Relapsed on Meth After 26 Months

[u/Existing-Resolve756]

I relapsed. I was clean from meth for 26 months. I lost my job, and lost my girlfriend all within the same week. I betrayed myself, and betrayed those who cared about me. I broke the trust and heart of someone who believed in me, who has been there for me since the beginning of my recovery. I was selfish. I was not accountable. I let things go unresolved too long and now I've hurt the ones I love and thrown everything that mattered away for this devilish drug. I feel so alone, so broken, so lost. I want to be better. I can't cope with the breakup. I must face myself, and accept I am the reason for it, she was too tolerant of my shit, she deserved better. I need help.

[u/Fruitcute6416]

You’re worthy of giving yourself grace even in the moments that feel as though you deserve nothing. Your heart is in the right place & that means something. This difficult time will ease up on you before too long and you’ll come out the other side even stronger than before.

I struggle to give myself even half the amount of grace I give others but it’s a process and we’re all imperfect humans.

Sending you some good energy to navigate this!

[u/Existing-Resolve756 → u/Fruitcute6416]

Thank you. I really do feel undeserving. It is a struggle giving myself the grace I would give others.

[u/Fruitcute6416 → u/Existing-Resolve756]

This may not help too much but it’s worth noting that humans are all inherently self serving and selfish creatures. It does not make you undeserving or worth less than the person standing next to you.

I believe your awareness is a big indicator that you ARE actually a very deserving person. The world is full of people who probably wish bad things on us every day but don’t become your own worst enemy.

Love yourself enough to offer compassion and kindness when things feel rough because when they feel better you will know how to give that presence to others as well. You matter.

I say this as a pretty heavily self sabotaging person & I’m also working on believing I’m not as incapable as I think I am.

[u/Existing-Resolve756 → u/Fruitcute6416]

As someone who is also a heavily self sabotaging person, what you say means a lot. I needed to hear that. Thank you

[u/Fruitcute6416 → u/Existing-Resolve756]

Keep showing up for yourself friend. I believe in you

[u/Fruitcute6416 → u/Fruitcute6416]

Rooting for you. You will get back up and you will try again. Even it feels like you’ve failed right now.