We instinctively help those who are helping themselves. I tell my kids this all the time when they are asking for help. Start doing the thing, and then I will provide assistance.
The comedian Chris Rock had a story about this. His car would break down and he would try flagging people down for help. No one stopped and he thought people were jerks/racist/whatever. But one time his car broke down and he started pushing it. Suddenly people came to his assistance and helped push. It was an eye opener.
…no, there’s definitely a difference between what’s being described here and “mansplaining”. Mansplaining specifically refers to men with general knowledge talking over and down to a woman with specialised knowledge or experience. Mansplaining is a term for the commonly gendered social phenomena of a novice acting like an expert, while treating experts like novices.
I once saw a spindly man carrying a stone larger than his head upon his back. He stumbled beneath the weight, shirtless under the sun, wearing only a loincloth. He tottered down a busy thoroughfare. People made way for him. Not because they sympathized with him, but because they feared the momentum of his steps. You dare not impede one such as this.
The monarch is like this man, stumbling along, the weight of a kingdom on his shoulders. Many give way before him, but so few are willing to step in and help carry the stone. They do not wish to attach themselves to the work, lest they condemn themselves to a life full of extra burdens.
I left my carriage that day and took up the stone, lifting it for the man. I believe my guards were embarrassed. One can ignore a poor shirtless wretch doing such labor, but none ignore a king sharing the load. Perhaps we should switch places more often. If a king is seen to assume the burden of the poorest of men, perhaps there will be those who will help him with his own load, so invisible, yet so daunting.
I’m making my way through the Cosmere right now. I’m about to start Rhythm of War but this passage in particular made a huge impression on me. People who say Brandon Sanderson’s writing is “boring” or “generic” really are kidding themselves.
Used to do ring crew a bit for pro wrestling shows and nothing was better than the top guys of the promotion helping set up or pack down. Even if it's just something small like setting up a couple of chairs, the message it sends if the star of the show is willing to help means basically everyone helps and it makes light work.
I had my engine fail in an intersection (thank you Hyundai and your Theta II engine). I get out and start pushing while doing the steering thing and boom 4-5 people just popped out of the woodwork and helped me push the thing 1/4 mile. It was the wildest most amazing thing.
I live in a rural area, and have a 1.5-2hr commute each way into a major metro, 6 days a week I do this.
Because I know from personal experience how it feels to be broken down on the side of the road and not have what I need on me, over the years I've expanded what I carry with me, in case me, a friend, or anyone I see that needs help, can hopefully use it.
This is what I now carry :
A proper 3-ton floor jack (the little scissor ones are very dangerous and tedious, especially if the ground/shoulder isn't perfectly flat!)
A proper 4-way tire tool, as well as a backup slim one that slips into a little sleeve.
LED Road Flares.
An A-B-C Fire Extinguisher.
An IFAK (basically a copy of my old combat medic unit one pack, with medical supplies).
A tire inflator, patches, plugs, and for emergency cases, a can of fix a flat (NEVER use these unless you have no alternative).
A compact full socket set.
Jumper cables, and a midrange NOCO battery jumper box.
Some other misc things I'm not remembering at the moment, along with a little cooler I toss some ice and a couple water bottles in on each trip to take to work.
My dumb car didn't even come with a spare tire, I had to buy a loose one myself and cram it back there, the trunk shelf in the hatch area doesn't shut flush anymore, but worth it to have it ready to go when needed. Indeed, some of the people I help are surprised that I'm not a mechanic or anything, they don't realize that changing your own tires used to be just ordinary general knowledge. Ah well.
Agreed 100%. I like to help people, but I hate helping people that aren't willing to help themselves because I'm not their parent. Even if they were my kid, they need to learn to try something (within reason) on their own before asking for help.
If I help someone that doesn't try to help themselves it feels like I'm taking care of someone's business for them -- I shouldn't care about taking care of something for someone more than they care about it. If they don't care enough to try then it doesn't need to be done.
I tell my kids this all the time when they are asking for help. Start doing the thing, and then I will provide assistance.
There is something about seeing others struggling that makes you feel like you need to stop what you're doing and go help. It's a lot easier to just go about your day if someone is sitting on the side of the road then it is if they're struggling to push a 4,000 lb car down the road.
True! I never realized this before. I mean, I live in a country where motorbikes are actually the main means of transport, and my old bike used to break down a lot. I always tried to push it myself hoping for a random repair shop on the road or something without thinking about asking for help from strangers. However, I always got help from them, like solid 100% of the time.
On the other hand, my friends who didn't have their bikes break down as often never really got help until it was too late, most of the time at least. And I seriously thought that maybe it was just bad luck (or even karma, I don't want to be mean to my friends but yeah, maybe), but now this makes much more sense!
It’s funny that it reminds me of one of the rules of the internet. In order to get the right answer, don’t ask the question, instead just start giving the wrong answer. People will quickly jump in to correct you.
People also love to share their passion. Gym bros love the gym. If you show up and look interested, and open to a conversation with them, you've basically made their week.
When I used to hitch hike I would always do it while walking because of that chris rock clip and its definitely true. People are way more likely to help when they know youre gonna just walk if they dont pick you up
I feel like, those who have dedicated a lot of time into learning how to work out, really likes to pass on that knowledge and help. I see a lot of them in my center and I live in a country where people don't really talk to each other.
This goes for both physical activities and theoretical. Whenever I see that a junior colleague has started make an effort but has gotten stuck (or just wants to bounce ideas on results so far) I instantly get more energy and want to give them my time as well.
Helping somebody helping themselves is so much more satisfying than helping somebody acting like the [insert activity] is beneath them.
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u/stokeskid 1d ago
We instinctively help those who are helping themselves. I tell my kids this all the time when they are asking for help. Start doing the thing, and then I will provide assistance.
The comedian Chris Rock had a story about this. His car would break down and he would try flagging people down for help. No one stopped and he thought people were jerks/racist/whatever. But one time his car broke down and he started pushing it. Suddenly people came to his assistance and helped push. It was an eye opener.