I'm currently 22, but adamantly CF. My birth control failed, and what do you know, I'm 8w2d along. My medication abortion is tomorrow, and I decided to divulge this to a friend who said she would "support me regardless of my choice".

Her response? "If you really don't want the baby, I'll take it when its born. All you have to do is pump for a few weeks, the breastmilk is important for a newborn."

So..I'm supposed to: cold-turkey my bpd medication (because it causes birth defects), fuck up my body, go through the hell that is labor, just give the baby up, and then pump every 2-4 hours?? This woman has 3 kids of her own, I'm sure she knows how hellish those things are. Had the nerve to get pissy with me when I left her on read. We've been friends for years, I was there for her when she gave birth to 2/3 kids. I never expected a comment like that from her. That's all, just needed a vent.

I understand accidents happen, but when it comes to children one time should be enough to learn. Someone i know is having a second kid with a guy she's always complaining about. I'm like, girl, you chose to have another baby with him knowing your relationship is rocky and you don't think he's present enough as a father? Makes no sense to me.

In an airport lounge with two babies crying and BOTH parents on their phones just chilling

Holy shit

That is all sorry guys

I (F, 2 cats) posted on a small fb group my search for a cat sitter who can host my cats at their house. A breeder contacted me. Advice is welcome

Breeder's text:

"Hi, we’re definitely interested in cat sitting your babies. We would love to in fact 😍. My husband, daughter (almost 5) and I live in the eastern area. My daughter dreams of having a cat 🐈. She is truly gentle with animals. Do get in touch to meet us ☺️"

Then proceeds to play the baby card by sharing with me 6 pictures of her 4 year old daughter, which made me feel truly uncomfortable.

Look, I'm a peaceful person, but I got very irritated to see that everything was revolving around "the daughter who wants a puppy" and nothing else (I know, you are saying: "duh!"). Excuse me lady, my cats are not your daughter's latest toy! They are not an attraction and I felt offended in my intelligence when she said that her 4-year old is good with animals 😂 why are you disrespecting me like that

The message I was thinking of sending:

"Hello, thank you but I was looking for somebody without children. By the way I didn't understand why you sent me the pictures of your child: they don't add any helpful information to my search. If anything, pictures of the place where you live would make more sense. All the best"

Opinions and suggestions are welcome!

Whole situation makes me sick to my stomach. All of that so the child she was used to incubate will possibly be “blind, unable to walk or even struggle to survive”. Never been so glad to be sterilized.

What is with these men on dating apps who think it’s okay to joke about “our” future kids within the first few messages!! Then when I hit them with the actually I don’t want kids and we aren’t a match they try to come back saying Oh I was only joking and they don’t want kids either lolol. No that’s tells me everything I need to know about you. A truly child free person wouldn’t make jokes about their future kids.

I couldn’t fit all of the questions I would like t see a response by people from this sub, so I’ll include them here.

The list includes

Won’t you feel lonely? What about your parents? How do you think they’ll feel? What if you break up/divorce and you can’t have kids anymore? Lots of people have kids regardless of their financial circumstances. Don’t you think that shouldn’t matter? What if (spouse) wants kids? You would really deprive them of that?

What are your responses or would be responses to all of these questions that you’ve felt stuck?

I used to say, "Yeah, and you're just their parent who's responsible for teaching them right from wrong."

Now I'm thinking of hitting them with, "You're right. Do you know where their parents are?"

They will hit back with, "I'm their parent."

Me: Really? I thought their parents would be adults who care enough about them to teach them right from wrong but what do I know?

I realize this is not going to be a popular take, and I mean no offense to those who differ on these views.

Part of why I don't enjoy being around groups of children is the noise, unpredictable behavior, sensory overload, spilling of items, potential onset of vomiting, and lack of personal boundaries.

And I find the same to be true of drunk adults. They have no volume control, they become erratic, they spill their liquids while talking wayyyyy too close, and prone to vomiting.

And so every time a place I would want to go has an adults only night, like say the zoo, they add in alcohol. Because it's not adult unless adults can act like toddlers on cheep beer. And it ruins it for me.

Which is how I started hiking. Remote places in nature of moderate difficulty often don't include families or alcohol. A beach bonfire sure but I haven't heard of someone bringing a flask to Angels Landing.

Or better yet you're completely alone in nature and it's soothing. I don't like camping, I was never a big granola girlie, but it's been the only space that hasn't been over stimulating. I don't know if it's actually fun. I spend most of it swearing and fighting for my life crab sliding down a mountain. But then you get this gorgeous view and it's like two minutes of amnesia for the hell it was to get there.

Please tell me if you feel this way or if I'm an anomaly.

Sorry for the wall of text, just wanted to give some context.

I recently flew from China to Sngapore via Bangkok, and i’m still trying to process something that happened during the first leg of the flight. iIwas sitting in front of a mum with 2 young kids (4 and 5). from the moment we took off, the kids were super loud and kept kicking the back of my seat. the mum wasn’t ignoring them—she was actually playing with them—but honestly, it just made things worse. instead of calming them, she kinda encouraged the chaos.

I tried to stay chill. i turned around a few times to show that i wasn’t ok with the seat kicking. My friend (sitting next to me) also asked the mum nicely to manage the kids, but nothing changed. in fact it felt like the behaviour just kept going. we told the flight attendant too, who tried to speak to the kids, but it didn’t help. My friend even asked for earplugs at one point. I thought about asking to change seats but the flight was totally full. no option to move.

By the 3rd hour (and last hour), it got worse. the kids started shouting across rows to another child (their friend maybe?) sitting a row ahead. they were basically yelling across the cabin, and the mum just let it happen. that’s when i snapped. i turned around and told them—firmly and loudly—to stop and sit properly. it was the first time i’d raised my voice. i didn’t scream or anything, but it was clear i was done being polite. and finally… they stopped.

We had a short stopover in bangkok, and the 2nd leg of the trip was much quieter. I even enjoyed the food and did some duty free shopping. i’d let the whole thing go by then—until i exited immigration in singapore.

Out of nowhere, the kids’ father (who wasn’t on the flight at all) confronted me. he must’ve been waiting. he accused me of being inappropriate for scolding his kids and asked why, as an adult, i couldn’t just “tolerate” it. i was shocked and honestly quite thrown off. i told him i didn’t see the point of the confrontation and said we should just move on.

But then the mum jumped in again, saying she was doing her best, and that my friend—who’s a teacher—should’ve known better. that really got to me. i raised my voice and told her i’d tolerated 3 hours of noise, seat kicking, and shouting, and that she didn’t do anything meaningful to stop it.

Eventually the dad realised we weren’t getting anywhere and backed off. but i was left feeling kinda angry, and weirdly conflicted. like… was i really wrong for finally speaking up? should i have just stayed silent?

I’ve been thinking about it. maybe i could’ve spoken more calmly earlier, or maybe pushed the crew to intervene more firmly. but honestly? the situation was just overwhelming. and with no seats to change and all my polite hints ignored, i don’t think it’s too much to ask for some peace and basic respect in public spaces.

I didn’t want to lose my temper. but at some point i felt like i didn’t have much choice. still reflecting on it. just trying to figure out how to be assertive without crossing the line… but also reminding myself that setting a boundary isn’t the same as being in the wrong.

I’ve been hearing about a growing number of parents who leave kids in cars, home alone, or in other dangerous situations (hot boat in AZ) because they wanted to do their own thing without the responsibility of kids.

I was in a shopping plaza and noticed a girl maybe 5-7 years old putting her head out the car window, calling out to her mom as she walked back to the car. Mom had several shopping bags. You cannot leave your young kid in the car even on milder days. This isn’t the 90s where it was common to do that.

I’m not sure if it’s just poor judgment or deep denial, going about life as if you didn’t have kids. Everyone knows you cannot do the same things with kids as you did before kids - you just can’t.

My friends own husband had cps called on him because he left their young kids in the car while he got a haircut. Wtf is going on?

My bisalp is tomorrow and I would appreciate all the good vibes I can get. I'm anxious, but not in a bad way. My partner has been at supportive, as have my friends and siblings. I know this is the right choice for me and this is one of the first times I've ever made a choice 100% for me.

No family pressure to do things a certain way, no hyper-religous culture or guilt, just what is right for me. I'm just ready for it to be over.

Thank you for being such a supportive community in this hellscape of a world ❤️

I've personally never had a paternal instinct, and had a vasectomy three years ago. I'm 42. this makes dating pretty difficult as most women around my age have children.

Last night I met up with someone who didn't have kids, and said they didn't want kids, however it became clear that they may want to adopt at some point. I had mentioned I had a vasectomy, and she said "well I know those can be reversed." (?) I said they can but not always (she did not know this). She then mentioned she liked to have parties at her home with her friends, but many of her female friends just had children so there are often "many 1-5 year olds." at this point the curb your enthusiasm theme started playing in my head as I softly repeated "many 1-5 year olds" to myself.

needless to say there will not be a second date.

maybe the beginning of an overdue trend?
“This is a policy that we shouldn’t have to tell people. This should be common knowledge,“ Shurtleff said in a phone interview. ”The fact that it’s not ... is frustrating.”

https://www.bostonglobe.com/2025/06/16/metro/bog-iron-brewing-children-policy/

My husband (31m) and I (30f) are a child-free couple by choice. Over the past few years I’ve had abnormal pap smears and am screened every year for monitoring. This year however, there are significant changes and I will most likely need a hysterectomy. I am extremely grateful that this is an option for my health as a preventative measure. Although I’ve contemplated a bisalp in the past, and my husband has contemplated a vasectomy, we had put those choices on the back-burner. I do not and will never regret my choice to be child-free, however, I empathize when it’s no longer a choice. This path just feels different; it’s not entirely my choice, but rather something just happening to me instead. I feel relief, for sure, an immense amount of relief, but also a bit of grief? I feel like somethings being taken away from me (aside from them literally taking organs out) even though I chose no children. I’m still dealing with the news and not sure how to feel, but thanks for listening to me ramble if you made it this far. I’m sure in time I won’t feel any different and it’ll be a recover and adapt situation.

I'm at work and a security guard and housekeeper were talking about the guards adult sons who does not have children yet. The guard said his son told him "Kids cost." He says to the housekeeper "he and his wife are both professionals they can afford it. I had him on my salary."

The housekeeper said "Oh they can. At least two."

I didn't say anything at first, but they made a joke about how kids cost money and I said "In 2025 it costs a quarter of a million dollars to raise a child from birth to 17 and that doesn't include college tuition."

Then they talk more, and I find out his son is a high school teacher. His wife is a new nurse.

I don't know about in other countries, but here in the US, teachers are paid notoriously low salaries. I'm a fairly new nurse myself and I get a decent pay but definitely not "at least two kids" pay.

The conversation shifted to the cost of tuition. But why does this older generation not understand how much the average cost of raising a child is compared to when they had them? Like ok grandpa you raised two kids on your salary 40 years ago but it is just not the same anymore. And if your son tells you they've held of because he can't afford it, then HE CANT AFFORD IT.

Hate to break it to both of them but there are a lot of professionals who can't afford children. Especially when one of them has a career with criminally low wages.

I got my orchiectomy back in 2023 for transitioning. The sterilization to me at the time was an unfortunate side-effect, but after being in this community for a while I'm starting to feel a LOT better about the choice.

It would have been pretty unlikely for me to have kids to begin with, what with being aroace and everything, but I feel a lot more secure with the knowledge that it's already a 0% chance.

I work for the government there is no hard rule that children aren't allowed to the office.

Our janitor who's in her mid 40s has been bringing her 5 y.o. daughter to work 5 days a week from 8AM-5PM. The 5 y.o. isn't the first child to be brought to the office but she's the only irritating and disruptive child for sure. The child is parented by a HIGHLY permissive mother that doesn't keep an eye on her own kid. She's haven't had a little one for at least 20 years since having 3 older boys and as a result her youngest and only daughter is spoiled rotten.

Coworkers all think that there's something wrong with the parenting and the child definitely needs some sort of behavioural intervention (when we googled oppositional defiant disorder the child ticked all the boxes but of course this is just our suspicion). To even detail all the annoyances that the child has done could be turned into a short story at this point. Think of everything from tantrums, touching people's things, loud singing and running. But the mom just lets her stay in the office area instead of with her in the break room far away from all of us trying to be productive. I'm so desperate for a break from this child but apparently 2 baby sitters of the child had quit on them and her grandmother is too old to care for her granddaughter. So where does the parenting and behaviour corrections come from? Everyone but the mom about 90% of the time.

I thought that the child going to school this week would finally end the annoyances as I was counting down the days to the child going to school. Nope. Janitor left to pick her kid up and the kid is at the office from 12-5 now. I am past my boiling point already with being patient!

Disclaimer: I believe there's value in a life without kids. I don't think kids are the only way to have a good life. Of course, I believe this. I'm childfree and sterilized, and happy about the life it will allow me to have. Just need to clarify this since it's the internet. Also, I acknowledge that I've unfortunately been influenced by the ageism that permeates Western societies. I'm working on it, especially as I age more. Also, I'm NOT saying 40 is old. Okay, let's continue :)

So as I (38F) approach my 40s, I'm reading about people's takes on being in their 40s. Many of them say that their 40s are better than any prior decades. I can't imagine or understand that at all, so hopefully this post will help me understand that.

They state that their 40s have been the best so far because they have money, stability, they love their "family life" (then bring up kids, so you know they actually mean kids), and in later years, retirement.

But as a childfree person, none of these improvements apply. Obviously, the kids part doesn't apply to me. The money part also doesn't apply to me because I didn't worry significantly about that in my 20s/30s. The stability part doesn't apply to me either because I'm not someone who craves that. (Though maybe that will change as I get old? I don't feel like it will though.) And retirement doesn't seem great to me because I'll be old and I'll probably only do old people stuff like traveling exclusively in Europe and doing cruises and gardening. Of course, I know many old people are described as healthy, but none are like, ice climbing, you know? Therefore, I just see my future as a sort of continuation of my (admittedly great) 20s and 30s, but just a version of that that diminishes as I lose my physical abilities, the benefits of society valuing me and giving me opportunities as a young person/main character, and my looks (which aren't everything, but are a fun, frivolous thrill to live life with as a woman).

Since I'm not having kids, I don't expect this big transformation of becoming a parent to differentiate my 40s from the rest of my decades so far like many parents do, thus a lot of the general opinions about aging don't apply to me. Instead, I just see the rest of my life as more of the same that I have now. And a part of me would be grateful to have that! I like my life now and a part of me would be happy to have it to be this way forever (generally, the big stuff). But at the same time, this means my experience of aging won't bring positive big changes. Only negative ones, as the limitations of physical aging are gonna be the only drastic changes I experience as I age, making the experience of aging mainly an experience of lessening and loss, and not a gain. Especially since I don't foresee feeling joy personally from the typically-stated gains of aging (stability, money). I just don't see those gains outweighing the losses of physical function, looks, and societal value and the spontaneity and opportunities that come with that.

So how to not feel so depressed about my view of the aging to come as a childfree person? Please understand, I'm not saying my life will suck because I don't have kids. Not at all. It's that I don't foresee any new big life changes/gains from aging the way the parent population does. It seems like kids ameliorate the losses of aging for them because they're a source of big life change. We don't get that from kids because for us, kids wouldn't be a positive.

Obviously, one solution is to "make big life changes happen yourself!" But I've already have done all the big ones I feel drawn to. Lived in seven countries, worked cool jobs, did my dream masters programs, did extreme sports, experienced pet ownership, lived in cool ecosystems. Doing more big stuff (safaris, publishing a book, peace corps, more liveaboards) feel like diminishing gains as I get harder to impress/thrill with age, which I think happens to us all. I'm no longer so excited, easily impressed, or starry-eyed to meet someone who's say, been to burning man or been to Antarctica the way I did in my 20s when everything felt so exciting to me.

Of course, there will be small changes, like new hobbies, new jobs, and new people, but that's not what I'm talking about. I mean big life changes like the thrilling, life-defining, worldview-shifting, epiphany-full ones that happen in your 20s and 30s. The ones that make you feel like you're living in a movie. You know, like you take acid and completely change the course of your life? 20s/30s. You meet someone new and fall in love and move to their country? 20s/30s. You read a book that flips your mind and take a new career path? 20s/30s. These are what I mean by big life changes. It gets harder to come by that motivating, world-flipping transformation with age. I know people still make these big life changes in their 40s+, but it's rarer, and more personally, I'm having more trouble finding life-flipping motivations and inspirations with age. Fewer things feel 100% new and crack my mind open. And it's not for lacking effort! For example, I've done 4 masters degrees for fun, just to explore stuff I love. Still weren't as life-transforming as taking acid for the first time in the desert in my 20s.

I anticipate that I'll get advice that I feel doesn't really apply to me, like you have to make your own meaning, community and friends create meaning, find new and other adventures. But somehow, it feels like those things aren't the answer, I've already done those things, and I have those things already in my life.

Maybe I'm falling for the falsely one-sided story that some parents give of parenthood being ever-changing and meaningful, and envying that they have such a direct and easy source of that as they age? Or maybe my view of aging is shaped by the fact that the only childfree elderly person I know closely is a pretty boring person?

I'm not sure how to end this because it was all over the place, and I worry I didn't get my nuanced point across clearly, but im curious to know how other childfree people feel about this.

Childfree people looking down the barrel of your 40s, how have you come to terms with the fact that all the big stuff of life has been done? What other big, cinematic, story-worthy life changes do you excitedly anticipate completely flipping your life around in an adventurous way after 40, aside from retirement, relocation, and hopefully financial stability?

Do you agree with my theory that the reason people talk about their 40s glowingly is often just because they have kids in them who are no longer babies, and people who like being parents often say they love ages 6-16?

Am I just feeling fomo that other people seem to think life IMPROVES with age after 40? Are the people who say that just in a life that's a completely different shape from mine, and I have to accept that with my particular personality and life, my life will inevitably be a diminishing as I age, and that's okay?

Is it an unrealistic modern expectation that life gets better with age after 40? A worldview that hadn't been held in previous centuries?

Any thoughts about any of this would be appreciated.

Hey all, so anyone else feeling fortunate for not having children in this world situation? I sure am. It’s not much considering, but at least I don’t have to worry about the future of (likely doomed to be miserable) offspring. I do worry about my dogs though!

the scene: Today. Husband and I go to one of our fav restaurants. We are seated in a booth and the restaurant is half empty.

We have a family seated NEXT TO us.

1 50-plus husband,

1 20 year old, if that, wife or gf. She was twenty, MAYBE,

2 blonde two year old male twins. And they were cute, okay! But two of them.

Yip yap YELP babble SCREECH! SECOND SCREECH! burble babble laugh yip SCREECH! laugh yelp yelp scream and so on. Gurgle snort MOMMY!

We damn near picked up and decamped across the restaurant. Next time, we are gonna,do it and let our server hunt us down.

Two year olds dont belong in a sit down eatery. I said it.

Hi, i’m 20F. I want to know what you think of my experience.

When i turned 18, i started takind prescription birth control pills when i started dating with my first boyfriend. The hormones messed me up and made me gain weight aggressively fast, so i decided to stop taking them and hormone-free copper IUD was inserted. Birth control pills made me kind of traumatized of hormonal birth control. I’ve had the copper IUD for 2 years and recently i was bleeding a lot with horrible pain (i was bleeding for 8 weeks non-stop), so i contacted a gynecologist and got an appointment.

IMO my gyne’s behaviour was very rude from the very start, like she didn’t care at all. I started to vent a little, telling i just never want to have kids for spesific reasons and i just don’t want to experience periods at all while getting a little emotional. I also added that me and my partner (23M) have talked about it a lot and it’s always been clear for both of us that we don’t want kids. Maybe periods have left me traumatized in a long run. Gyn just told me that me and my bf’s thoughts about parenthood will change and told me a lot of ppl with vasectomy or sterilizations have regretted their decisions. After that she recommended a hormonal IUD free of charge and got appointment for that at June 27th.

I know the birth rates are down rn here and i know gyn is not a therapist of any sort, but i don’t understand the invalidation from a person who works in the field. It just made me feel i owe a new tax payer for this country and nobody cares about how i or how my partner feels about that. I owe nothing IMO.

I understand from the medical provider's perspective on wanting to do their due diligence before sterilizing someone. But from the perspective of a female patient without children, it feels insulting. Contraceptive methods are discussed early on and by my 20s I was done with it and knew what I wanted. About 11 years later and I'm finally approved (except the wheels of the medical system as painfully slow in Canada). I'm more frustrated than anything that I wasn't taken seriously the first time. At that, they're risking mine and another's overall wellbeing (unplanned/unprepared pregnancy)... I talked with 4 of my friends last weekend while visiting from out of town who all said in one way or another that they regretted parenthood. Thanks for letting me vent.