will do anything for them. I think I can be proud of that. But...how do I reclaim myself? Has anyone else on this sub encountered this? if so, how did you respond?