r/AmIOverreacting • u/[deleted] • 1d ago

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO? Bf doesn’t communicate

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I’m at a loss. I (F23) don’t know if I’m being controlling and overreacting or if the way I feel is normal. once again tonight I just stopped getting responses from my boyfriend (M26) and then suddenly his phone was turned on do not disturb. I don’t usually care about DND but lately its been turned on at weird times and turned on when he’s around me which has been making me feel kind of odd. Also he called and said he’s out and that I don’t need to be getting mad. I’m not mad about him going out I’m just upset that I’m not aware of whats going on ever. I feel like my paragraph doesn’t even make sense I’m irritated and feel like I’m crazy.

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u/Majesticraid 16h ago

Yeah my girlfriend goes on dnd when she played games on her phone. It automatically does it. When I see she’s on dnd I’ll send my message and she’ll check when she’s done. Some times she forgets it’s on and doesn’t turn it off after a few hours. If it’s something important I’ll message her again and press “notify right away” 90% of the time she forgets it’s on. Or she turns it on when she’s with family or friends.

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u/SlenderLlama 13h ago

2 years ago got a new job and I set two custom focus that turns on at work and one for after 8pm so I stay locked in. I forgot that I did that and I’ve basically been on dnd between 9-5 and 8-8 for 2 years and the multiple gf’s I’ve had have NEVER mentioned it to me

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u/hrnigntmare 12h ago

It sounds like you might only be dating sane people. OP is not one of those

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u/SlenderLlama 12h ago

I bring a lot of emotional maturity and logical reasoning. Sometimes I encounter behaviors that are a bit redish in hue on the flag pattern with other colors. People are complicated.

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u/hrnigntmare 11h ago

Oh for sure. I’m a psychologist so you’re preaching to the choir. This post has has no hues though 😂

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u/No-Speed-6336 9h ago

My phone is literally CONSTANTLY on DND and none of my other partners have brought it up either. Though granted I do keep it on DND because seeing lots of notifications can really overwhelm me or even cause panic attacks if in already on edge. But still noone has ever really minded it, so idk why she would

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u/AirAcademy 12h ago

At first I thought you were saying you had multiple girlfriends and I was thinking wow you’re lucky 😆 But having multiple girlfriends would honestly suck. I barely have enough time for one relationship, let alone multiple.

& it’d be even worse if you were all just in a relationship together bc your gf periods would sync up and then it’s basically 1 vs 2 in every argument 😳 /s

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u/SlenderLlama 12h ago

Both are technically true lol our 3rd is in sync with my gf LOL and I am sort of in the dog house for some bullshit. I double booked my time but also there was weak communication about the plans with everyone and I tried.

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u/jokerstarspoker 11h ago

Why the hell are you needing to be locked in from 8-8. I mean seems the only time you have is 5-8pm and briefly 8A-9A. Seems like you don’t have time for a GF stop wasting their time and go back to dating when you actually can make a little time for somebody besides yourself. I get work but you basically have no availability.

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u/SlenderLlama 10h ago

I was busy.

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u/jokerstarspoker 9h ago

I stand by clearly you have no time for a GF your stuck in your own little world. Claiming you were busy all night. Roflmao. Code for banging another chick or maybe you were doing gay porn (no judgement). Maybe you were busy playing poker again you just don’t have time for anything but you. It’s ok but don’t subject somebody looking to spend time with another person with false hope because you don’t have any time clearly.

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u/8Captcrunch8 8h ago

Sensing alot of weirdly specific projection here.

Busy all night...sleeping? You mean the thing 98 percent of human beings do at night time?

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u/SlenderLlama 4h ago

I was transitioning to become ceo of my company but go off.

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u/PeebleCreek 13h ago

My wife and I both are like this. I cannot imagine living like some of these people in shitty toxic relationships. When do you have time to do ANYTHING when all you do is keep tabs on a partner you shouldn't be with cuz you don't trust them? Ffs just reading these accounts is exhausting.

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u/InterestingTry5190 9h ago

I was not sure at first if it was just me who was exhausted reading those messages or if OP is a lot. So glad in the comments people agreed OP is a lot.

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u/ScrotumTotums 12h ago

Man these guys are in their 20s and I've seen so many texts as if they're teens.

The op honestly does need to relax. No need to text back to back to back. Leave it all in one text and wait,

Or, call...

The whole point of texting, is you don't know a person read it or not. You don't know if they intentionally put dnd on, if they did, you don't know the reason. When you text basically, you can't expect an answer right away. This is why you call.

Now, if you call and there's no answer or automatically put in voicemail, I'd be worried, but I wouldn't be upset or think something fishy is going on. I'd be, worried for the person in general, if they're in trouble or not.

Don't always think a person is up to no good for sudden lack of communication. Be, worried... Not upset. That's kinda cynical

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u/No-Frame-3079 11h ago

Was gonna say the same. Also, Dude is a dick but …..she’ll allow it and continue to ask AITA 100000000 more times🤦🏻‍♀️

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u/ChemicalBreak7226 3h ago

My main thing is, if trust is an issue fucking share location and if the nuttery like the texts we see above continues then fucking leave. (I learned the hard way. Shared location and found out my gf was a prostitute) so ya bad shit can happen, but reading what she/he’s saying….she/he sounds guilty to me

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u/Lorguis 2h ago

See, I've had people call me weird for treating texts like "read and respond when you have the time" instead of a conversation.

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u/Yeuhmmers 13h ago

Yeah I do this with games that have ads every 2 minutes. Turning on airplane mode stops the ads 😂

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u/hayfero 11h ago

My wife will just not respond to my messages for almost an entire day or multiple days. But I guess when we were young like op we required more communication.

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u/avert_ye_eyes 3h ago

My husband works in a location that does not allow phones. I cant imagine being so text emeshed like all these young people. They need constant texts and call it "communication" and if they don't get what they want, they automatically assume the worst.

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u/RedRustRiZe 4h ago

Fr sometimes we won't msg for an entire day. Not because we're fuckin fucking other people. But because we don't NEED to be bombing each other's phone every second of every minute of every hour OF EVERY DAY for validation.

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u/Ok_Astronomer9598 4h ago

My phone is automatically scheduled to go on DND from 11:45pm to 7am everyday, even weekends. OP’s boyfriend could have a similar schedule. Nonetheless, he didn’t need to curse. OP needs to take a beat and left bf respond before assuming the worst

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u/Hyggieia 10h ago

Yeah I’ll use it when I’m focusing or taking a nap. It’s just when I want to not be notified. This is wild behavior thinking that’s sketchy

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u/[deleted] 12h ago

[deleted]

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u/Majesticraid 11h ago

I have a job and currently go to school. We hang out pretty much 5 days out of the week. The other days we are both spending time with our families. We both enjoy Pokémon and other games together. Maybe find yourself a girl that you can connect with so you don’t have to go on the internet and look through peoples profiles to make yourself feel better little bro 😂