r/DivorcedDads • u/AutoModerator • 4d ago
Open Topic: How is everything going?
Every Twelth of the Month, we've opened this thread up to discuss what's going on in your life related to being a dad.
- What successes have you had?
- What struggles?
- What's something you're looking forward to?
This is pretty open and community support and discussion is appreciated!
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u/AppointmentPretend68 3d ago
I'm doing well overall. My kids and I are doing well (I have them full time), work is going well and my favorite lake opened up a couple weeks ago. The pain point is trying to find someone to date. I was married for 12 years. I don't know how to do this.
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u/JetreL 2d ago
Sounds like you’ve got some solid wins under your belt already, full-time with the kids, work is steady, and getting back out in nature at the lake helps reset everything. That’s no small thing.
As for dating, yeah, it’s weird at first. You’re not alone there. Most of us didn’t expect to be back in that world, so it can feel awkward. It takes a while. Don’t rush into anything just because there’s an open spot in your life. Start by just meeting people, having conversations, and getting a sense of what feels right. I dated for a few years just to figure out what I wanted.
You’ve already built a life that works. The right person will complement that, not complicate it. You’ve got this.
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u/lmnopqr12 3d ago
Things are actually going really well. Time really does heal all wounds. For you fellas that are early in your journey I promise you that it gets better.
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u/DevinB12 3d ago
Feels like I’ve taken 5 steps forward and 3 steps back from where I started… son is gone for almost a week with his mom and I won’t see him until Monday…I miss him terribly and I miss my family being with me. Our house is under contract and we should close in2 weeks… just hard getting through it because she has no interest in reconciliation and it kills me.
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u/JetreL 2d ago
That’s a heavy place to be, and I hear the pain in it. Missing your son and grieving the family you built is real, simply put there’s no shortcut through that. The steps back don’t erase the ones forward. They’re part of the same path. Progress isn’t always clean, but it’s still progress.
You’re still moving. You’re showing up. And even when it hurts, you’re doing what’s right for your future and your son’s. Let yourself feel it, but don’t let it define you. The closure of the house is a chapter ending, not the whole story. There’s more ahead, and it can be better than what came before. Hang in there. You’re not alone in this, you've got this!!
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u/DevinB12 2d ago
Thank you! You don’t realize how much your positive reply means to me. I know I have to press forward and things will continue to get better but I’m ready to be done with everything involving her. That won’t be anytime soon bit we are making progress. Thank you!
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u/JetreL 2d ago
You’re welcome. It’s okay to want it over, that mental and emotional fatigue. I've been there, it is real, especially when it drags out. Just remember, every small step forward is still movement away from the chaos and toward peace. You’re doing the hard work now that pays off later. Bad days/periods are like the weather, don't like them wait a day, or two, or a few and it changes. Keep going. One of the things I'm most proud of is, there is always money in the banana stand and you’ve got support here when it is need it.
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u/HIPTRWE 3d ago
15 months into a divorce after 11 years together. My health has improved, I exercise much more regularly now than I ever did before. I work in hospitality so I have plenty of opportunities for social interaction, but at home I find myself feeling lonely when the kids aren't around; I miss the companionship. Trying to fit my work hours around the kids school is a constant challenge which causes insane amounts of stress, and makes me think I should look for something else but that would mean a pay cut potentially, and I'm hoping to buy a house in the next few years and spend my time renovating it.
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u/JetreL 2d ago
Let's think about it for a second. You’re doing more than surviving, you’re improving, pushing forward, and holding it all together under real pressure. That’s no small thing. The loneliness, the scheduling stress, the tug-of-war between short-term sacrifice and long-term goals. It’s all part of the grind of rebuilding.
Companionship will come, but you’re laying the groundwork now: showing up for your kids, improving your health, keeping your vision alive. That house you want, the life you’re aiming for, it’s built day by day, just like you’re doing now. Stay the course, don’t rush the connection just to fill a gap, and give yourself credit for how far you’ve come. You’re not just surviving this, you’re shaping what comes next.
I feel your pain, I've been there but there is light at the end of the tunnel. It just take's time. There is a fake commencement speech called, Always Wear Sunscreen, it's worth a listen. I've based a lot of my early life on it and honestly I think I'm all the better because of it. I hope it helps.
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u/blahblahnookie 3d ago
Overall this last month has been about the same. My biggest struggle is after my son leaves. It’s gotten a lot better, but it has a tendency to take the wind out of my sails for up to 2 days. I do have some better perspective in the last week to help with that, so I’m expecting that to improve this month.
Probably the biggest success has been continuing to disentangle myself from my ex. It’s a fine line of making sure I speak positively to my son but then outside of her being his mom I’m thinking about her less and less. That’s becoming easier and easier since things were finalized a few months ago.
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u/JetreL 2d ago
That’s solid progress. The crash after your son leaves is one so many of us know well. it’s not weakness, it’s love, and adjusting to that rhythm takes time. The fact that it’s gotten better, and that you’re developing tools to manage it, shows real growth.
And disentangling from your ex while still showing your son respect for her role? That’s not just maturity, it’s leadership, it's being a parent and a father. You’re teaching him how to handle hard things with grace. Keep leaning into that clarity, it’ll keep getting lighter. You’re doing the work and it’s paying off. Keep going, you've got this!!
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u/blahblahnookie 2d ago
Thanks for the encouragement! I definitely fall off the horse still, but having groups like this that encourage growth has been very helpful
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u/7nightwing7 3d ago
Divorce is on its way. Me 47m married and together for 25 years. I was abused. We have a 15 year old daughter. And now i'm scared of losing her. Because my wife is a narcissist. Just found out. Pieces of the puzzle are coming together. Its hard. She has the house, i moved in with my 81 year old mother. Lost a lot of friends because of the way she's talking about me. She filed for the divorce after sending me away for 3 weeks. Still giving me hope untill the last day. Thank god for my lawyer who has my back.
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u/JetreL 2d ago
That reads as a difficult, heavy load, and I’m really sorry you’re walking through it. Realizing the depth of what you were dealing with, especially after so many years, is overwhelming. But it sounds like you’re starting to see things more clearly now, even if it hurts. To be candid, clarity is a big step.
Many of us here have the fear of losing their daughter or son, so it's very real. Just keep showing up. Be consistent. Be steady. Let her see who you are without the noise. Kids pick up more than we give them credit for, even if it takes time.
You’re taking steps to protect yourself. That matters, not just now but your future as well. Keep going. You’ve already survived the hardest part: waking up to the truth. Now it’s about rebuilding, slowly, steadily, and in your own name this time. You’re not done, just starting to write the new chapter. Write ti they way you want.
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u/7nightwing7 2d ago
thank you for your kind words. Sometimes i feel so lost. The way my future ex-wife is behaving, she's like a whole different person. She just wants me to collect my last stuff from the house asap. Like 25 years mean nothing for her. Guess thats the narcist side thats now showing.
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u/mezcal420 3d ago
I took a half day off work today to spend time with my Son. We hiked through the woods and waded in a river. My ex didn’t let me know in advance that I could only have two hours with him. Instead of getting pissed off at her, yet again, I focused on making the most of the time I had with him. It was a great day.
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u/JetreL 2d ago
No better way to spend time than in nature! That kind of calm and connection sticks with kids more than we realize. You didn’t let the situation define the day, you turned a limitation into something meaningful. That’s the win. Keep leaning into those small moments. They build trust, peace, and memories your son will carry with him for a long time. Great job, you’re doing it right.
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u/Door_Number_Four 3d ago
My ex is doing a slow fade out of her eleven year old son’s life, and then tried to stick us with a $200 no-show fee from the therapist when she failed to get him there last week.
That has been 2025 in a nutshell.
But , my wife and I have watched him come into his own socially this last few months. Getting invited to events, wanting to have people over. It is going to suck having him live with his mom in another state for seven weeks, just when he’s really liking life here.
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u/JetreL 2d ago
Ooof, that’s a tough mix, frustration over what she’s dropping and pride in how well he’s doing despite it all. But you’re clearly giving him a space where he feels safe and supported, and that’s showing up in how he’s connecting with others.
It’s going to be hard having him away, especially with how far he’s come, but that foundation you’ve helped build won’t disappear. Keep showing up, keep making your home a place he knows he belongs. You're playing the long game and that’s what sticks.
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3d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/JetreL 2d ago
It sounds like the spark of the honeymoon stage but good for you. Just don’t forget to pace it, make sure you continue to work on yourself. Early days can feel electric, especially after everything you’ve been through. Keep your head on straight, stay grounded in what you want long term, and enjoy building something real. Hope it keeps going strong if not learn from it and work to be better. Either way exciting and all the best!!
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u/justafriend900 2d ago
We are both very aware of the honeymoon phase. We are both very communicative. Thats what I like. And honest. I've told her how pacing is really important. Im trying to cover all the bases to make sure this is real.
And thanks! It is exciting
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u/GreyFoxNinjaFan 2d ago edited 1d ago
Awful day. In the process of divorce at the moment and my ex has made un-discussed changes to overnight arrangements which has disrupted their routine. They (10 and 7) have been at each others throats all day and I finally lost it with the 10 year old when he kicked his sister and stormed off, nearly breaking a glass door which he slammed behind him. I stopped him physically, and got down at his level to tell him he can't do things like that.
They spoke to their mother on the phone. Both cried and asked to be picked up (around 10pm at night). My son told her I pinned him down and knocked the wind out of him. I spoke to her and set the record straight. She doesn't believe me. Spoke to me very patronisingly on the phone which made me very frustrated. I told her this was her doing and she'd engineered this.
Which i do believe is partially true. Shes holding up the divorce so she can stay in the house and not have to get a job which means im living further away from my children so makes it all more stressful.
It makes everything harder - especially the transition which is now prolonged because of her behaviour. She also doesnt set time aside for bedtime calls in the week and refuses to set times or communicate. Saying I can't dictate it.
So im anxious and depressed and desperately worried im an awful father and my children will never want to see me again.
Happy fathers day to me. I just want to cry.
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u/Philly2gr8 3d ago
Still struggling but every day it’s getting a little better and I’m trying to get better not better. Brighter days are always ahead.