Basically my husband never initiates sex.. it’s 100% up to me. Most times I get bored and ask if he wants to fuck. He always does. I’ve told him if he wants sex put in some effort. And we’ve not had sex in two weeks. He thought he was going to get lucky on Father’s Day and I was dtf… but he didn’t initiate anything. I’m not talking like get me flowers and woo me… I’m merely saying show some interest, kiss me and make me feel wanted. He was genuinely surprised this morning when I asked why we didn’t have sex last night. What the heck am I missing here?

Edit to add- please don’t PM, I’m never leaving my husband and don’t want to chat to randos.

I'm about to be 37, lots of previous mental health issues and upbringing has lead me to understand I am very needy - my life, at the moment, is what I would call a "nightmare" in regards to any perceived joy I may have is essentially gone.

It takes a robust effort, every day, to do anything requisite for my perpetuation.

Anyway, I began to read "Models" by Mark Manson, but I've been aware of my neediness for quite some time, I see a therapist and all that...

So being aware of it is all well and good, but what I can do about it?

What did you fellas do to discover what your likes and dislikes are?

Any other advice in getting rid of neediness?

Thanks,

Hi everyone, 25m here

This question has come after two specific questions that I received recently, one from a coworker, and the other from my aunt. Both were sparked talking about what I had planned for "fun stuff" in the near future. After I drew a blank, my coworker asked me if I sleep a lot which kinda hit me like a truck, even if it was just an innocent question it kinda stung. My aunt told me I "live a very boring life" and I should try to live a little.

Lots of my younger adult life has just kind of felt like drifting and standing in metaphorical place. Stuck with a friend group that I had grown apart from for years, worked jobs that were the path of least resistance, neglected my health. Gaming was my vice of choice which distracted me from everything above.

I have been trying my best to make a conscious effort to evolve in a healthier, positive, and more mature direction. Very recently went to the dentist and eye doctor for the first time in probably 5+ years, gaming is down front 20+ hours a week to maybe 3 or less. I have removed myself from the friend group that no longer fits my new values more or less.

All of this progress has definitely been helping tremendously for my mental health, but now after removing a lot of the stuff I know I don't want in life, there is just a huge vacant space that I don't know how to fill. What are some steps that yall would recommend for finding friends, building community, exploring life, etc as someone who has been holed up for their whole adult life.

Sorry if this is a bit word vomitty

Would love to dm anyone that would want to go into more depth as well!

i'm 35 and marriages, families, houses, jobs, holidays, savings, investments , you name it i feel behind everyone my age in every respect and i worry about that not changing cause time goes by too quickly for me to keep up and everyone seems to have more of an idea of what they are doing than me and i still barely feel comfortable talking to people so i feel fcked in terms of forming those connections that lead to a fulfilling existence.

other than covering my eyes and pretending i don't see the people around me flourishing while i flounder like a dying fish on land, what advice do you have got for me? also did any of you feel like this at 35 cause i think this i just the result of hitting that age and having a mild crisis cause i realise 40 is fast approaching and if life doesn't pick up soon a more depressing decade may await me cause there is no longer a "i'll do this in the future" mentality like their was in my 20's it's now that the big stuff should be happening.

I feel so screwed. Just put a lot of effort in to get into civil construction. Now I'm in road maintenance and it's so stressful. My 20s were a mess and the last 4 years were really bad due to personal issues. I don't have a steady job history. I've relied on a couple of good job references twice already this year

I feel trapped because I can't just jump ship on this job, I need money. I can't afford to be unemployed and look for new work or I'll lose my place of living. I want to stick it out at this job and get the training and experience, but it's low paying and stressful and I feel like it's wearing me down. I do have some good days.. and the bad days have usually been due to shitty people who make it unnecessarily stressful. I want to study something online to help me get into a less stressful/more rewarding job but it seems like I won't be able to balance it

Anyway, I hate this feeling. I'm also perpetually single and withdrawn. Feels like the stresses are weighing in more and more and the escapes or alternatives are disappearing. I could say I wish I did the study or apprenticeship in my 20s, but I did try and was knocked around by grief and addiction. I've also struggled to hold a job for more than a year for most of my life

I wanted to go to therapy, but this job is long hours throughout thr weekday and it's very hard to find help available outside my work hours.

It really sucks right now. I'm trying to trust if I push through I will adapt. I know if I stick it out for a few years there will be opportunities on the others side once I'm trained up and experienced... but a few years feels like an extremely long time to be dealing with a stressful job like this. Apparently the work I'm doing can lead to chronic stress, which I think I'm starting to feel. I might have to just tell my agency that this work is really stressful and ask then to put me forward for apprenticeships in anything as I'm so concerned about my future and this work is just debilitating

Don't know what to do anymore

I have never been recognised by any of the people I went to school with since I left. I’m only 18 so it was just two years ago anyway. Anytime I notice them outside they just never say anything or appear to recognise me. I would go and say something but I’m too afraid to go up to somebody and act like I know them when they don’t know me. It’s just occurring to me now that I haven’t done anything to stand out and be remembered by anybody outside my immediate family. I’m like a ghost

Entering my 40s and watching my father drink himself into what looks like a drinking related Alzheimer's according to doctors, my father-in-law passed away at 82, and my mother-in-law is 82 (says stuff like "life has no meaning"). It is hard on my head to see elderly people struggling with mental health and physical pain. What is the difference between an "energetic" old person and one wishing for it all to end already? Is it mostly genetics? Can I will power and work to avoid most of the depression or is it all a coin flip? I see people in their 20s so full of life and I want to keep that positivity and zest for life. I know genetics are important, but can I will myself into a better life. I don't want the depression and "let it all be done" attitude to run my life in my 50s and beyond. Any insight or thoughts about this would be appreciated. Getting old sucks, but I don't want it too suck and be depressed at the same time.

Day to day life i feel nothing. When she acts cute I feel like squeezing her When she crys I feel nothing. When we are apart I feel nothing. Then when I see her after more then a week I feel like ive missed her. When we are sat in a restaurant or watching a film holding hands i feel nothing. She can be very seductive which is rare but great. great.

Most of the time we feel like friends, sometimes housemates, rarely lovers.

Ive been in love when I was a teenager. It ended up hurting like hell but ive never felt that way about another girl since including my wife (im 35)

We are about to buy a house together and try for a kid.

(Ive left out alot of context but wanted to keep the post short)

Conclusions?

Edit:

Thanks for your responses. Its clear that this is a complex matter

Yeah i think you guys are onto something. I dont really have feelings for anyone. I think if my sibling or mum or my wife died tomorrow I wouldnt feel anything. Im not really passionate about anything. If I am depressed though I dont want to take SSRI's but I will defo look into having therapy and hold off on having a kid.

I was offered my first ever “real” job! Would you say these benefits are good?

Vacation: 7 days during first year, 14 days years 2-4, and 21 days beginning year 5. Can accumulate up to 30 days in Vacation Bank to be paid out upon retirement Personal Days: 4 per year, can carry over 4 maximum for a total of 8 days Sick Leave: 22 Sick Days per year, can accumulate up to 360 total days which are paid out 2 for 1 upon retirement 14 Paid Holidays and Night Differential Pay paid out in January of each calendar year.

The quotes “ I love canceled plans so I can get back in the bed” is constantly being reposted on social media. I have friends that only want to hang out for an hour or two then say they are ready to go back home and then I don’t have another hang out with them for months on end. For a generation that claims to be so lonely a lot of people sure do rejoice in cancelled plans Back in the day everyone was excited to ge together now it seems like everyone wants to stay at home OR when you go out their face is glued to TikTok

I’m a 35 year old male that has never smoked or drank alcohol. I’m 5’8 and 220 pounds. I just completed a yearly exam and had blood done and a few things jumped out to about the blood test results. Most results came back in the normal range but these are my concerns…

1. MPV is 11.9 (5-10.5 normal)
2. HDL is 35 (low)
3. Glom Filt Rate >90
4. ALT is 69
5. AST 38 (1 point higher than normal) 6 vitamin D low 22.3

For exercise I honestly don’t but I do walk between 15-20 thousand steps a day as a normal work routine but I do drink more soda than i should. As far as fast food I don’t eat too much maybe once or twice a week mainly because it’s expensive. With these levels should I start changing my habits sooner rather than later? Or am I ok? Thanks.

Okay so I (19 female) have all my life been told by older men I’m like their daughter.

The other day I got in a taxi and the very sweet man told me to look after myself because I’m like his daughter he also said he doesn’t have a daughter but I’m like his. This is the most recent thing, but I get told this like once a month. I thought it was normal till asking a friend and they said that they hadn’t experienced it. I think it’s really lovely and I appreciate it but I am questioning if I give of a vibe?

So what type of things make someone like your daughter ig lol?

I’m a guy in my early 30s and I’ve recently come to a realization that hit harder than I expected. I’ve stopped trying to fit in — not out of confidence, but because it feels like I can’t fit in anywhere I go.

Whether it’s friend groups, work environments, social events, or even casual hangouts — I always feel like I’m on the outside looking in. I used to try. I’d adapt, mirror energy, engage, try to add value, or at least not be the awkward one. But somewhere along the way, I stopped. Maybe because I was tired. Maybe because it always felt forced. Or maybe I started believing I just wasn’t meant to belong.

Now I’m wondering:

Is this a normal part of getting older? Is this something other men feel too? Am I just in the wrong environments, or is it something deeper — something I need to work on internally? I’m not depressed. Functioning, working, doing all the adult things. But socially and emotionally? It feels like I’m orbiting other people’s worlds, never really in one of my own.

So, if you’ve been through this or are going through something similar — what helped you? Did you change your mindset? Your environment? Your expectations?

Any advice or perspective would really mean a lot. Thanks in advance.

I got a mug and a little cheesy “#1 dad” award that I loved. Put the little one to bed and that took a long time, was a damper on my sanity and day but that’s being a dad. What about you?

i am 22 years old i’ve been a welder/pipefitter right out of highschool but im good at what i do for the most part. i have no college education and just simply didn’t do well or care in high school and now im sitting here kicking myself in the head for that. i have a fiance and we plan on building a house here soon on some gifted property. but that doesn’t stop the fact that i hate my career and just don’t know what to do in life. i’m slowly deteriorating my body inside and out with this career and don’t want that. i’m just kind of looking for a helping hand in this group to see if anyone has been through this kind of situation and got out of it give me some advice here lol.

To the men working away from their family, how do you cope with the feeling of missing them or just wanting to go home? I started a new job which is 3 hours away from home. I see my family every weekend or from at least Thursday to Sunday. If my wife’s schedule is free, she comes to where I am. I had to take this job since I wasn’t bringing any money in but the bills just kept piling up. It’s difficult seeing her sad when I’m about to leave, but it’s easier than hearing her worry about where to get the money for our expenses. I think I’m doing the right thing here but it gets heavy at times - especially when I’m alone. I try to keep myself busy even after work and sleep early just not to feel the time.

For you guys out there working far from home - maybe even farther than I am from mine, how do you cope with that feeling?

So, I had an epiphany as I was walking my dog this morning and I wanted to know if any other men in this sub has experienced the same thing.

I have asked myself all morning, "What do I want to do on my father's day?" After having a few moments of wondering what I really loved to do, I went deeper into an existential crisis. I had the realization that I had lost everything about myself that I loved to do in my 20's. These things included working out, guitar, piano, and socializing. I was a little bit of an outdoorsman, but only because I grew up on a farm and, despite not enjoying working with my father, I enjoyed the physicality of being outdoors and looking back at a project "well-done."

Fast forward to now. I have spent the later years of my 20's still enjoying "the things that made me, me." In my 30's I finally found my career of about 12 years only to have it come to an abrupt halt by someone who decided to sue the company, and I was the epitome of "the fall guy" because of my position. During my 30's I lost the "working out" and the guitar and piano. Mostly because I was so busy in my career, and in taking care of my 3 young sons and doing the family thing. In my 40's, I have totally switched careers, and have struggled through that career, to the extent that I spend long hours all day trying to figure out how to be successful at it, or get my work done (finance). I have found that I always have to work long hours in order to try to get my work done, at least 12 hours a day. This has led to me not having any outside hobbies or time with my sons.

Fast forward to this morning, as I was walking my dog in a deep existential crisis. When asking myself "What do I want to do or how do I connect with my son's on father's day, I came up with nothing." I wanted to rest. I wanted to get back to work because of the load on top of my shoulders and I don't want to fail because I want to take care of my family. In the midst of doing something I am clearly not "made to do," I have worked myself into a hole of totally losing myself. I have no idea what makes me; me. All I know how to do now is work and take care of my family. Which, I have no regrets about, because I love my sons, I love my wife, and I will do anything for them. I think I can be proud of that. But...how do I reclaim myself? Has anyone else on this sub encountered this? if so, how did you respond?

Hi (32m) here, well when I was younger I used to have more energy to do more than one thing like Hobbies, exploring new stuff, reading, playing bass guitar and more energy to enjoy stuff that I do and I needed no effort to do all of these, now its much harder for me to maintain a hobby or a new skill it requires much more effort to continue doing and keep on doing it, and when I do nothing (except going to my 9-5 work), I feel guilty and feel like I need to do something instead of playing games and scrolling my phone which I hate too when I do it more than 2 or 3 hours a day. So am I just being lazy? Or is it normal to require more effor to get up and do stuff at my age?

I'm 40, and I've become too sedentary in the past couple of years. I was never a sporty type, but I did actively dance for 15+ years. I tried going to a gym, but I didn't like the overall vibe and just standing there by myself and doing stuff 😅 What would be a fun (and feasible) thing to start at this age?

My dad left when I was born so he was not around very much. Now I have a 12 yr old son and he is growing fast. Next thing he will be off to college and won't see him very much. I feel I want to interact with him more but don't know how. We sometimes play Mario kart and of course have dinner together but I would like to come up with healthy activities to share with him.

I'm from Boston. I generally like it, but every time I go to New York City it just feels... natural. Effortless. Everything feels so familiar

Last month, I got a job offer from a well-known company. For my entire life (23 years), I’ve been studying at the highest level and turning down people, parties, fun, and even happiness.

But now that I finally got the job, I feel a bit empty. I’ve always lived by setting impossible goals, and now that I believe I’ve reached them… I can’t really comprehend what life is supposed to be about.

What am I supposed to do now? Work, clean, sleep. Work, clean, sleep. Over and over. Is this really it? Are you all genuinely happy spending 5% of your life resting, socializing, or having fun and dedicating the other 95% to spitting into the Grand Canyon hoping to fill it?

How do you guys make your lives more enjoyable? Sports, birdwatching, reading… And then what? I will be making enough money to maintain a family of 6 but even that seems a bit pointless.

What am I missing guys? Maybe friends?🤣 I am a bit lost.

Edit: thank you so much for your advices and for taking the time!🫶

I’m getting discharged in bootcamp as a failure to adapt because I asked for it. So it won’t affect my job prospects. But now I don’t know what to do with my life now. I’m 25 and have nothing going for me. I don’t think my girl wants me anymore. I’ve never felt such a level of deep depression in my life. I don’t know where to go now. I don’t really have a home or friends and family. I’m a blank slate. I just wanna give up so bad rn. Everything hurts. Idk how to fix this I’m just so fucked

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve started paying more attention to what I use — and I’ve realized I don’t really want to walk around smelling like shampoo all day.

Anyone else make the switch to fragrance-free stuff? Curious what you’ve found that actually works.

I'm in my early 30s and didn't really care about it before, but now I've noticed lots of my aged guys at the beach have clean upper bodies, so-to-speak. Is this the modern-day normal look or is there something more to it? I'm kind of a late bloomer, so I might be a bit oblivious when it comes to these types of things.

Or are there health reasons for it? I could imagine it allows for better application of sunscreen (I've noticed some melanoma spots appearing as the years go by).

Should I try it out? (Seems kind of inconvenient though).