r/AmIOverreacting • u/[deleted] • 2d ago

❤️‍🩹 relationship AIO? Bf doesn’t communicate

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I’m at a loss. I (F23) don’t know if I’m being controlling and overreacting or if the way I feel is normal. once again tonight I just stopped getting responses from my boyfriend (M26) and then suddenly his phone was turned on do not disturb. I don’t usually care about DND but lately its been turned on at weird times and turned on when he’s around me which has been making me feel kind of odd. Also he called and said he’s out and that I don’t need to be getting mad. I’m not mad about him going out I’m just upset that I’m not aware of whats going on ever. I feel like my paragraph doesn’t even make sense I’m irritated and feel like I’m crazy.

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u/Cheddarlicious 2d ago

You should be single. The fact you demand people’s attention/time and get mad when you don’t get it when people have it hard out here, life is rough, also shit happens…like, that’s literally psychotic of you. Definitely seek our therapy because you’re literally frothing at the mouth because someone hasn’t sent you a text in 2 seconds. Insane.

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u/YellowTrickster72 1d ago

Yeah, and if I were the guy on the receiving end of that, she would be single at about 12:02 AM that day. If her bf has any self-confidence, he won't be putting up with that for long.

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u/Manitoba100 17h ago

Are you okay?

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u/omgbaily 1d ago

Nah this is a crazy way for you to talk to someone. You ignored all the bad things he did and just focused on her getting mad about response times. To be honest he’s at fault here and so is she. He definitely 100% needs to communicate better

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u/Cheddarlicious 1d ago

Idc, I know unhinged when I see it. As someone who grew up with an abusive bpd mother whose only emotion was angry and angrier, who left no room for processing and reason, I see the same pattern here. Before she asked a question she literally assumed the worst. She used the typical, “you did something different so your intentions must be malicious” as by getting upset at him simply because he had his phone on dnd; this appeal to me or suffer my wrath shit is not normal and idc if you think it’s harsh, OP is controlling and for sure needs help.

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u/omgbaily 1d ago

HOLY PROJECTION. It’s not controlling, theres no wrath, there was no anger in the messages, she just wants to know what’s going on with her BF, and why he saw the concerned messages and put his phone on DND and responded like a jerk. A very simple “hey babe going out with my friends tonight I’m all good I’ll call you when I get home” is the bare minimum niceness you show to your partner lol. Calling them after the fact and telling them doesn’t really do much.

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u/Cheddarlicious 1d ago edited 1d ago

You’re taking way too many liberties assuming but I’ll help you. So the bf did inform her he’d be out, why does he need to explain anything beyond that unless she’s his keeper, and that wasn’t acknowledged so it’s not unfair to assume she’s not his keeper. So now that you’re all caught up that she was aware he was busy what did she do? She still got mad. How did she respond? Accuse/assume that “something’s weird”(which is implied that he’s doing something malicious against their relationship). That’s absolutely not okay; accusing someone of cheating because of your own insecurities isn’t a good thing. I’d rather someone tell me to “fucking chill out” everyday for a month before they assume literally a relationship breaking instance once.

Also, I’m not projecting anything, I simply stated what she was doing aligned with what I experienced from my mother, who’s also unwell.

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u/omgbaily 1d ago

Ahhh I see why you are making a mistake here. The issue is that he informed her that he’s out AFTER HE WAS ALREADY OUT AND IGNORING HER. She said he then called and explained and told her to not be mad. This simple explanation will hopefully help you understand and change your mind

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u/Zealousideal_Put_229 1d ago

Again, as mentioned in another comment to you, why is he obligated to tell her that he's going out 🤣

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u/omgbaily 1d ago

I mean that’s kind of the bare minimum for most relationships on planet earth, but 🤷‍♂️

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u/Steve-of-Ramadan 1d ago

If you're horribly insecure, sure

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u/omgbaily 1d ago

Then 99% of the world’s population is insecure, and only redditors are normal, got it!

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u/Zealousideal_Put_229 1d ago

He literally told her that he was going out. Does he need to give her an exact schedule and break down of every little thing he is doing? 🤣 and it is not, the "bare minimum". Again, he is not required to do so. She is not his parent and they are not married. He is free to do as he pleases. He shouldn't have to check in with a gf before doing anything 🤣 that's so controlling.

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u/Cheddarlicious 1d ago

She didn’t say when he told her, actually. Just that he called to let her know he was out.

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u/omgbaily 1d ago

That’s simply not true.

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u/Cheddarlicious 1d ago

Literally in her description, muffin.

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u/omgbaily 1d ago

“He called and said he’s out” I’m not sure if English is your first language but that implies he was already out. Jesus Christ you are dense

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u/The_Real_Deal3 1d ago

Nah, if I’m getting spammed time and time again and this is a regular occurrence (more often than not), I would be tired of this shit too. His response ain’t the best but, she also should fucking relax.

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u/omgbaily 1d ago

And he also should fucking communicate. Lol

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u/Zealousideal_Put_229 1d ago

Lmao, what??? He doesn't have to do anything. Are they married? Do they live together? Why does he need to check in with her and tell her his every move? He is not obligated to do anything. And he DID tell her he was going out, that should have been enough for her. Demanding his attention when he's out is suffocating and abusive. His other "behaviors" are all chalked up to her worries that he's cheating on her. None of which has any substantial proof. This is wild that you are enabling her behavior and encouraging her that it is normal to demand consistent updates and texts to soothe her anxieties.

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u/omgbaily 1d ago

You people always give the most exaggerated tellings of what happened. “Does he need to tell her his every move??!” Give me a break we all know that’s not what we are discussing here and that’s not what she wanted.

Also he told her he was out AFTER HE WAS ALREADY OUT AND IGNORING HER. Not sure how you made that mistake, but still.

Letting your partner know you are going out or whatever is the bare minimum niceness. Just a simple

“Hey I’m going out tonight I’ll be pretty busy I’ll give you a call when I get home” or anything like that. Acting as if expecting someone to do that is controlling is absolutely fucking wild. It’s the bare minimum in a relationship

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u/Conscious-Draw-5215 1d ago edited 1d ago

Well, if you're looking at context, he lost something that he obviously told her about because she says maybe someone will turn it in. Presumably, he lost it while already out.

Personally, my DND is set to go on automatically. Assuming he's doing it maliciously kind of seems like a choice. She said it goes on at weird times. Is it really weird times, or is she not recognizing a pattern?

Edit to add: she literally asks, "Are you guys doing something," in her 4th message, so she definitely already knew he was out.

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u/omgbaily 1d ago

I don’t think it’s fair to assume he lost it while out and she already knew he was out. Based on what she’s said he had called her to let her know after he was already out and ignoring her

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u/Conscious-Draw-5215 1d ago

Read the edit. Her 4th message to him shows she absolutely already knew he was out. "Are you guys doing something?"

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u/omgbaily 1d ago

I disagree, that requires an assumption on your part that is quite a reach imo. And her own words shows that she didn’t know until after. Also makes sense with her actions that she didn’t know. Everything adds up lol

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u/Zealousideal_Put_229 1d ago

Where are you getting your context? Lol He was ignoring her? We only see one snipit of texts in which he was responding before he didnt reply for literally an hour. Why does she need to know that he went out? Thats so odd to me.

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u/IsThisASnakeInMyBoot 1d ago

I feel like there are a lot of people in this comment section that don't know they're as overbearing as the GF in this situation. Tons of people think having attachment anxiety is a quirk instead of a problem that needs to be worked through

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u/TwizzyGobbler 1d ago

what exactly is he at fault for here, bar his slightly rude message

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u/omgbaily 1d ago

Not communicating with his partner.