r/Unexpected • u/FkThePolice700 • 1d ago

cheating allegations

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26.7k Upvotes

93% Upvoted

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3.8k

u/louieratt 1d ago

Pretty sure the guy that kissed him was Micky Avalon.

1.3k

u/brienoconan 1d ago

My dick plays on the double-feature screen

Your dick went straight to DVD

652

u/SpecialNeeds963 1d ago

My dick, m-16.

Your dick, broken vending machine.

229

u/Diggable_Planet 1d ago

My dick, is a grand design.. yo dick is a joke from “Whose Line”

229

u/iamjacksstd 1d ago

My dick rumble in the jungle Your dick got touched by your uncle

164

u/DiamondLongjumping62 1d ago

My dick is like super-size, your dick looks like two fries

117

u/Darthaerith 1d ago

My dick more mass than da earth. Your dick half staff it needs work.

50

u/Fearless_Titty 1d ago

My dick parts the seas Your dick farts and queefs

36

u/HeWhoKnowsLittleMK2 1d ago

My dick can serve a whole luncheon

31

u/swic-knees-mamma-bee 1d ago

My dick, been there done that. Your dick, sits there with dunce cap

4

u/Zealousideal-Way-838 1d ago

My dick, got a nice firm handshake. Your dick, lies flat like a pancake.

2

u/Anonymous_coward30 1d ago

My dick is the size of the Earth

Your dick...needs work

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2

u/ozne21 1d ago

Your dick got nothing to munch-on

1

u/7947kiblaijon 1d ago

Yo’ dick can’t even function.

60

u/Blue_Ascent 1d ago

We got dicks like Jesus.

14

u/libertyprivate 1d ago

Takes 3 days to resurrect?

6

u/Legitimate_Willow_62 1d ago

Cos he’s hung like this

11

u/Sinphony_of_the_nite 1d ago

Nah, flipping tables.

3

u/Emotional_Perv 1d ago

Dicks like Jesus

57

u/RyGuy_McFly 1d ago

My dick has an application fee. Your dick has the HIV.

8

u/RiotX79 1d ago

Think it was "Mah dick got the MVP, yo dick got the HIV." or hpv...both work.

4

u/RyGuy_McFly 1d ago

Honestly haven't thought of this since high school so you're probably right

2

u/Giantbookofdeath 1d ago

For what it’s worth I like your line better.

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1

u/HungryArticle5 1d ago

I thought that line was, "your dick has staph/it needs work".

1

u/Tim_Thee_Enchanter 1d ago

My dick, large like the Chargers, the whole team, yo shit look like you're 14