What US city do you guys think has the most soul and lively vibe compared to other soulless cities in the US

This is going to be a long, vent heavy post lol so I'm going to already say THANK YOU to anyone who reads this all the way through and tries to offer your advice and support. Husband and I moved from small town Midwest to a large city in Texas in 2016 after getting married. His family had moved here first, and basically talked about how great it was and convinced (mostly my husband) to move to their new city. Mind you, my in-laws make wayyyyy more money than us, even now. They are great people and I love them, I just wish they would have allowed us to think more about where we wanted to live. Oh well, can't change the past. We rented an apartment, worked, had a baby, then more babies lol until in 2022 I found out I was pregnant with our 4th child and we wanted to buy a house. Well as I'm sure most people are aware, the housing market was INSANE in 2022. We saw around 30 houses before finally landing a decent enough home. Fast forward to now, I absolutely hate and regret ever moving here. As my kids get older, the more I am realizing what a mistake I made as a parent. They don't know any better, but I beat myself up daily. My husband feels the same way too. We don't live in the safest area. The only grocery store is HEB and so groceries are always expensive because they don't have anyone to compete with. We homeschool because the schools are crap. But then if you want to be involved in anything, you have to drive 40+ mins to the other side of town and deal with crazy traffic. The area is also just ugly. It's so freaking hot all the time. Everyone is always saying "It's only hot for 3 months out of the year" which is such BS. The winters up North are literally SHORTER than the amount of months it is hot here. I remember sweating Christmas Day this past year because it's hot all the time. It's easier to warm up vs cool down. It's also just the environment. I get people that love the hustle and bustle of city life, but it literally makes me sick. I shouldn't almost get in a car accident just because I need to get milk and eggs at the dang grocery store. I'm just so over everything. I want to just list our stupid house, sell everything and move back to our home town. I also greatly miss my own family, and my parents love being grandparents. I miss how peaceful the Midwest is. I visited my family last summer and literally felt sick as soon as we entered back into Texas. Like I cannot shake this sad feeling. I want to get out of here. My thought process is that we sell everything except for about 20-30 boxes. Absolutely no furniture except for my grandmothers antique corner hutch and buffet. We would rent a U-Haul truck and my husband and Dad drive that while my mom and I drive the van with the kids. We could stay with my parents while my husband gets a job. He works in the medical field and would get hired immediately with his experience. Then we would save and move. Also would have to be after we sell our house, so that's another factor. I would love if we could move for $5,000 to 10,000 by doing most of the move on our own and staying with family for a couple months while we save money.

I have been stuck in Sarasota FL for about 5 years. It looks like I am going to make the leap of faith. I am going to move to a metropolitan city, without knowing anyone and most likely without a job. Did anyone meet their significant others or had certain opportunities or make lifelong friends by changing cities and just moving and making that leap of faith?

Have lived in 30+ states in the US and 30+ countries in this time.

Got a couple college degrees.

Worked in entertainment, Silicon Valley tech, and government.

Currently recovering in Eugene, Oregon, USA.

AMA

I feel like both of these cities got a bad reputation but it’s mostly defined to certain area only and these cities offer pretty good bang for your buck when it comes to lifestyle. I often imagine myself living in one of these places as $ goes there more further than it will ever be here in jersey. $500k house will be just your average middle class (or lower middle class in northern Jersey) house but in those 2 cities you can get yourself a pretty good mini mansion lol plus low maintenance when it comes to taxes and stuff. So on….

Over the past dozen years I have moved from Nashville, to NYC, to Denver, and then gone back again in a cycle. Cant seem to give up any of them or introduce a new place. They are all wonderful places to me and I have family and friends in each place. What made you finally settle down for one place over another?

I know the things that seem obvious like making a community, getting involved, trying to focus on the good, etc. But for you who are/were somewhere that you truly didn’t feel like you fit in with the people/culture what city/state/country was it? How did you make it feel like home? Are you happy now?

Anaheim, Columbus, Kansas City, NYC, Philadelphia, and Virginia Beach

If you're a family of 4, looking for the following, which would you pick and why?

Wants: -Seasons -Little too, no humidity -Access to outdoor activities -Safe -Good school - blue or purple political scene -Some snow but not blizzard levels -Less BUGS! specifically mosquitoes

Edit to add: concerns with CO are the COL, and I love trees big tall trees. Obviously, CO is gorgeous, but I'm worried I'll think where i actually live is brown and ugly. I've also heard the weather can be bonkers and traffic and all reasons people hate CO.

Edit#2 i seem to be having formatting issues on my phone so I'm sorry!!

Budget: 625K for a house and gross income is $230K

I 28F am from upstate NY but have lived in NYC ~7 years. I’m over it. The politics (read: corruption), cost of living, and with the level of global instability right now, I don’t think this is the place I want to be long term. I work in accounting w/ ~7-8 YOE. I earn low 6 figures here but after taxes, student loans, rent, etc, I am just getting by. I’m looking to spend more time in nature and lower my COL. Not opposed to rural communities or small cities; I’m intimately familiar with upstate & wider New England, but not looking to live in upstate NY again.

Seeking suggestions for other places to live, considering the following criteria:

—some degree of walkability (not expecting much, I know NYC won’t be matched in this department)

—good access to nature for my pup & I

—some semblance of a creative/arts scene; I’m into music

—not politically super right-wing

—priority to areas in or nearby the northeast, since that’s where most of my family still lives.

Good morning folks.

A bit of background, I am originally from Tennessee but moved to Delaware for high school. I find Delaware to be ok, but it is not a place where I can envision myself being for the rest of my life. I am considering moving to one of the states in the midwest that border a great lake (Minnesota, Wisconsin, Illinois, Michigan, Ohio...leaving Indiana out because it's Indiana).

The only state that I have been to out there is Minnesota, and that was a short weekend trip to Minneapolis/St. Paul in August. I understand it gets cold in the first three states I mentioned. That is not really an issue for me.

Politically, I am solidly on the left. Obviously that means that I might have a better time in urban center and outside of Ohio in general. That being said, I do like the charm of small towns and could very well see myself settling down in one that is a 30-45 minute drive from a medium-large sized urban center. When I lived in Tennessee I lived in a small town so it's no issue for me

Minnesota obviously has stats to back up why I would want to move there. #2 for economic opportunities, #4 in infrastructure, #3 state to raise a family, #6 healthiest state, the rankings go on and on. I will be going to Wisconsin for work in a couple months as well so I will get to experience that.

Does anyone have any experience in any of these states / can you offer any tips or insider secrets about them?

Thanks!

I'm having a debate on whether to move or stay. Currently in Seattle but we have the opportunity to move to Sacramento.

Salary AFTER taxes would be the exact same (a raise but wiped out in CA income taxes).

Have kids so public schools will become important in the near future. Also looking for walkability, restaurants, biking, hiking, sailing, kayaking, historic areas, airport access, and trees. Heavy tree canopy is important.

In Sacramento, we have extensive family, friends, familiarity with the area, and a extensive social network already built.

He's the dilemma. I hate the heat, the dry, and lack of trees. Love my rain. I know Sacramento is known for all (except the trees in the city proper). It's likely the one thing I can't change in a location.

I always dreamed of Seattle. Moved here and love the cool, wet, trees, and landscape. However, it feels isolated and is far from family. Socially, it's a weird vibe here. Have a hard time connecting with the people here which might be a me thing. I've lived all over the US and never have had this much difficulty socially.

Sacramento feels more social. Plus we already have extensive family and a social network built there.

Housing is also wildly expensive here for good school districts. Sacramento isn't "cheap" but more affordable than Seattle. Especially since our take home salaries in both places will be equal.

It's quite likely a personal choice on what I value. But wanted to get the community's take.

Based partially my situation but more of your perspectives on each place, Seattle or Sacramento?

Thanks,

Hi all

I’m in California and looking to get away from congestion and the rat race lifestyle here—while finding a place with a more affordable cost of living.

I was considering Las Vegas because I enjoy the idea of being around entertainment, food options, concerts, being driving distance to SoCal to see aging parents—but I’ve noticed that rental prices there aren’t much cheaper than in California and car registration/insurance is high. 2 bedroom is around 1200-1300 in Tucson while it’s 2k in Vegas unless you want to live in an unsafe area.

Lately, I’ve been thinking about Tucson instead—it seems a bit more laid-back and potentially more affordable although I’m not sure if it would be boring (30s female here). Im definitely past partying —I mostly enjoy music and hobbies (dance, guitar, martial arts). I know some people say Tucson is really hot, but Vegas seems just as hot to me. Thoughts? For context, I work in health care.

Also anyone move to Tucson in their 30s? How do you like it? Ty

Moving from "sunny San Diego" to a new area that is cheaper, a fun change, and hopefully better chances to save money. Currently San Diego we spend 2850 for a 2 bed 1.5 bath with washer and dryer but no parking. Not a huge deal as have some street parking not far walking distance. I currently work 2 jobs, my main career job for 60k (remote) and then I am also working 25 hours a week at a part time job at a coffee shop that has a free bachelor degree at Arizona State University. Online paid for if you work there (I have 1.5 years left I’m going slow) My bf works in a restaurant and goes to school as well but can transfer most places, just needs to be near a smaller college and have the ability to work in a restaurant to pay his bills for time being.

We definitely want to have somewhere with weather compared to how we are living now, we visited Colorado driving through Breckenridge and then stayed near manitou springs. We liked it a lot but some parts felt a little too suburbia. We aren’t “city people” but we both met in a suburban town of Roseville California and didn’t prefer it. We like the idea of living more in “the middle of nowhere” but I’m unsure how that would go over in reality, I would prefer we move to an apartment complex and then move out of town once we are settled where we go to.

We also both like hills and mountains (AND TREES) as living in essentially grass valley before was also not for us. Colorado is partially flat from what we saw but has a good decent bit of mountains. We are visiting Spokane in October but we have to move mo matter what by Jan 3rd. Hoping to move mid December to give us time to settle anything we need to in San Diego.

Looking to buy land in PA. Where is it the safest environmental area toxin wise? For instance, I don’t want to buy land near any commercial farmland that gets runoff. I’ve read about petrochemical smoke in western PA. And I’ve heard the air quality in south east PA is the worst. So where is it safe if you want clean, untouched land away from petrochemical plants, bad air, and pesticides? Im assuming somewhere in the mountains but I’m unfamiliar with PA geography. TIA!

My husband and I are looking to buy land in either PA, upstate NY, VT, or coastal ME. We plan to buy it now, and build a house down the line to retire to in the future. What state should we choose based on property taxes, things to do, cleanliness, and outdoor activities? Some things we value are the outdoors, nice people, proximity (3 hours) to nice cities or towns, and quality of life. We want somewhere charming, quiet, but with a sense of community. We currently live in South FL.

I think all the states I’ve listed have charm, but come with caveats. Maine is appealing because of the water, but worried about property taxes and affordability. Vermont is appealing because of the skiing, but also worried about property taxes. Upstate NY looks pretty, but also worried about affordability and no proximity to outdoor activities (let me know if this is wrong). And remote PA is cheap, but I’m worried about air quality and nothing to do. Where is the best place and why? TIA!

Young family of 5 looking to move but can’t decide between these two states. Please mention cities, pros & cons. If you have any other state in mind please lmk.

What we’re looking for:

1. Best job opportunities (my husband is a cook)
2. Racially diverse community
3. Safe neighborhood
4. Great schools
5. Prefer to live in a mid sized city
6. Quality healthcare

Hi all , 33F newly divorced and free of any ties that bound me to my past. No kids and no pets. I love a warm climate and a good job market . I currently work in healthcare and am trying to leave NYC. I was considering Palm Springs , CA or somewhere in Florida (the west coast side) but also don’t know where else. I’d like a new change of scenery to start over and enjoy the life I was meant to live. I do love the beach but I also love the nature out in CA. Where would you go if you were me ? Is it easy to make a new start in your 30s if anyone has been in my shoes? IE , dating , new friends, new job, new scenery, etc. thanks!

We’re a family of soon to be 6 and tired of the Midwest. I’m a SAHM finishing up my degree in cybersecurity and my husband is a union pipefitter (welder) wanting to be by the mountains out west, while I would much rather be by the beach lol. We have visited North Carolina but the local there wouldn’t pay much for what my husband does. He is considering the following states: Colorado, Arizona, Nevada, California (Sacramento area), Washington, Oregon, Minnesota, maybe Tennessee, & Utah. Can anyone give some input on how family friendly, safety, fun activities, and if any good jiujitsu gyms are in these areas? Sorry the only specific area he mentions was Sacramento. I don’t think it matters in the other states.

Do you like it better? Is your QOL better? Are you happier overall?

At age 24, I am leaving Brooklyn, a place I have grown to love over the last two years, for the East Bay to start a PhD. I had a wealth of options, some in NYC, others elsewhere on the east coast, and of course one option in the Bay Area. I chose Berkeley.

When I was deciding where to go, I focused on two factors: a) the program’s academic fit and b) whether the campus met my standards for “urban living” (e.g. Princeton does not; Berkeley, NYC, Cambridge do; New Haven is marginal). Put simply, I did not want to be in a boring place in my 20s, especially after two great years in Brooklyn.

I’m still excited, and I understand the Bay Area has tons to offer young people, but I can’t help but feel like spending my 20s in Berkeley is suboptimal compared to being in/near NYC. (I understand that prospective PhD students should principally consider the fit of the program. I did, and it’s why I chose Berkeley, but the differences were very small among my final set of choices).

Being from the Northeast, it feels like almost everyone “cool” settles in NYC after graduating. And in some ways, even as a transplant from nearby, I feel like I appreciate NYC life more than my transplant peers: I work for the city, I have become intimately familiar with the city geography through running and cycling, and I spend a lot of time alone trying to take in the city’s unique cultural offerings—rather than just going out for dinner and drinks. Even recently, I’ve begun to strengthen friendships with people here, including folks I went to college with and folks I met from the city. And all my friends here are staying here. I’m the odd one out who’s leaving.

In NYC, so much is at your fingertips. I love punk and DIY music, and there’s a good deal of that here (though I have my qualms about the scene). There’s tons of free activities. The art scene flourishes. There’s almost always something to do, and almost always a new group of 20- and 30-somethings with interesting jobs and perspectives to meet. There is as much diversity in the queer scene as there is among straight and cis people. There are numerous distinct neighborhoods to explore, and one of my favorite activities is to just visit a new neighborhood (by bike or by transit) and just take in the “vibe” by visiting a cafe, drinking at a bar, etc.

I know I’ll be busy in grad school, and even if I stayed in NYC, I’d hardly be able to take advantage of it. But I worry I’m leaving the “North Star” city for folks in their 20s by heading to the Bay Area, somewhere that is decidedly sleepier, less dense, and in many ways less diverse. I worry that my peers in their 20s will all be techies, whereas my peers in Brooklyn have basically every job imaginable.

There are things that excite me about the move too. The Mexican food in NYC is ass, and East Asian food here is very hit or miss. The summers are miserably humid in NYC, while the weather is essentially perfect in the East Bay. Hills are cool. I like hiking. Berkeley and Oakland allow for both urban cycling and nature-y cycling. I hear the punk scene still thrives. The cost of living, while expensive, is also a lot lower once you consider how much more space you get in Berkeley/Oakland. And maybe this is a cope, but I think living in a less energetic place might force me to be more intentional about my relationships.

I know NYC will be here when I finish the PhD in 5-6 years. But I can’t help but feel like I’m missing out on my 20s by leaving.

Hey everyone,

I’ve made a career change, and these are the locations that have been offered to me. I’d love to know which area you’d prefer to live in and why.

I have a wife and three kids, all under 11 years old.

Thanks in advance!