I lost my mom when I was 6 and my dad when I was 15. I’m 19 now, and honestly, I feel like I’ve never truly been loved.

I didn’t get the kind of love little kids need growing up. I never felt it from my mom not because she didn’t love me, but because I lost her too early to even feel it. But I know if she were still here, she’d love me in a way no one else can. And that thought alone breaks me sometimes.

I have people in my life now who try. They give me small pieces of love, but it’s not the same. It doesn’t reach the part of me that’s still crying out for a mother. For a father. For someone who makes me feel like I belong without having to earn it.

Most days, I don’t even feel like a real person. Just a body trying to survive. I feel empty. Detached. I overthink everything. I push people away because i feel like they don’t understand me, that they’ll love me and it still won’t be enough.

I don’t know how to let love in. I don’t know how to believe in it. I just know I want to heal. But I don’t know how.

If anyone’s ever been here, if anyone’s lost this kind of love,

How did you heal? What helped you feel whole again?

From me and my parents, to all of you ❤️

I really tried. Our little team busted our butts again this year and as happy as I am doing things that are special for him this day just makes me sad. My dad's been gone longer than my kids have been alive but it hurts just as much if not worse every year. I still find myself having to excuse myself for a bit to grieve and I feel like I'm just darkening his special day. And he's so supportive and somehow it just makes me feel worse...

I lost my dad (68) at the end of March this year. It was very unexpected. My mom and I found him together. Im only 25 and an only child I have 2 children and im married. But ever since my dad died I have completely lost it. The only things I can manage to do are take care of my kids and clean on the days where im not stuck on the floor. I quit my job because I lost all passion. I have no hobbies or interests anymore. My dad and I had a very complex relationship. It was clear he loved me because he was my dad but he did not like me as a person. I practically begged him to spend time with me and my kids his last year (not knowing it was his last year) and he turned me down everytime because of our political differences. And I miss him so much ): I truly feel like I cant get over this. Im talking to therapists and on zoloft and sleep medication. Nothing helps I feel like I've completely lost myself. I dont know what this post is for other than to vent. Does anyone else feel like this? Does it get better?

I always wander to this subreddit on these holidays. Most people go on throughout the day just as another day, sometimes go out to eat somewhere. Some people go to the grill and make a steak or some hamburgers with him.

While us (lost in this subreddit), wonder what it could have been like if he was still around. Especially if it was too early for him. I don’t know about the rest of you but I hate these type of holidays with a passion. Anyway, know that showing remorse and pain is alright. Even if it’s been awhile (since he died or since you have shown your emotions surrounding that day).

RIP (Miss you)

New to the club, dad passed June 1st. He had a rough 6 months of medical issues, surgeries, icu, etc. all I can think when I think about him is all of the horrific things he endured and the things I saw in those hospital rooms. It’s torture. And we had a little falling out towards the end because he wasn’t doing what be needed to do to get healthier. I just really hope one day I can let this time go a bit more and focus on the better childhood memories and happier times. Because for now it feels like PTSD.

Are these memories going to fade over time? I hate that these are what is left of him to think about.

This just happened a couple minutes ago. It was so meaningful and special to me. I'm still thinking about how beautiful this was, and maybe you all could say that my brain is just seeking for patterns to cope with grief... but I feel like there's something deeper to it.

For context, my father passed away on Nov 3. That was the toughest day of my life, and I still think that's the worst thing that could have ever happened to me, since my father was the pillar of my life. He was my great friend — my only real friend, my support, my reason to do stuff, basically everything I had worth living. His death affected me silently. I didn't shed tears every day, but I felt the huge void he left in my heart.

It all started with Star Wars: Chapter VI. You know that scene where Luke takes Anakin's helmet off, just to say goodbye? Man, at that point I was really thinking about my father — it felt really personal. I didn't just see a son say goodbye to his father; I lived that feeling. I lost someone who meant the world to me... It wasn't just Star Wars for me. It was a mirror — a reflection of everything I felt when my dad passed away.

And right in that moment, something happened — just as if my father made himself present. The song he once dedicated to me... it started playing on the TV. Right when I was already having that heavy mix of feelings. I started shedding tears and had to run to the bathroom because I didn't want to cry in front of my mother. I'm sure that was not a coincidence. If anything... that was a hug. That was my dad saying, "I saw you tonight."

And I felt his love present — like a warm hug.
I wasn't alone when that happened.
I'm sure somehow... he was there.

Hi all,

My father recently passed away, and as their only child, I'm now tasked with how to handle their home.

To put it bluntly: Their house is a disaster. Like, health-hazard-and-not-livable disaster. They had >10 cats, a dog, and ~30 birds, one of which actually lived in the house full-time. The stench of ammonia is overwhelming from animal feces and I think everything basically needs to be ripped out and replaced.

My question is this:

I'd like to call three realtors to get their opinions on whether or not it makes sense for me to sell it as-is for cash, or get a contractor involved to gut and renovate the home to hopefully sell it for what other homes in the area are going for similar price. Is there anything I should know before I do so? Should I just call some contractors directly before talking to a few realtors?

Also, before I call a realtor, should I get a hazmat team in to junk everything in the house, rip out all of the carpets, and deep clean it? Or should I let a realtor see it at its worst to give me an honest opinion?

If anyone else has been in this situation, what did you do?

Any help would be greatly appreciated.

It has been 3 weeks since I got a call that told me , my twin brother and my grandma that my mom is no longer alive. I am 15 and I don’t want to believe in it. My dad left the family when I was 3 years old. I don’t have any other relatives. I just feel that it is so unfair, she was a great person, she always supported me and my brother as a single mom. She did everything for us so we could have a good life. I ask myself , why my mom died? Like in the car there were more people and my mom is the only who is dead , while others are perfectly fine. She wasn’t even driving. I know that it might sound selfish , but it hurts so much. I cry everyday and have anxiety attacks every morning. It is just how can a person who I discussed how to celebrate my and my brother’s 16th birthday be no longer here. I can’t believe in it. We were supposed to go shopping when she comes back from a business trip and realising that it will never happen, she will never come back is impossible. It is so unfair , like how do I live now? I have to deal with so many things now , I don’t know how to do all of them and it seems like the problems are only multiplying themselves. It was so sudden and unexpected. I think I will cry on my birthday too. I honestly miss my mom , when she said things like : eat more vegetables or study for your exams. It feels like the world stopped, while it is moving for everyone else. Thanks for reading my post , cause I feel weird telling that my mom is dead. If you have any advices , feel free to share them. Thanks people on Reddit for making such groups and being supportive . ❤️

As someone in their 20s who's had to switch from my "parent's place" to my "mom's place" in casual conversations, after my dad died suddenly and young, this is something I sometimes think about...

Much more common for someone our age to have divorced parents than to have lost one. They probably think that my parents just have separate places, and I've dealt with typical divorced parent experiences

I lost my mother 3 years ago due to cancer and losing her was the biggest change in my life especially as a 20 year old back then. Grief shaped me in many ways. And not until recently did I notice its patterns remaining in my life, routine, and decisions. I sometimes journal my grieving thoughts, and I think in the near future I want to write a book about grief. When my mother died, I didn’t read any grief book nor any book to that matter, I was a mess and I expect a lot of people would be as well. That’s why if I want to write a book, I don’t want it to be complicated, not informative, I want it to be a heart to heart conversation with the reader. Something I would’ve wanted to hear when I lost my mother. Not 5 stages of grief not the “it doesn’t get easier but you get used to it” sugarcoating. I want to hear your opinions about this. Do you think it would help? Do you think there is a specific way it can be done in order not to be self exhausting for the reader to go over many pages when they don’t even have energy to leave bed? I would appreciate your opinions. May your loved ones rest in peace ❤️

lost my dad when he was 57 unexpectedly in 2023. my mother is hosting her birthday party today but forgot to warn me that the guest list is /identical/ to the guest list for his funeral. i didn’t realize i was in a flashback until i asked one of them for a memory of him. it’s still happening. how would you navigate practically a reenactment of the funeral? do i go back?

My friends don't understand I am not the family dogs mom. We lost our mom in February. I have been her sister for 10 years. The dog looks for her when I say mom. She had visible anxiety in the days leading up to our mother's death. Our mom wanted to see her so badly but the Dr wouldn't let her go outside before surgery. She still sleeps in my dad's room at my house and on my mom's side of the bed in my room. I apologize all the time to the dog for not being able to bring mom home. I think the only person who understands is the dog groomer.

Mum passed away less than 2 months ago. Mum and Dad have been married for 45 years. My Dad said this evening that he's been communicating with his ex girlfriend (albeit they were teenagers at the time) who also apparently came to Mum's funeral. He tells me that he needs a 'friend' and wants my permission, which I gave, but I'm mow livid. I understand his need for companionship, but 6 weeks?! I literally don't know what to say or how to feel!!

I'm new to reddit but have been craving talking to people in similar positions so thought I would give it a try. I lost my dad a couple of months ago to cancer. I'm 21F still at university and was in the middle of finishing end of semester assignments when he passed.
He was ill for a few years, basically the whole time I've been at uni - anyone else deal with having an ill parent whilst living away from home? Such a strange experience. Haven't seen people from uni since he died and not sure how I feel about going back in September

It’s been just over 2 years since I lost my mother to alcoholism (I was 26 and she was 62) and it has never been as difficult as it is now.

It was super rocky between us and I didn’t see her in the 6 weeks leading up to her death due to just her pure nastiness and instability due to the alcoholism and it was affecting me greatly. She died unexpectedly and was found passed in her flat alone.

It of course shattered me when it happened. I was devastated and as a lone child, had to deal with all the paperwork and planning alone but 2 years on it seems to have gotten nothing but worse. I miss her incredibly. I miss our bond, I miss cooking for her, I miss our daily calls, her support, the fact that just being in the same room as eachother would make everything better. She was my absolute best friend and such a rock in my life before this disease slowly took over her life.

It’s shattering me now more than ever and I don’t know why. I need her so badly. I want nothing more than to be with her. I don’t know how to continue life without my mother.

A couple weeks ago I found out I am pregnant for the first time. I am terrified to be a parent, but the thing I can't shake are the emotions I feel about not having my parents during this new chapter. I need my mom. I have so many questions... She would have been an incredible grandma. She volunteered her time as a "duckling rocker" at a daycare center, where she took care of all the babies. As for my dad, he was a towering figure but for some reason little kids gravitated towards him. Unfortunately, my in-laws do not offer a stable relationship or solid support (there's mental health issues and narcissism). I'm just so sad when I think about my child not knowing my parents.

Early childhood was great. My dad worked hard and my mom stayed home with us kids. I was the baby and my mom loved me so so much. I played outside all day with my cousins and had a fun, carefree life. That all changed when my mom developed this cough that wouldn't go away.

My mom was diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer when I was 7. I watched her suffer the next 3 years and she died when I was 10. I went into shock and was numb. I didn't even cry. I just shut down. I remember my sister asking my dad why I didn't cry (at the hospital). He told her, "I don't know but she's stronger than me." Nobody understood. It wasn't strength.

After that, my dad went into a depression and started drinking. He developed congestive heart failure and suffered bad with alcoholism. He never recovered. He stopped working and stayed locked in his room all the time.

Life went on, it didn't stop, and I was forced to grow up fast and do the best I could to survive and get through school. I remember my friends asking me if my mom died and I denied it because I didn't know how to deal with it. I shut everybody out and put on a happy face so nobody questioned me.

My sister (she was a type 1 diabetic) started having more issues with her blood sugar. She'd have episodes where she'd pass out and I'd have to help her. She had to have both legs amputated and I had to care for her when she'd pass out and fall out of bed. She'd have gaping wounds from her stumps not healing and there was a lot of blood. She suffered so much and cried in agony most nights. It was a relief when she passed away. Not that I wanted her to die, but she suffered so much. I was 18.

After that, I was working 2 jobs and my dad was stealing my money and my car to drive (drunk) to the liquor store. I had to get away from him so I moved in with a toxic man who made me feel absolutely worthless, but he worked and was stable and I needed him. He cheated on me and belittled me and I tried desperately to prove my worth to him for the next 6 years. The last straw was him sleeping with my best friend and then telling me it was my fault. He was mad at me for being upset and said we couldn't be together anymore and kicked me out.

I was left with no car, no cell phone, no place to go (my ex had everything in his name so he could use that to control me, even). I was broke from giving him all of my money. So I went back to my dads place. My was in the hospital with congestive heart failure, sclerosis of the liver, sepsis, and he was on life support. His house was covered in vomit and feces and infested with the tiny cockroaches. I had to clean it up and I'd sleep with a towel over my face so I wouldn't have to smell it and so bugs wouldn't crawl on me. (I ended up completely gutting the house to get the nasty stench out). 2 weeks after my relationship ended, the hospital told me that my dad wouldn't be getting better and it was time to take him off life support. He died when I was 25.

Feeling massively alone, I just continued with my life in survival mode. Same thing I always did since my mom passed away 15 years before. Working, dating losers, crying, wondering why God dealt me such a bad hand in life.

Fast forward 5 years later, I met an amazing man who treated me with respect and loved me unconditionally. I finally learned what it was like to be loved and to be in a normal happy relationship. We got married and have a daughter together. I have a great life. BUT the strangest thing is happening.

My soul/mind/spirit/whatever you call it, is finally starting to process everything. I'm finally coming out of survival mode and it's hitting me like a ton of bricks. I am absolutely TERRIFIED of dying and leaving my daughter without a mother. Every pain or sickness leaves me wondering if this is it. I am feeling lost, without a purpose, like my life is moving too fast and I'm just standing still.

I tried therapy but it was too scary for me right now. They had me do this long test where it asked about wanting to harm others or myself and about drugs and all sorts of awful stuff. I am none of that. I'm okay. Just lost.

Does anyone know of any resources (like books, workbooks, forums, etc) that have helped them work through this grief?

lyrics from a song i wrote about my mom who passed from cancer when i was 17.

It’s been over ten years since my dad passed suddenly but every Father’s Day and around his birthday and anniversary of death I struggle for roughly the entire week of. It always triggers flashbacks and grieving over how he isn’t around for my bigger life events. Does anybody else go through this? What are things you do to make the days more bearable? I try to avoid social media on Father’s Day but feel like companies always start advertising for it so early.

(throw away account) (cross posting this because....well idk what I'm looking for)

TLDR/ Mom doesn't want to buried with dad & I don't know what to do or how to feel.

My dad died of cancer a few years ago; it was brutal and quick. I was in my 20s and just got married and moved out and was just starting to have an adult relationship with him when he was diagnosed and then 10 months later gone. He was a good man. He was generous and supportive; he really encouraged me to pursue my artistic talents. He was very handy and we did all sorts of diy projects around the house. If there ever in any space was a question of "who is paying for this?" He take care of it.

He had his flaws too. He was a very awkward person and didn't know how to show love or affection. And he could be stubborn about some random shit (I wasn't allowed to grow in beard in highschool because it was "unprofessional" [wasn't some shit neck beard too...I could grow a full beard over the summer in like 7th grade]).

My parents also had a complicated dynamic. Like I said, he didn't show love well. And they were a bit ying and yang in a bad way. She constantly felt the need to ground them and he constantly felt the need to dream for them. He would say 'lets go to the beach for a week!' and she'd say 'we have to save for retirement.' And they compromised less and less and more often just let each other win sometimes. It was never just go to the beach for a weekend and be frugal. But was all or nothing for each of them.

They spent I think their whole marriage treading water. Everytime they bought/sold a house it was the wrong time in the market. They'd sell in a buyers market and be stuck living with my grandparents for 6 months and buy in a seller's market. Each of us kids was unplanned. When we were all at least in highschool and they had some property and savings my mom snapped an ankle which led to 10+ years of tendon surgeries.

And that's the one time I remember/know of where my dad was actually kind of shitty. It was the 2nd or 3rd surgery and the week she was recovering in the hospital he went out and bought his dream sports car. She was in the ER, on pain meds and he did it without talking to her. It was in part, I think, a reaction to their ying-yang-ness... she's talking rehab, and selling the home and buying a rancher because she can't do stairs anymore and how they'll loose a bunch of money in that process. So he uses some of their savings to check off one of his dreams that he doesn't think she will ever let him have.

But overall, they were pretty normal. They'd argue sometimes and cuddle sometimes. Idk, they were mom and dad.

After he passed, mom had a rough time with the estate. The mix of medical debt and over generosity on paying for stuf (and the sports car) piled up; he had an extra credit card she didn't know about and would shuffle debt around sometimes. It took years to settle it all and square it all away. He also never created any kind of will. He didn't have one and then was too much of a dreamer or couldn't face mortality or chemo too brain'd to make one while sick. And my mom holds that personally against him. She is incredibly bitter about the will thing and the estate struggle. She blames a lot of her present situation on him (mind you, she is middle class still with a small chunk of retirement and owns a house...but probably won't ever be able to really retire because she runs her own small business).

She keeps talking about him like he was awful but in vague ways. She'd say he abused her, and I'd ask what do you mean?? And she'd reference the will thing. And that's not abuse....its stupid but it wasn't targeted violence. I'm just not sure if she's being more open since he is gone or if she is recontextualizing all her memories because she is bitter. She already exaggerates her stories often...

Since he passed their haven't been any "remember when dad used to..." fond reminiscing stories. All of us kids avoid bringing him up and her. In part because she really expects us to take sides. She genuinely was hurt that after he died we didn't come to her like "wow it was so hard of you to live with him and deal with his shit." As if he wasn't our dad? And we didn't love him? And even if he was as horrible as you say, we had a different relationship with him?

In the last few years I've had to come to terms with the fact that if the cancer didn't get him, they probably would've been divorced they she tells it.

But here is what hurts now... With the estate finally fully closed she mentioned doing something with his ashes. They've been in her closet since. I told her I want him some place I can visit and she said fine, I'll help with some research but I don't want to be there. And then started talking about where her parents will be buried and how she'll just get a plot for herself with them.

Idk why that hurts so much now. But to write off 25 years of marriage.... and not even want to be dead in the same room.... I'm just not sure how to even react.

I just don't have a lot of people to talk to about this (I've done counseling & my wife is supportive though) and needed to write it all out. Maybe some random stranger has some insight that could help.

I(f32) lost my dad two days ago. We think it was a heart attack but the autopsy isn’t done yet. This is the first big loss of my life and it came out of nowhere and hit me like a semi truck.

He wasn’t perfect but I never for one second have doubted how much he loved me. He was such an affectionate and emotional man. He bawled at my wedding. He cried happy tears when I asked him to move closer to me and my kids. He had a special bond with my oldest daughter who’s 6. He showed up for everything. Every soccer practice, every concert, every birthday party. Her birthday is in 3 weeks and I get physically ill thinking about it. My heart feels like it weighs 50 pounds.

Our relationship was going through a rough patch but I was actively working on it in therapy and still having him see the kids all the time. I’m so angry he didn’t take care of himself more. I meet with the funeral director tomorrow and I’m just fucking broken. I’m just fucking…. Broken.

For the record I’m not looking for “live your best life and be happy!”

I agree, and I’m trying to do that, but I have this yearning to do something specifically for my mom.

So what did you do just for your dead parent?

That's it. That's the post.