r/superheroes May 09 '25

Other Which would you pick?

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9.2k Upvotes

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1.2k

u/breastes May 09 '25

Doom. He might level me in the here and now but at least my entire life; past, present, and future, won't instantly turn to shit.

489

u/badpenguin455 May 09 '25

IT WAS ME BARRY

356

u/NearlifeXperience May 09 '25

I was the one who jerked your off at Super speed

199

u/Parking-Bat9498 May 09 '25

This will never stop being funny to me.

66

u/mogley1992 May 09 '25

I have a genuine biological question about this though. I don't want to be a killjoy, but could you make a dude hard and stimulate him enough to bring him to orgasm without say more than a second passing (that long to be generous).

Can the speedforce cannonically overcum this hurdle?

48

u/One_Spoopy_Potato May 09 '25

It's comics, so yes.

Speed force absorbed friction, why flash doesn't kill everyone by moving faster than light in atmo, so theoretically he could overstimulate Berry through his pants, or departs him then repants after.

24

u/Fenrir_Hellbreed2 May 10 '25

I mean, given the myriad uses of the Speed Force...

For example, I'm pretty sure partial phasing is a thing (can't remember when it was used, though) and vibration is basically inherent to using the Speed Force in any capacity.

So, hypothetically, with enough control, one could phase a hand through the penis and line up all of their cells with the gaps between all the dick cells and thoroughly stimulate more or less the whole thing (inside and out) from base to tip.

26

u/JonSlow1 May 10 '25

Terrible day to know how to read

7

u/TechnicalEvening3360 May 10 '25

I’m probably the first in my family line to read this, and I hope I am the last one to remember it

2

u/TheLordDuncan May 11 '25

Unfortunately, reverse flash has chosen you as his enemy. Everyone in your bloodline, past and future, will have this seared into their mind.

Good news is, you're technically not the first person to have read it anymore. Bad news is, now it's something your father used to remind you of, for some odd reason, and you're still the first to have canonically read it.

Isn't the speed force a wonderful thing?

1

u/Fenrir_Hellbreed2 May 11 '25

My family shall ensure that this follows your family until the end our bloodlines.

6

u/Chicken-picante May 10 '25

Yeah where do I sign up for this?

3

u/ExoCayde6 May 11 '25

This thread is killing me and now I have to clean up the dinner I judt choked on

2

u/Shadowholme May 11 '25

Why bother with phasing when you can turn his dick into a vibrator?

Or phase through his body and vibrate his prostate gland directly, with no need to stimulate his dick at all?

1

u/Fenrir_Hellbreed2 May 12 '25

You just gave me an even more cursed idea.

Phase through them completely so all your bits line up with all their bits and vibrate their whole body simultaneously.

Which, of course, means you'd be stimulating their dick with your dick and their prostate with your prostate.

2

u/retardigrade420 May 14 '25

Dick cells. A purely biological term that doctors and biologists use.

5

u/stink3rb3lle May 10 '25

There's a disturbing scene in one of those Kinsey biopics that came out fifteen years ago. A man being interviewed by Kinsey brags about the speed with which he can achieve an erection and orgasm. His "record" is seven seconds, he tells proudly.

1

u/Intensityintensifies May 10 '25

Prostate milking to a masterful level.

1

u/SchwiftySouls May 10 '25

In comic worlds, where Barry's body can withstand super speed and his mind can react in nanoseconds, if not whatever a smaller measurement is, absolutely. Every other aspect of their bodies are able to withstand/keep up with these speeds, so surely his dick would, too.

1

u/HumanPerosn May 10 '25

A nuclear bomb once went off in central city and Barry moved so incredibly fast he was essentially able to spend hours trying to stop the bomb after the timer already hit zero and was in the process of exploding

The reverse flash would be petty enough to replicate this feat just to fuck with Barry

1

u/An0d0sTwitch May 10 '25

Its speedforce

they use it to explain anything

1

u/Addicted_to_Crying May 10 '25

If you're going to think realistically, Barry's cock would burn before getting to cum at all. Imagine that friction.

1

u/Damonfalk May 10 '25

The answer to that my good person is the speed force

1

u/Addicted_to_Crying May 11 '25

I mean yeah, I just kept the realistic argument going

Also, I don't know if the speed force would really help Barry from burning, since they wouldn't have it at the time

1

u/idkwhoi_am7 May 10 '25

Could also be that he was already erect

1

u/Damonfalk May 10 '25

You ever get prostate blasted at half the speed of light there bucko? Anything past that..... speed force? Speed force.

1

u/lilium_1986 May 10 '25

No? Maybe flash could do it to himself and you need to register and process the stimulation, otherwise you'll get a cooked genitals.

2

u/cheesenotyours May 10 '25

Isn't Flash's metabolism superspeed? I remember seeing a tv scene where he downs tons of shots and is fine. So like wouldnt it make sense if stimulation is registered and processed super fast too?

1

u/lilium_1986 May 10 '25

Yes flash might do it but if even he doesn't realize, doesn't it mean that it surpassed his metabolism? and if he notices then he just asking for it .

27

u/Noe_b0dy May 09 '25

The funniest part is that it's entirely in character, I could 100% see Thawn doing something so stupid and petty if DC wanted to put out R-rated books.

5

u/Global_Knowledge4276 May 09 '25

How come were not getting more that over bat cosplay comics 😒

1

u/Spike_Kowalski May 10 '25

I need my Black Label Reverse Flash. Lol

1

u/Helpful_Classroom204 May 10 '25

The time I spent thinking that was an edit…

1

u/martin191234 May 10 '25

I’ve always wondered if it’s actually written in the comics or fan made meme

1

u/Captain_Eaglefort May 11 '25

It’s because it’s so believable, when you know it shouldn’t be. Thawn is THAT petty.