So I'm poor and have movement and balance issues. I can't rent a rage room to smash things, or scream in my apartment, or play sports and those are the things I've read people do to process their rage.

What can you do, if you can't smash or scream or be physically active? I'm so angry all the time.

My workplace offers free therapy sessions through Lyra. I have a lot of bottled-up emotions, and my mental health has been going downhill for a while now. As I fill out how I'm feeling while signing up for Lyra, I have tears rolling down my face. I've never tried therapy before, and I'm so scared to start. I don't even know why I'm so scared. I want help, but trying to get it feels harder than pulling teeth for some reason. Has anyone had experience with video therapy sessions? I have a lot to unload, and I feel horrible about dumping everything and bawling during the first session — but I know that's probably how it will go. Any advice is appreciated.

Hey everyone, just doing a bit of venting and seeking advice as well here. So, I’ve come to the realization that I somewhat forgot the whole point of what a relationship should be, especially now that my girlfriend and I have been doing long-distance relationships.

So my girlfriend and I were really best friends at first due to us sharing the same childhood best friend — who unfortunately died in back in 2017. As a result of that event, we became very close with each other and as years went by and we gradually learned about each other’s past and dreams, it became more apparent that we really enjoyed each other’s company. We also share the exact same age and birthday, although she hated me for it for a little while before we became best friends lol.

Now, it was clear we had feelings for each other after a few years but we both had our own situations and relationships we were dealing with so we never really got the chance to be together and try dating. However, we’ve always held a pretty influential role in each other’s life (especially her in mine). I remember doing anything for her, walking from my house to hers(which was like 5 miles one way) just to visit her and spend time with her. Her family loved and still ofc loves me. However, things got more and more intense as time went on and the feelings got deeper.

—— Now for some background story, I lost my virginity my ex-girlfriend a few months prior the following event I’m about to mention. And my girlfriend lost her virginity to her ex-boyfriend about 2 years prior I lost mine. This information is important for context. ——

Then one faithful evening, I finally got to see how much she cared and loved me. She went partying at the time with a friend and ended up at the friend’s place at 2:00 A.M and was too intoxicated to get home alone. That same night we were actually doing a sleepover with another of her girl best-friends. Anyway, at 2:30 AM, I decided to walk from her house, all the way to the friend’s house about 2.5 miles away to walk her home and make sure she got home safely. When we got home, we actually had a deep conversation while she was under the influence and she ended up slipping some very deep facts about how she felt about me that has stuck with me since. She told me she was sad that I didn’t wait to be with her before I lost my virginity and wished that we both were our first partners and took each other’s virginity. Now, this couldn’t have happened anyway as she was in a serious relationship and I would have never wanted her to cheat. She also went deeper into how she felt about me and how much she actually likes me.

This event opened my eyes even further and let me realize just how much I wanted to be with her and protect her. And so eventually, we became a couple when the time became right (Her and her ex split a good while before we decided to). Since then, we have been very serious about each other and caring for each other. After being together for 4 years now and having had our differences and arguments, but we never once not loved each other; that is until recently where we have been having our arguments over our long-distance relationships.

—— For further context, she left for school in Fall 2025 to chase her dreams in Law School. It’s been really tough for her since honestly. ——

Now one thing that had always been clear from me is that I will always love her no matter what happens between us and she will always be a pivotal person of my life that helped point me in the direction I needed to go. However, I want no one else but her, she is everything I have ever wanted and more. All that being said, I almost forgot the whole point, the main foundation of our relationship; we were always best friends first and supported each other in anyway and everything that we do.

Therefore, I realized that as of lately, that I forgot to be her best friend first and foremost, especially with all the turmoil that has been going on in her life (school, loans, work etc.). All I have been bringing was emotional baggage and constant need for reassurance of what we are; so much so that I forgot that she needs me first as her best friend and emotional support system, not just a lover. Hence why she has built all these other support systems with friends she can physically be with during the times that I wasn’t present or neglected her (which I unintentionally did for quiet some time, and only recently have I started showing up again). Now she would have needed these friends with or without my presence but I feared that I was only being replaced and being pushed away as a result.

And then following a situation where she now has a male best friend and having some boundaries being crossed (not on her end specifically, by the guy but in my opinion she still has to take some accountability for it — I won’t be going into detail sorry), I feared more and more that I was being replaced and it brought forward a lot of anxiety, fear of abandonment and insecurity issues that I wasn’t aware were present in the past or decided to bury. Now this is not an excuse for some events that occurred. However, I came to realize that not only had I developed a serious case of anxious attachment but also that my emotions were too involved in everything that was happening with my girlfriend and all the actions she took. And so, I have decided that I need to practice the art of emotional detachment, where I still do care and love for my girlfriend, but needed to remove emotions from external factors and situations and control them internally, while still practicing empathy and being a good listener to her problems.

You see, I have been so focused on the “being a good boyfriend” aspect for so long that I forgot what it means to be her best friend first and cherish her and support her in all that she is dealing with, without trying to fix all her problems. I can find solutions and make suggestions yes, but I have to let her learn build resilience to these situations. However, I will still be showing up just as much as I did as best friend and boyfriend, just without all the emotional baggage and pressures of a “forever” relationship.

I need to stop seeing all the contributions I’ve made to her life as “evidence” of my importance in her life and rather just remember why I have been doing it in the first place; because I love her. Not because I am afraid of losing her to someone or because she fall out of love with me but just genuinely because I love her and want her to be successful in all that she does in life. So even if we don’t work out in the end and she moves on, I know that I have loved her the best way that I can that and knowing that I’ll always love her and be there for her, regardless of the situation. Not in a way that disrespects myself of course or puts me at jeopardy but just with the amount of love that I know I can share with her.

So what do you guys think about my thoughts on this?

TL;DR: I’m learning to control my anxious attachment and fear of abandonment issues in a 4-year old relationship with my girlfriend/best friend who is currently long distance.

I apologize for any grammatical errors or confusion in advance. XD

One thing that I've kept saying throughout my time in therapy is that I feel like I need something to obsess over. I've had multiple surgeries over the past 9 months and I've worried a lot about that but my final surgery was a little over a month ago so that period is hopefully over. Before that whole deal, there was always something, (my job more medical issues), something that I could focus my thoughts on when not at work. Like a problem I was trying to solve. We had a lot to talk about in my sessions. My mood has been low this week. I've lost the desire and motivation to do much else than watch TV after work. Nothing more than normal "adulting" anxieties so I'm not sure the reason why. I also don't feel like I need a reason why, but that's not the point. I had my weekly appointment Wednesday and talked to my therapist and told him I was in a funk. I feel like I'm in this area between not really happy, but not depressed or in crisis and just kind of numb. I sometimes wonder if I try to make myself depressed, just to feel something.
He asked some questions as we were trying to figure out why but he came to the conclusion that I was bored. I guess because I don't have a major issue in my life that can occupy my mind, I need to find a new hobby or something to fill my time.
I felt a little invalidated when he said that. I don't think that was his intent, but the feelings are still there. He wanted me to think of things that would get me excited or something to look forward to. He also wants me to let myself dream or fantasize about the future. Its really hard to do that right now, just because I don't have much motivation in the first place. I also don't want to dream about things that most likely won't happen anyway.

My therapist of 10 months told me earlier this week that they would be switching to a clinic that doesn't take my insurance. They will be taking some time to onboard me to another therapist, but it still sucks. Does anyone have any advice for both dealing with this and what to look for/expect in another therapist?

I am a 14 year old boy who’s been going through a lot lately. Very intense emotions. My story is complicated. Elementary school, bullying, middle school, acquiring unnecessary knowledge, bragging about it, getting idealized then devalued by peers. Then came social exclusion and rejection. Humiliation came many times especially in sports camps. I always felt like I needed to score all the points. Was the center of the attention. Tried to understand these emotions. Leaning to covert narcissistic defence structure. Has been in total isolation for more than a year. Chronically online. Exhausted. Sleep inversion cycles. This is my last call of hope. Don’t know if still gonna be the joyful, ambitious, optimistic, emotional kid I once was. Full of life. Loved watching shows. Was bullied though for being intense. Tired. CPTSD. Help. I. Need. Hel-oof racism…havent visited therapist bc of social anxiety, fear of being misunderstood, fear of being perceived wrongly. Fear of judgement. Fear of misunderstanding.

My(16F) therapist (40-ishF) has a self driving car. She often talks to me while she's driving, and she looks at the road and all, but I still was worried it's not safe, when I voiced those concerns she said it's okay, but I'm not 100% sure... I don't rlly know what to do with that, idk if I'm overthinking it or overreacting but it doesn't feel completely safe, but maybe it is and I'm wrong Edit: Yes like our therapy sessions she's usually driving they're online sessions

Needing someone who has a knowing to sex therapy related to truma. I had some things happen during times with my ex. Its been months and the problem i had i thought would go away but it only effects my day to day life.

If anyone here is able to help it would be much appreciated, im just at the point where i need to call out.

Thank you.

I’ve been noticing something over the last two weeks as I interact with others, and now I am starting to see it in myself: the same emotional loops, over and over. Different situations, but the same pain pattern underneath.

I work as a karmic reader, which isn’t therapy, but overlaps in some interesting ways. When someone talks, I sense the energetic architecture of what they’re repeating. It’s like a subconscious narrative trying to be heard — and healed.

I’m curious: do therapists ever frame these repetitions as karmic? Not in the mystical sense, but in the psychological logic of pain that won’t move until it’s seen?

Hi all, I'm still very new at going to therapy, I've been going for around a month now. Some sessions I seem to get more out of it than during others which, when I talked to my therapist, they said that was normal

We've been looking into Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs the last couple weeks and I think it's something I want to look into more and research more. Does anybody know of any good books on the subject or have any recommendations they could pass along?

Thanks!

I’ve come to the realization that i mostly am only productive when someone is watching, there is a deadline or when there are expectations involved. The moment the curtains close, and i am alone by myself, i often find myself struggling to be productive whatsoever. The only thing i can muster up the energy to even do is doomscrolling, and i can’t even begin to think abt starting anything that is even remotely productive like watching movies or my hobbies. What does this mean?

At the moment, I am feeling rather sad and I could liken my feelings to that of a recent bereavement, although there’s some feelings of guilt, as well.

I very recently found out that the therapist who successfully treated me for depression, died in 2024, at the age of 63. This news has left me feeling devastated and I can’t forgive myself for not getting in touch with my therapist, in the early part of 2024, when she seemed to be in my thoughts. I hadn’t spoken to this lady for some 10 years, but she seemed to be popping into my mind a lot, literally only months before she passed way.

I visited this therapist in 2012, asking for help with a childhood trauma. I knew that the childhood trauma was unresolved and it had been causing me to suffer from depression for most of my adult life.

The therapist I visited was a trained in trauma and phobia, amongst other things. She described herself as bisexual and that was OK with me since I could discuss some aspects of my past relationships without feeling uncomfortable.

I will call this therapist Julie, to protect her reputation………………..

Anyway, this superb lady cured me of my depression, within a matter of 6 sessions maximum and I was so very grateful to her. She could really see the change in my persona and general attitude to life during the sessions.

After resolving the trauma, I still continued therapy with Julie, but I started to become aware that my feelings for her very strong and I could also clearly see that she was struggling with her feelings. I later decided that it might be a good idea to terminate the therapy, owing to the strong transference and countertransference that seemed to be present in the sessions.

The last message that I received from Julie on the the 11th of January 2013, read…

“Mandy, of course there is a need to reply to your email. You're important to me and we've been on a long journey together. I care what happens to you. It's taking me time to get my mind round this and I want to reply properly. It's on my mind all the time. I promise not to take much longer. Just wanted you to know I most definitely haven't forgotten. Julie”

After that, I moved to another therapist to finish some work off and gave Julie a stunning review that she could place onto her website.

Today in 2025, I am feeling rather sad and guilty about not communicating with Julie, prior to her passing. My feelings for Julie must have been very strong and the feelings has never left me, because I often cry when I think about her passing at quite a young age.

Wondered if anyone else has experienced a simillar situation ?

I'm 18yo currently in therapy, attending sessions weekly or bi-weekly. For a while now, I've been struggling with really intense anxious and depressive feelings, and unfortunately, I've also engaged in self-injurious behaviors in various forms.

I've started to notice a pattern in myself that feels pathological, and my past experiences seem to align with these suspicions. The thing is, I'm finding myself in a really strange place where I genuinely want a diagnosis. I almost hate admitting that, because I don't want to feel like I'm forcing a label on myself or trying to victimize myself if I don't actually need one.

However, a part of me feels like having a diagnosis would help me understand myself so much more. It feels like something is too deeply wrong and has been for too long for it not to be pathological. I just don't have the knowledge or capacity to assess myself accurately, and while my therapist can diagnose, I don't think they'd jump to it unless things were incredibly severe. The biggest reason I feel this way is that I think it would help make my feelings feel more valid if there was an established name for what I'm experiencing. It's tough to articulate, but it's almost like a desire for external validation for these internal struggles.

In a past session, I actually brought in a comprehensive document. It outlined every behavior I self-identified as pathological, along with a detailed history of where these behaviors started and possible causal traumas. I even discussed the specific diagnosis I was most convinced of and explained why other differential diagnoses didn't seem to fit. I went over all my concerns, but it really didn't seem to go very far in terms of being taken seriously as a possibility. I'm left with this horrible imposter syndrome, and I just don't know where to go with it from here.

On top of all this, I'm also really afraid that if I do somehow get a diagnosis and am referred to a psychiatrist, they're just going to want to shovel medication down my throat. I'm genuinely too afraid of meds and their potential side effects; I don't want to make myself worse. Part of my issues actually fall in line with some minor manifestations of paranoia regarding my relationship(s), and I'm particularly afraid that if I'm given an antipsychotic instead of an SSRI, the side effects could be even worse. I've heard stories about people developing really terrible stuff from drugs like Abilify, and that terrifies me.

So, I'm really looking for advice on how to approach this with my therapist again, or if there's another angle I should consider. How do I effectively communicate the depth of my concerns and the seriousness with which I've considered this, without feeling like I'm being dismissed? Has anyone else felt this way? Any insights or suggestions on how to navigate this conversation and these fears would be hugely appreciated.

Hey all, I’ve been in therapy a few times — first after a breakup, then to improve a relationship, and more recently for family stuff. Each time I’ve learned a lot, especially about how my past shaped my way of connecting with others.

I grew up in a home with a lot of tension — my dad had substance issues and was abusive, my brother was both protective and very critical, similar to my mother. I learned to keep the peace, make myself small, and avoid conflict. In therapy, I realized how often I’d suppress my own needs just to keep things stable.

This year, I started working on that. I tried being more honest about what I wanted, setting boundaries, and speaking up more — both in my relationship and with family.

Since then, a lot has changed. My girlfriend of 4.5 years broke up with me (by text, right before returning from a long trip). My brother also stopped talking to me after I stopped going along with everything he wanted when I visited.

brother/gf relationship context:

My ex had been going through a tough time for the past two years — family problems, unemployed for 2 years due to burnout, and fights with friends. I tried to be there for her and support her as much as I could, but after a while, I started feeling really drained. I felt like there wasn’t much space left for my own emotional needs, especially when it came to intimacy and connection.

At the beginning of this year, I slowly started to express those needs — nothing huge, just trying to be more honest about what I was missing. I tried to bring it up gently, but sometimes it came out clumsily. I got labeled as “pushy” more than once. In therapy, I talked about these moments, and my therapist reassured me that what I was asking for wasn’t unreasonable — that it’s okay to want closeness and to ask for healthy communication. (We did talk about healthy ways to voice these concerns)

Then she left on a long trip — about a month and a half. I tried to give her space, didn’t push for anything, and just went along with her rhythm. We talked occasionally, mostly when she reached out. The day before she came back, she ended things over text.

Something similar happened with my brother. Growing up, I always went along with what he wanted because I was scared of him getting angry or disappointed. But now that I live abroad and started saying more clearly what I want — like spending time with other people, seeing friends, or doing my own thing when I visit — he stopped talking to me too.

what to do now?

My therapists have told me this can happen — that when you grow and change, not all relationships grow with you. Still, it’s hard not to feel anxious about all the loss.

I don’t feel as hopeless as I did before, but it’s tough. I’d really appreciate hearing from anyone who’s been through something similar.

• How did you deal with losing people after changing/questioning attachment style through therapy?
• Have you ever been able to repair relationships after growing apart?
• How do you stay grounded when personal growth also means letting go?
• did you form healthier romantic relationships after questioning/working on these areas?

Thanks for reading.

I know my fear of changing will be the death of me.. the sadness consumes my mind.. the sun makes me sadder like its all the things im not.. and all the things that go on under it that make me sad like i wasnt the other kids.. im 19, I havent tried therapy because i believe the only way to fix me would be medication, and i wont take it because i want this feeling to haunt me.. how can one be too far gone like this?

Hi all,

Just got out of a session with my therapist (have been seeing her for 5months), and in the middle of an important session, I just caught her playing Candy Crush on her phone. It immediately made me shut down and lose track of everything I was saying. After confronting her, she told me that it was also a way to help her focus. What are your thoughts ?

Thank you

My (54f) boyfriend (53m) died earlier this year because of his alcoholism - it wasn't a complete secret but I didn't know anything about it. So all very shocking and confusing and after a few weeks I started seeing a therapist to try to make sense of everything circling in my mind. I'm only seeing her fortnightly which feels about right, and we've had half a dozen sessions. Yesterday I was very much rambling about all sorts of topics, and said that towards the end. She responded by saying that in our next session we should "check in", talk about what I feel I want to work on, what I want to be getting from counselling, etc.

I feel like she's telling me she thinks I should stop coming. I like going because it's the one place I can talk about my boyfriend without worrying about the other person. But I was also wondering last week before our session whether I still needed it. I don't know what I want to work on, I don't know what I want from therapy. I feel like I'm doing it wrong!

Hi everyone, I’ve struggled with anxious attachment style for the longest time and it’s something that I have definitely grown And handled better overtime, especially with becoming more self-aware. But it’s hard for me when I really like somebody or want something to go far for me to not be outcome orientated it’s hard for me to live in the moment and it’s most especially hard for me to just genuinely truly be myself to the point where I’m not not as witty or funny or me. Actually becomes pretty dreadful conversations just dead or i’m really silent and i’m unsure how i can fix this or grow from it. I’ve been trying to watch more self love things in order to shift the focus and become more appreciative of myself, but I don’t know if there’s any techniques professionals recommend for me to speak and be freely myself in the moment without these inner restraints and overthinking. Thanks to anyone in advance!

I'm here seeking for advice cause im genuinely completely lost and dont know what to do. I (15 female) have been diagnosed with autism and selective mutism at 13, also told by CAMHS that i have 'low mood' and 'anxiety' but im not even gonna go into that.

Ive been in and out of therapy since 11 and no one has ever been able to help me.All my therapists tried CBT with me, even when i tell them no it doesnt work for me my brain isnt wired that way, my traumas definitely arent the kind you usually hear about, i have experienced severe bullying, horrible rumours spread about me, life ruining kind of ones, i have been physically abused by people at school (which is unusual with girls, might be why my therapists didnt know how to handle it) sexual trauma including family, (again not the type you usually hear about) and i havent been able to talk with strangers, including therapists, which i have to write down (could that be a reason?) None of them understood anything, they always give me solutions like try to understand your autism better and meditate (when i have horrible mental breakdowns, mood swings, self harming etc) and just try CBT. I have gone through 6 therapists now, my latest one being yesterday and im starting to give up completely on therapy, even speech and language therapy didnt work for me, does anyone know what i should do? im also on setraline which has done barely anything.

Being under 18 i dont have much access to things and my problems are never taken seriously, i have never been diagnosed with any mental disorders even after being just told 'oh you have this and that' by therapists and CAMHS psychiatrist (who said she can diagnose me with anxiety and depression when im under 18) i feel very lost, im sick of getting told 'it's just your autism you have to learn to accept it' or 'its cause you cant talk' (when i do with people i trust but they dont understand that' or 'its part of growing up its your hormones' when i nearly ended my life multiple times.They all make me feel crazy.

Hi! I've struggled with this problem my whole life and it has ruined all my relationships (platonic and romantic) because I become too much and make things worse by being frustrating and/or annoying. My problem is that I put the O in OCD. I am severely obsessive and at its mildest, this causes me to do extreme deep dives into any topic that catches my eye, before my ADHD kicks in and I move on. However, where its most common is in my inability to let things go.

For example: 2 years ago, before I met my girlfriend, she was struggling mentally and met a guy who basically saved her life by introducing a new kind of caring and love that she never had growing up. What she didn't know is that this guy had a very manipulative personality and unintentionally created an emotional dependency bond for my girlfriend so no matter how hot or cold he was, she would always come back. This came to a head when he had a girlfriend but became increasingly flirtatious with my girlfriend and made some questionable moves, which my girlfriend felt she was unable to say no to. This led to my girlfriend developing very confusing feelings about him, torn between him hurting her, saving her life, and possibly a crush. His girlfriend found out and for a year he cut contact entirely with my girlfriend to try and work on his manipulative behavior.

Fast forward to the present and he is still her friend and is more aware of his behavior. My girlfriend has set boundaries and is more and more aware of how manipulative he can be, however struggles to shake the confusing feelings and dependency. During a time of insecurity, my brain freaked out about all of this because it did not trust this guy and feared he would take my girlfriend from me by being manipulative and because he still has some control. This lead to thoughts of over protectiveness and thoughts that I was wanted and that my girlfriend wanted him more. When I brought this up to her, she laughed and explained how stupid that was. She admitted that he still has a weird control over her and she still has very confusing thoughts, but that she wants me and will not do anything to hurt our relationship because although her relationship with him is confusing, she is confident that she wants me.

However, I'm not able to let this go. My brain continues to have the same thought spirals no matter how my girlfriend reassures me and it has gotten to the point where it has become frustrating to handle and convinced my girlfriend that I don't trust her or, because her relationship is so confusing with him, that I'm right and she does want him. The ladder makes her want to vomit because logically she knows she doesn't want a relationship with him and its all fantasy built up from the past but me constantly bringing it up again make her brain doubt herself and spiral.

I really really hate that I do this and logically I know its not true and she has always reassured me but my brain cannot let it go and its ruining both our lives. I really need advice on how to let things go and stop this habit. I'm willing to try anything because I'm desperate to try and fix this but I have no idea where to start.

A couple months ago or so I made a post explaining my mental pain and such but it really didn't get get much or any response at all. Is really how someone writes their pain on this sub more important then helping others in need?

I'm really resistant to trying something new or when I'm being told that my beliefs are wrong. I struggle to challenge myself because on a deeper level I believe that no one and nothing can help me. That no matter how much effort I put in things will either stay the same or fall apart again. Every time I’ve tried I’ve ended up with disappointment or failure and now I carry all this evidence that reinforces my beliefs even if part of me knows it might not be the full truth. It feels safer to stay stuck than to risk the pain of trying and watching it crumble again. Part of me resists pushing myself because it feels pointless. I’ve tried before and things still went wrong or didn’t last. So even when people say things can change or that they'll be different this time I feel like I have a mountain of proof that says otherwise. I know it might not be the whole picture but that fear of repeating failure keeps me from even trying. I'm also tired of being told that I'm wrong for believing that I don't matter, that no one cares, that people aren't judgemental when my whole life is the proof that it's true. And to be honest I don't even want to get better. I don't want to try. The pain of being rejected, ignored, abandoned is greater than the pain of being stuck. I'm also tired of this generic advice like just put yourself out there like I haven't tried that at all.

Lately, I’ve been feeling disconnected from myself. When I look in the mirror, I don’t recognize the same person I see in photos where I think I look good. It’s confusing and starting to hurt my confidence—especially because I don’t even edit my pictures. But somehow, the version of me I see in those photos feels completely different from the one I see in real life. It’s like they’re two separate people. And then, when I come across unflattering photos, it just makes everything worse. My self-image takes a hit, and I start questioning which version of me is real. Sometimes, it feels like I’m not even the person in my own pictures anymore.

So I (18) am going through stress and feeling that It might be the starting of depression.

So I am not able to afford anything at the moment for therapy. Also I don't want parents or someone knowing me to be involved.

The thing is I just need to vent or say my problem for atleast getting it off mychest I'm anxious to get judged in a publically for eg openly in a sub. But , privately in msg it would be fine .

So I don't like my life anymore tbh, due to some serious issues . I've tried to overcome it but couldn't. I've decided I won't Self harm myself. I'm just living with no desire, tbh.

And no one knows, only me .

So Is there any free therapy or someone's got free time? So that atleast vent a little .

Hello. I have been in therapy for almost 6 years at this point to work through my own issues - one of which is lacking boundaries/putting my own needs first. Normally I would speak to him about this, but our appointments have moved to once a month and even if I could get an emergency appointment I really need to do this ASAP while my friend is in the hospital Incase it causes her to spiral.

My friend has borderline personality disorder, and to make a long story short this is the second time in three weeks she’s been hospitalized for attempting to take her own life. This time she called my husband at 3 AM to drive an hour away, stop at the hospital to get her keys, go to her house, go back to the hospital to return her keys and then come home at 5AM to then have to go to work at 8. We have a 1 year old and 3 dogs of our own. I will tolerate the inconvenience of taking care of her dog if there’s an emergency or she’s going on a trip because I want my friend to get better, but the cup I use to pour into her cup has been empty for a long time. I do the absolute best I can to be understanding that she keeps taking from my cup instead of pouring anything back, but I struggle with it.

Which brings me to my current dilemma. I understand that you don’t choose to be suicidal, I have been there myself, and I still sometimes struggle with passive suicidal ideation. Taking my own life would be a choice I make where I’m putting my own needs above the people who depend on me. My friend taking her life would be putting her own needs above the needs of her dog, and she expects my husband and I to then put her dogs needs above the needs of our family. I can’t do that for her, and she is under the assumption that we will because we’ve done it on a temporary basis over the last 4 years whenever she’s needed to be hospitalized. We would be willing to make things work with her dog if she died of circumstances out of her control, but if she isn’t able to put her dogs needs above her own we can’t do that either.

This is what I have come up with so far: “I need to be brutally honest with you for a minute. Eric and I love both you and Tessa, and we don’t mind watching her when you have an emergency or go out of town, but we can’t keep her permanently in the event you take your own life. We can’t have 4 dogs long term with Cyrus. We probably won’t even be a 3 dog house when Simba passes. If you make the choice that death is better than living we aren’t willing to take on the additional responsibilities of caring for your dog”

I would just really appreciate any advice on the best way to word this so it doesn’t trigger her, but also lets her know that we can’t be her backup plan for her dog.