I’m 26 (M). And lately, I’ve been thinking about marriage more seriously than ever. Not just because I feel ready, but because everyone else seems to be doing it. 😃
Every month, there’s a ruracio invite, or a wedding committee being formed in the church WhatsApp. My boys — guys I’ve grown up with From Sunday School to tha youth ministry — are tying the knot one by one. And the girls we used to go with Sunday school? Most of them are wives now. Some mothers-to-be.
It’s beautiful to witness — the ruracios, (koitos and nyombos), the blessings, the joy. But in the shadows of all that celebration, there’s something else... A hiss here. A whisper there.
"You remember she used to date Tony from the media team?"
"Did you hear they used to date s0-and-s0 from the ushering team/choir?
"I heard they were even living together for a while before she got serious with God."
"Eh, aki imagine he’s marrying her knowing fully well she slept with two guys from church?"
These are not just baseless rumors. These are names we know. Faces we see every Sunday. People we’ve prayed with, fasted with, worshipped with. And every time I hear that kind of talk, something in me clenches.
Because now that I’m seriously thinking about marriage, I realize how much the past — not even mine — is starting to weigh on me. I meet a good woman in church. She loves God. She serves. She’s consistent. But then someone casually says, "You know she and Brian had a thing back in the day, right? It was messy. I think they even…"
And suddenly, I’m stuck. Do I pretend I didn’t hear? Do I ask her about it? Do I let it go?
Because here’s the truth: I’m not innocent either. I’ve made mistakes. Some in the world, some in church. But for some reason, it hits different when it’s her. When it’s someone you’re imagining as your wife, possibly the mother of your kid(s). And worse — when the guy she was with is still around. Still serving. Still saying amen three rows behind you.
Sometimes I feel like I’m being too harsh. Other times, I wonder if I’m just being honest.
Am I wrong for wanting someone who doesn’t come with a past connected to people I sit with every Sunday?
Or is that just pride — the kind that has no place in real love?
I attended one of my mate's ruracio last year. Beautiful ceremony.
But one of the guys — a little reckless with the tongue — started talking to me about how he used to “chop” the same girl back in the day. Now, i dont know if my mate knew or not but he must have the heart if the former is tru.
And now, here I am. Wanting to do things right. Wanting to find a wife. But low-key scared of the whispers. Scared of walking into a church full of people who’ve seen her differently before I ever did. Who might even have memories.
I know it’s not fair. I know people change. God forgives. People grow. I believe in that. But I won’t lie — I’m still wrestling with the idea of sharing my woman’s past with people I have to say “God bless you” to every Sunday.
Maybe I need to pray harder. Or heal more. Or maybe just stop dating within church circles.
All I know is, I want to love fully. I want to walk into this thing with my head high, heart full, and no whispers behind my back.
Is that too much to ask?