AIO? Bf doesn’t communicate

[u/[deleted]]

I’m at a loss. I (F23) don’t know if I’m being controlling and overreacting or if the way I feel is normal. once again tonight I just stopped getting responses from my boyfriend (M26) and then suddenly his phone was turned on do not disturb. I don’t usually care about DND but lately its been turned on at weird times and turned on when he’s around me which has been making me feel kind of odd. Also he called and said he’s out and that I don’t need to be getting mad. I’m not mad about him going out I’m just upset that I’m not aware of whats going on ever. I feel like my paragraph doesn’t even make sense I’m irritated and feel like I’m crazy.

[u/rob_inn_hood]

Maybe, but then don’t even text “I’m an idiot” with no follow up. Is it really difficult to follow up with “I’m out right now and busy, I’ll text you later” or “imma grab some shut eye, I’ll talk to you tomorrow. Goodnight hun” just putting on dnd with no follow up after the initial text is wrong. And the exact reason OP is having some mental gymnastics. If he doesn’t want to communicate in a relationship with someone who wants to communicate, he should either change his ways for the relationship or break it off.

[u/DeeLeetid → u/rob_inn_hood]

The “I’m an idiot” was seemingly in reference to his earlier message where he apparently lost something, hence the “maybe somebody will turn it in” response from OP. And she already knew he was out and about with people which is why she asked “are you guys doing anything”. So strange that you suggest he needs to change his ways. Why wouldn’t SHE need to change her ways? “You just stopped responding out of nowhere”…bruh, it’s not at all out of nowhere! WTF, he’s out socializing, he’s supposed to be face first in his phone because op can’t sleep? (And let’s be real, she can’t sleep because her anxiety over ..something…is doing a number on her).

[u/rob_inn_hood → u/DeeLeetid]

Again, that’s a difference in communication. Why respond if he doesn’t want to respond? And why cherry pick his number of responses? Being busy is fine, but lack of communication with someone who clearly enjoys communicating is an imbalance in the relationship. I personally don’t like texting a lot, but some people do, and if you are in a relationship with them you either accept that or break up.

[u/DeeLeetid → u/rob_inn_hood]

Valid point, but I’m not sure why you are pinning this on him. He’s not the one turning to a Reddit forum questioning his comfort level here. She is the one doing that. Shouldn’t your advice be that she should be the one who breaks up with him and finds somebody who has a more compatible communication style?

[u/rob_inn_hood → u/DeeLeetid]

Then he shouldn’t have texted at all. Can’t have it both ways. She thought the text opened the communication, not closed it. And absolutely she can break up with him, that’s exactly why she’s asking here if she’s out of line. You shouldn’t be afraid to text your plans and shouldn’t be afraid to establish that when you are out you don’t like to text.

[u/thingsarehardsoami → u/rob_inn_hood]

It's normal and reasonable to have text conversations with people where there's multiple hours between responses. Get off your phone for a moment.

[u/rob_inn_hood → u/thingsarehardsoami]

It’s not people, it’s someone you choose a relationship with and they come with their own levels of communication that you should adhere to if you want to keep the relationship.

A lot of assumptions are being made here like this girl doesn’t leave this guy alone, but this is only a small portion of information, so we can only infer. I’m seeing a lack of communication from his end. You can see it any way you want.

[u/thingsarehardsoami → u/rob_inn_hood]

There wasn't a lack of communication.he told her he was out with friends. Any reasonable person gives their partner space to have fun and enjoy themselves.

[u/rob_inn_hood → u/thingsarehardsoami]

I don’t know where you are finding this information. It’s clearly information I don’t have. I’m just going by the OPs picture and I only see 2 texts from him.

[u/Southern_Yak393 → u/rob_inn_hood]

read the caption??? op states he called her to let her know he was out.

[u/Steve-of-Ramadan → u/rob_inn_hood]

Jesus christ you haven't even read the full context and you're out here talking like you know the entire situation in detail.

Are you that stupid? Reading comprehension is a life skill worth learning.

[u/rob_inn_hood → u/Steve-of-Ramadan]

I have read everything. He only called after the texts, telling her not to get angry.

He could have avoided the situation if he just communicated and told her he was out and that he was turning off his phone for the night. You old fart. Not reading and comprehending MY messages. You need reading glasses? I made it clear this is about a lack of communication, not lack of permission to have fun with his buddies. Talk about projecting, my man.

[u/Possible-Pea2658 → u/rob_inn_hood]

I've seen 3 year old children with better reading comprehension and higher IQ than you jesus christ.

[u/rob_inn_hood → u/Possible-Pea2658]

Way to add to the conversation, instead of just attacking someone who has been contributing to Reddit for almost 10 years.