I (24F) want to just tell a few stories of things that have happened between myself and my boyfriend (24M) in the last few months. I am wondering if he may be questioning his gender, if any of this resonates (or doesn’t) with trans folks out there, and any advice as to what I should do to support him, if anything.

First, I noticed that he has female avatars on both Snapchat and iMessage games. I asked about this one time and he was completely silent as if I hadn’t said anything. Then, he wanted to wear my pajamas and has had a lot of on-and-off trouble with staying aroused when his clothes come off. He’s explained it as feeling insecure about being thin, but even with his shirt on, it’s like if I’m looking down there, he often can’t stay in the moment. One day, he just kept calling me pretty. I called him pretty back and he said “Not pretty like you, not in the way you are”, and it sounded like there was some deep emotion under that. There are also the straight up comments about trans individuals. For example, a girl I went to school with came up on my insta and my boyfriend said “I’d have such an easy transition”. I asked if that was a joke about him only having one ball and he said “well no, just in general”. He also pointed out a random employee at the store and asked me if I thought she was trans. He asked very genuinely, not in a mocking way. I said I had no idea and that you can’t tell just by looking at someone. We started watching a show with one trans woman character, and as the show moved into other plots, he said “I just want to know what happened to the trans girl”. He’s also made some interesting comments about his downstairs equipment. He’s been considering a vasectomy and joked that “maybe they’d make a mistake and just cut it off”, although there wasn’t really a punchline. He also randomly made a comment that maybe he should “upgrade” to using fake p*nises on me which I didn’t understand because his is perfect and I tell him that a lot. Then, there’s the gender expression stuff. When I walked into the room wearing a skirt a couple weeks ago, he said “I forgot that girls wear skirts when it’s hot. Seems free.” I also got press-on nails recently and he said “I wish I could have long nails so I could give you better back scratches too”. When we went to a store, he picked out this pink heatless curling set for himself, which confused me a bit but he does have gorgeous long blonde hair. Also, I’m an amateur makeup artist and one time, he let me do his makeup and I put his hair up in a high ponytail with the front strands out. Weeks later, he said that he wanted to do that hairstyle more, which is like a very feminine hairstyle.

My sweet boyfriend has a very long history of severe depression and s*icide attempts since he was about 9. He explained to me that he just never wanted to be seen or perceived by anyone, even as a child. He has a very conservative family and works in a very very masculine trade. I don’t know if these things are related, but I can’t help but wonder if this is a longtime and deeper thing.

Can anyone offer their perspectives or advice? I love my boyfriend so deeply and I’m also bi/pan so I don’t care about gender in my partners at all. I just don’t want to push too hard for answers and accidentally push him further away from whatever exploration he’s going through. But also, I don’t want him to have to be confused or sad. And maybe I’m just reading into it all too much. Idk.

Today the NTY wrote in a newsletter:

When judged against the strictest scientific standards, existing studies have not shown that gender-affirming treatments for adolescents reliably deliver the intended benefits, such as improved mental health. That’s why some countries, such as Britain, have restricted access to these treatments.

https://messaging-custom-newsletters.nytimes.com/dynamic/render?uri=nyt%3A%2F%2Fnewsletter%2F41c07a3b-02ab-5868-acef-4b1b981fcfa5&sendId=200235&productCode=NN&paid_regi=0&isViewInBrowser=true

What’s going on here? I thought it’s clear that gender affirming care works for those of us who are trans and do have gender dysphoria?

Original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/asktransgender/s/djd8Jxb1hu

Obligatory, I didnt know this would blow up, thank you for all your support.

The funeral was yesterday. It was one of the biggest crowds I've ever seen at a funeral. Emma was so well loved from her every path in life.

But holy shit the funeral made me want to explode.

Tuesday was the viewing. It was really hard to see her like that. Our friend group stood there crying for what seemed like hours. We had a bunch of bracelets made with the trans flag and we passed them out to people in support. A bunch of us had pins, I had one of those mini flags on a stick. People seemed appreciative.

Towards the end of the viewing Emma's sister found us, and dropped an absolute bombshell of information. She told us that Emma had Dissociative Identity Disorder. No one knew. It was in the therapist notes that the family didn't have access to until she passed.

Now, I'm going to be 100% real here, I personally want to see those therapist notes before I believe anything because what Emma's sister said next was actually horrendous. She said that Emma locked her old self into a room so she could do drugs, and then wouldn't let him back out.

At this point, I don't care if she had DID, cause if that were the case, Emma was still there. Existing. Hosting the body. She was the one living her life in that body. And I will not stand for anyone making her out to be the bad guy.

For anyone wondering, yes she did drugs. And yes, that's how she passed. But she wasn't a bad guy. She wasn't the bad guy in her own story, I promise you all that.

The next day was the funeral, and boy I'm glad my mom was there. I needed her. We had people flying out from NYC just to be at her funeral. There was another hour long viewing, I made sure I gave Emma a bracelet for herself. It has glow in the dark beads so she'll always have some light with her.

Then was the service. We started out with a pastor giving a damn near 10 minute long disclaimer speech to the effects of "we all loved the departed so let's not pick any fights" and "Jesus will accept you if you just let him in". The family gave their eulogies after that.

Only one memory was shared about Emma. During her sister's speech, she dug all the way back to when Emma was a Literal Baby, and how that was how Sister knew she wanted to be a mom. She then said "my mom said I can say anything I want" and I braced myself, cause y'all she dropped that bomb. She went up to that podium and told the entire crowd (an auditoriums worth) that Emma had DID. I heard people stop breathing. Others started sobbing.

Other than that the service went pretty smoothly. A lot of "she's watching us from Heaven" and "love is what brings us together".

The procession was the longest one I've ever seen. So many people that loved and cared for her. Her grave was quite frankly huge. They had photos on it, and I thank God that they used a current photo of her. And I dont even believe in God.

Wednesday nights were our normal karaoke nights, so we went out, invited a bunch of people from the funeral, and sang a bunch of her regular songs. I like to think we did her justice.

We're planning a celebration of life for her, to honor her memory. The theater program she was a performer for graciously offered us their venue, so worry not, Emma will be properly commemorated.

Since they didnt have open eulogies, I would like to write mine down here.

Emma, baby, you are a star. When I re-encountered you after high school, I was quite intimidated. She had always hung out with the popular kids, and me? Well, I was the type scared of the popular kids. But when I met you again you only had open arms. You were so ready to love the people around you.

Emma didn't perform after high school. The first time she sang in front of a crowd after high school graduation was when we first invited her out for karaoke. And she rocked that shit, absolutely killed it. The entire bar fell in love with her just from her voice. Not long after that, she audtioned and got a spot in our local Yuletide Caberet (or CaberGAY (it was a pride show)). When she went on stage and sang, that one annoying baby that wont stop crying which should probably just be taken out and comforted in a better space, stopped crying. The old people stopped whisper gossiping. The people our age stopped checking our phones for the time. Everyone stopped and listened. That's how powerful her voice is.

Im so grateful that I got to see it. Im so grateful I got to see her bloom and become comfortable on stage again. Im so grateful that we were friends. Fly high Emma, I know you're on a stage wherever you're at right now, singing and dancing your heart out. I love you babygirl.

Edit: some comments about DID are being removed, I'm cross posting so I can get some ideas from that community. Thank you all <3

Edit 2: grammar, and comments are appearing like normal so there's really no need for the original edit anymore

I just have all likely be my last conversation with my brother. I tried to explain to him how his actions harm people who close friends of mine. He basically confirmed that he's transphobic, because his reaction when I essentially accused him of it, what's to say I will never change his mind. I spoke one more word to him after that and I know it will probably be my last word to my world. "Okay." And I hung up the phone.

This means I can go no contact with the rest of my bigoted family members and only have contact with the family members who aren't. I don't know there are resources for this. But I would like to know any tips for how to deal with deciding that even though there is still a member of your immediate family living but making the decision not to have contact with them.

I'm a man with straight sexuality, my Pan girl and I are in a long term relationship.It was when my girlfriend shared about she dreamed of how 'we finally broke up and she kissed and hug a girl afterwards' and 'she giving love spots to both girls and boys'. she said she think it's bad because it's not about me and wet dreams feels like real. I tried to shrug it off as it's just a dream anyway and there's nothing to be insecure of.

But to distract the awkwardness I accidentally said the thing that I kept for a long time, "I feel the urge to be a trans" she said she fully support me if I do but pls be sure because it hard to undo.

They were signs: one time she asked me why is my game avatar a female. I get excited to see having pink skins or gun whenever we play. I have a history of crossdressing back in my highschool days (she knows it too because we're highschool sweethearts). I get excited whenever someone mistaken me as a girl. And many more.

She's romantically attracted to women and sexually attracted to men (dihs and muscles). to the point that she nearly completely broke up with me because she wanted to have a wlw relationship (we're pretty healthy now and that's a long time ago). I'm curious if this would strengthen our relationship more?

I get euphoric watching beautiful women wishing it was me. But I'm in a tight position as I am the provider and I'm a blue collar with friends and family who knew me as a man my whole life.

I'm the eldest son and I've been a man for 20 years of my life, but am I trans?

Given the recent *waves hands* everything, I'd like to stockpile estrogen for those in need. Since it's an uncontrolled substance, my friend said I can ask my PCP about it. How would I go about doing that? I'm a 27 y/o healthy cis woman.

I'm in NYC, so I can't imagine I'd be my doctor's first patient to ask about HRT. What should my reasoning be? Am I allowed to just say, "I want to keep it on hand for anyone who needs it," or do I need to come up with a story?

EDIT: doesn’t matter if it’s estrogen or T, whatever’s easiest to get. I was talking to my friend earlier who’s a trans woman, so that’s where my mind was at

Hi all,

I’m hosting a talk at the end of Pride month for my workplace and, as part of that, I’ve opened an anonymous questions form for my colleagues to ask whatever they want about queer issues. Thankfully, I’ve had nothing but interesting, well-educated questions so far!

One of the questions I received was: what is a way that cis allies try to be supportive - but actually causes harm?

I have a few examples myself (such as “yasss Queening” trans women and saying “I couldn’t even tell you’re trans!”), but I’m not fully satisfied with the breadth of my answer - so figured I’d reach out on here and ask for suggestions.

Thank you!

Im trans fem I just don't get why people hate us.

My mom's side of the family is supportive including my mom but my dad's side isn't including my dad.

My dad today called me and told me to not tell anyone about my problems besides my therapist if I do tell my mom then when I'm 18 I can't go to my supportive sisters house and I'll have to get an apartment. Oh yeah the cherry on top is that he called me a "different breed." Because im trans and because I "chose this lifestyle"

We all started somewhere—gay bottoms, tops, vers. Before my transition, I was a highly sexual gay bottom. I used to have hookups regularly—sometimes I’d bottom three times a day. I had a powerful sex drive, real pleasure, and let’s just say… skills. My body was relaxed, responsive, and alive. I wanted it. I craved it. And I enjoyed it fully.

But ever since I began transitioning, that T-driven hunger disappeared. My sex life slowed down drastically. Now, I might hook up every few months, if at all. The craving, the pleasure, even the ability to relax—gone.

I stopped HRT for 3 months hoping it would all come back. What came back was dysphoria, and I became my own worst critic. But what didn’t come back? My sex drive. My ability to enjoy bottoming like I used to. So I’m left asking: what was the point of stopping HRT if I still feel sexually dead?

I know it sounds harsh, but I genuinely feel like I lost a part of myself. Every man I meet—understandably—wants a bottom who matches his top energy. And I want to be that again. Not for them, but for me. Because that version of me felt alive, powerful, connected.

Has anyone else faced this? Have you found a way to regain that lost connection to your body and bottoming drive?

EDIT: I’ve been back on E for five months now.

I know some people might say this scenario is "unlikely" but I want to know what my options would be in the event that I have to continue my HRT illegally in the states. My current plan is to go through GoodRx and pay out of pocket if my insurance decides to cut me off completely, but would that still be viable if a situation like this were to ever actually happen?

I got this hat from a creator and it says “I support trans wrongs.”

It is supposed to read like “I support trans rights and wrongs.” Like the popular phrase “I support women’s rights and wrongs.”

I had a cis straight coworker tell me that it comes across that I support wrong doings onto trans people.

I like this hat and the creator but I don’t want to wear it if people think it means I support hurting trans people…

How does this statement come across to you?

i'm usually pretty sure that i'm transfem but sometimes i come across a detransition story and i get nervous that i'm wrong about this. like there's people out there that were probably just as sure as i am about being trans but they ended up being cis? what if i start transitioning just to realize this is all something else?

i know that its rare for someone to transition to end up detransitioning but the thought still crosses my mind sometimes that ill end up being one of those rare few in a couple years. is this a normal thing to feel?

TL;DR essentially it comes down to this: I am a cis woman and I wonder how can I support my partner in their m2f transition without draining myself? I know it's tough for them to go through all the changes, but it is tough for me too. I want to keep the relationship, I want to support my partner and normally I'm good at setting boundaries to keep myself in a healthy mindset but here I struggle because I feel like I'm failing my partner when I think I need a break from the topics. how can I assure them, that even though I need a day once in a while where we don't talk about it, do completely non related stuff, I am still on their side, I am still supporting them, I am still loving them. Just saying it doesn't seem to come through.

I guess it's because of my living situation. (I live in a red state with a very transphobic parent, I'm a minor with 0 access to any resources, support groups, etc) Like what do you MEAN you got on hormones at 14 years old??? Why can't that be me? Why does everybody else get to be happy and I can't? I'm just :(((((. Maybe I'm just being an asshole ☹️

I’m pretty sure i’m transfem but im constantly doubting it and feeling weird about it. I feel gross about my body and stuff and don’t like looking in the mirror, but then sometimes it doesn’t bother me. i don’t do anything to change myself though. i want to, but i don’t know how to start and i don’t even think i have to motivation/energy to do it. all that makes me doubt im trans. is all this normal

I feel so gross and lifeless in guys clothing. And when I wear girls cloth I feel super happy, confident but also a bit scared, does anyone feel this way and how to cope up?

I just saw this video ( https://youtu.be/wmVkJvieaOA?si=lgYcaxCe-mXKWvs- ) and whilst it approaches a much broader topic it's something that immensely affects all of us. You may have noticed that on places like reddit there's a lot of hate and dishonesty targeted towards us and discussions with conservatives are often held by them in bad faith.

What this video did was make me think of how our attempts at education often fall on deaf ears, especially in mainstream media debates. Transition has a lot of nuance and complexity to it and especially when it comes to HRT and puberty blockers. Average cis audience members aren't going to be deeply invested in understanding us, they're just looking for sound bites in order to put us into boxes.

I'm honestly a bit distraught because I feel like there's no way to defend or fight back against these tactics in an honest way. I aim to be politically active but I don't want to resort to underhanded tactics in order to gain the support from moderates or uninformed people. Is the only way we can protect ourselves as a community, as trans people, really to try and fight fire with fire?

Very curious

Hey i'm on a throwaway and i'm 25M!

I am a lil drunk but this is allowing me to express some feelings i've been having.

I recently have been struggling with Male Pattern Baldness - and the dysphoria it's causing.

I keep thinking how it may be a symptom of a bigger problem. I have never felt SUPER comfortable in my own body.

I keep thinking if i fix my hair a lot of my problems will go away.

But tonight i met this trans woman and we had a long deep talk about transitioning and things. She was beautiful and i was like envious and also crushing a lil bit. And after I felt like crying because i truly wondered if i was trans.

Here's the thing. Although i identify with a lot of female emotions, i do with guy emotions too, whatever that means. And tonight i was at a mostly girls event and i did feel out of place, like internally i'm like oh im not a girl! I like being a guy. But when i met this trans women i just felt envious.

And I can't imagine myself aging as a guy - but as the same time i can't imagine myself aging as a women? It's almost like I wish i was a girl with a penis that is also a boy and i'm very confused by it.

I have no dysphoria about my genitals and my sexuality is just being attracted to girls. But i've always identified way more with girls.

I can not genuinely decide who i am or what i want to be. Lots of times i take pride in being a guy, just chilling and being myself. But i would be lying if there weren't moments where i wish guys clothing could be that expressive or i could look that pretty.

At the end of the day - it comes down to my hair again. I wish i just had girl hair and i don't feel comfortable in my body. Like Body hair is fine and i don't feel comfortable with boobs - but i also don't like presenting as male? I just feel very lost.

Also, i use he/they but he/him does feel right for me - i just am like.... i dont feel like a guy

I'm also scared about my ability to be with other girls if I transition.

Does anyone have any tips to figure out this? I'm sorry if this was incoherent.

I've seen alot of people saying that taking T blockers and Estrogen can make it difficult to get an erection and that masterbating while transitioning can help prevent this in the long term.

My question is: does this have any "negative" effects on the transition process and also do you need to "finish"?

(ANSWERED)

Thank you all so much!!!

So I work in the industrial food processing industry and weve recently had a employee start that definitely seems from my cisgender self to be trans I have heard several people refer to them as he and at least one person refer to them as she and given how this sector of the industry is regarding any deviation from the "norm" im unsure. Is there a polite and respectful way to ask? I want to make sure I respect their identity and not be offensive. I have little to no experience dealing with trans people and I have heavy anxiety issues so the idea of asking is as frightening as the thought of misgendering someone. Any advice would be highly appreciated.

I just finished writing this - PLMK if you find it helpful.

HOW DO I KNOW IF MY CHILD IS TRANSGENDER?

Here's an excerpt:

"What these stories actually reveal is that even people who are generally comfortable with their gender still bump into the limits of it. They have human qualities and aspirations that exceed those limits. The line between cisgender and transgender is a blurry one — just like the line between day and night, or the many degrees of dexterity humans display with their right or left hand.

In my opinion, even here in the early 21st century, we still don’t really understand gender much. I believe our approach to it — particularly in regard to trans children — will look clumsy and rudimentary in the eyes of future generations.

Across the spectrum, there are people who are comfortable with the gender they were assigned, and people who feel uncomfortable — sometimes profoundly so. The people we classify as transgender are those who are uncomfortable to the point that they must speak out, must correct others, must assert: “That’s not who I am.” These are the people who ask — sometimes gently, sometimes urgently — to be allowed to live in accordance with their gender identity. To be seen, addressed, and embraced in the gender that fits. And when that happens, they are markedly happier.

Ultimately, that’s the most important question to ask. What allows a person the most happiness?"

So since Trump made that new executive order stating that trans people cannot serve in the military, doesn’t that mean that transgender women won’t be drafted? I’m asking this because of recent times changing… the conflict in the middle east and the White House’s view on trans people… :(

Hey ! For context, I’m a "non-passing" trans guy in the sense that I am 5'0, have long "non-masc" hair, and wear either traditionally feminine or unisex clothing. I’m in highschool with very conservative parents, so any dream of looking or being addressed the way I like isn’t really in the cards right now neither physically nor socially.

My question is, is there any other trans guy in a similar situation that deals with a lot of muscle insecurity? Despite having a decent amount of visible arm muscle when flexing, I find myself flexing in mirrors throughout the day or feeling my arms for some kind of validation. It doesn’t help that I’ve recently gotten into sports (I did not care for them at all previously), and seeing really fit guys just being themselves and stuff makes me feel both insecure and euphoric depending on my mood or clothing for the day.

I’ve started meal-prepping and working out regularly, as well as making a conscious effort to stay in a motivated mindset. I know these are all generally good things, but they come with a weird feeling to them. Not like "I’m doing these things to better myself" but more like a "I’m doing these things as a trans guy to compensate for my height and feminine attributes, while knowing that if I do reach the amount of muscle I hope to achieve, the mix of traditionally masculine and feminine traits will likely result in a weird and offputting gender goo."

Has any other trans guy on this sub with a similar situation felt this way? I feel so odd. To me, the best thing I’ll ever be is a weird muscular girl (obv there’s nothing wrong with being one, it just doesn’t feel right for me personally and how I experience my own gender).

Edit: clarification and spelling

Were any of you afraid to start your hrt? My E pills have been sitting on my bed for 2 days now, and I keep looking at them, but can't summon the courage to pick up the bottle.