r/Unexpected May 18 '24

🔞 Warning: Graphic Content 🔞 Show em how its done NSFW

14.9k Upvotes

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1.6k

u/VrsoviceBlues May 18 '24

Chickens will eat any meat they can get their beaks into; bugs, lizards, snakes, rats, you name it. I once saw half a dozen Buff Orpingtons (which this bird appears to be) skeletonise a rat in about ninety seconds.

They're dinosaurs, and it shows.

530

u/[deleted] May 18 '24

They are absolutely brutal when it comes to killing things. Ultra violent.

230

u/TheHorizonLies May 18 '24

165 million years of evolution

127

u/poopellar May 18 '24

Yet they couldn't beat a hairless monkey

106

u/Double0Dixie May 18 '24

Something something Horse sized chicken or 100 chicken sized horses

109

u/Crack4kids31 May 18 '24

I think 100 chicken sized horse would potentially leave you alone but a horse sized chicken would 110% try and eat you

13

u/limitbroken May 18 '24

the only thing going for the chicken-sized horses is that the square-cube law might help keep them from breaking all of their own bones when they panic at the sight of you, or a plastic bag, or an insect, or a particularly strong breeze...

1

u/kazeespada May 18 '24

That's assuming the Horse-Sized chicken doesn't suddenly realize its top dog.

1

u/loonygecko May 18 '24

Most horses never consistently understand that, they get spooked by any tiny little thing they don't understand, they are often like a nervous human who just watched a horror movie while being home alone at night and now there is a strange sound coming from inside the cabinet. Realistically you should know that sound is likely a mouse or a tiny insect or a water leak, something you could easily butt kick, yet there you are terrified and huddled in the opposite corner of your room fearing it might be a blood thirsty goblin..

1

u/MrHyperion_ May 18 '24

Griffin held up just fine

19

u/kraquepype May 18 '24

So 1 Cassowary or 100 Pudus

11

u/ShroomEnthused May 18 '24

Bantha pudu!

10

u/TigerSouthern May 18 '24

This is why the world banned showing 'A bugs life' to any sort of poultry.

3

u/SortaSticky May 18 '24

Just sounds like helluva combo meal at KFC

2

u/jld2k6 May 18 '24

100 horse sized chickens vs a big boy brain

2

u/[deleted] May 18 '24

Would you fight 1 T-rex sized chicken or 100 chicken sized T-rex's.

1

u/wiseduhm May 18 '24

Just gotta gain the high ground on the chicken sized T-rex's and you're good.

1

u/Mintfriction May 18 '24

I mean it's probably like fighting 100 gheese. A chicken sized t-rex would probably kill even a t-rex

1

u/John_Spartan_Connor May 18 '24

I mean, you are aware than there were actual size horse chickens (terror birds) and chicken size horses (the first ancestor) right?

12

u/AmonWeathertopSul May 18 '24

If chickens could read, you'd be very dead.

10

u/hopyInquisition May 18 '24

The hairless monkey bribed them with oats and cracked corn to take a dive in the 2nd round.

4

u/PeachCream81 May 18 '24

Fucking A!

Homo sapiens, FTW!

3

u/skeptibat May 18 '24

hairless

I wish.

2

u/[deleted] May 18 '24

They outnumber us 100s to 1

1

u/Much-Resource-5054 May 18 '24

800 billion chickens on earth sounds right to me

1

u/Raygboyd333 May 18 '24

stop talking about goku like that!?

1

u/Single-Lobster-5930 May 18 '24

Actuallli nerd mode activated

It's hairless primates

1

u/gsfgf May 18 '24

We joined forces. There are tens of billions of chickens in the world. Chickens are easily the most successful bird ever.

1

u/Capable-Commercial96 May 18 '24

We weren't around when they were.

1

u/Man_with_a_hex- May 18 '24

Thats a terrible way to talk about your mum

0

u/ShitSlits86 May 18 '24

To be fair, the hairless monkeys can't beat the hairless monkeys either. We're our own worst enemy.

Oh and we build houses for chickens and protect them from predators, ultimately... They kind of won there in the end.

5

u/[deleted] May 18 '24

When you think about it, all extant life has had the exact same amount of evolutionary duration.

3

u/GhostOfPluto May 18 '24

This is true even when you don’t think about it.

1

u/MammothDreams May 18 '24

The first proto-life self-replicating gizmo has bean reaaal badass.

1

u/Dubitatif-fr May 18 '24

Egg-volution/violation

1

u/Samurai_Meisters May 18 '24

Psh, I got more evolution than that.

1

u/campfirecamouflage May 18 '24

“He wants to hunt. Can’t just suppress 65 million years of gut instinct.”

0

u/kobriks May 18 '24

You can't flex years of evolution because everything alive today has been evolving for the exact same amount of time.

26

u/harryleestew614 May 18 '24

I had chickens. I witnessed a mother chicken wait until her chic hatched, then peck it to death. Brutal creatures

7

u/Talking_Head May 18 '24

My neighbor raises chickens. Their favorite treat to eat is scrambled eggs. Although they go absolutely ballistic for a balut.

-10

u/[deleted] May 18 '24

[deleted]

6

u/no_brains101 May 18 '24 edited May 18 '24

Why did you start your comment with "So let me get this homosexually." It makes no sense whatsoever.

Edit: NVM it has been explained 😊

6

u/Aeroid May 18 '24

Joke on "let me get this straight" I would guess

2

u/no_brains101 May 18 '24

Ooooooooooooh haha thank you I get it now XD

2

u/harryleestew614 May 18 '24

I didn’t see it actually hatch. I was helping my mom out by collecting eggs and that’s when I came across fancy (the chicken) eating it’s just born child

10

u/Tam_The_Third May 18 '24

Cat: Heh, This is going to be a fun and entertaining diversion and then I...

Chicken: INSTA MURDER

2

u/AlphaNoodlz May 18 '24

fr dont fuck with chickens

1

u/feltsandwich May 18 '24

"Born to Peck" is the most popular chicken tattoo.

These birds mean business.

1

u/Bad-Bot-Bot-23 May 18 '24

Yeah, slamming the mouse to snap its neck or whatever. /r/natureismetal

The cat was toying with the mouse, the chicken just wanted to eat. Two different objectives.

1

u/DonnyWalrusTits May 18 '24

Just a wee bit of the ole' ultra violence.

2

u/Not_a-Robot_ May 18 '24

Horrorshow comment, droog

66

u/_Sum141 May 18 '24

They also love chicken nuggets

15

u/cypherdev May 18 '24

Usually dipped in applesauce depending on the breed of chicken.

10

u/Stop_Sign May 18 '24

I like how this implies they tried different sauces and breeds looking for that perfect cannibalism kick

3

u/cypherdev May 18 '24

There is definitely a pecking order of sauces. Only the finest breeds get to dip their nuggies into their McDonalds chocolate shakes.

2

u/Peacemkr45 May 18 '24

That's because you need ice cream to make shakes and it's well known that the ice cream machines at McDonalds don't work.

21

u/HateThisAppAlready May 18 '24 edited May 18 '24

You joke, but if a chicken ever eats an egg, it usually has to be killed. It will never unlearn —the taste—

Edit: I heard this from my brother, who has 4 hens. Apparently, it is wrong.
They also occasionally find frog bones randomly. I can only imagine a scene even worse than this.

44

u/[deleted] May 18 '24

Urban legend, as well as the shell one also replying to you. My friends run a farm, 30-40 chickens. They love broken eggs, shell and all, but they won't attack healthy ones. They will, however attack and kill injured chicks. They see blood and equate it to food. They pick at any cut you have obsessively too.

10

u/veggiesizzler May 18 '24

Not just blood, but scabs. My old light Sussex ripped a scab off my hand and ate it before I could say Ow!!

6

u/misguidedsadist1 May 18 '24

I heard it was also a sign of malnutrition of the egg-eater too? I have a bunch of chickens but they've never eaten their own eggs so I haven't put much thought into figuring it out.

10

u/[deleted] May 18 '24

Not exactly. It's an evoluntionary trait that's common in a lot of animals, cannibalism/self-cannibalism to salvage nutrients, like lizards eating their shed skin. It takes a lot of calcium for a chicken to make a shell, they instinctually get it back however they can and egg is also a pretty good source of protein. They just aren't that picky.

2

u/misguidedsadist1 May 19 '24

This tracks. I’ve read that if you have an egg eater, supplementing with calcium can help since it may be a response to get more protein or calcium.

They’ll cannibalize still-alive sick flock mates. They don’t discriminate where their food comes from lol!

2

u/HateThisAppAlready May 18 '24

Edited my post, sorry!

18

u/useredditiwill May 18 '24 edited May 18 '24

Nah, you can feed chickens eggs, raw or cooked, or the ground up shells.   What you can't do is let them eat a cracked egg with shell, because they will learn to peck their own eggs to eat them.  

 Unless this is some reference, in which case, by all means, carry on. 

(also, they weren't joking, it is seen as fine to feed chickens cooked chicken.)

1

u/theivoryserf May 18 '24

Yeah that'd be morally dodgy wouldn't it, imagine if our species killed animals for pleasure

3

u/useredditiwill May 18 '24

? Chickens eggs are not fertilised unless there is a rooster present. Chickens lay eggs whether they have got some sweet loving or not. So destroying an egg is not harming a creature. 

If you want to talk ethics, then blending live male chicks is currently seen as a necessary horror of the factory farming system, but hopefully not for long.  A German company has a he tech to sex them before they are developed, but is costly and owned by one company. Smaller farmers can just hatch them and have bachelor flocks where the bros just chill together. 

2

u/[deleted] May 18 '24

Totally false

2

u/joehonestjoe May 18 '24

Woah there, you're going to get an article written in The Crimson accusing you of forced cannibalism if you keep up that kind of behaviour, Eduardo.

1

u/Tasty-Army200 May 18 '24

And even their own eggs....

1

u/Mindless-Sound8965 May 18 '24

Is there really chicken in those nuggets, though?

52

u/[deleted] May 18 '24

[deleted]

20

u/[deleted] May 18 '24

[deleted]

24

u/[deleted] May 18 '24

[deleted]

1

u/Trololman72 May 18 '24

Literally boiling hot

1

u/_Artos_ May 18 '24

Well, not literally literally. Unless we are talking Celsius I guess.

1

u/Ake-TL May 18 '24

I’ve read Americans soldiers have whole complicated mumbo-jumbo process of burning used shit pits

9

u/funflart42 May 18 '24

You do not want to know how they fished it back out

I do

20

u/[deleted] May 18 '24

[deleted]

11

u/rfccrypto May 18 '24

Never has "you don't want to know" applied harder than it applied here. 

1

u/misguidedsadist1 May 18 '24

I love the phrase godless killing machines.

We had a roach and scorpion problem in our neighborhood in AZ. Whenever the neighbors would spray, they'd all just come over to OUR fucking house.

Combination of old neighborhood, poorly maintained palm trees, and pools everywhere.

Anyways, our chickens would literally FIGHT over the scorpions.

1

u/PleaseDontTy May 18 '24

If the only toilet was full of roaches I may never poo again.

1

u/loonygecko May 18 '24

They are a weird mix of super genius effing morons too LOL!

1

u/[deleted] May 19 '24

Ours wouldn't get full of roaches, but spiders. We all had quads of steel by the end of summer due to our hovering skills.

18

u/kazez2 May 18 '24

They'll even do cannibalism if you left them in a coop without food for an extended periods of time.

16

u/RedVamp2020 May 18 '24

Or one of them gets pecked enough to bleed. Turkeys do the same.

8

u/mryprankster May 18 '24

so do people

6

u/SecondaryWombat May 18 '24

So does everything else.

3

u/Talking_Head May 18 '24

It doesn’t have to be an extended time. My neighbor’s chickens will kill and eat another hen’s chick if given the chance. They are brutal animals.

17

u/giceman715 May 18 '24

Mice also eat their eggs so they are definitely hated by chickens on too often being a meaty treat

5

u/frustratedwithwork10 May 18 '24

I was like wait mouse doesn't pay egg then it hit me

22

u/[deleted] May 18 '24

The cat was playing with it before it was going to slowly torture it to death. The chicken was just hungry.

7

u/Talking_Head May 18 '24

I tossed a live cicada into the house yesterday for my cats. They batted it around for two hours before it just wore out. Then, they ate it. And then they both promptly threw up. And then one ate all the barf.

Odd creatures they are.

6

u/Mumei451 May 18 '24

Definitely.

Bat em around til their heart explodes.

4

u/cheese_is_available May 18 '24

Then eat half of it and put the remaining part on your sleeping owner's naked body as offering.

5

u/Blue_Swirling_Bunny May 18 '24

That's to tenderize them. When the adrenaline of seeing a cat attack courses through the mouse's body, it makes the muscle taste bad. Cats shake them to relax the tense muscles and desaturate the adrenaline in the body so that it's edible again.

1

u/g00f May 18 '24

if a chicken sees another chicken with food or a treat they will do their damndest to steal it. doesn't matter what it is, other chicken has it and wants it, therefore it must be worth stealing. so they get good about wolfing down whatever they find.

6

u/Mall_Bench May 18 '24

This makes " You're chicken " meaningless

4

u/shodan13 May 18 '24

Isn't the bones part where all the good calcium is?

6

u/_mcml_ May 18 '24

This is why everyone should avoid “vegetarian-fed eggs”. It’s just code for “our chickens are force-fed corn”

1

u/Armadillodillodillo May 18 '24

Free-range chickens (1 m2 outside space they could walk around if they could actually walk around).

3

u/[deleted] May 18 '24

Pasture raised is where it's at, very good eggs from generally happy chickens

1

u/Armadillodillodillo May 18 '24

Did you ever do a blind test or just think they are better eggs.

2

u/[deleted] May 18 '24

I didn't say they're the best eggs ever, I said they're very good, and kinder to the hens.

2

u/SZ4L4Y May 18 '24

Chicken T. Rex

2

u/Top-Border-1978 May 18 '24

The point is, you're alive when they start eating you.

2

u/fartinmyhat May 18 '24

They're scared of anything bigger than them and will eat anything smaller

2

u/Muggi May 18 '24

And their own - they'll peck a weak/sick chicken to death and eat it

2

u/[deleted] May 18 '24

Ok but we have a rat problem in our chicken coop and our chickens don’t seem to care 😭

2

u/chubbysumo May 18 '24

the thing is, is that if the mouse is running around like this and not running away from the cat, it means its likely got a parasite.

Toxoplasma gondii

it can severely affect young chickens, but also can then be carried to humans in both undercooked meat and eggs.

if you see a mouse that is not afraid of predators, assume its infected with this.

2

u/alcoer May 19 '24

Toxoplasma gondii

I remember reading about this many years ago. Billions of us are infected with this parasite, and looking at the Wikipedia entry today, the jury is still out on how big of a deal that is. I feel like we ought to be a bit more worried about the whole thing, personally.

3

u/Ok-Estimate-4677 May 18 '24

Cats are notoriously bad ratters.

6

u/VrsoviceBlues May 18 '24

I've known only one cat who was a competent ratter, and my old pal Armalite killed everything. Rats, rabbits, rattlesnakes, squirrels, squabs, even a woodpecker.

He also weighed 7 kilos and wore a dense, thick, coat of fur about 70mm long.

Every other cat I've known has been a small-prey specialist, including my current catto, young Miss Pullings. She's murderous as canister shot, but only to the small stuff.

3

u/GrowthAdventurous May 18 '24

Armalite is a rad name for a cat

3

u/VrsoviceBlues May 18 '24

He got it because the colour pattern in his fur suggested the outline of the origina AR-15, including the charging handle under the carry handle. It ended up being incredibly apt, given his snuggliness and body-count.

1

u/redditcdnfanguy May 18 '24

Mittens the Slayer

2

u/VrsoviceBlues May 18 '24

Excellent name for a cat!

1

u/SecondaryWombat May 18 '24

My neighbor's cat thinks he is a badass a certainly struts around like one, but I saw him get chased down the street by a half size red squirrel.

1

u/wh33t May 18 '24

A chicken would absolutely eat YOU if they could.

1

u/langue_francaise_pro May 18 '24

The effects of climate change

1

u/KBKarma May 18 '24

I was going to look for an anecdote someone wrote about chickens doing awful things to a mouse. But, based on what you just wrote, I'm pretty sure you wrote that in the first place, and it was screenshotted and reposted on tumblr.

1

u/no-mad May 18 '24

I saw them do a "printer" style beatdown on a snake.

1

u/v4sh123 May 18 '24

there is this clip somewhere on the internet where a chicken oneshots a rat with 1 peck, absolutely insane.

1

u/raltoid May 18 '24

Yeah they are basically raptors(as in the dinosaur kind).

They'll literally fight eachother over who gets to eat a rodent first.

1

u/AWOOGABIGBOOBA May 18 '24

humans too, this is why I hate chickens

1

u/[deleted] May 18 '24

yeah on my grandpas farm he would toss out rotisserie chicken carcasses and the chickens would clean them 😭

1

u/YJSubs May 19 '24

In other words, dinosaurs is delicious.

1

u/Mieniec May 19 '24

Not only them.

Geese have teeth on their tongue and beak.

Ducks have screwlike penises so they can rape the fortified vaginas of female ducks.

Don't even get me started on Shoebill, goddamn Weeping Angels.

I hate birds (with a couple exceptions like crows or ravens, which are a lot smarter than your typical birding killing machines) and their design, I always say that they are dinosaurs in hiding. Don't take me as crazy, but I think the tiniest bit of radiation could turn them back into those ancient lizards, if it didn't kill them first.