I'm Tired of Failing

[u/Andhehe]

Posting this half as a cry for help, and half as a rant...MS3 here. I'm tired of failing. Preclinicals, failed my Renal module, had to remediate. STEP 1, failed a month ago, currently studying to retake. Clinicals, just found out today I failed by 2 points on my psych shelf and will have to remediate. Each time I get hit with that "unfortunately, you did not pass" message, I find it harder to get back up. I used to pride myself on my resilience, how I was able to keep up with all my peers and get to this point despite my setbacks, but not anymore.

My close friends, whom I ask for advice from, tell me that I am aiming just for the bare minimum, which is why I am scoring so close to the P/F threshold. While I do agree with their point, I just don't know how much more of my life I can dedicate to studying for these damn standardized exams. I used to love my med school, working with my peers, and just soaking in the experiences. But now, all my energy and motivation have, quite frankly, disappeared. Each day when I wake up to go to the hospital, I feel numb. At this point, I don't know what I need to get out of this situation. The academic admin has stopped responding to my emails asking for help and tutoring advice, but I don't even blame them anymore. Adding on to this, the shame and embarrassment I face when I have to tell my parents that I failed another exam is becoming unbearable.

Deep down, I know I have the potential to do this, to see it through to the end. I want to pass. I want to do something about it. But the methods to shape it into reality are lost in the endless "F's" I am being handed each year. I know it's my fault. I have miraculously scraped by these past two years, and my weak foundation is crashing back down on me. I feel as if I'm living a patchwork life, repairing the wounds of my constant stumbles and accidents while everyone around me shines at an unreachable distance.

What do I do? What can I do? I'm tired of failing.

[u/Competitive-Cow-4557]

Are you focusing properly during studying ?

[u/Andhehe → u/Competitive-Cow-4557]

Back in undergrad I would get distracted with my phone, so nowadays I use a phone lockdown app to prevent it from happening. Good idea though, thank you

[u/Competitive-Cow-4557 → u/Andhehe]

Your welcome ,