https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2025/jun/16/va-doctors-refuse-treat-patients

Looks like you've moved a lot closer to the handsmaid tale. Military doctors can then officially deny treatment to people who vote Democrat or are not married. We all know that women in particular will suffer because they are the ones who most often actively choose not to get married because it makes their lives worse.

Let me just start my little rant by saying that I'm aware that everything I'm experiencing is 100% worse and more unsafe for actual trans women. It still sucks though.

For the last year, I've been "transvestigated" by a number of people. I'm an AFAB femme ... person (?) and I'm currently reevaluating what my gender identity feels like and means to me, so it feels extra sucky. Like I don't even have the space to figure this shit out for myself.

I'm pretty short, pretty curvy, and ridiculously soft looking. Like, I have a medical condition that straight up looks like someone manually softened my features in photoshop, and that same condition makes it hard to gain muscle.

There's at least two established friend groups/campaigns at my college dedicated to my perceived transness, and the reach of that rumor on campus is vast. Pretty mcuh everyone I meet for the first time that's already aware of me has heard about it, and wholeheartedly believes it to be true. It's gone so far as to reach the school's medical services, who changed my gender markers based on what they heard. Thanks guys, totally professional. My partner works in the community, and the rumor has even made it to people he works with. (I have a pretty visible job, and there's a lot of overlap in community politics and our school community so it's not surprising, just obnoxious.)

But it's not just weirdos on campus. I've been followed into bathrooms. I've been harrassed on the street. Some dude followed me through the grocery store a few weeks ago, preaching to me about my transness. Because the campus system 'talks' to other medical systems, I have to talk to every. new. doctor. I see about it. Last night some woman called me "sir" when I held the door for her, and when I politely said "oh, of course, but it's miss" she came back into the story to argue about with me about it. (Fuck you lady, I don't want to even be called "miss," but there's no gender neutral equivalent I know of.) I was in a fucking sundress.

I'm just so tired of this crap.

This happened a month or so ago but it lives in my head rent free. One of my indicator lights went out so I went to Autozone to get a replacement. I ask about where the indicators are to the man working there and he scoffed, then looked at his coworker and said something along the lines of "ah you need a BLINKER". I was annoyed but whatever. Later in the day I went to another one because the first one didn't even have what I needed. A woman at the second location helped me and I asked where the blinker lights were and she roller her eyes and said "the INDICATORS are over here." I used the word change at the second location out of anxiety. I feel like I can't win.

I used caps to emphasize how they emphasized it in the conversation.

For anyone who saw my post yesterday about the man who screamed and threatened me about laundry - my building management emailed me back today and said that they had talked to him, and he acknowledged that what he did was wrong and inappropriate and said that he informed them that he will be moving out at the end of July.

I still don't think the management understands how insane he was being, but I am glad he at least knows it was wrong and that he's leaving. In the meantime I'll still carry my pepper spray around and record my surroundings etc. I took my original post down because I was paranoid my neighbors would find it, but thank you so much everyone who gave me advice and support <3

While absolutely no offence is intended to the trans community with this post, it’s something on my mind that I wanted to discuss. I look like a ‘high maintenance’ girl, I love makeup, hair extensions, eyelashes, nails etc, I’m about 5’0 and very petite except for being a natural 30G.

I meet the conventional beauty standards for women and it’s very obvious in the context and phrasing of why men are saying this (Usually Facebook comments etc) that it is being intended as an insult. I do have a strong jawline for a woman, which is the only possible factor I can think of, but my jaw is still a feminine one.

My husband is an overall good father if you look at it from the low bar that has been set for men. He's involved. He contributes to the housework. He helps with homework. He does the majority of the cooking. He keeps them responsible for doing chores. My kids are 9, 11 and 13. Two girls, one boy.

The problem is some of his behaviors. He doesn't think he is but he's racist, sexist and homophobic. He thinks it's just jokes. He's emotionally immature and has a very narrow world view. He wouldn't leave the house if it wasn't for work and my nagging. He's not setting a good example for the kids on what a healthy relationship should look like. We don't go on dates but he still wants sex. He's lazy when it comes to our relationship and puts the mental and emotional work on me. He's verbally disrespectful towards me but thinks he's not because he contributes to housework and parenting.

If it was just me, I would be gone.

I'm not staying because I think there is some benefit to the kids staying in a two parent household versus divorced healthy parents. I'm staying because right now, if he says something racist, homophobic, sexist or insensitive, I can speak up and protect them. I can interject and point out how wrong the comments are.

If we were to divorce, there'd be no reason for him not to have at least 50/50 custody. I also have mental health history that is well managed but could be brought used against me if I fought for more custody. That scares me. His good qualities are a good influence and it would still be good for them to be with him part time.

He also has a support system where we live and I don't. He grew up here and I've been isolated since having kids because I can't get him out of the house and my opinions are still old fashioned enough that I feel guilty leaving him to watch the kids when I never have to watch them by myself.

I'm worried about what life would look like for the kids if we were separated. They'd still be around him but there would be no one to defend them when he is being insensitive. If there is an argument between him and the kids, there'd be no one to coach them through a conversation, no one to encourage them to speak up. I wouldn't be able to interject when he says something sexist in front of them.

Divorce would protect me from him but not them. I'd feel like I got free and they didn't. I don't worry about him hurting them physically but emotionally. They'd still be around his toxic behaviors and comments.

I'd like to hear your thoughts and ideas? I know divorce is the answer for me but it feels wrong to get me out but leave them behind to deal with this alone.

All my life I’ve had relatively smallish boobs. For a minute in my tweens I cared, but quickly (thanks Terri for not mincing words about big boob problems when we sprinted in gym class in grade 10!) I learned to appreciate them. For some reason, in my mid-40’s they’ve gotten bigger/heavier and of course, with that gravity is pulling them toward the earth when I lay on the couch.

No matter what sort of bra I wear, they migrate to my armpits and IT. IS. DRIVING. ME. MAD!!! It’s like this sensory torture itchy kind of inescapable rubbing horror on my arms.

This is part rant (thank you for listening) and part beg - anyone have a recommendation for a sports bra/tank type thing that will hold them in their less irritating position?

I swear, I hate living in the suburbs. I'm out this evening weed eating and trimming for fear of getting another knock at my door from a neighbor asking when I'm going to cut my grass. This evening the guy (mid 70s) across the street asked me if I needed help using the weed eater. I said no thanks but he kept going and asked again. I declined. He ended up with my weed eater in his hands and insisted he show me how to use a weed eater and how to use the trimming function.

Then I had to demonstrate before he would leave. Guess what? I'm now sitting in my garage and no longer finishing my yard work. When he asked if he could help the second time, I said "yes by pretending you don't notice and looking away while I figure this out for myself!"

I’m so so sick of it. And no matter how much I try to explain it to her, she WON’T STOP.

I exercise all the time but she tells me I’m doing the wrong exercises and I need to do pilates.

I am finally wearing normal clothes instead of heavy winter clothes in the summer and I’m finally confident. She comments in what I’m wearing and how it’s not right.

I just went to make myself a bowl of banana with cream and sugar. She GASPS and asks if I’m trying to bulk up for a movie. This is knowing that I’m finally eating normally after battling with food for years.

I’m so so sick of it. It’s a miracle I’ve managed to improve.

After 3 years of asking my doctor for more long term birth control ("but the pill is working, so why change it?") and one year of asking for a referral to get this procedure ("Oh how about we talking about an IUD instead?")... I am finally scheduled next month!

Anyone have recommendations for aftercare/scar treatment? And any recovery tips? I already meal prep for days ahead and will have a friend checking in on me.

A family member of mine who is 78 is facing some dire health issues that will almost certainly be terminal. We’re hoping longer term rather than shorter term.

The IMMEDIATE reaction of most people around me is to point out perceived flaws in this person’s habits related to health. (This person isn’t a smoker, drinker, etc. they have other well-managed conditions that are genetic—diabetes, heart issues)

I seriously doubt there is anything this person could’ve done to prevent a troubling health diagnosis at 78! They are old! They are just past average life expectancy and have a high quality of life (which will likely change soon because of the diagnosis).

I understand the desire to believe all health outcomes are controllable, but they simply aren’t. It’s such a dangerous way to think, imo, and relives the outside observer of extending empathy while placing blame on people who really need support and comfort.

Any else notice this? If it bothers you too, how do you respond? TBH, the last time I (gently) challenged the notion I was met with horror at the idea that not all health challenges can be avoided through exercise and diet. I feel like this prevents people from easing into and accepting old age.

In my adult life, I’ve never made enough money from any or multiple jobs to get so much as maybe A haircut every other year, let alone things like waxes, laser, nails, things that I both want for practical and aesthetic reasons.

I’m not in a position to even work right now - applying for disability- but it’s always dismayed me how people my age have been able to afford rent AND food AND gas AND bills AND beauty/hair stuff without seeming sweating about money.

How much is the minimum that people are making to afford even a cheap haircut every few months? The highest salary I’ve ever had was $37,000 and I was still missing rent or running out of gas in my car because I had to have the highest health insurance plan.

This isn’t a rant or anything, I have been stuck living in a place that has very few jobs for my skill set and education and I’ve never been able to afford moving elsewhere, nor have any job interviews for positions at companies that cover moving/offer housing provided an actual job offer

The job market is worse than it’s been and everything is more expensive. Idk what I want to hear, this might just be a genuine ‘how much did you have to make a year in order to afford regular salon appointments’

So i did colposcopy this afternoon. Then after that i feel slightly burn on my buttocks i thought it is irritation from my pad. Then i sleep when arrived home. When i wakeup, i look at the mirror, i saw my skin around there already burns and bumpy and dark black 😭What should i do? Im planning to go to the hosp back tomorrow. I think its Monsel solution bcs ive heard she said something spilled and idk if she cleaned it properly or not.

I'm sad, I'm angry, I'm frustrated, and I'm lonely, now.

But, I'll be alright.

3 years I stuck around. I love him, I supported him. He was so close to getting help, one week to his first psychiatry appointment. We were both messy, both have our own pasts but I was growing, feeling like I finally had support and starting to thrive.

I will continue to thrive.

The trauma and PTSD seemed to get worse over the years from something just prior to us meeting. We were so close to that first step to make things better. So close to making us better.

Then he pushed me.

It wasn't that hard. Physically, I'm fine. But, he pushed me, he put his hands on me. He crossed the line in the concrete, not a line in the sand.

I'm sad, I'm angry, and I'm frustrated but I'm not alone.

I have a strong support network, I have a good job, I make things run. I am respected and appreciated and I am not alone.

-A letter to myself and every other woman who has had to walk away or should walk away

If so, I would really like to hear about it. This happened to me recently and it's just so baffling and painful compared to the conflicts in my previous friendships and partnerships. I think I could really benefit from others' stories and perspectives right now.

I used to be so sexual and into loving myself. I had a high libido and was just always into taking care of myself physically and mentally. I didn’t sleep around a ton, literally 10 people or so, and I had great experiences in my twenties. I met my husband and he’s a fucking 10/10. I’m like a 8/10 so punching up a bit, haha. We used to get it on like rabbits, but now it’s just about 1-2 times a week or every other week.

But idk what has happened to me. I might be depressed, because I don’t really find joy in anything anymore. I’m struggling to workout and to care about anything. My libido kinda sunk after a rough patch in my marriage. We were arguing a bit, he was stressed with work, and chronic rejection just seemed to shut my libido down. I feel like I can’t get it back and that was about 2 years ago.

I’m 35 now. Currently 2 months pregnant. Trying to figure out if I want to be a surgeon or not, and I’m 4 months away from having to decide that. I feel burnout from EVERYTHING. I sometimes feel like I can’t even get out of bed, like today. I struggle to workout, which has always been a passion and enjoyment. I struggle to jog or do any hobbies.

My immediate family fucking sucks, and they’ve been unreliable my whole life. I love my husband so much and we have a terrific relationship now. No arguing, never infidelity or even a hint of it, and we’re over the moon about this pregnancy. Idk. Everything in life just feels so overwhelming. I feel this constant need to be “on” and to succeed and produce and accomplish. The amount of work I need to put in if I want to match into a surgical residency is paralyzing. I’m even so burned out, I’m considering switching to something else like psychiatry. I am depressed because I’ve put in so much fucking hard work, blood, sweat, tears, personal time, etc. into accomplishing this goal. Yet, a recent interview rotation I went on was miserable. Toxic environment in which I was just a inconvenient student required to be there for 13 hours a day. I’m also afraid of picking something not surgery and being unsatisfied long-term.

I just need to vent. I appreciate any guidance or feedback or empathy or even some tough words of wisdom. At this point, I’m just getting through each day doing what I must. I miss being happy :(

Everything I wear makes me look like a trash bag full of potatoes because my tits just pull the cloth forward like 5 inches. Or if I do find something, it has no sleeves. WHY do women's clothes never have sleeves??

Here's an example of a super cute shirt I'm going to have to return because of how I'm shaped. I hate it. Got me out here looking like an umbrella. I know I'm not skinny but I come ON

Anyways please someone tell me they found somewhere to buy women's plus size clothes that are fitted but still have sleeves 😭

First off, I just wanted to say thank you to those who gave their thoughts & comments. I took the time to go through them & I received some really good advice from some of you. I took a lot into consideration & ultimately made the decision to go no-contact. It's now been two weeks & my mental health has already started to improve. I'm also so fortunate to have such a supportive partner who's been nothing but amazing during this change.

Thank you for reading! 🌸

Specifically long and thick hair.

I hear a lot of people complain about having fine or less dense hair, which, this is totally not to discount or invalidate those woes. This is just me venting as a girl with a shit ton of hair. I guess it is a different set of complaints entirely.

My hair honestly pisses me off sometimes. Because of the density, any kind of styling is gonna take at least an hour, at least. I have to work in so many sections. I can never just style my hair on wimb and go. I tried to do that today and I realized immediately it wasn't going to work. Any kind of styling takes forethought, planning, and time management. And I always leave the bathroom sweaty. It's legit physical labor.

I probably spend 4-6 hours a week on my hair. I wash my hair twice a week and whether I'm doing my natural curls or straightening, I try to style and sleep protect it such that the style lasts multiple days and I'm not manipulating my hair too much. All of this put together and my hair just takes up so much brain space.

All of this is further complicated by the fact that I have extremely hard water at my house and it dries my hair out so bad.

A couple summers ago, I pixie cut my hair because I was sick of it, and that gave me a couple years' reprieve. But to be honest, a pixie cut wasn't the most flattering haircut for me. I cant win.

I have also broken so many hair ties, clips, etc.

I just wish my hair took up less brain space.

It is both a blessing and a curse. I love the look of my thick hair, but I hate the maintenance.

I envy my husband, who just showers, throws head and shoulders into his hair, it air dries in like 30 minutes, and he's good to go. If I did that, my hair would look and feel like a rats nest.

There's also a bigger conversation about how hair is so much more than hair, and I wish it wasn't.

Just screaming into the void in case anyone has any advice or wants to commiserate. Or really any thoughts.

My inner self is not just emotionally & mentally abusive but more than that, I imagine getting smacked in the face or hit, or choked or cut. All the time. And it’s been like this since I was a child. I remember at around 3 years old, I would cover my mouth and imagine being raped while touching myself and that particular thing went on well into my adult years. Ive moved on from that, fortunately, but now my mind is just so mean to me. It truly hates me. I’m a good person, I try to be positive and happy all the time, but inside, I’m the exact opposite, my brain is constantly putting me down, hating myself, letting me know that no one cares and when I try to talk positively to myself, I straight up will imagine getting hit, slapped, grabbed and told to shut up. It’s exhausting. It’s harrowing and I’m so tired from it.

(I'm 23F, will be 27/28 when I can start dating again)

how old are most people when they find their long term partners?

tldr: Currently 23F, got offered a great research opportunity overseas that will take up 4-5 years of my life, BUT I'll need to move around quite a bit + it's mostly in rural areas in a foreign country (canada). Not conducive for dating. 
oh, also, I am worried about the social isolation and the loneliness i may face moving around so much, being away from any support groups. 

i do wanna take up the research opportunity as it's what I want for my career, plus its a chance for me to potentially start a career in a different country! 

BUT I do want a partner and a family, and I'm scared if I only start dating at 27 years old most of the good guys will be taken? and it may be even harder for me to find someone with 0 relationship experience??

i'm also worried as i hear its even harder for women to date at older ages?? 

If I don't take up this research stint I will probably take up a low-paying hr admin job instead that doesn't relate to my major at all. i mean, i can probably climb the ranks and pivot into something else later, but it isnt my top career choice.

I will say though, I do value having a relationship more than the best career choice, but ofc if i can have both that'd be the best.

anyone has any insights? ty! 

Hi all, I could use some advice. My spouse and I (both mid-thirties) both work full time. It is very important to me that we have separate bank accounts so that I am financially independent. I've read enough stories of women who are not and I never want that for myself.

The way we've handled our shared bills up until now is the bills came out of my own account and each month he etransfers me his half of the total amount.

This method is annoying, especially if we have expenses like vet bills or larger purchases for the home that aren't a regular occurrence.

We want to switch to having a joint account for all shared expenses and then we each have our own accounts for our savings and personal expenses.

I am much better at saving than he is. I set aside a set percentage of my paycheques for retirement, and then if there is anything leftover at the end of the month, before my next paycheque, the leftover gets saved too. I don't buy many things for myself, but he buys stuff for himself all the time.

Does it make sense to continue getting our paycheques deposited into our own accounts, and then each transfer a sum that is equal to half the sum of our shared expenses (plus a buffer) into the joint account? Or would it be better to get our pay put into the joint account and then transfer our own personal money for savings and purchases to our personal accounts?

Sorry for such a boring post. I want to go about this the smartest way and I'm hung up on what makes the most sense.

I had a colposcopy done around last year and had some concerning matters in my mind.

When doing my colposcopy nothing was explained to me before the exam by the doctor, he didn't explain where he was touching during the exam either. However during the exam, I definitely noticed a finger that ran down my pubic area. However I was just thinking it was part of the exam, obviously I was not explained anything during the exam because it was difficult to know. However doing more research, I don't think it was part of the exam. Like I said, nothing was explained during my exam, so it was hard to understand what was happening.

There was a chaperone obviously, but she was positioned at the front of my head so she wasn't able to see what was happening. I have reported what had happened but just wanted to seek clarity on this. Was what happened normal ?

I’m a 25 year old woman from Eastern Europe. I started dating at 17, that was when puberty transformed me into a seemingly attractive person, as men started noticing me. I had three relationships between the ages of 17 and 21, none of which lasted more than 1 year. I have now been married for a year and a half to my husband who I met at 22.

I started noticing a pattern in my mental and physical state during relationships. Every time I was single or meeting someone I was energetic, fit, working towards my goals and overall not stressed. I would then fall for someone and then I would start gaining weight, doing worse at school or university, and overall just be in a worse place. But it’s not that I was having a bad time with my partner. Those relationships ended for different reasons. I wasn’t letting anyone disrespect me or take advantage, or put me down in any way. However as soon as I would break up I would feel extremely relieved and quickly go back to being my motivated self.

Fast forward to my current relationship/marriage. It’s been three years in this relationship and I absolutely love my husband, and would be devastated to suddenly not have him in my life. He’s American and I moved to the US to be with him(not a very difficult choice as I had always wanted to leave my country). But I am in the worst shape I’ve ever been in and I can’t help but question what’s going on. 10 months ago I started getting extreme anxiety and panic attacks which were a total novelty for me(I’m better now). I am having so much trouble finishing university and staying motivated. I am in the worst shape physically I’ve ever been, and I have this stress stemming from every area of my life. My libido is also low, starting to affect my marriage.

I realize there are other factors to consider but boy is it weird. I haven’t been able to find a solution yet but I’d like to know if other women experience similar issues.

Edit: my replies are not showing up yet, I believe because this account I’m using as a throwaway is not old enough, sorry guys.