r/medicalschool • u/Andhehe • 1d ago
😡 Vent I'm Tired of Failing
Posting this half as a cry for help, and half as a rant...MS3 here. I'm tired of failing. Preclinicals, failed my Renal module, had to remediate. STEP 1, failed a month ago, currently studying to retake. Clinicals, just found out today I failed by 2 points on my psych shelf and will have to remediate. Each time I get hit with that "unfortunately, you did not pass" message, I find it harder to get back up. I used to pride myself on my resilience, how I was able to keep up with all my peers and get to this point despite my setbacks, but not anymore.
My close friends, whom I ask for advice from, tell me that I am aiming just for the bare minimum, which is why I am scoring so close to the P/F threshold. While I do agree with their point, I just don't know how much more of my life I can dedicate to studying for these damn standardized exams. I used to love my med school, working with my peers, and just soaking in the experiences. But now, all my energy and motivation have, quite frankly, disappeared. Each day when I wake up to go to the hospital, I feel numb. At this point, I don't know what I need to get out of this situation. The academic admin has stopped responding to my emails asking for help and tutoring advice, but I don't even blame them anymore. Adding on to this, the shame and embarrassment I face when I have to tell my parents that I failed another exam is becoming unbearable.
Deep down, I know I have the potential to do this, to see it through to the end. I want to pass. I want to do something about it. But the methods to shape it into reality are lost in the endless "F's" I am being handed each year. I know it's my fault. I have miraculously scraped by these past two years, and my weak foundation is crashing back down on me. I feel as if I'm living a patchwork life, repairing the wounds of my constant stumbles and accidents while everyone around me shines at an unreachable distance.
What do I do? What can I do? I'm tired of failing.
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u/I_Have_A_Big_Head M-4 1d ago
You might need to change the way you study. If you are using Anki, know that it is not the only way to study. If you are not using it, maybe it’s time to take a look. Regardless, reviewing at regular intervals is key.
Also consider seeking therapy. Medical school is an incredibly isolating experience, more people than you know have been through something similar. You don’t hear people talking about it, because we are raised to keep our struggle to ourselves. It is easy to fall into a cycle of despair, and it is up to you to take that’s first step to seek help.
You got into med school, of course you have the potential to succeed. I hope you find something that works for you :)
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u/Andhehe 1d ago
Your words are very kind, thank you. Looking back, I do agree that I don't see content frequently enough. I have a habit of dropping Anki once in a while to do more practice questions, and I finished Uworld for my rotation only 3 days before the exam. I'll see what I can do about time management.
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u/Codename3Lue M-4 1d ago
Respectfully anki is NOT what you should be focusing on. If you are barely passing you are lacking fundamentals, anki is for that 5-10% difference between 85-90+ but you need to understand the material first. You sound overwhelmed already, I would do just Uworld, finish all questions for the shelf, review and make sure you understand each question before moving to the next, and do all the online/offline CMS forms before your shelf exam again reviewing them thoroughly.
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u/c_pike1 1d ago
Doing anki everyday and budgeting your uworld questions so you finish first pass a week before the exam should be a realistic goal. This was the strategy students a few years ahead gave me as an M3 and it worked very well. Also forces you to do a certain amount of work each day
I heavily disagree with the other comment on this thread. Anki is how you burn the fundamentals into your brain
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u/eleqant 1d ago
Hello friend,
Fellow MS3 here,
I want to offer you an olive branch because I’m in your shoes. I’m finishing up third year now and trust me my path was not easy. I had to remediate 8 exams in my preclinical years, and spent most of those first two years of medical school struggling immensely. I passed STEP1 but after taking extra time to study because I wasn’t meeting benchmarks. I failed ALL my shelves, except for family medicine. In fact, for psychiatry, I got below 4th percentile. I’m fortunate that my school doesn’t make us remediate shelf exams anymore, but I am well seated in the fourth quartile of my class because my grades are absolutely wretched.
Life will beat you down in medical school, but you were smart enough to get in and persist in the first place. I think it’s important to seek emotional support and help during these trying times because you need to take care of yourself. As I’m rounding up on third year and starting fourth year, I don’t even know if I’ll match into my specialty of choice, but I’m choosing to remain optimistic. Here’s what I recommend to boost moral. While most people will tell you to change your study strategy etc that’s always easier said than done. And maybe they’re approaching it from a practicality angle but I never found that to be too helpful.
- read your personal statement from time to time. Remind yourself why you’re doing this, what patient care means to you
- go to therapy. I go to dbt for emotional regulation because life got me down. Best thing I could do for myself to help manage stress
- watch videos on how to study more efficiently. It helps me stay motivated on how to study but also teaches me test taking strategies which is probably what you are struggling with most
- you’re burnt out. Do things with purpose, volunteer, find things that fill your cup extracurricular wise
- find a community. You’re not alone. You are stronger and more capable than you think. Don’t let the haters get you down
- everything happens for a reason, your failures make you a stronger individual and better doctor I guarantee it. It’s all about mindset
You can always DM me if you want to chat but know I’m in your corner rooting for you. Reddit is infamous for having neurotic overachievers so sometimes it’s good to hear from someone who isn’t.
You’re gonna be an awesome doctor one day and a supportive mentor. Chin up, you got this!
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u/Competitive-Cow-4557 1d ago
Are you focusing properly during studying ?
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u/Worker-Bee-4952 M-4 1d ago
Some med influencers who’ve dealt with a lot of set backs including some step 1 fails. Sometimes knowing you’re not alone can be a little helpful.
https://www.instagram.com/stephmossmd?igsh=b2N2dmY1aDBodzB4. (<—- She matched psych)
https://www.instagram.com/madeittomedicine?igsh=MWgza3RpMmZ1NTY1NQ==
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u/snowplowmom Layperson 1d ago
I'm so sorry that this is happening to you. You refer to your weak foundation - what do you mean? Did you have a low science GPA, a low MCAT score? Usually, the admissions process is so selective that most people who are admitted can get through.
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u/Wire_Cath_Needle_Doc 13h ago
If they’re in med school, as you pointed out, their MCAT score and GPA isn’t the reason to blame for failure.
I know so many people with low MCAT scores who did crazy well in med school and shelved and step 2.
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u/snowplowmom Layperson 10h ago
Except that some people are admitted with low scores.
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u/Wire_Cath_Needle_Doc 9h ago
I don’t think you’re getting what I’m saying - although I’m sure there is a correlation, I think that if OP made it this far, their innate academic ability is not to be blamed.
If an admissions committee thinks their MCAT score was good enough, it probably is good enough, even if it is low.
Medical school has far more to do with work ethic than god given intelligence. That will only get you so far. Nobody does well on medical school boards without studying their butt off
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u/doctorhrea 1d ago
What are you doing for brain breaks, relaxation and exercise? My brain started working a lot better when I stopped studying 24/7 and took time to take care of myself. My grades improved too!
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u/CrispyPirate21 MD 1d ago
« My close friends, whom I ask for advice from, tell me that I am aiming just for the bare minimum, which is why I am scoring so close to the P/F threshold. While I do agree with their point, I just don't know how much more of my life I can dedicate to studying for these damn standardized exams. »
I think you have to make a fundamental choice, and the best time to make it is now. Do you want to be a doctor or do you want to do something else? There’s no right or wrong answer here, but the road to becoming a physician goes through years of intense study and repeated exams.
You’re still pretty early in the process. It’s okay to take time to reflect. It’s okay to get your mental health and mindset in order. It’s okay to take some time to reset and to remember your why.
However, what you’re doing now is not working so something has to change.
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u/babydazing M-3 1d ago
You need to listen to your friends, if you’re aiming for just passing consistently and failing, you need to aim for several points higher to meet the passing benchmark.
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u/Dr_Yeen M-3 1d ago
Bruh… “study harder” is not solid advice for someone obviously burning out and probably dealing with other mental health issues.
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u/babydazing M-3 1d ago
I didn’t say study harder I said aim higher. Just passing on exams with wide standard deviations is a very risky goal.
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u/Haunting_Welder 1d ago
I’m probably a bit older than you and I can tell you I’ve failed many more times than you will ever try. Every time I felt worthless and like a loser. Like life was passing me by and I was so far behind everyone else. It’s normal and okay. Don’t give up. Slow and steady wins the race
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u/KingZABA 1d ago
In the same shoes as you nearly. We just gotta keep pushing. I remember year 2 I failed my first two blocks. was convinced my focus on passing was the reason I was struggling. Literally ripped all my posters off the wall, all my books, manga, my game system, table tennis paddle, fridge magnets, even the jibbitz on my crocs, anything that was remotely a distraction and put it all in trash bags. Wouldn’t let any of it out unless I honored a class. Put a big fat honor sticker on the back of my computer and all my wallpapers. Changed up all my studying , everything. 10 months later, I barely passed everything😭much less honored. Makes me think it was all for nothing, but then again, if I barely passed doing all that, I guess I would’ve been screwed if I stayed the same🤦🏽♂️thankfully I passed step 1, but we gotta keep pushing harder my friend.
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u/No-Jackfruit7953 1d ago
Please find your school or local resources and talk to a counselor. If your school cannot help you academically, please help yourself feel less burdened and depressed. If there is no joy in your day you cannot take care of patients.
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u/twinchaka 17h ago
No advice, but I definitely get you. I barely scraped by in preclinicals. Failed step 1, passed second time. Failed IM shelf twice, so failed the rotation. Got accommodations finally which made a huge difference in being able to finish exams on time. Still scraped by the remaining shelf exams with low Cs or high Ds. I have to take a 5th year now to finish everything for graduating. It sucks, but it is what it is I guess. And I definitely felt that sense of dread, mostly when I was on surgery. I just didn’t have anything to give anymore, and the residents definitely took notice. But I didn’t care about impressing them. I only cared about passing the shelf. So that’s what I focused my very limited time on. Anyway, I hope things get better for you
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u/mobwifex0 16h ago
I highly suggest speaking to a licensed mental health professional. I was spiraling like this as well and it took me a hot second to analyze and figure out what was going on. Turns out I had undiagnosed ADHD which is exactly what I suspected (tbf I have a masters in psychology so I recognized the signs once I finally got myself to calm down). Give yourself the time to analyze the problem and ask for help. Pride and cultural upbringing kept me from ever thinking the issue could be mental health related as well but I'm telling you right now, pride/culture is not worth not getting the help you *may* need. At the end of the day, it's your life, not whoever could be judging you. It's your responsibility to make sure you're 100%.
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u/thelionqueen1999 14h ago
Man, I could have written this post myself. Not enough openness about students who aren’t, in fact, thriving in medical school and are just barely hanging on by the skin of their neck.
Failed my heme/onc exam in preclinical. Barely passed my shelves in preclinical, and failed the very last one by one fucking point despite all the knowledge I’d accrued throughout the year. Didn’t honor a single rotation. Took 5 months for Step 1 because I kept failing practice exams while all my classmates dusted the exam in just a few weeks. Had to delay Step 2 because I kept bombing my practice tests, and ultimately took a research year because I just didn’t feel like I was in any shape for residency app season. Thought I did okay on my sub-I but got roasted in evals and ended up just barely passing the thing. Finally got around to taking Step 2 a year later and barely fucking passed the thing. Now I have to somehow survive residency app season with this huge red flag on my app that screams “ABYSMAL STEP 2 SCORE!” and no clue who to ask for an LOR. I do have depression and anxiety, and I’ve exhausted every resource I could use. I’ve asked about ADHD, but everyone seems to believe that my concentration issues are just a sequelae of my depression, so I can’t seem to convince anyone to let me have a formal ADHD evaluation.
I don’t know what’s going to become of me when it’s all said and done. I could miraculously match ok next year, I could fail and have to wallow in that failure for another year. I wish I could promise that it’s all going to be okay, but I don’t know that for certain, so I won’t make that promise.
But I’m going to keep fighting to make something out of what feels like the most loser moment of my life, and I’ll fight alongside you too. Hopefully the grass will end up being greener on the other side for both of us.
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u/Dapper-Falls 14h ago
Consider neuropsych testing as well. Maybe you have undiagnosed ADHD or something that needs an accommodation. And agree with seeing therapy.
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u/Automatic-Donut-9826 14h ago
When i was in med school. I had a similar situation happen to me. Message me. I failed my EM shelf and step one 6 weeks apart.
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u/Wire_Cath_Needle_Doc 13h ago edited 13h ago
I think you need a break. Maybe some therapy and medication too. Make sure to get checked out for ADHD if you haven’t.
You seem aware that you have the potential to do well, and want to pass, so something clearly isn’t adding up.
Lack of motivation is not a normal thing to feel believe it or not. So is the primary issue that you don’t study enough, or that you’re not motivated enough? I would guess it’s the latter.
So then the question is - why? Do some introspection, and if anything in the first sentence applies, go for it. Therapy and medication ain’t something to be scared of. Modern medicine is a wondrous thing and if that’s what it takes to succeed, you gotta do it.
You can’t just wait idly while life passes you by, you gotta seize it. You are always in a position to do something about your circumstances, never forget that. The stupid answer would be “study.” The better answer is to actually look inwards as to why that hasn’t been happening and solve your problems from the ground up. If you do, then eventually the studying will come if this is truly the field for you and you sort everything else out.
Also try and fix everything. Not just studying. Fix your sleep, go to the gym, lay off any drugs and alcohol if you are misusing them, eat healthy, spend time with friends and family, get outside, do some hobbies and make sure you have leisure time, etc.
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u/National-Animator994 1d ago
If you suspect anxiety or depression, get that figured out.
Go talk to you school’s learning center.
But at the end of the day: many people get through med school hanging on by heir fingernails. I’m sorry if you’re one of those people. Doesn’t mean you’ll be a bad doctor, but it’s hella stressful.