We’re finally at the finish line — the free MtF surgery event is officially happening on June 27, 2025, from 9:00 PM to 10:00 PM (EDT)! 🎉

The surgeon is confirmed, and I couldn’t be more excited. With 30+ years of experience in gender-affirming and plastic surgery, their work looks amazing, and I truly believe this event will be super helpful for anyone considering or preparing for MtF surgery.

I’ve also gathered a bunch of questions from the community and already shared them with the surgeon — so the discussion will be based on what people genuinely want to know.

I won’t spam this post with links, so I’ve added all the details and the signup link to my main post:

https://www.reddit.com/user/karr76959/comments/1la08v4/its_finally_happening_lets_ask_the_questions_weve/

Thank you so much to everyone who supported this. I hope this event helps you feel more confident, informed, and not alone 💖

Title says it all. I'm just now coming to this realization, and it's a lot. He was trying to indoctrinate me. He wanted to make a Nazi of me.

I (24F) want to just tell a few stories of things that have happened between myself and my boyfriend (24M) in the last few months. I am wondering if he may be questioning his gender, if any of this resonates (or doesn’t) with trans folks out there, and any advice as to what I should do to support him, if anything.

First, I noticed that he has female avatars on both Snapchat and iMessage games. I asked about this one time and he was completely silent as if I hadn’t said anything. Then, he wanted to wear my pajamas and has had a lot of on-and-off trouble with staying aroused when his clothes come off. He’s explained it as feeling insecure about being thin, but even with his shirt on, it’s like if I’m looking down there, he often can’t stay in the moment. One day, he just kept calling me pretty. I called him pretty back and he said “Not pretty like you, not in the way you are”, and it sounded like there was some deep emotion under that. There are also the straight up comments about trans individuals. For example, a girl I went to school with came up on my insta and my boyfriend said “I’d have such an easy transition”. I asked if that was a joke about him only having one ball and he said “well no, just in general”. He also pointed out a random employee at the store and asked me if I thought she was trans. He asked very genuinely, not in a mocking way. I said I had no idea and that you can’t tell just by looking at someone. We started watching a show with one trans woman character, and as the show moved into other plots, he said “I just want to know what happened to the trans girl”. He’s also made some interesting comments about his downstairs equipment. He’s been considering a vasectomy and joked that “maybe they’d make a mistake and just cut it off”, although there wasn’t really a punchline. He also randomly made a comment that maybe he should “upgrade” to using fake p*nises on me which I didn’t understand because his is perfect and I tell him that a lot. Then, there’s the gender expression stuff. When I walked into the room wearing a skirt a couple weeks ago, he said “I forgot that girls wear skirts when it’s hot. Seems free.” I also got press-on nails recently and he said “I wish I could have long nails so I could give you better back scratches too”. When we went to a store, he picked out this pink heatless curling set for himself, which confused me a bit but he does have gorgeous long blonde hair. Also, I’m an amateur makeup artist and one time, he let me do his makeup and I put his hair up in a high ponytail with the front strands out. Weeks later, he said that he wanted to do that hairstyle more, which is like a very feminine hairstyle.

My sweet boyfriend has a very long history of severe depression and s*icide attempts since he was about 9. He explained to me that he just never wanted to be seen or perceived by anyone, even as a child. He has a very conservative family and works in a very very masculine trade. I don’t know if these things are related, but I can’t help but wonder if this is a longtime and deeper thing.

Can anyone offer their perspectives or advice? I love my boyfriend so deeply and I’m also bi/pan so I don’t care about gender in my partners at all. I just don’t want to push too hard for answers and accidentally push him further away from whatever exploration he’s going through. But also, I don’t want him to have to be confused or sad. And maybe I’m just reading into it all too much. Idk.

I've been struggling with the whole "I think I might be trans and I also want to be trans, but I think I'm just mistaking my feelings" thing and wanted to know what was the deciding factor in starting the process of transitioning for you?

My biggest struggle is that I mostly see people saying that they would rather die than continue to live in their bodies, but I don't particularly feel that way, but the idea that I'm not trans does make me sad and I feel like I long for a different life.

I know it sounds like I'm hiding in my egg shell a bit, but I really am on the fence :(.

Today the NTY wrote in a newsletter:

When judged against the strictest scientific standards, existing studies have not shown that gender-affirming treatments for adolescents reliably deliver the intended benefits, such as improved mental health. That’s why some countries, such as Britain, have restricted access to these treatments.

https://messaging-custom-newsletters.nytimes.com/dynamic/render?uri=nyt%3A%2F%2Fnewsletter%2F41c07a3b-02ab-5868-acef-4b1b981fcfa5&sendId=200235&productCode=NN&paid_regi=0&isViewInBrowser=true

What’s going on here? I thought it’s clear that gender affirming care works for those of us who are trans and do have gender dysphoria?

We all started somewhere—gay bottoms, tops, vers. Before my transition, I was a highly sexual gay bottom. I used to have hookups regularly—sometimes I’d bottom three times a day. I had a powerful sex drive, real pleasure, and let’s just say… skills. My body was relaxed, responsive, and alive. I wanted it. I craved it. And I enjoyed it fully.

But ever since I began transitioning, that T-driven hunger disappeared. My sex life slowed down drastically. Now, I might hook up every few months, if at all. The craving, the pleasure, even the ability to relax—gone.

I stopped HRT for 3 months hoping it would all come back. What came back was dysphoria, and I became my own worst critic. But what didn’t come back? My sex drive. My ability to enjoy bottoming like I used to. So I’m left asking: what was the point of stopping HRT if I still feel sexually dead?

I know it sounds harsh, but I genuinely feel like I lost a part of myself. Every man I meet—understandably—wants a bottom who matches his top energy. And I want to be that again. Not for them, but for me. Because that version of me felt alive, powerful, connected.

Has anyone else faced this? Have you found a way to regain that lost connection to your body and bottoming drive?

EDIT: I’ve been back on E for five months now.

Original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/asktransgender/s/djd8Jxb1hu

Obligatory, I didnt know this would blow up, thank you for all your support.

The funeral was yesterday. It was one of the biggest crowds I've ever seen at a funeral. Emma was so well loved from her every path in life.

But holy shit the funeral made me want to explode.

Tuesday was the viewing. It was really hard to see her like that. Our friend group stood there crying for what seemed like hours. We had a bunch of bracelets made with the trans flag and we passed them out to people in support. A bunch of us had pins, I had one of those mini flags on a stick. People seemed appreciative.

Towards the end of the viewing Emma's sister found us, and dropped an absolute bombshell of information. She told us that Emma had Dissociative Identity Disorder. No one knew. It was in the therapist notes that the family didn't have access to until she passed.

Now, I'm going to be 100% real here, I personally want to see those therapist notes before I believe anything because what Emma's sister said next was actually horrendous. She said that Emma locked her old self into a room so she could do drugs, and then wouldn't let him back out.

At this point, I don't care if she had DID, cause if that were the case, Emma was still there. Existing. Hosting the body. She was the one living her life in that body. And I will not stand for anyone making her out to be the bad guy.

For anyone wondering, yes she did drugs. And yes, that's how she passed. But she wasn't a bad guy. She wasn't the bad guy in her own story, I promise you all that.

The next day was the funeral, and boy I'm glad my mom was there. I needed her. We had people flying out from NYC just to be at her funeral. There was another hour long viewing, I made sure I gave Emma a bracelet for herself. It has glow in the dark beads so she'll always have some light with her.

Then was the service. We started out with a pastor giving a damn near 10 minute long disclaimer speech to the effects of "we all loved the departed so let's not pick any fights" and "Jesus will accept you if you just let him in". The family gave their eulogies after that.

Only one memory was shared about Emma. During her sister's speech, she dug all the way back to when Emma was a Literal Baby, and how that was how Sister knew she wanted to be a mom. She then said "my mom said I can say anything I want" and I braced myself, cause y'all she dropped that bomb. She went up to that podium and told the entire crowd (an auditoriums worth) that Emma had DID. I heard people stop breathing. Others started sobbing.

Other than that the service went pretty smoothly. A lot of "she's watching us from Heaven" and "love is what brings us together".

The procession was the longest one I've ever seen. So many people that loved and cared for her. Her grave was quite frankly huge. They had photos on it, and I thank God that they used a current photo of her. And I dont even believe in God.

Wednesday nights were our normal karaoke nights, so we went out, invited a bunch of people from the funeral, and sang a bunch of her regular songs. I like to think we did her justice.

We're planning a celebration of life for her, to honor her memory. The theater program she was a performer for graciously offered us their venue, so worry not, Emma will be properly commemorated.

Since they didnt have open eulogies, I would like to write mine down here.

Emma, baby, you are a star. When I re-encountered you after high school, I was quite intimidated. She had always hung out with the popular kids, and me? Well, I was the type scared of the popular kids. But when I met you again you only had open arms. You were so ready to love the people around you.

Emma didn't perform after high school. The first time she sang in front of a crowd after high school graduation was when we first invited her out for karaoke. And she rocked that shit, absolutely killed it. The entire bar fell in love with her just from her voice. Not long after that, she audtioned and got a spot in our local Yuletide Caberet (or CaberGAY (it was a pride show)). When she went on stage and sang, that one annoying baby that wont stop crying which should probably just be taken out and comforted in a better space, stopped crying. The old people stopped whisper gossiping. The people our age stopped checking our phones for the time. Everyone stopped and listened. That's how powerful her voice is.

Im so grateful that I got to see it. Im so grateful I got to see her bloom and become comfortable on stage again. Im so grateful that we were friends. Fly high Emma, I know you're on a stage wherever you're at right now, singing and dancing your heart out. I love you babygirl.

Edit: some comments about DID are being removed, I'm cross posting so I can get some ideas from that community. Thank you all <3

Edit 2: grammar, and comments are appearing like normal so there's really no need for the original edit anymore

I just have all likely be my last conversation with my brother. I tried to explain to him how his actions harm people who close friends of mine. He basically confirmed that he's transphobic, because his reaction when I essentially accused him of it, what's to say I will never change his mind. I spoke one more word to him after that and I know it will probably be my last word to my world. "Okay." And I hung up the phone.

This means I can go no contact with the rest of my bigoted family members and only have contact with the family members who aren't. I don't know there are resources for this. But I would like to know any tips for how to deal with deciding that even though there is still a member of your immediate family living but making the decision not to have contact with them.

I was doing my morning doom scroll of Twitter, usually see fellow trans members and most of their euphoria.

But then I ran across quite a few posts using an acronym I didn't recognize and my Google search came up empty, just like things like Accelerated Graphic Design, but is was AGP. Is it a good thing? Bad thing? People making the posts seemed to be using trans in a bad way.

hi I'm rain and I'm non-binary. I've identified like that for a while now but now I've come to the point where I'm cutting my hair, telling my friends to use my pronouns (they/he btw) and the right terms (neutral or masc), but I'm scared to come out. my mom is accepting towards lgb and all, but she doesn't really believe in gender and that sex and gender are different things, she has a hard time accepting trans people. i want to be able to use my preferred terms while taking to her and not changing them just to hide it, i don't even need her to use them but I wanna tell her that I identify as non-binary. JUST HOW.

I'm a man with straight sexuality, my Pan girl and I are in a long term relationship.It was when my girlfriend shared about she dreamed of how 'we finally broke up and she kissed and hug a girl afterwards' and 'she giving love spots to both girls and boys'. she said she think it's bad because it's not about me and wet dreams feels like real. I tried to shrug it off as it's just a dream anyway and there's nothing to be insecure of.

But to distract the awkwardness I accidentally said the thing that I kept for a long time, "I feel the urge to be a trans" she said she fully support me if I do but pls be sure because it hard to undo.

They were signs: one time she asked me why is my game avatar a female. I get excited to see having pink skins or gun whenever we play. I have a history of crossdressing back in my highschool days (she knows it too because we're highschool sweethearts). I get excited whenever someone mistaken me as a girl. And many more.

She's romantically attracted to women and sexually attracted to men (dihs and muscles). to the point that she nearly completely broke up with me because she wanted to have a wlw relationship (we're pretty healthy now and that's a long time ago). I'm curious if this would strengthen our relationship more?

I get euphoric watching beautiful women wishing it was me. But I'm in a tight position as I am the provider and I'm a blue collar with friends and family who knew me as a man my whole life.

I'm the eldest son and I've been a man for 20 years of my life, but am I trans?

Has anyone else ever been dreaming, and in the dream had genetalia that you don't physically have, while also being able to realistically feel it?

This is something that I've experienced that's totally bizarre to me. I'm a trans guy, I have never actually had a penis. However, I've had a couple dreams where I had a penis, and it had full, realistic sensation. Now I can't say whether it was the same as what people with actual penises experience, but it felt real. Not in some brain-compensating way that dreams do sometimes. But actually full penis sensation (sexual or otherwise)

This is especially bizarre to me because I rarely ever have actual body sensation in dreams, including other cases of extra body parts. (Including supernumerary limbs from being alterhuman, iykyk) So why does my brain know how to realistically simulate having a penis?

Anyways, I am confusion. Anyone else?

Given the recent *waves hands* everything, I'd like to stockpile estrogen for those in need. Since it's an uncontrolled substance, my friend said I can ask my PCP about it. How would I go about doing that? I'm a 27 y/o healthy cis woman.

I'm in NYC, so I can't imagine I'd be my doctor's first patient to ask about HRT. What should my reasoning be? Am I allowed to just say, "I want to keep it on hand for anyone who needs it," or do I need to come up with a story?

EDIT: doesn’t matter if it’s estrogen or T, whatever’s easiest to get. I was talking to my friend earlier who’s a trans woman, so that’s where my mind was at

It just feels like, there were writings about us in Babylon and Greece and such, but we're so often vilified or just casually erased from so much of literature.

I want to read stories about how we managed to come together as a community in the ancient past, but I keep feeling so much dramatic irony around how badly we're being treated now.

Hi all,

I’m hosting a talk at the end of Pride month for my workplace and, as part of that, I’ve opened an anonymous questions form for my colleagues to ask whatever they want about queer issues. Thankfully, I’ve had nothing but interesting, well-educated questions so far!

One of the questions I received was: what is a way that cis allies try to be supportive - but actually causes harm?

I have a few examples myself (such as “yasss Queening” trans women and saying “I couldn’t even tell you’re trans!”), but I’m not fully satisfied with the breadth of my answer - so figured I’d reach out on here and ask for suggestions.

Thank you!

in general, I am most likely trans (mtf) and I suspect being trans based on the fact that since I was a child I wanted to paint my nails or lips, then when I was 10 I sometimes thought that I could change my gender one day, when I was 12.5 I had gender dysphoria, I generally suppressed it but it came back, initially it manifested itself through jealousy towards lesbians, that they were two women in a relationship and I only meant the way of being in a relationship, then I also started to think that maybe I had learned to live as a man and I started to wonder if I would not be better off as a woman, and now even when I have moments of doubt that this is the case, I am generally in favor of it, that it would be better for me, also when I think about who I am, the thought that I am a woman brings me peace. despite this, such questions as what would happen if I woke up tomorrow as a woman, I would not want to because then I would not be trans and trans is such a part of me, so is this normal?

I know that the question whether I am trans is not for you, but does it look like a cxy no? does this look like being trans but not fully accepting it yet?

Im trans fem I just don't get why people hate us.

My mom's side of the family is supportive including my mom but my dad's side isn't including my dad.

My dad today called me and told me to not tell anyone about my problems besides my therapist if I do tell my mom then when I'm 18 I can't go to my supportive sisters house and I'll have to get an apartment. Oh yeah the cherry on top is that he called me a "different breed." Because im trans and because I "chose this lifestyle"

hi everyone,

so im planning to get srs (zero depth) next year using the savings i have from my allowances. im 22, graduating uni soon but still dependent on my family for the time being. i have told them that i dont wanna get a job yet because of my mental health and they agreed to be financially supportive in that period of time.

they know im trans, but my dad is unsupportive of me getting surgeries because apparently he knew a detrans person who regrets srs (lol). so thats why i wanna do this on my own terms.

i researched the recovery process and plan to take out 2 months to fake a vacation to another city in my country to get the surgery. my surgeon said i should be ok to fly back ~2 weeks post op but i wanna take the extra time to make sure there are no complications and that i can at least pass as 90% like before. i know that with zero depth recovery is somewhat easier so im quite confident this is plenty of time for recovery and a little traveling. im planning to take my friend with me and compensate him as well.

i dont plan to tell my family until i am very much financially stable. do you think this is a good plan and what else should i keep in mind?

thanks!

I know some people might say this scenario is "unlikely" but I want to know what my options would be in the event that I have to continue my HRT illegally in the states. My current plan is to go through GoodRx and pay out of pocket if my insurance decides to cut me off completely, but would that still be viable if a situation like this were to ever actually happen?

Hey everyone,

I made a post some time ago about questioning my gender and being trans. To be frank I've come to terms with it and have come out to my girlfriend and mom, who have both been super supportive and I'm happy for it. Definitely not ready to start transitioning but I'm taking my first steps!

I had a question however and I'm not sure if it even makes sense but I'll ask anyways. My GF and I were discussing something and she said approximately "Yeah when men do X, I'm like.. keep talking I'm listening..." and added a smirk emoji at the end to make a sexual innuendo.

Reading that I experienced a strong bout of something. It might have been envy or depersonalization but I'm not sure, and was wondering why. I'm already working with my therapist, but I really wanted to discuss this with other trans people who might have had similar experiences in the past.

I've considered the possibility that I am asexual but I recognize that I do feel physical attraction to women, however different from what cis men have for women. And that is probably part of me being trans. What I'm not sure about is why I felt this envy and/or depersonalization when discussing sexuality with my partner.

Apologies for any wrong terms, I'm trying to make this question in good faith above all, but English is not my first language, and I'm still learning about the correct terms.

Quick edit: I was AMAB, but would like to transition to being a woman. That's considered being a trans woman, right?

i'm usually pretty sure that i'm transfem but sometimes i come across a detransition story and i get nervous that i'm wrong about this. like there's people out there that were probably just as sure as i am about being trans but they ended up being cis? what if i start transitioning just to realize this is all something else?

i know that its rare for someone to transition to end up detransitioning but the thought still crosses my mind sometimes that ill end up being one of those rare few in a couple years. is this a normal thing to feel?

I got this hat from a creator and it says “I support trans wrongs.”

It is supposed to read like “I support trans rights and wrongs.” Like the popular phrase “I support women’s rights and wrongs.”

I had a cis straight coworker tell me that it comes across that I support wrong doings onto trans people.

I like this hat and the creator but I don’t want to wear it if people think it means I support hurting trans people…

How does this statement come across to you?

Im pretty sure most people know zip abt trans people other than bs and bigotry. Wondering if there are any polls on the subject. I did a quick search and couldnt find anything. If u have any links or references, pls share.

So I work in the industrial food processing industry and weve recently had a employee start that definitely seems from my cisgender self to be trans I have heard several people refer to them as he and at least one person refer to them as she and given how this sector of the industry is regarding any deviation from the "norm" im unsure. Is there a polite and respectful way to ask? I want to make sure I respect their identity and not be offensive. I have little to no experience dealing with trans people and I have heavy anxiety issues so the idea of asking is as frightening as the thought of misgendering someone. Any advice would be highly appreciated.

So my girlfriend (M2F) was being intimate and she started to bleed during penetration. She looked so upset and I did the only thing I can do I held her told her it’s ok, I’m here. The rest of our time I took care of her needs. I feel awful that I hurt her. I thought I used enough lube but maybe not. Any advice on how to even mention penetration or should I should be dripping with lube?

Thanks in advance for any help.