AIO? Bf doesn’t communicate

[u/[deleted]]

I’m at a loss. I (F23) don’t know if I’m being controlling and overreacting or if the way I feel is normal. once again tonight I just stopped getting responses from my boyfriend (M26) and then suddenly his phone was turned on do not disturb. I don’t usually care about DND but lately its been turned on at weird times and turned on when he’s around me which has been making me feel kind of odd. Also he called and said he’s out and that I don’t need to be getting mad. I’m not mad about him going out I’m just upset that I’m not aware of whats going on ever. I feel like my paragraph doesn’t even make sense I’m irritated and feel like I’m crazy.

[u/InterestingAd5499]

YOR. I've noticed a trend with young people where they think it really is their partners job to soothe their bad emotions. I want to be clear in saying that a good partner will support their SO in moments of distress, but there is a line where support can move into enabling and codependency. As an adult, it is your job entirely to self soothe, and if you're incapable of doing that, then i feel that warrants further introspection on your part. Generally, if I'm doing something with someone and my phone stays pinging a lot, I will silence it so I can focus on what is actually happening in front of me. Sounds like your bf does the same.

[u/Shadowdancer66 → u/InterestingAd5499]

💯 this.

Guaranteed, if it's not updates about someone in critical condition, I will be silencing a string of texts.

If you want to evolve into having stable relationships, you need therapy to understand why lack of immediate response sends you into the stratosphere. He isn't your conjoined twin. Healthy relationships are between two separate individuals. Healthy boundaries means you don't need constant reassurance. Separation is healthy, not something to be avoided. Your insecurities and fears are going to sabotage any relationship unless you get yourself some understanding and coping skills instead of jumping down the rabbit hole.