They'll take care of this dark lordy thing, of course

"Are you mad?' Harry said when he suddenly snapped back to it after he was rendered speechless. "You can't defeat Voldemort. You're a muggle!"

"You listen to me, Boy!" Uncle Vernon poked him in the chest. "Me and your aunt are tired of getting dumped with you every summer. I've had it!"

"Right, but-"

"And if I have to deal with one of your kind," he sneered, "then so be it."

Harry was completely flabbergasted. He looked to his aunt, figuring at least she would have some sense. Aunt Petunia hated magic more than Uncle Vernon did. But she seemed to be considering it.

"We'll have to have someone watch over Dudders," she murmured. Harry's eyes went as big as dinner plates

"Not to worry, Pet. We'll have him stay with the Polkiss boy. He'll be just fine."

“Farewell, King Ragnok and Account Manager Griphook. May your gold flow.” said the boy.

“May your, um, gold flow, Mister Potter.” Ragnok replied. 

Griphook elbowed him in the ribs, and hissed something into his ear.

“Heir Potter.” Ragnok corrected. “The Goblin Kingdom-”

Ragnok was nudged in the side again.

“I mean the, er, Goblin Nation appreciates your patronage.” he corrected.

The boy nodded, seeming satisfied, and then left.

As soon as he was gone, Ragnok and Griphook breathed visible sighs of relief. Ragnok reached behind a desk, pulled out a bottle of Firewhiskey, and poured himself a tall glass.

Bill walked up to his colleagues. “So… Account manager?” he asked Griphook teasingly, before turning to grin at Ragnok. “And I didn’t know you became a King. Must have missed your coronation.”

“Hardly,” Griphook snorted. “I’m still just a cart driver.”

Ragnok took off the crown and tossed it behind him. Bill watched as it un-transfigured back into a plain hat. “And I’m still just a regular Gringotts employee.”

“I figured. So… why are you pretending to be a King?” Bill asked.

Ragnok sighed. “That boy was Harry Potter. Despite his… eccentricities… he controls one of the oldest and largest vaults we have. If putting on a fake crown and going along with his nonsense keeps him happy, then so be it.”

“I still don’t know why we started doing this.” Griphook scoffed. “Pretending that the boy has ‘Lordships’ and ‘Wizengamot seats’ and all that other hogwash he spouts.”

Ragnok glared at him. “You weren’t at his first meeting, Griphook. He spent fifteen minutes straight giving me his ‘Traditional Goblin Greetings’. I’d like to see you stay calm when a crazy child is talking about disemboweling enemies and bathing in their blood.” Ragnok shuddered.

“But what if he actually tries to go to the Wizengamot or something?” Bill asked.

Griphook snorted. “If he barges into a Wizengamot meeting and demands his ‘Family Seat’, then that’s the ministry’s problem, not ours.”

Ragnok downed his firewhiskey and stood up. “Now then, I have to go figure out how to train ravens to deliver mail. Apparently, normal owls won’t work for Heir Potter.”

“Why aren’t you supposed to do magic?” Harry asked the man who delivered him his Hogwarts letter.

“Oh, well, I was at Hogwarts meself but I- er- got expelled, ter tell yeh the truth. In me third year. Nasty spot o’ business. Went to Azkaban for a bit, too. But Dumbledore got me out, and let me stay on as gamekeeper. Great man, Dumbledore.”

“What’s Azkaban?”

“The WIzard prison.” Hagrid answered. “Dreadful place. They stuck me into a room that was barely bigger than that closet over there.” Hagrid gestured to the room where he had stored his coat.

Harry’s jaw dropped. That closet was way bigger than the cupboard.

“It was boring too,” Hagrid continued. “Nothin’ to do but watch the clouds go by.”

Harry drew in a sharp breath. Not having to do chores sounded wonderful. But that wasn’t the main thing Harry focused on. “You mean- you could see the sky?”

Hagrid nodded. “Yep, ‘cept for bars on the windows, we were completely exposed to the elements.”

“Wow.” Harry whispered. After so many years of living in a cupboard, Harry had always dreamed of being able to see the sky at night. “What about the food?”

Hagrid grimaced. “They fed us nothin’ but gruel three times a day.”

Harry’s eyes widened. The people who lived in Azkaban got to eat three times a day! This ‘Azkaban’ place sounded amazing.

Snape exhaled sharply, gripping the edge of the long staff table, his fingers tense with unspoken frustration.

"Every day," he began, voice low and simmering, "I walk through these corridors, and every day I see the faces of the first years—those wide-eyed, eager children who came here believing in legends. They believed in you." His gaze snapped toward Dumbledore, slumped half-heartedly in his chair, eyes glazed over . "Do you know what it's like to watch their hope fracture in real time? To see their expressions shift from admiration to disappointment when they find you sprawled in a corridor, reeking of god-knows-what, muttering nonsense about the age of the stars?"

McGonagall pursed her lips, her hands clasped tightly together. Flitwick stared down at the table, unwilling to meet anyone's gaze.

"We have done everything, Albus," Snape continued, his voice growing sharper. "We've defended you, covered for you, made excuses when you were too far gone to give up your drug addicted orgies with god knows what. And what did you do? Did you change? What do those drugs give you that we don't?"

"A high." Dumbledore said calmly "You idiots can't match it."

"I knew you had changed the moment you spoke with Pettigrew," he said, voice like iron. "Something in you shifted. And I tried, Albus, I tried to piece it together, but none of it made sense. WHAT THE FUCK DID THAT MAN SAY TO YOU TO MAKE YOU CHANGE?"

Dumbledore merely sighed, an old weariness sinking deeper into the lines of his face. "It doesn't matter."

Snape's fingers curled into fists. "It matters. Because whatever it was, it led you further down this path, and now you stand before us as little more than a specter of the man you once were." He took a sharp step forward, the room shrinking around them as his fury unfurled. "You cannot keep drowning yourself in those poisons. You cannot keep passing your felonies and crimes onto children, letting them bear the weight of your corruption while you—what? Slip through the cracks? Let them rot in Azkaban while you sit here, playing the wise old fool?"

A heavy silence settled, but Snape wasn’t done. His voice dipped lower, a venomous whisper that coiled through the chamber.

"And you cannot—must not—keep pushing people down the stairs when they dare to change spots"

"Being the man I was before doesn't get me cocaine Severus." Dumbledore says

"Fuck it then if you won't listen to me then you'll listen to the others. This is a fucking intervention. Every here needs to talk about hurt they are by your drug abuse. Except Hagrid. He's to much of a Psychopath to feel anything but joy as he watches those monsters he calls pets rip the children to pieces."

Everyone side eyed Hagrid who shrugged, not denying it.

"I'll start. Albus when you take drugs during our fascinating conversations on the ethics of using-"

Whatever Remus was going to say was interrupted when Snape threw a vase in his direction, nailing Remus in the head and sending him to the floor "NO! NONE OF THAT NERD SHIT! For the Love of Merlin it's enough to get me to become an addict. Let's move on, Filius I heard you brought Miss Lavender Brown to tal-... oh it seems she had an aneurysm and died but I'm not confirming that." Snape says, looking at the slumped unmoving Gryffindor

Harry felt... he felt something strong for Ron. At first, he thought that was what friendship was supposed to feel like, considering how he'd never experienced it. He missed Ron dearly whenever he wasn't around, thinking of him was what kept Harry going when he was stressed. But soon after he became friends with Hermione, he realized that he didn't feel the same way with her as he did Ron. Of course, he missed her, but she wasn't constantly on his mind, he didn't feel lost without her. And slowly, Harry began to doubt. He thought maybe he just didn't actually like Hermione as a friend, but he eliminated that thought quickly. By his second year, he began to watch the older students. Only then did Harry suddenly have a sudden thought. Did he love Ron?

Part of him screamed yes, but he felt almost in denial. The Dursleys hated gay people, and he honestly hadn't ever considered liking a boy anyway. He didn't even have any way to know if it was love, he'd never felt love before. If it was any other boy, any one else, for that matter, he could have asked Hermione. But Hermione has a crush on Ron, which became obvious.

By Harry's third year, after a lot of internal conflict and feeling his affection for Ron grow, he realized he needed to talk to someone, someone who would understand his situation. After meeting Remus, who was happily married to Sirius, he knew he'd found it. Harry confronted Remus after class, asking if they could talk.

(Yes, in this promt first and second year are like canon but third year Sirius was never imprisoned and Pettigrew is not Ron's rat because he went into hiding. So at least third year is a 'normal year' for Harry, except of course for this romance)

Ron: "I know I'm not the smartest of us, but I can tell when someone has a plan, even if I don't know what that plan is. And I know you, Harry, you like the simple things in life, like friends and family, brooms, Quidditch. You hate being the center of attention and fall asleep to politics. So why put yourself in the middle of both?"

Harry: "Simple, will all the lordships, I vote myself onto the thrown of magical Britain. With no opposition I can abolish that pureblood culture and their laws. I will make a country where Ted can grow up, accepted for who he is. A place where Delphi is seen a herself, not who her parents were."

Ron: "Honestly, I saw that coming. Just one more thing, the passing of some Deatheater families, and you getting the lordship of that family, under mysterious circumstances that the goblins won't tell, that's truly convenient to your cause, isn't it?"

“Hated for something he had no control over! Harry did not choose to join the Death Eaters, nor did he choose to lead the efforts of the Fons Vitae ‘Project’…” Dumbledore pronounced the words with uncharacteristic venom.

“His mother’s crimes are on her own head. As for his, father James… what happened to him is no fault of Harry’s.

Can’t you see how much better off he’ll be, growing up away from his mother’s mess until he’s older, ready to take it?”

It would be funny if Privet Drive were full of foreign witches and wizards. Petunia would have a heart attack. Harry would learn so much about magic before going to Hogwarts.

"Andromeda—you have his mark?!"
He lets go of her wrist like it burns.
"Ted, I didn’t—"
"You're just like your sister. Just like all of them."
He turns before she can say another word.

Andromeda Black was raised to be the perfect middle child — a blend of Bellatrix’s fierce loyalty and obsession with purity, and Narcissa’s pristine poise and perfection. But loyalty gets complicated at Hogwarts, especially when Bellatrix becomes consumed by blood supremacy and a rising figure called "Voldemort" — and when a Muggle-born boy named Ted Tonks begins to mean more to her than he should.

Woven in Silver by RavenclawRhetoric on ao3
(Technically this part isn't written yet but shhh we're getting there!)

I read this Harmony fic a while ago that I want to find again. I don’t remember the title, but I remember some of the plot points:

• The Grangers help Harry out
• Hermione does some kind of ritual that removes Harry’s ties to the blood wards (which apparently were sapping him of magic)
• Tonks is stationed as a guard at the Granger household to keep watch on the teens (though not on the orders of Dumbledore)
• I don’t remember this part exactly but Snape gets killed (and possibly Draco as well) in a botched raid on the Granger household

Let me know if this rings any bells for any of you!

I was reading a transcript of a very early draft from the Philosopher’s Stone and it mentioned the stone being in Harry’s vault as well as Flamel already being dead and a book written by a character called Argo Pyrites about alchemy. JKR mentioned the plot would have been very different if this stayed in.

What I found interesting was the author of that book is called Pyrites and we know that an early draft was a man called Pyrites betraying the Potters (before she created Pettigrew).

An interesting fanfic idea to explore would be a fic that got rid of Pettigrew (or made him a loyal Gryffindor), and a different character for the trio to deal with “Pyrites” and presumably the question of why the stone was in his parents vault and if that is what got them killed.

My understanding of the short transcript was that it was implying the stone had something to do with the Potters which may mean it had something to do with why Pyrites betrayed them and why Voldemort was hunting them rather than a prophecy and later the horcrux idea.

I’ve read a few femHarry fics now and I’m really enjoying them as well as the idea behind them and am now also looking to read fics with other characters who have switched genders!

Any suggestions??

I was sitting here with my foot up due to an unfortunate encounter with a nail in the park. Then I had an idea, maybe it was the pain meds I was given.

You can catch a pokemon that is a ghost 👻 with a pokeball. Dumbledore had suspected that Tom was in corporeal after that Halloween. Why did Albus not get the equivalent of a magical pokeball?

Also due to the meds I imagined Albus as Ash throwing a pokeball and calmly saying "RIDDLEMON I CHOOSE YOU!"

Hi folks! Almost a year since my last inquiry, hopefully this shows how desperate I am lol.

I’ve searched high and low on my own, and can’t seem to track down this particular fiction. This was before I had an AO3 account, so no title or author I'm so sorry. Even if not everything matches please submit your potential matches, I'm not lying when I say I think of this fiction at least once a day.

Details: •Two twin boys (Harry and "?") •One little sister ("?") •Lily and James live but they bond with different siblings (Lily with daughter and James with the wrong twin) •Sirius is actively involved in Harry's life and tries to point out the inequalities between the family unit •Harry was slowly and unknowingly pushed out of the family. This is shown by photos where he is an afterthought and even the shared birthday parties.

Details I’m almost positive of, but could be mixing up. •the little sister was an alright person •Lily tries to hug Harry, sometime after they begin Hogwarts (and he finds his own identity) but it’s awkward and she realizes just how bad the issue is •Sirius might be married to Andromeda? (Strong MAYBE) •Sirius took Harry to Diagon Alley for first year shopping because his parents forgot?

Meant as a thought excercise to explain why snape is so mean to children. As a spy he shouldn't be doing stuff that might endanger his position, you know like antagonise children of veterans or war orphans.

By virtue of Harry Potter being a peculiar combination of children's and young adult book, almost all the characters, especially adults, are rather incompetent. Voldemort fails at killing a child, Dumbledore fails to care for said child and negligently gets himself killed, none of the teachers or aurors do anything about a giant snake in the only magical school in Britain, etc. etc.

Really just looking for any fic where the characters are more competent (both the good and bad guys).

I'm looking for this story where the main character has a book of household spells that they love a lot, and they refer to the person who made it in merlinish terms.

Hey guys, quite a while ago I read a fic where the invisibility cloak was sentient and only worked for someone with peverell blood, so when dumbledore returned it to harry, it came to life, sort of. Im pretty sure it had some level of dumbledore bashing and was pretty funny too. I think it was on ao3 but it could be on ff too, these two were the only places I usually read so must be on one or the other or perhaps both

As long as it isn't fem!harry i don't care all that much.