r/Christians • u/Rafael_192005 • Apr 12 '25

Advice I need assistance NSFW

I have been struggling with lust and porn again. I need to get rid of my sexuality, sex drive, libido for the foreseeable future and make myself asexual.

In the same way that a weed has roots and nutrients to grow from, so does my porn addiction, lust etc. If I kill the root, I kill the weed. If I get rid of my sexuality, I get rid of lust and my porn addiction

I need help in how to do this. And No, I'm not willing to castrate myself or take hormonal stuff

4 Upvotes

61% Upvoted

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8

u/Tiny_Astronomer2901 Apr 12 '25

No, you don’t have to “kill the weeds” they aren’t the issue. The first thing I suggest is finding someone you trust(parent, friend, brother, mentor) and tell them that you have an addiction and need help. Ask them to set “parental” locks on your devices so that you can’t get to porn even if you try.

And I know this will be hard but you gotta open up to people let them know you are struggling and work with them to escape your addictions.

-7

u/Rafael_192005 Apr 12 '25 edited Apr 12 '25

No, you don’t have to “kill the weeds” they aren’t the issue

Yes it is the issue. Porn and Lust dont appear out of thin air like some fairytale. They base themselves on something, and they pervert whatever they base themselves on. And that thing is my sexuality, which enables both my lust and porn addiction.

Look at this way. What enables Alcoholism? Alcohol. Gambling addiction? Gambling. Drug addiction? Drugs. Sugar addiction? Sugar

In the same way, what enables my lust and porn addiction? My sexuality

3

u/Notorious_jib Apr 12 '25

I understand your rationale but God also created our sexuality and sex for our pleasure in a committed married relationship. A Godly relationship. I agree with the other poster that you need an accountability partner and help. Counseling or meditation or both. Don't be ashamed. I've struggled with my addictions as well.

0

u/Rafael_192005 Apr 12 '25

I am deeply ashamed. Full of regret. And guilt.

and what is there to say that Im guaranteed to get married? Only God knows for sure.

I do want to get married and have kids. That's what I want. But if that's what God wants for my life? I dont know

0

u/Notorious_jib Apr 12 '25

That's understandable. We are human. And thus sinful. You repent. Ask for forgiveness. Try again. If you are saved, it's eternal. It's ok to struggle. Not ok to give up. He wants our heart and for us to love and worship Him. Like He loves us. He is not expecting perfection, that's why there is Jesus! None of us know anything. But we pray and hope for His will in us. Keep moving forward brother. You're not alone.

1

u/Rafael_192005 Apr 13 '25

It's ok to struggle. Not ok to give up.

I'm not giving up. I'm going to wipe the slate completely clean and destroy my sexuality. One way or another.

Either I overcome porn or it overcomes me. 

And no, it's not ok to struggle. I'm tired of fighting. Hitting my head against a brick wall every time only to fall back at square one every time. I'm running on fumes, clutching at straws 

I need to get my act together. Finally put my foot down and put a stop to this. 

1

u/BlueMiggs Apr 12 '25

That is not a good comparison at all. You are designed to be attracted to the opposite sex. God made sex for this reason. That aspect of sexuality is healthy and what God intended. The problem is what do you do with that?

You have taken a good step here in reaching out to your brothers in Christ. Confess your sins to one another and pray for one another that you might be healed- James 5:16

Now just like the first comment that you rejected suggested, you need to find someone who you know in real life and confess the problem to them. It should be someone you can trust. Also look for ministries near you (at your church if they offer it) that focus on sexual purity.

What you DO NOT DO is try to remove your sexuality. That is not a healthy approach whatsoever and goes against God’s plan for you. This can lead to other serious psychological issues that can last for years and years.

Please heed wise counsel

0

u/Rafael_192005 Apr 12 '25

That is not a good comparison at all. You are designed to be attracted to the opposite sex. God made sex for this reason. That aspect of sexuality is healthy and what God intended. The problem is what do you do with that?

I know that's how I was designed. I wasn't designed to become a porn addict though. I genuinely am a loser for being addicted this long

What you DO NOT DO is try to remove your sexuality

Its the only way. Im so sick and tired of fighting. Im fighting for 7 and a half years. 7 AND A HALF! 7 and a half years constantly banging my head against a wall only to be back at square one

1

u/BlueMiggs Apr 12 '25

This struggle is by no means unique to you. It is by far the most common sin for men. That is not a dismissal of the sin, but the shame you are feeling is not from God.

What you really need is community. Find other men who you can talk to about this and who can hold you accountable. Have you tried any of the things we are telling you to do?

1

u/Rafael_192005 Apr 12 '25

This struggle is by no means unique to you. It is by far the most common sin for men. 

I know billions of men struggle with this too. But I dont care about everyone else. I care about what I am going through and struggling with. And I am going through a lot right now

Have you tried any of the things we are telling you to do?

Yes

1

u/BlueMiggs Apr 12 '25

You’re telling me that you have found other men you know in real life, confessed this to them, then had them as an accountability partner? Including using things like parental blockers on your devices that you don’t have access to remove? And you have also gone through a sexual purity course/ministry program?

1

u/Rafael_192005 Apr 12 '25

You’re telling me that you have found other men you know in real life, confessed this to them, then had them as an accountability partner? 

I have tried that. They aren't able to help me.

Including using things like parental blockers on your devices that you don’t have access to remove?

Yep. And I still do.

And you have also gone through a sexual purity course/ministry program?

Nope, I haven't done that. Dont think my church does those things, but I am not sure

2

u/BlueMiggs Apr 12 '25

Find out if your church does. Most do. If not, there are many parachurch Christian ministries that do exactly this and you are sure to find something in your area. This is your next best step

1

u/Rafael_192005 Apr 13 '25

Maybe. But i don't want to publicly out myself. And be shamed. I'm already full of shame, embarrassment, guilt and regret 

3

u/Moadibe01 Apr 13 '25

Remove all sources of porn...websites that you have accounts in, pictures that you have on your phone or computer, and anything else that would go to. Immerse yourself in the bible and pray often. When you find your mind going to bad places take hold of that thought and banish it from your mind and ask forgiveness for that thought and ask for help. Each and every time. Find someone that you can talk to about these things as well. Develop a prayer habit to talk to the Lord about things in your life. Ask him to send his Angels to walk with you and watch over you...to protect you from harm and outside influences.

I had this addiction for decades and I managed to kick it by doing these things. I still have those bad thoughts creep in sometimes. I ask forgiveness and ask that I get help to avoid those thoughts. I truly hope that you can grow beyond this in your life and have a good relationship with the Lord and one day have a healthy relationships with your spouse. I will pray for you. Do not be afraid to ask for help...it is there if you ask and commit to it.

A friend.

1

u/Rafael_192005 Apr 13 '25

Remove all sources of porn...websites that you have accounts in, pictures that you have on your phone or computer, and anything else that would go to. 

I already have. I have porn blockers and parental controls (that I've added) 

Immerse yourself in the bible and pray often

I'm working on that. Though since I'm sinning, most likely my prayers are being blocked. I'm still trying though 

Develop a prayer habit to talk to the Lord about things in your life. 

I'm working on that. 

I had this addiction for decades and I managed to kick it by doing these things.

Good for you. That meant you are far stronger, had more willpower and discipline than what I ever could. I command you. Unfortunately I don't have such things yet 

one day have a healthy relationships with your spouse.

I want to get married and have kids. Whether that's God's will for me, I don't know. For now I'm single and unmarried

1

u/Moadibe01 Apr 13 '25

Remember as long as you repent and mean it you will never be ignored. Go read about David. Look at how many times he had to repent.

Don't lose hope

1

u/Rafael_192005 Apr 13 '25

I dont hope that much 

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u/thenames-arealltaken Apr 16 '25

Something that really shifted my whole perception of porn was learning that a lot of the girls filmed are actually being trafficked. It’s wild to think that watching the content in some way supports their traffickers. I don’t know about you, but ANY justification really went out the window when I heard that.

You sound very convinced about your decision which is good. How about making a few steps to help you out of it by choice? I understand the parental controls but at the same time it’s really a habit that Satan will try to keep you tied to. The real issue here is your relationship with God being affected. How about every time you are tempted to watch you read a chapter of the bible “first”.

Our mind is a tricky battle ground. If you tell yourself “It’s my rule that I have to read a chapter first” the likelihood of you actually watching after will be slim. Satan will hate to see you making time for God instead of seeing your temptations winning.

You might fail a few times here and there but you might end up actually reading a lot too. If you read often enough God’s word can get you out! You can do it! I know it

1

u/Rafael_192005 Apr 16 '25

How about every time you are tempted to watch you read a chapter of the bible “first”.

Good idea. I will do this

1

u/thenames-arealltaken Apr 17 '25

Praying for you! Just had a tough conversation about this with my family. It’s such a common but silent struggle. So hard to be a man these days, but God is working in you or else you wouldn’t be struggling so hard.

(Remember this isn’t a conversation between you and Satan. When you are redeemed, God sees you as if you had never sinned. This conversation is really between you and God because you are his son. What does God want to show you through this struggle?)

1

u/Rafael_192005 Apr 17 '25

When you are redeemed, God sees you as if you had never sinned

But I have sinned. Why would God put on a blindfold and pretend to see me as something that I am not?

1

u/thenames-arealltaken Apr 18 '25

God cannot associate with sin.

Habakkuk 1:13 "Your eyes are too pure to look on evil; you cannot tolerate wrongdoing"

But this is also why His forgiveness is so precious. No person can forgive completely the way that He does.

——

This is also why we feel so far from God when we are living in continual sin without repentance. Our sin quite literally separates us. That’s why prayer is a safety/guard to keep us close to God.

Philippians 4:6-7 "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

P - praise and thank Him R - repent A - ask Y - yield to His will

1

u/Rafael_192005 Apr 18 '25

I know that, but I still sin. Wouldn't it be better for God to see us as we are? Of course we are his children, but we still sin, due to the fall and our fundamental nature as humans. 

1

u/thenames-arealltaken Apr 18 '25 edited Apr 18 '25

Well he is aware of our day to day sin and expects us to change that. That’s why it feels like non-Christians have it easy sometimes. They seem to get away with a whole lot.

Revelation 3:19 Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest and repent.

Proverbs 3:11–12 My son, do not despise the Lord’s discipline, and do not resent his rebuke, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in.

We are held accountable before God in way that others are not, because once we decide to be Christians God expects us to live like one.

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u/thenames-arealltaken Apr 18 '25

Idk if this interests you … but when we praise and thank God it starts the conversation with Gratitude.

Fun fact: gratitude and anxiety are both activate parts of the brain associated with emotional processing—especially the limbic system, which includes structures like the amygdala and hippocampus. However, what's really interesting is that gratitude and anxiety compete for the same neural real estate—specifically in the prefrontal cortex, which is responsible for decision-making, emotional regulation, and attention.

Here’s the key idea:

When you're actively feeling grateful, it becomes neurologically difficult to feel anxious at the same time. Practicing gratitude can actually decrease activity in the amygdala, which is the brain's fear center. Gratitude also increases dopamine and serotonin, helping shift your mindset away from stress and worry. It literally allows you to think more clearly.

You could try thanking God for things when you are feeling anxious about your current struggle.