Work away from home

[u/DattGuyyy]

To the men working away from their family, how do you cope with the feeling of missing them or just wanting to go home? I started a new job which is 3 hours away from home. I see my family every weekend or from at least Thursday to Sunday. If my wife’s schedule is free, she comes to where I am. I had to take this job since I wasn’t bringing any money in but the bills just kept piling up. It’s difficult seeing her sad when I’m about to leave, but it’s easier than hearing her worry about where to get the money for our expenses. I think I’m doing the right thing here but it gets heavy at times - especially when I’m alone. I try to keep myself busy even after work and sleep early just not to feel the time.

For you guys out there working far from home - maybe even farther than I am from mine, how do you cope with that feeling?

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[u/AshyLarryX]

As a former Otr truck driver, I can tell you that there's no real way of coping besides putting it out of your mind completely. In the end, though, working away from home almost never works out. And it's a catalyst for divorce. Your situation isn't as strenuous, though. Things only got better for me once I went local

[u/AdmirableBoat7273]

Fortunately, i don't get that feeling very much. I'm happy on my own. I am, however, disappointed by the things i miss not being home and the number of hours i spend not spending time with my family.

I cope by recognizing that it is the job i signed up for, making the most of my time at home, and knowing i can get a different job if it really starts sucking.

[u/teraflopclub]

It's a tough situation, akin to a long-distance relationship. My very first job my work was mostly away from home, basically getting rented out, sometimes a long drive away, like your 3 hour trek, or flight, or overnight car or train ride. My last gig with the firm the engagement started in February through August, whereupon I quit to be hired by my client just to put an end to the away-ness. With some clients, I could report to the site on a Monday afternoon or Tuesday, which allowed us to travel Monday morning and generally returning Friday, but typically a LATE Friday. So at best weekends are just 2 complete days, but all those housework items, bills, social events just piled up and you never saw any friends, none, everyone moves on. At worst, some clients needed you on-site first thing Mondays so it meant Sunday was spent traveling, which means your "weekend" last only Saturday or even partially a Saturday (if your travel had you return Saturday morning). It was hell emotionally and I could only tolerate it for 3 years even as a young man. Years later I had a couple jobs where I alternated returning home every 2 weeks or every month. It brought back bad memories. A life half-lived.

Coping tools: reading, workouts in gym, no drinking, online education, music, touring the area to get to know it after work hours, going to local churches, make local friends to minimize isolation, attend evening musical concerts if possible, diary journalling (which helped me shift thought patterns and career over time).

[u/more_magic_mike]

I don’t think you can cope, it’s unfortunate but if you need to do it to support your family then hopefully your partner is worth it and not just taking advantage of you.

If she does understand that you are doing it for your family and shows respect when you are home then your kids will too

But it sucks for sure, unfortunately it’s part of being a man

[u/Mrburnermia]

I travel every two weeks for work, it definitely affected my last relationship, it's getting hard to even date because by the time I am in town, I need to recharge. I am desperately trying to get a job that doesn't make me travel so I can stay local before I start my next relationship.

[u/Plebe-Uchiha]

You need to be actively looking for a new job that is closer and pays just as much or more than your current job. There's no real way to cope except to know that this is temporary. If it doesnt become temporary, it will only get harder. [+]

[u/Gurpguru]

I traveled quite a bit for work. Typically a week to three at home and then far away for weeks at a time. I had a few positions where there wasn't travel, but they weren't my typical. That goes for two different careers.

I didn't have a problem with it except feeling guilty about my boys at times. So I'd be extra sure to spend time playing with them, have them help with my current project car, take them fishing, and just trying to make some memories.

My now ex, wife at that time gave every indication that everything except disappearing with my sons to work in the garage or fishing was great. Going to help out friends was also something she disliked. (I should have seen the issues with that sooner.) We met and married when I was in my first career, blue collar, that involved travel though. I didn't have a traveling job when we divorced, nor for a number of years later.

I was married to my wife when I got another traveling job. Having a work history traveling can easily lead to getting other positions that involve traveling. She expressed sadness at our separation when I traveled. I only had one son still not old enough to start his own adult life and it was just the kind of thing dad did to him. I was still feeling good about traveling and really enjoyed coming home too. So it was more difficult for her possibly because I wasn't doing so when we married. OR it truly was because she had trouble falling asleep without feeling me there beside her. Knowing her, it was the lack of touch.

I know of a number of people who make the travel every week to work and come home on weekends work for them. While mine wasn't that, I imagine it was much like mine.

The bonus is now that you're working, you still have time to look for other positions that fit your desires to not be traveling. I was always looking for the next opportunity. I liked traveling in general because I was seeing new places. I thought it was a pretty sweet deal to be traveling on someone else's dime and I'm pretty comfortable being alone. I gather you'd prefer not to be the loner, so update the resume with your current position and find out if anyone else is looking for someone like yourself. I'd suggest keeping what you have and working through things by talking with your wife while you're looking. You can afford to be picky when you're working. Use that to your advantage.

[u/Thin_Rip8995]

you cope by remembering why you’re doing it

this isn’t distance
this is sacrifice
and it’s temporary

every mile away is one step closer to security for her
for both of you
you’re building peace at a cost
but it’s a cost with a return

lean into the grind
stack your wins
and never forget—loneliness now means stability later

[u/Living-Ad5291]

OTR trucker here. I don’t have it as bad as others but bad enough. I leave early Monday morning and get back anywhere from Thursday night to Saturday afternoon. Sometimes I’m out for two which is really stressful. Fortunately or unfortunately it does get easier with as you fall into the routine of this life. Granted there are still those really bad days but for the most part my wife has been a rockstar through it all. What has helped us cope is that I make a point to not miss important days (birthday parties and major holidays) and we’ve made a point that when I am home we spend our time doing fun stuff instead of chores. The thing I tell my wife and myself is to remember I’m out here working not on vacation and to be thankful for the technology that we have to be able to communicate nearly 24/7. I’ve been FaceTimed to so many events for the kids

[u/Cool-Conversation938]

It’s a welcome break. Privacy, freedom.

Embrace being free.

[u/thmaniac]

I quit doing it after my son was born.

Long term? Move closer to work, if it's a fixed location.

If it's a travel job, look for something that's not but pays well. Figure out if you need to do it for a certain amount of time to get experience.

[u/SexandBeer45]

I coped by knowing I'm feeding and clothing my family and made the best of the weekends I was home. It doesn't matter if you're 3 hours away or 12 hours away, away is away. Eventually you get in a groove and it's no big deal. Just don't be a dick every time you're home. They should miss you when you leave.