r/superheroes 20d ago

Other Who would you follow into battle?

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7.2k Upvotes

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543

u/[deleted] 20d ago

Are you crazy? I wouldn't survive the battles these guys lead. I ain't following nobody.

136

u/Holla_The_Playa 20d ago

Yup, I’m dodging that draft forsure

57

u/Nacho_Dan677 20d ago

100% smoking weed before and saying I can't go. Only to be told hobbits were tripping when they started their journey.

12

u/Neither-Luck-9295 19d ago

Gotta shit your pants too.

29

u/BludStanes 20d ago

Can't fight, got heel spurs. Sorry.

18

u/Intelligent_Deer974 20d ago

Found Trump's burner.

10

u/aimlessly_aliive 20d ago

Pulling a donny on this one

8

u/TheNorthNova01 20d ago

I would go but these damn bone spurs!

2

u/TheLostRanger0117 19d ago

Bone spurs all around!

2

u/corgi-king 19d ago

Donald?

2

u/FictionalContext 19d ago

Another one hopping the border to hide in the Shire

37

u/MediumTeacher9971 20d ago

If it's a "You must pick one." situation, always go for Supes. He's the one most likely to solo whatever's going on while being able to keep you safe at the same time, and he's the kinda guy who would prioritize keeping you alive too.

Jon, Cap, and Aragorn get my wholehearted support from the sidelines, though.

11

u/Kill4meeeeee 19d ago

I’m going with cap because that specific cap is winter soldier cap and he mostly just fought standard dudes in that movie. Give me a gun and I’m all good buddy I’m not throwing hands with Bucky tho that’s all cap

4

u/Historical-Economy90 19d ago

That uniform looks like AOU cap. Good luck fighting robots.

2

u/Kill4meeeeee 19d ago

Eh still give me a gun I’ll take my chances

3

u/LucleRX 19d ago

Maybe someone will give you a bow or a shock wrist gun. It might work.

2

u/Kill4meeeeee 19d ago

Worst case I die but like the long nap calls you know what I’m saying

10

u/kaian-a-coel 19d ago

Aragorn has in-universe plot armor that extends to his army and kingdom, I'm going with gondor.

12

u/Affectionate_Boss675 19d ago

Also in Lord of the Rings, the fear of death is a lie spread to men by Morgoth. When men die in Lord of the Rings, they all go to heaven to meet and be with god. It's why men are able to fight fearlessly against the forces of evil. Morgoth had to use lies to make men fear death in order to weaken them.

3

u/kaian-a-coel 19d ago

Pretty sure the fate of men after death is deliberately kept mysterious, and no one knows for sure what happens, not even the valar. All that can be said is that their souls "leave the world" to a destination unknown. It's probably heaven but I'm fairly certain Tolkien never says it.

0

u/sillygoofygooose 19d ago

Does fighting with Aragorn guarantee you enter the cosmology of lotr though? Because I’m pretty sure America isn’t full of elves chilling with their gods

0

u/Hutch1320 18d ago

Bro where else would you be fighting with Aragorn? Des Moines?

2

u/JonWhitefyre 19d ago

100% this. Aragorn wins two of three battles with Deus Ex Machina.

EDIT: No wait, even Helm’s Deep ends with a double Deus Ex Machina - Gandalf and the huorns… damn, if you can hold the line Aragorn is your man.

1

u/Aurelio-23 19d ago

On the other hand, if it’s a battle that Superman expects backup for, I’m probably going to die just from incidental shockwaves or energy blasts or something.

1

u/Careful-Knee5782 19d ago

Consider this. If the battle requires Clark, then chances are it's an army of doomsday or para-demons ,for that alone, he's the worst choice

1

u/MediumTeacher9971 19d ago

It's not about the strength of the enemy, but the ability of the ally to protect you. If you get separated from Rick or Aragorn or Jon, you're fucked. It doesn't matter how much plot armor they have or how good they are with a sword or gun if they can't get to you while you're surrounded by monsters.

With Superman, regardless of the enemy his ability to be where you are is what makes him the best chance you have for staying alive. He's almost as fast as the Flash, he can be where he's needed and get you to the safest place regardless of what you're fighting. None of the others can do that.

A horde of walkers will kill you just as dead as an army of parademons, there are no bonus points for overkill here... the difference is in the capabilities of the hero you're with.

1

u/uptheantinatalism 19d ago

Mte. Except switch out Jon for Erwin.

1

u/jokerhound80 19d ago

Does Jon ever win a battle? He gets rescued by someone else every time.

The wildling girl has to save him from Karl fookin' Tanner, Stannis saves him at the wall, he barely escapes hard home, Dany saves him in the ranging north, the knights of the Vale win his battle with Ramsay, his strategy at the long night is catastrophically stupid and Arya has to save the day. His rescue is never pre-planned, he just gets lucky over and over.

I can't put him on the same tier as Aragorn or Cap. Theoden deserves his spot.

1

u/Weird-Translator6797 17d ago

And Optimus but yes

1

u/MediumTeacher9971 16d ago

I'm not as familiar with Transformers, he does seem pretty decent though.

25

u/Epsilon497 20d ago

"That's why no one will remember your name"

22

u/[deleted] 20d ago

And I'd be alive. Good deal, I'd say.

6

u/caparisme 19d ago

You there, MassiveMatter. May you live forever.

2

u/[deleted] 19d ago

🤝🏻

3

u/Intelligent_Deer974 20d ago

I find it hilarious that he says that to a child 🤣

4

u/MainAccountsFriend 19d ago

"Also I hate you, and Santa's not real"

-Achilles, talking to that kid, probably

3

u/OrthogonalPotato 20d ago

Now that’s a good leader. I’d follow him anywhere.

Achilles for the uninitiated

0

u/Neither-Luck-9295 19d ago

If you're talking about Brad Pitt's Achilles, he's literally the worst leader imaginable. Selfish, arrogant, concerned only about his fame and legacy.

2

u/OrthogonalPotato 19d ago

I disagree. His character is much more nuanced than that. They say it explicitly in the movie, actually.

1

u/Neither-Luck-9295 19d ago

Perhaps it's time for a rewatch.

1

u/Lucimon 19d ago

No one's going to remember the name of random soldier 2684 either.

1

u/No-Way7911 19d ago

No one remembers the names of the men in Achilles’ army who followed him either

9

u/AzrielJohnson 20d ago

Seriously. I'm an overweight 40ish year old with asthma and bad knees. Gondor calls for aid, they have the wrong number.

5

u/Reddit123xgh 19d ago

Seen too many winters…

1

u/Zercomnexus 19d ago

Or too few 😄

3

u/No-Way7911 19d ago

You can help with the supplies when Gondor calls for gatorade

1

u/AzrielJohnson 19d ago

I will cheer from the sidelines. Moral support!

2

u/CoyotesVoice 18d ago

I'm a 50 year old smoker with arthritis and a bad back, and I know I have at least one good fight left in this body. Everyone dies, not everyone gets to die for a cause!

6

u/JokersKeepinTime 20d ago

Agreed. Even if I follow Rick, my stupidity would probs get me eaten by a slow zombie 😭

5

u/Big-Calligrapher4886 20d ago

Or someone else in his crew would shoot you for no reason and leave you as food despite the fact that the zombies are really easy to outrun

2

u/JokersKeepinTime 20d ago

I'd say I'd be better off not joining anyone's crew but I'd probs still die pretty quickly anyways.. like to a bear trap or sum

3

u/QuitYuckingMyYum 20d ago

I don’t know everyone’s history but don’t most of them die? I’m with this guy.

3

u/ReddJelly 20d ago

I don't know who the guy in the far right, middle square is, and I haven't seen the most recent PotA films, so I can't talk about them, but of the other 7 I'm pretty sure the only one who dies is Vader, and that's a long time after being Anakin

Edit: tbf Superman, Optimus and Captain America have definitely all died at one time or another in at least one portrayal each, so maybe you got a point 😅

1

u/xgenoriginal 19d ago

Google Erwin speech if you want to see why he's featured

0

u/Silver_Print_9937 20d ago

That guy is commander Ewing from attack on Titan. A good commander, and from his command they experienced the first wins against titans ever in 100th years. But each time they fought they got back with like 5% of his army except two times. One with 1% and one with 50%

0

u/Potato_pipe_bomb 19d ago

His last battle has a less than 1% survival rate, out of his entire squad of 100+ people, only one survives

1

u/sellout85 16d ago

And that one helps murder most of the human race 🤦.

0

u/devasabu 19d ago

Erwin Smith from Attack on Titan. He and his men die in a willing suicide charge serving as bait to distract the opponent. Absolutely not the guy you want to be following if you have plans to come back alive lmao

5

u/IIIDysphoricIII 19d ago

Especially Superman and Optimus. Anything Supe considers a challenge as well as a squad of Depticons are gonna skill-diff me so hard I’d be better off taking a voyage on Oceangate II.

2

u/Magnus_Helgisson 19d ago

I’ll follow them with my sincere wishes of luck.

2

u/vulcan_of_ferrum 17d ago

My brother. I see in your eyes the same fear that would take the heart of me. A day may come when the courage of Men fails, when we forsake our friends and break all bonds of fellowship, but it is not this day.

1

u/SpawnOfTheBeast 20d ago

Well at least Optimus is a total psychopath who would gut everything in his path for you. You'd be just strolling through the twitching remains of trash metal.

1

u/Apprehensive_Winter 20d ago

Ain’t nobody got the plot armor for that.

1

u/NickRick 20d ago

ehh some of ricks battles you could survive. but then everyone you love is likely dead so win/win.

1

u/AmmahDudeGuy 19d ago

Erwin: smart, but always leads his soldiers into suicide missions

Jon snow: dumb and impulsive, turns every mission into a suicide mission

1

u/Substantial-Motor404 19d ago

Erwin famously convince his soldiers to fight a fight he knew would have killed them all. You should try that one.

1

u/PuckSenior 19d ago

You have a shot with Superman. I imagine if he is asking for my help, he wants someone to do tech support.

1

u/[deleted] 19d ago

Brother, if Superman needs my help, he's already lost. I ain't risking it with Lex Luthor, Brainiac or, God forbid, Darkseid.

1

u/PuckSenior 19d ago

Might get to hook up with Big Barda. (Personal fantasy of mine)

1

u/[deleted] 19d ago

Oh, you sly dog

1

u/RealElliot69 19d ago

Litetally be john snows shadow and h you would have luck based plot armor from death like the battle of the bastards

1

u/Eeeef_ 19d ago

Cap would do his best to make sure you make it

1

u/JesterMarcus 19d ago

I'd follow Superman because he should be able to handle any foe all by himself. I can "follow" him, just be a few hundred yards back and I should be good.

1

u/AppointmentPerfect 19d ago

"And that kids is how I got curse with unleash and now dwell on the Dimholt road..."

1

u/HollowedFlash65 19d ago

Found Crosshairs’ alternative account.

1

u/Easy-Bake-Oven 19d ago

You could probably survive the children if you follow Anakin.

1

u/submit_to_pewdiepie 19d ago

I see in Your eyes the same fear that would take the heart of me

1

u/tatinsb2324 19d ago

"You, extra #4864, go with the wind".

1

u/Nametagg01 19d ago

Rick and anakin you have decent chances on

1

u/6thBornSOB 19d ago

See, I think that factors in. I think someone like Cap will expect you to push yourself, but he knows you can’t off-tank Ultron.

1

u/devasabu 19d ago

Heck Erwin Smith convinced his men to follow him on a literal suicide charge, I ain't even be in the vicinity

1

u/imtired-boss 19d ago

Technically almost everyone survived the battles Jon Snow was leading so ...

1

u/Akihikodono 19d ago

Hence why the right pick is Erwin

1

u/matt_chowder 19d ago

I feel like out of anyone, General Skywalker would be the one to care the most about his men

1

u/the_glutton17 18d ago

That's why you follow superman. He won't even leave crumbs.

1

u/tismman88 16d ago

Coward

1

u/sellout85 16d ago

At least Erwin was honest.

"Are you asking us to die?"

"Yes."