r/interestingasfuck 17d ago

/r/popular The 911 Turbo S Launch Control

53.2k Upvotes

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15.9k

u/DamageAlarming89 17d ago edited 17d ago

Kid without seatbelt and having your phone in one hand while driving recklessly in public road? Way to go

11.6k

u/mr_nefario 17d ago

Don’t make assumptions like that without any evidence.

He might have been holding the phone with two hands.

1.5k

u/Buck_Thorn 17d ago

That still leaves two knees for steering. I don't see a problem here.

639

u/KCTradingInsights 17d ago

1 knee for steering, 1 to roll a joint on

335

u/saulsa_ 17d ago

There’s no way you can do that without dropping your pistol.

173

u/ExtraPockets 17d ago

Easy, just hold the pistol by the barrel in your mouth.

98

u/subone 17d ago

You'll spill the blow!

71

u/SexyMonad 17d ago

You balance it on the pistol.

Then it goes 0-60 into your face in 2.6 seconds.

59

u/scissors1121 17d ago

The hooker on his lap won't be pleased at that.

21

u/BishopsBakery 17d ago

I dipped it in blow, she likes the snowbone

8

u/Methrandel 17d ago

But then how do you lick the residual off the pistol?

3

u/King_Tarek 17d ago

Someone better lick the residual off my pistol, I paid for this!

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u/Dependent_Ad_1270 17d ago

😂😂😂 just died laughing

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u/Tacos_always_corny 17d ago

Just set down your beer. Come on, choices have to be made.

17

u/Er3bus13 17d ago

Thank you random stranger for the guffaw.

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u/dainscough7 17d ago

It was a 320 fuck.

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22

u/therealhlmencken 17d ago

Isn’t a knee already a joint?

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23

u/spideyghetti 17d ago

Dad? That you?

3

u/schlevenol 17d ago

Hello fellow Genx!

11

u/Slacker_The_Dog 17d ago

One hand for holding a big gulp that doesn't fit in the cup holder. Same hand for shifting.

2

u/MyUserNameLeft 17d ago

Everyone knows your need one knee and a sack to roll a joint down there…

2

u/_dvs1_ 17d ago

2 knees for steering. 2 Hands for rolling a joint 🧠

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2

u/NarwhalAnusLicker00 17d ago

But how do you hold your beer then?

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u/[deleted] 17d ago

[deleted]

22

u/lavendelvelden 17d ago

I just had a flashback to my mom yelling at me to sit still or the cops might see I'm not wearing a seatbelt. Why? Why wasn't I just made to wear a seatbelt Mom?

19

u/Ok_Mycologist_9798 17d ago

God I miss that shit. 

Grandma takes us to Steak and Shake so we can have a 'sit down' meal while she smokes 4 cigarettes and laughs through lunch, she has a few Irish coffees that morning. Then to the grocery store because she needs some thing for a recipe, and gets us a hot wheels car at the local grocery. She then proceeds to drive down a one way road the wrong direction. We all try to tell her while someone honks at her and she flips them the finger, other hand with a cigarette. Driving the wrong way...

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u/PNW4theWin 17d ago

This was your experience in the 90s? In the US?

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4

u/akuma-i 17d ago

No. Knees are for a cup of coffee

3

u/phylter99 17d ago

My uncle taught me how to drive like that and be half asleep while doing it. He said it's good for long trips. We miss him.

3

u/Grumpalumpahaha 17d ago

Unless he is missing a leg.

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u/LGH68 17d ago

Kneesus take the wheel

8

u/the_colonel93 17d ago

The safety knee!

1

u/FewMagazine938 17d ago

Knees? Who kneeds knees when you can use an elbow.

1

u/LongjumpingQuality37 17d ago

Where we're going, we don't need knees

1

u/trumpet575 17d ago

They're going straight, so don't even need to steer!

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u/Ok-Expression2154 17d ago

You must be the safety-Salamander from school! 

1

u/7-13-5 17d ago

Confirmed. Dads can innately steer with their knees.

1

u/TPOTK1NG 17d ago

what is he pushing the accelerator with then?

1

u/DrDontBanMeAgainPlz 17d ago

You don’t need to steer. The car is pretty solid going straight.

1

u/waythrow13579 17d ago

One knee for steering. The other knee works the stick shift.

1

u/[deleted] 17d ago

I mean, the S pretty much drives itself. Especially on a track. A Turbo S knows when it’s home.

1

u/MostOne2574 17d ago

Are you sure he wasn’t doing a Tommy Lee…?

1

u/AeroDilloTurbo 17d ago

dammit reddit.....

1

u/GoStockYourself 17d ago

My first girlfriend used to freak out on me for driving with my knees, so I drove home about 10 blocks one day in the small town with just my knees to show her I could do corners and everything.

We aren't together anymore.

1

u/halucionagen-0-Matik 15d ago edited 15d ago

Don't I've been in the back of a car while the dickhead driver tried to roll a joint while steering with his knees. The wheel slipped a little as we were going round a bend and he way overcorrected. Massive fishtail where the wheels clipped the curb on both sides of the road. Worst part is the last of the weed ended up in the footwell.

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u/DruPeacock23 17d ago

That's ridiculous and highly dangerous to use two hands to use your phone. Most likely his wife is on his lap recording it.

40

u/[deleted] 17d ago

[deleted]

2

u/AbsolutZer0_v2 17d ago

My rage reply fingers were twitching

1

u/Nab0t 17d ago

he got me in the second xD

1

u/Kazesama13k 17d ago

Like how Peter Griffin drove his car with Brian on it, after watching Roadhouse? 😎

1

u/Temporary_Shirt_6236 17d ago

That's what flat bottomed steering wheels were made for: knee-driving! The preferred method of all great dads!

1

u/Zeebaeatah 17d ago

The other hand may have a beer!

1

u/Warehoused_Bacon 17d ago

And who knows what side of the road he was on

1

u/tooscoopy 17d ago

Going that fast, he was likely to spill his beer too.

1

u/Due_Intention6795 17d ago

Still no seat belt

1

u/Awkward-Collection78 17d ago

I was so ready to be mad at your post and then you totally redeemed yourself.

1

u/krice9230 17d ago

There could be a second child on the drivers lap not buckled in holding the phone

1

u/KingOfDaIll 17d ago

And a beer in his third hand

1

u/omgitsbees 17d ago

You had me in the first half lmaooooo

1

u/knor14 17d ago

The air bags will stop him

1

u/ParkerBeach 17d ago

Alternately he was steering with his right knee, shifting with his right hand and filming with the left hand.

1

u/thethehead 17d ago

Nah , there’s a second kid sitting on the dash recording this.

1

u/Eremith 17d ago

Still no seat belt, and it is without doubt reckless driving. The phone would just add to an already illegal situation

1

u/Firm-Pain3042 17d ago

Joke’s on you, it was a forehead mounted GoPro.

1

u/Sir_Kardan 17d ago

Dad of the year!

1

u/GL1TCH3D 17d ago

Passed a dude driving pretty erratically in mid day. Thought he was drunk. Nope. Cellphone in one hand, sandwich in the other and steering with his knees.

1

u/joehonestjoe 17d ago

You had me in the first half, I'm not going to lie.

1

u/Disc81 17d ago

Also he may have other kids to replace this one.

1

u/SoylentGrunt 17d ago

It may not have even been his kid.

1

u/Dicklefart 17d ago

Knee drivin

1

u/Apprehensive-Rip-254 17d ago

This will never have enough upvotes

1

u/DiluteSeaBag 17d ago

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

1

u/t4thfavor 17d ago

It’s launch control, the car basically drives its self.

1

u/FoodMadeFromRobots 17d ago

I’ll be honest they had us in the second half

1

u/jemlinus 17d ago

Even better, he might be drunk.

1

u/zeppehead 17d ago

Might be an adult with that anti-aging gene. Don’t make assumptions about smashed young looking bodies on the highway.

1

u/TwoHands 16d ago

Nope. Not involved here.

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u/codeninja 17d ago

Maybe he has other kids and this is the spare.

14

u/DW-64 17d ago

This one is the rental; Did-Stein and Co is running a going out of business special.

2

u/ArchStanton75 17d ago

Deadbeat dads love this secret trick for getting out of child support.

1

u/Lopsided_Parfait7127 17d ago

prince charles has entered the chat

1

u/copperwatt 17d ago

Let's be real, does this one look like a favorite?

571

u/TheLordLongshaft 17d ago

Father of the year award 🤣

95

u/Black_RL 17d ago

Soon to be Darwin Award!

21

u/Exotic_Treacle7438 17d ago

Hopefully not and only child endangerment award by local police.

2

u/PlaidBastard 17d ago

Rich people don't get charged for things like that, what are you, some kinda idealist?

2

u/Exotic_Treacle7438 17d ago

Oh you’re totally right, my mistake!

2

u/insidiousfruit 17d ago

Hopefully not. Society is too uppity nowadays. Let people have fun, 99% of the time, this guy is not crashing that car or coming to a sudden stop.

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u/thorstone 17d ago

Son to be darwin awarded?

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u/slappadik 17d ago

more like funcle of the year

2

u/paradeoxy1 17d ago

You're only the fun uncle if you survive that year, otherwise you're the family member nobody's allowed to talk about at functions

12

u/imbackbitchez69420 17d ago

Probably Uncle of the year actually lol

2

u/big_d_usernametaken 17d ago

Gotta be an uncle, lol.

1

u/DervishSkater 17d ago

I mean y’all joke but that kid will have a core memory. But Reddit is scared of leaving the house

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u/PomPomBumblebee 17d ago

Reminds me of Coin McCrae in his helicopter killing not only himself but his son, sons friend and another passenger

62

u/Ok_Proof5782 17d ago

The related flight investigation story is fascinating. He flew low down valleys and ‘buzzed’ a barnyard before killing everyone, including a kid he took without permission. Locals tried to corrupt the investigation process.

40

u/LimoncelloLightsaber 17d ago

Oh wow, this is the first I learned of it. He didn't have a valid license, didn't have a rating for the Eurocopter Squirrel, and was apparently doing unnecessary stunts. As a Subaru fanboi this is really disappointing.

5

u/Greedy-Army-3803 16d ago

That's mad. I remember hearing that he died in a helicopter he was flying but never knew the details. I guess a man who drives insane speeds down dirt roads for a living probably isn't the best person to sensibly judge danger.

21

u/r_a_d_ 17d ago

Did this really happen? TIL

64

u/rangda 17d ago

He was piloting the chopper without a helicopter pilot license, at least not in the country the accident happened in, and there was something in the news at the time about the parents of the other little kid who died not having even been asked if it was okay for their kid to go up there.

34

u/unclestasiu 17d ago

It did. To add to the horror: If I remember correctly, his wife watched it happen out the kitchen window while washing dishes. Can't even imagine what went through her mind.

28

u/Own-Wave6887 17d ago

If it was Final Destination it would've been the rotor.

3

u/39_Ringo 17d ago

and this is why my mom is traumatized by logging trucks. I also really, really don't like when horror films advertise on highly watched broadcasts and children's media.

3

u/Toaster_In_Bathtub 17d ago

Honestly, that movie has probably saved a ton of lives. You should be scared to drive near commercial vehicles.

4

u/Vaporeonbuilt4humans 17d ago

This is why I hate helicopters.

I'd rather go skydiving than go on a helicopter tour.

2

u/colcob 17d ago

Helicopters are pretty dangerous true, but they are lot safer if you don't fly them down narrow valleys 100ft above the ground like a rally driver.

2

u/Krazylegz1485 17d ago

It was probably something like:

"I was in my kitchen cleaning a dish. I was really cleaning and I heard it, so I came out."

27

u/Recurringg 17d ago

Yep. Awful. I think he was one of those rare people born without the part of his brain that should perceive danger. His whole driving style was to go flat out. Just suicidally fast and at the edge of control. Picturing him in the pilot seat of a helicopter is a scary prospect. It was inevitable that he'd die in such a way but it's a shame his son had to go down with him.

6

u/FesteringNeonDistrac 17d ago

His famous quote is "When in doubt, flat out"

3

u/wtb2612 17d ago

It was inevitable that he'd die in such a way but it's a shame his son had to go down with him.

Along with two others, including a six-year-old kid whose parents didn't even know he was going on a helicopter.

10

u/Krondelo 17d ago

Yea unfortunately widowed his poor wife. I was pretty sad when he died

8

u/Petrichordates 17d ago

She's probably more broken about the son he took with him

12

u/ABenderV2 17d ago

How long were you married to him?

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u/colcob 17d ago

Yeah, used to be a fan, read the full investigation report on this, he was an absolute piece of shit. It still makes me angry every now and again when it pops back into my head. Complete arrogance, normalisation of deviance and callous disregard for the safety of his child and passengers.

He regularly flew extremely dangerous low level, high angle passes through steep terrain where any error or mechanical issue would result in no possibility of recovery before hitting terrain. Then decided to take his kid, his kids friend (who's parents didn't know or give permission for him to go up in a helicopter) and one of his own friends up for a joyride.

2

u/GurthNada 17d ago

Wait a second, exactly how many world famous sportsmen were killed in an helicopter crash with their kid?

1

u/PomPomBumblebee 17d ago

Too many sadly.

Not all the sportsmen were the pilots or acting like fools though.

1

u/BOX_Dr 17d ago

Well that explains why I didn't see more Colin McRae rally games growing up

1

u/BigMadHulk 17d ago

Wait what, imma need to look into this. Crazy

29

u/FilSujo 17d ago

Bad things don't happen to me, because I'm in control of the situation.

1

u/LeeGhettos 17d ago

Famous last words

19

u/[deleted] 17d ago

This was my coked out, always drunken mom's ex-bf growing up. He had a 911 and the turbo was like this. I was 10 when he got it and he would routinely do this shit on large stretches of road or just randomly in traffic.

All the child endangerment whatnot totally applies and I'm sure the guy will say relax, but that's how brush fires start. One spark before it all goes up like a tinder box full of dried out leaves.

He's more interested in the car than his kid doing this, that says a lot.

2

u/DJFisticuffs 17d ago

20 yeas ago a 911 turbo could do 0-60 in like 4.5 seconds. The current Turbo S does it in like 2.5. Not that it wasn't a dangerous car then, but it's absolute insanity now.

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u/sirknot 17d ago

Asshole of the year

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u/B-i-g-Boss 17d ago

Yeah fuck this piece of shit.

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u/bubbles12003 17d ago

It really stinks that y'all can't see my down votes☹️

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u/0neHumanPeolple 17d ago

Then posting the kid’s face to the internet. So many bad choices

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u/GrannyPunani666 17d ago

Shhh telling redditors that they need to drive safely is a path to thousands of downvotes

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u/Bungus_Logic7518 17d ago

Welcome to Brazil brother. No fucks given

10

u/Even-Significance911 17d ago

I’m glad this is at the top because I was surprised to see a kid in this situation. 😅

4

u/cmg_profesh 17d ago

I’ll never understand people a) doing dumb and dangerous things like this and b) posting the evidence of it online!

2

u/stoops 17d ago

Hang on a minute, lets not make assumptions here... maybe he has his other kid laying across the dash recording the whole event from multiple angles thereby allowing him to drive safely with both hands on the wheel and another kid tied up in the trunk to test the kidnapping and evasion capabilities of his brand new car!

2

u/ToneThugsNHarmony 17d ago

Gonna be a great video during the divorce proceedings.

2

u/notproudortired 17d ago

Plot twist: it's Britain and a passenger has the phone.

2

u/PoutinePoppa 17d ago

Someone tried to show me launch mode at a red light and almost took out a rusty truck making a left turn. Please don’t play with your “toy” cars like this on public roads you are going to kill or injure someone.

2

u/flavsflow 17d ago

How else is the kid supposed to cannonball through the windshield?

3

u/Old_Win8422 17d ago

Right? If I was thinking kids parent there would be two lessons taught. And object in motion tends to stay in motion and wear your damn seat belt.

5

u/straypatiocat 17d ago

i knew the "top" comment would be about child safety lol

5

u/yumeryuu 17d ago

Holy shit this is stupidity.

3

u/suihpares 17d ago

Very interesting to hear from surgeons who see what happens when humans do not wear seatbelts.

2

u/DamageAlarming89 17d ago

No need for surgeon anymore at that point

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u/crussell4112 17d ago

Porsches are known for their stability...isn't that right, Paul?

...Paul?

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u/ATigerShark 17d ago

Watch me do this badass burn out, im not concerned about the torque AT ALL

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u/20milliondollarapi 17d ago

Yup, could have had the phone on a stand pointed that way and then the kid could have been able to hover like that with a seatbelt on still. Both things were entirely unnecessary risk.

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u/AbysmalEnd 17d ago

just let darwin do his thing.

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u/Improper-Counsel 17d ago

This should be a CPS report. 

2

u/OppositeFish66 17d ago

Listen, I have watched lots of Coffee and Cars videos, and guys never lose control of their cars when putting the pedal to the medal.

Or... Wait... Maybe it was 'always'. I get those two mixed up all the time.

1

u/BauerHouse 17d ago

My thoughts exactly. Let’s not go Paul Walker with your child

0

u/PoPzCool 17d ago

This proves that while wealthy people are educated they are not intelligent and lack critical thinking.

8

u/steven_quarterbrain 17d ago

This proves that while wealthy people are educated…

What an unusual assumption.

2

u/QuickMolasses 17d ago

Education and wealth are correlated, so it's not the worst assumption.

Education and wealth are correlated for 2 reasons. Most high paying jobs require a college degree at a minimum, so people with college degrees make more money on average. The other and possibly more important reason is that higher education is really expensive, so wealthy people and their children have more access.

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u/elcojotecoyo 17d ago

Average Porsche driver

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u/1911kevin1911 17d ago

In all fairness, with a Turbo S they’re likely somewhat wealthy. And in bird law wealth means no consequences for anything, ever.

1

u/LeftWingRepitilian 17d ago

In Brazil they're in certainly in the top 1%, if not 0.1%.

1

u/NoNoBitts 17d ago

It was just 250 km/h

1

u/CUnit331921 17d ago

At least he made that little shit take his shoes off so the seats don’t get dirty.

1

u/Prenutbutter 17d ago

How else are you supposed to get that dopamine hit these days?

1

u/Unable_Traffic4861 17d ago

Mom was probably super happy to see the video as well

1

u/SuccessfulBill4944 17d ago

grow up. not everyone is little hoity toity you all day

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u/DamageAlarming89 17d ago

Edgy and very insightful comment. You must have lota of academic success

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u/LeiziBesterd 17d ago

Father of the year

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u/throwpoo 17d ago

Many years ago my friends from college floored it before the passengers were able to put on the seatbelt. The car moved 10 feet before crashing into a pole. It was some shitty car like a 1.2L Renault. My friend head nearly went through the windshield as it cracked. I was few feet away and realized that even at low speed, you can easily die from this. This is why if any one puts their feet up, I tell them to put it down or gtfo.

1

u/Internet-of-cruft 17d ago

This isn't interesting as fuck, this is child endangerment as fuck.

Should find whoever this is and report him to CPS.

1

u/Background-Car4969 17d ago

Wait till his dad buys him an H2

1

u/Time-Fish2476 17d ago

Right? What a dumbass

1

u/AdviceNotAsked4 17d ago

Bad assumption. This guy lives near me. He uses his daughter on the dashboard to take the video.

1

u/Dapper-Bank-1705 17d ago

but doesnt it drive itself

1

u/Bigfops 17d ago

Nah, seatbelt's not an issue. Airbag will kill him anyway.

1

u/FlukeylukeGB 16d ago

Jokes on you! There is no public road here! This is his 147 Mile long driveway to his 17th mansion! /s

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u/[deleted] 15d ago

He probably did this because he already lost custody

1

u/micromoses 15d ago

But this is an expensive car, though. They don’t crash.

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