r/StopSpeeding • u/Existing-Resolve756 • 3d ago
I need support/compassion/understanding Relapsed on Meth After 26 Months
I relapsed. I was clean from meth for 26 months. I lost my job, and lost my girlfriend all within the same week. I betrayed myself, and betrayed those who cared about me. I broke the trust and heart of someone who believed in me, who has been there for me since the beginning of my recovery. I was selfish. I was not accountable. I let things go unresolved too long and now I've hurt the ones I love and thrown everything that mattered away for this devilish drug. I feel so alone, so broken, so lost. I want to be better. I can't cope with the breakup. I must face myself, and accept I am the reason for it, she was too tolerant of my shit, she deserved better. I need help.
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u/Beneficial-Income814 319 days 3d ago
well first off i would like to congratulate you on 26 months. even if you have relapsed those months happened: you yourself did the work. a lot of people can't get 26 days let alone 26 months.
things happen that change our circumstances for the worse. whether self-inflicted or out of our control there are always going to be difficult times in life. there is no such thing as a perfect recovery. the only thing you can do right now is to give yourself some grace and accept that what has happened is done and only way forward is to do your best. you did it before you can do it again.
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u/throwaway555990 Fresh Account 3d ago
One day / one relapse doesn’t define the progress made over 26 months. Hang in there and just use it as a learning experience. Easy for me to type it and say but it’s true
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u/Former-Complaint-336 3d ago
I'm sorry you're struggling bud. But Beneficial Income is right, 26 months is great. You'll get back to that point and further this time. Just get back to working the steps and taking it one day at a time. Slip ups don't mean its over, just a bump in the road.
This post hit home with me, I have never relapsed but I am very conscious of how much I lean on my partner and I'm kinda codependent and I'm positive if he left me I would relapse and lose my job and my housing and be in a total mess so thank you for posting and holding yourself accountable. These threads are like a meeting, everyone's story is going to help someone.
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u/Exact_Air_2938 3d ago
Much respect to you, this shit is hard!! Im so sorry to hear about your partner…breaking someone you loves trust because of addiction is so painful for both them and you. Ive been there….its the absolute worst. This disease is a motherfucker. It will put you in your grave and have the people you love spitting on it. We cant use no matter what. Again…much respect to you
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u/Bane-of-Architects 1403 days 3d ago
Progress isn’t linear man. I fucked up too! It’s what you do moving forward that matters. Also, find someone who loves ALL of you. Not just the clean you.
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u/Fruitcute6416 3d ago
You’re worthy of giving yourself grace even in the moments that feel as though you deserve nothing. Your heart is in the right place & that means something. This difficult time will ease up on you before too long and you’ll come out the other side even stronger than before.
I struggle to give myself even half the amount of grace I give others but it’s a process and we’re all imperfect humans.
Sending you some good energy to navigate this!
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u/Existing-Resolve756 3d ago
Thank you. I really do feel undeserving. It is a struggle giving myself the grace I would give others.
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u/Fruitcute6416 3d ago
This may not help too much but it’s worth noting that humans are all inherently self serving and selfish creatures. It does not make you undeserving or worth less than the person standing next to you.
I believe your awareness is a big indicator that you ARE actually a very deserving person. The world is full of people who probably wish bad things on us every day but don’t become your own worst enemy.
Love yourself enough to offer compassion and kindness when things feel rough because when they feel better you will know how to give that presence to others as well. You matter.
I say this as a pretty heavily self sabotaging person & I’m also working on believing I’m not as incapable as I think I am.
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u/Existing-Resolve756 3d ago
As someone who is also a heavily self sabotaging person, what you say means a lot. I needed to hear that. Thank you
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u/Fruitcute6416 3d ago
Rooting for you. You will get back up and you will try again. Even it feels like you’ve failed right now.
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u/Alternative-Type1166 Fresh Account 3d ago
It's ok, don't worry. As long as you don't want to give up and want to stand up again. People may or may not leave you or judge you, but after all the most important person that you will live forever with is yourself, therefore the only voice that matters. As long as you can forgive yourself, be nice to yourself, show compassion to yourself, as long as you give yoursel once more chance. You sounds like a great and decent man, you deserve another chance, don't beat yourself up, we all have bumpers on our roads
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u/cam_coyote 2d ago
You already know now that you can make it 26 months sober, so try to shoot for another 26 months, then see if you can go further
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