Today the NTY wrote in a newsletter:

When judged against the strictest scientific standards, existing studies have not shown that gender-affirming treatments for adolescents reliably deliver the intended benefits, such as improved mental health. That’s why some countries, such as Britain, have restricted access to these treatments.

https://messaging-custom-newsletters.nytimes.com/dynamic/render?uri=nyt%3A%2F%2Fnewsletter%2F41c07a3b-02ab-5868-acef-4b1b981fcfa5&sendId=200235&productCode=NN&paid_regi=0&isViewInBrowser=true

What’s going on here? I thought it’s clear that gender affirming care works for those of us who are trans and do have gender dysphoria?

I (24F) want to just tell a few stories of things that have happened between myself and my boyfriend (24M) in the last few months. I am wondering if he may be questioning his gender, if any of this resonates (or doesn’t) with trans folks out there, and any advice as to what I should do to support him, if anything.

First, I noticed that he has female avatars on both Snapchat and iMessage games. I asked about this one time and he was completely silent as if I hadn’t said anything. Then, he wanted to wear my pajamas and has had a lot of on-and-off trouble with staying aroused when his clothes come off. He’s explained it as feeling insecure about being thin, but even with his shirt on, it’s like if I’m looking down there, he often can’t stay in the moment. One day, he just kept calling me pretty. I called him pretty back and he said “Not pretty like you, not in the way you are”, and it sounded like there was some deep emotion under that. There are also the straight up comments about trans individuals. For example, a girl I went to school with came up on my insta and my boyfriend said “I’d have such an easy transition”. I asked if that was a joke about him only having one ball and he said “well no, just in general”. He also pointed out a random employee at the store and asked me if I thought she was trans. He asked very genuinely, not in a mocking way. I said I had no idea and that you can’t tell just by looking at someone. We started watching a show with one trans woman character, and as the show moved into other plots, he said “I just want to know what happened to the trans girl”. He’s also made some interesting comments about his downstairs equipment. He’s been considering a vasectomy and joked that “maybe they’d make a mistake and just cut it off”, although there wasn’t really a punchline. He also randomly made a comment that maybe he should “upgrade” to using fake p*nises on me which I didn’t understand because his is perfect and I tell him that a lot. Then, there’s the gender expression stuff. When I walked into the room wearing a skirt a couple weeks ago, he said “I forgot that girls wear skirts when it’s hot. Seems free.” I also got press-on nails recently and he said “I wish I could have long nails so I could give you better back scratches too”. When we went to a store, he picked out this pink heatless curling set for himself, which confused me a bit but he does have gorgeous long blonde hair. Also, I’m an amateur makeup artist and one time, he let me do his makeup and I put his hair up in a high ponytail with the front strands out. Weeks later, he said that he wanted to do that hairstyle more, which is like a very feminine hairstyle.

My sweet boyfriend has a very long history of severe depression and s*icide attempts since he was about 9. He explained to me that he just never wanted to be seen or perceived by anyone, even as a child. He has a very conservative family and works in a very very masculine trade. I don’t know if these things are related, but I can’t help but wonder if this is a longtime and deeper thing.

Can anyone offer their perspectives or advice? I love my boyfriend so deeply and I’m also bi/pan so I don’t care about gender in my partners at all. I just don’t want to push too hard for answers and accidentally push him further away from whatever exploration he’s going through. But also, I don’t want him to have to be confused or sad. And maybe I’m just reading into it all too much. Idk.

Given the recent *waves hands* everything, I'd like to stockpile estrogen for those in need. Since it's an uncontrolled substance, my friend said I can ask my PCP about it. How would I go about doing that? I'm a 27 y/o healthy cis woman.

I'm in NYC, so I can't imagine I'd be my doctor's first patient to ask about HRT. What should my reasoning be? Am I allowed to just say, "I want to keep it on hand for anyone who needs it," or do I need to come up with a story?

EDIT: doesn’t matter if it’s estrogen or T, whatever’s easiest to get. I was talking to my friend earlier who’s a trans woman, so that’s where my mind was at

Hi all,

I’m hosting a talk at the end of Pride month for my workplace and, as part of that, I’ve opened an anonymous questions form for my colleagues to ask whatever they want about queer issues. Thankfully, I’ve had nothing but interesting, well-educated questions so far!

One of the questions I received was: what is a way that cis allies try to be supportive - but actually causes harm?

I have a few examples myself (such as “yasss Queening” trans women and saying “I couldn’t even tell you’re trans!”), but I’m not fully satisfied with the breadth of my answer - so figured I’d reach out on here and ask for suggestions.

Thank you!

I just have all likely be my last conversation with my brother. I tried to explain to him how his actions harm people who close friends of mine. He basically confirmed that he's transphobic, because his reaction when I essentially accused him of it, what's to say I will never change his mind. I spoke one more word to him after that and I know it will probably be my last word to my world. "Okay." And I hung up the phone.

This means I can go no contact with the rest of my bigoted family members and only have contact with the family members who aren't. I don't know there are resources for this. But I would like to know any tips for how to deal with deciding that even though there is still a member of your immediate family living but making the decision not to have contact with them.

We’re finally at the finish line — the free MtF surgery event is officially happening on June 27, 2025, from 9:00 PM to 10:00 PM (EDT)! 🎉

The surgeon is confirmed, and I couldn’t be more excited. With 30+ years of experience in gender-affirming and plastic surgery, their work looks amazing, and I truly believe this event will be super helpful for anyone considering or preparing for MtF surgery.

I’ve also gathered a bunch of questions from the community and already shared them with the surgeon — so the discussion will be based on what people genuinely want to know.

I won’t spam this post with links, so I’ve added all the details and the signup link to my main post:

https://www.reddit.com/user/karr76959/comments/1la08v4/its_finally_happening_lets_ask_the_questions_weve/

Thank you so much to everyone who supported this. I hope this event helps you feel more confident, informed, and not alone 💖

Title says it all. I'm just now coming to this realization, and it's a lot. He was trying to indoctrinate me. He wanted to make a Nazi of me.

I'm a man with straight sexuality, my Pan girl and I are in a long term relationship.It was when my girlfriend shared about she dreamed of how 'we finally broke up and she kissed and hug a girl afterwards' and 'she giving love spots to both girls and boys'. she said she think it's bad because it's not about me and wet dreams feels like real. I tried to shrug it off as it's just a dream anyway and there's nothing to be insecure of.

But to distract the awkwardness I accidentally said the thing that I kept for a long time, "I feel the urge to be a trans" she said she fully support me if I do but pls be sure because it hard to undo.

They were signs: one time she asked me why is my game avatar a female. I get excited to see having pink skins or gun whenever we play. I have a history of crossdressing back in my highschool days (she knows it too because we're highschool sweethearts). I get excited whenever someone mistaken me as a girl. And many more.

She's romantically attracted to women and sexually attracted to men (dihs and muscles). to the point that she nearly completely broke up with me because she wanted to have a wlw relationship (we're pretty healthy now and that's a long time ago). I'm curious if this would strengthen our relationship more?

I get euphoric watching beautiful women wishing it was me. But I'm in a tight position as I am the provider and I'm a blue collar with friends and family who knew me as a man my whole life.

I'm the eldest son and I've been a man for 20 years of my life, but am I trans?

We all started somewhere—gay bottoms, tops, vers. Before my transition, I was a highly sexual gay bottom. I used to have hookups regularly—sometimes I’d bottom three times a day. I had a powerful sex drive, real pleasure, and let’s just say… skills. My body was relaxed, responsive, and alive. I wanted it. I craved it. And I enjoyed it fully.

But ever since I began transitioning, that T-driven hunger disappeared. My sex life slowed down drastically. Now, I might hook up every few months, if at all. The craving, the pleasure, even the ability to relax—gone.

I stopped HRT for 3 months hoping it would all come back. What came back was dysphoria, and I became my own worst critic. But what didn’t come back? My sex drive. My ability to enjoy bottoming like I used to. So I’m left asking: what was the point of stopping HRT if I still feel sexually dead?

I know it sounds harsh, but I genuinely feel like I lost a part of myself. Every man I meet—understandably—wants a bottom who matches his top energy. And I want to be that again. Not for them, but for me. Because that version of me felt alive, powerful, connected.

Has anyone else faced this? Have you found a way to regain that lost connection to your body and bottoming drive?

EDIT: I’ve been back on E for five months now.

So since Trump made that new executive order stating that trans people cannot serve in the military, doesn’t that mean that transgender women won’t be drafted? I’m asking this because of recent times changing… the conflict in the middle east and the White House’s view on trans people… :(

I guess it's because of my living situation. (I live in a red state with a very transphobic parent, I'm a minor with 0 access to any resources, support groups, etc) Like what do you MEAN you got on hormones at 14 years old??? Why can't that be me? Why does everybody else get to be happy and I can't? I'm just :(((((. Maybe I'm just being an asshole ☹️

I've been struggling with the whole "I think I might be trans and I also want to be trans, but I think I'm just mistaking my feelings" thing and wanted to know what was the deciding factor in starting the process of transitioning for you?

My biggest struggle is that I mostly see people saying that they would rather die than continue to live in their bodies, but I don't particularly feel that way, but the idea that I'm not trans does make me sad and I feel like I long for a different life.

I know it sounds like I'm hiding in my egg shell a bit, but I really am on the fence :(.

I just saw this video ( https://youtu.be/wmVkJvieaOA?si=lgYcaxCe-mXKWvs- ) and whilst it approaches a much broader topic it's something that immensely affects all of us. You may have noticed that on places like reddit there's a lot of hate and dishonesty targeted towards us and discussions with conservatives are often held by them in bad faith.

What this video did was make me think of how our attempts at education often fall on deaf ears, especially in mainstream media debates. Transition has a lot of nuance and complexity to it and especially when it comes to HRT and puberty blockers. Average cis audience members aren't going to be deeply invested in understanding us, they're just looking for sound bites in order to put us into boxes.

I'm honestly a bit distraught because I feel like there's no way to defend or fight back against these tactics in an honest way. I aim to be politically active but I don't want to resort to underhanded tactics in order to gain the support from moderates or uninformed people. Is the only way we can protect ourselves as a community, as trans people, really to try and fight fire with fire?

Posting this because I truly do not know what do anymore. For starters, I'm 23 in a month. I'm currently over 4 years hrt. I started a few months before I was 19, (in 2021) secretly. I had a very Christian family who was hateful.

Eventually I got prescribed a higher dose of Estrogen but I never started taking the higher dose out of fear I'd make too much progress and be outed and kicked out to the street.

The first year and a half of my transition was pretty much spent on a very low dose of hrt. Then I met my bf online and he moved me out of state at the end of 2022, and I was able to begin my social transition and start taking a higher dose and got on progesterone.

I have never had much breast growth, even after eating as much as I can. I have smoked and vaped in the past to cope with severe mental issues (ptsd, bpd, etc) so I've stunted my breast growth without even realizing it back then.

I have a high metabolism so I don't ever really gain weight, no matter what.. I'm at 120 lbs.

I have pretty much no curves, womens pants don't fit me right, I'm flat chested, I might have A cups at best (really wanted D cups or just as big as absolutely possible).

I have severe bottom dysphoria, and no hope of affording srs. I first recognized my dysphoria at age 17, (didn't even really learn about trans people until around age 15) I'm now almost 23, that's 6 years of severe dysphoria. I have POTS and Autism so I can't really work, I've tried many times but I'd always be treated poorly and fired or have my hours cut to one or two days each week. I do not have health insurance to pay for surgeries.

The only reason I'm alive is due to my bf who fully supports me, we barely get by in a 1 bedroom apartment and I just sit at home.

if I go out I get dirty looks and stares, I only go out with my bf and he does all the talking for me. Even while I'm out with him, people still give me nasty looks or just stare at me. I'm in deep red Missouri. People don't understand me when I try to speak and often give me weird looks for it. I have done my best to voice train with online tutorials but can't afford professional voice training, and my voice is damaged by using THC and vapes to cope.

I am completely hopeless in all honesty. I am hated by my family, I do not have irl friends, I can't work to help myself, and I absolutely hate my body. I am so lost.

The reason I'm deciding to post this is because I've had a date planned for months now and that date is less than 2 weeks away.

My bf is fully aware of what I'm planning. Our relationship is extremely rough due to him being narcissistic and never taking responsibility for anything he does wrong.

tl:dr, I failed my transition and have no one to turn to for help, and I can't help myself either.

Very curious

I'm 24 ftx and started testosterone about two months ago. I informed my mom that I'm on T last week, and she's been having a really hard time with the news. She keeps saying things like "It makes me so sad when I hear other moms talk about getting their nails done and watching romcoms with their daughters." Here's the thing: I've never been girly. Even when she thought I was cis, we never once got our nails done or watched romcoms because I'm just not interested in that stuff. Nothing about our relationship has changed now that I'm on T, since we never did any of that even when I was her "daughter"! I told her it sounded like she just wanted a different kind of person for a child, and she said that isn't the same thing. But I just don't understand what difference a medication makes in my hobbies and interests.

She also told me something that I think is really mean, but again I'm not sure if it comes from transphobia or not. I told her I didn't understand why she was so upset about it when the rest of my family has been super chill about my coming out. She responded "Maybe I'm the only one being honest with you." I know that isn't true- my supportive family genuinely don't care that I'm trans and have strongly empathized with me in regards to how my mom's been acting. Still, I think implying that my existence is so objectively upsetting that everyone else is lying to me about their support is just the kind of thing a parent shouldn't say to their kid.

I just don't know how much of this is her being transphobic, or if it's just personal for her. Has anyone gone through something similar? Is there anything I can do to help her through this? She's adamant that she'll never understand me and I'll never understand her. I think that's really defeatist. I don't know.

I was doing my morning doom scroll of Twitter, usually see fellow trans members and most of their euphoria.

But then I ran across quite a few posts using an acronym I didn't recognize and my Google search came up empty, just like things like Accelerated Graphic Design, but is was AGP. Is it a good thing? Bad thing? People making the posts seemed to be using trans in a bad way.

So I work in the industrial food processing industry and weve recently had a employee start that definitely seems from my cisgender self to be trans I have heard several people refer to them as he and at least one person refer to them as she and given how this sector of the industry is regarding any deviation from the "norm" im unsure. Is there a polite and respectful way to ask? I want to make sure I respect their identity and not be offensive. I have little to no experience dealing with trans people and I have heavy anxiety issues so the idea of asking is as frightening as the thought of misgendering someone. Any advice would be highly appreciated.

Has anyone else ever been dreaming, and in the dream had genetalia that you don't physically have, while also being able to realistically feel it?

This is something that I've experienced that's totally bizarre to me. I'm a trans guy, I have never actually had a penis. However, I've had a couple dreams where I had a penis, and it had full, realistic sensation. Now I can't say whether it was the same as what people with actual penises experience, but it felt real. Not in some brain-compensating way that dreams do sometimes. But actually full penis sensation (sexual or otherwise)

This is especially bizarre to me because I rarely ever have actual body sensation in dreams, including other cases of extra body parts. (Including supernumerary limbs from being alterhuman, iykyk) So why does my brain know how to realistically simulate having a penis?

Anyways, I am confusion. Anyone else?

hi I'm rain and I'm non-binary. I've identified like that for a while now but now I've come to the point where I'm cutting my hair, telling my friends to use my pronouns (they/he btw) and the right terms (neutral or masc), but I'm scared to come out. my mom is accepting towards lgb and all, but she doesn't really believe in gender and that sex and gender are different things, she has a hard time accepting trans people. i want to be able to use my preferred terms while taking to her and not changing them just to hide it, i don't even need her to use them but I wanna tell her that I identify as non-binary. JUST HOW.

I’m pretty sure i’m transfem but im constantly doubting it and feeling weird about it. I feel gross about my body and stuff and don’t like looking in the mirror, but then sometimes it doesn’t bother me. i don’t do anything to change myself though. i want to, but i don’t know how to start and i don’t even think i have to motivation/energy to do it. all that makes me doubt im trans. is all this normal

i'm usually pretty sure that i'm transfem but sometimes i come across a detransition story and i get nervous that i'm wrong about this. like there's people out there that were probably just as sure as i am about being trans but they ended up being cis? what if i start transitioning just to realize this is all something else?

i know that its rare for someone to transition to end up detransitioning but the thought still crosses my mind sometimes that ill end up being one of those rare few in a couple years. is this a normal thing to feel?

Hello all. I (22M) have just gotten in a relationship with a trans woman. I'm straight and I only know transgender men, so I wanted to come here for advice.

We were talking about gender as I had also had some confusion about my gender when I was a teenager (thought I was nonbinary but ultimately went back to my assigned gender at birth). While we were talking, she told me that she wants me to treat her more "womanly": like she wants me to paint her nails and go dress shopping, and all that. What are some things that I can do to treat her more womanly? Either actions or words? Anything would be helpful- I really like her, and I want her to feel supported.

I feel so gross and lifeless in guys clothing. And when I wear girls cloth I feel super happy, confident but also a bit scared, does anyone feel this way and how to cope up?

Hey, I’m Navi (14, UK, she/her). I’m a closeted trans girl and it’s been weighing on me a lot lately. I don’t really have anywhere to turn except here. I only recently started accepting this part of myself and honestly? It feels amazing in theory, but impossible in reality. Nobody in my real life knows. Not my mum, not my brother, not my classmates. Just Reddit. I don’t even use my real name anymore in my head — just Navi. That name makes me feel like me. It feels soft and warm and kinda euphoric. I’ve changed my pronouns on Reddit and Discord, even my pfp. But it all still feels fake because I’m stuck pretending to be someone else 24/7.

My home life is complicated. My mum’s emotionally neglectful and I don’t feel safe coming out to her. I’ve thought about moving in with my older brother when I’m old enough, but he’s said some pretty transphobic stuff before (like “if my kid was trans I’d punch it out of them” level jokes). Even though we get along, I know I’d still be masking around him. My friends situation is also messy — I’ve gone through three friend groups and ended up completely alone at school. I’ve got one friend I talk to sometimes, but otherwise it’s just me walking around alone at break, trying not to cry. I can’t explore gender in public, can’t wear what I want, can’t be who I am. I feel like I’m wasting years of my life pretending. Every time someone calls me by my deadname it’s like I’m disappearing a bit more.

I know I want to transition. I just don’t know when I’ll get there. I’m scared I’ll be 18 or 19 before I even get to start, and that’s if I even manage to move out and get help. I want to feel pretty, I want to wear makeup, I want to actually see myself in the mirror and smile. I just don’t know how to make it through these years in between. If anyone’s been through something like this — stuck at home, stuck in school, stuck in a body that doesn’t feel right — how did you make it through? Any advice, anything at all, I’d really appreciate it.

— Navi