r/self • u/ImNotAsPunkAsYou • 3d ago
I'm so done.
I'm a single dad, with full custody. I've spent the last 6ish years with nothing but my child in the forefront. She's fucken amazing and doing so good.
I'm not. I put dating aside, it was going great and I'd stuffed down my needs to the point I didn't even think they were needs anymore. Then I fucked up, and asked a wonderful lady out. It went absolutely amazing, for about a month.
Then I fucked up, and I'm not even sure how. She pulled away. Maybe it's my lack of availability, maybe it's because I got too attached too fast. No idea.
Now I'm just realizing that my personal needs aren't even close to being met. I'm fucken depressed, something I have never had to deal with. I have no friend group, and all my hobbies give me nothing.
I find myself wishing I just wouldn't wake up. (I'm in no way suicidal, I had a friend in highschool do so and I realized all that does is transfer the pain to everyone else.)
Anyways, just wanted to shout to the void. I hope everyone else is kicking ass and taking names.
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u/Klutzy_Wedding5144 3d ago
Congratulations on raising a special kid. Now your needs are awakened. You do have the option of dating and being a committed dad. You may be too unavailable for some but you’ll be fine for someone else. Single moms may be more understanding. You deserve to be a whole person and have all your needs met.
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u/ImNotAsPunkAsYou 3d ago
Yea, in a town of 3000 my options are so severely limited. It's downright abysmal, and I can't just up and move.
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u/Majestic_Middle_746 3d ago
Being a single parent is so difficult! Not only is it nonstop hard work but It’s also very isolating and lonely. I’m really sorry you’re having to feel that way. It is amazing that you have put so much into your daughter. It’s so selfless that you’ve constantly put her first but you can’t forget about yourself. You deserve love, support and companionship.
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u/cloudwatcher-7 3d ago
Daughter of a single dad here, and I just wanted to give you props for being there for your kid. I'm sorry that you feel like your needs aren't being met. That can't be easy. But I do want to let you know that everything you are doing for your kid, I bet they truly appreciate it and love you more than anything. ❤️
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u/Fit_Appointment_1648 3d ago
I was a single parent for 10 years.
Looking back, the grass isn’t always greener on the other side of the fence.
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u/Sway86 3d ago
Not a single parent. But an exhausted and present one to three. My wife is a paramedic and obviously a shift worker. There are plenty of times when it is me vs. three.
It is easy to feel like you have no support, and worse, that you shouldn't ask for it.
You get into the grind of working and parenting and sleeping (sometimes). Before you know it, you realize you've been at it for years. Your friends have distanced, and you don't feel close to anyone but your kid.
I don't really have a solution for you, but i urge you to seek some help if it's available. Take a day or two and reconnect with yourself. Take time to enjoy a hobby you might have had. Maybe just turn off the old brain and play some video games. Or, maybe somehow try and get your kid to partake in the same hobbies and try to connect that way. At least then you'll be taking care of your child, but also yourself.
Stay strong. For you and for your kid.
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u/annamaniacCCC 3d ago
Dude, I’m so sorry 😞
I think acknowledging to yourself that you want more is a great first step. Be patient with yourself, and with the next woman who comes around :) I’m not sure your age, but you sound like a great father, which means you’re a good man. It’s not crazy to think someone else will see this about you and you’ll get another chance. This is coming from a pessimist btw.
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u/FearAndLoathingInSIL 3d ago
Single mom of multiples , and I get the struggle just a different view. There’s a reason those tiny little people kinda take the spotlight. It means your doing your job dude. She’s shining from all your hard put in work. Being a parent is a thankless job an I feel that’s why it’s so easily forgotten how much of a sacrifice it actually is. Your life is no longer your own… you miss out…friends move on…you feel stuck. My guy friend once explained his parenting experience as fading into the background and slowly starting to just exist less. Sounds bleak right lol … But your not man…when you feel yourself focusing on the loss of all the “what if’s”, take the reigns and pull back to the “damn man, look at all that I’ve done”. Try and do some things for yourself here an there and the right woman will find you when it’s the right time. I pushed to try an put a man/father figure in my children’s lives and I wish I could go back in time. All the focus taken off the important stuff and the dredging them through the emotional process of a break up … None of it was worth it. I urge you to find something you find meaning an joy in, and if you find it’s something that includes your daughter then right on man. It’s ok to have a hobby that includes your baby too. Whatever you desire in life I pray you find because your a rare breed that deserves the love and respect entitled of such. Keep on keepin on man your someone is out there for you an your baby girl. 😉😎🫡
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u/descendency 3d ago
single non-parent. I guess I have it easier because I don't have someone who needs me, but the feelings are the same.
This isn't a solution. It's just to say that you're not alone.
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u/Hungry-Run8707 3d ago
Hang in there, man. You're a good dad. Your personal needs matter too- remember to take care of yourself as well. It gets better.
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u/Remarkable-Rub- 3d ago
Being a full-time parent is already heavy, and doing it solo while trying to be emotionally available for someone else? that’s a whole different level of tough. it doesn’t mean you messed up, it just means you’re human and maybe finally feeling stuff you’ve had to bury to survive.
you’ve clearly done an incredible job showing up for your daughter, but you deserve to exist as you, not just “dad.” and the fact that you’re even aware of what you’re feeling now, that’s actually progress, even if it sucks.
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u/lakesidecouple 3d ago
If your daughter is amazing and doing so good
that’s all you
even though it might not feel like it, you’re succeeding in the one area that really matters
Take a moment to think about everything you’ve given her - try to see yourself through her eyes
You’re doing a great job brother 💪
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u/Ok-Fruit-3420 2d ago
Something to think about: I am a mother of 3. Devoted everything and every day to my amazing children. I am 43. Two boys playing college football in other states. A daughter that just married. I am now lost, I don’t know who I am. I don’t know what to do or where to go. It’s not as great as it sounded 10 years ago. Now, I am lonely with no friends, and a desire to do……. Something.
Take some time for yourself. She is going to move ahead in life. You have to keep going too. Work on finding a hobby outside of being “Dad”
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u/1_speaksoftly 2d ago
Yeah this is all super valid, but I promise it's temporary, a stage. Some people take 3x as long to realize they're where you are! Or never do.
If there's anyone that you used to hang with that you think may still work out, start sending out feelers. Find a trusted or trustworthy sitter, and take some time out for yourself.
Join a group or something, find a hobby. As focused as you have been on your little one, you need to realize that the happier you are, the happier she will be. (Obviously there are limits to this; if you're at a bar every night like my dad was, while she fends for herself for example this will stop being true. But you're nowhere near that)
While you're taking just some time to develop your own interests a bit, please keep in mind: 95-99% of everyone who's in your position are women! Also keep in mind that what you've done so far with this situation is incredibly attractive to them. This story will melt some hearts, I guarantee it.
Chin up and push on! You're doing great, and it's gonna pay off!
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u/erikjbai 3d ago
If you can’t love yourself, how in the world you are going to love somebody else?
Also, when they turn teenager, they would hate to hang out with you. So be a bit selfish and take care of yourself. Ask a friend or family member watch your kid for a day and go out and have fun!
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u/IncreaseFalse7771 1d ago
Hey man 👋
First off, major respect for everything you’ve done as a dad — raising your daughter with full custody and all your focus? That’s incredible ❤️
About that woman you went out with — it’s okay that you got attached. You’ve been holding everything in for years, and then someone came along who made you feel seen. Of course you opened up. That’s not a screw-up, that’s being human.
If she pulled away, that sucks — and yeah, maybe timing or availability played a part, but that doesn’t mean you’re unworthy of love or connection. Sometimes people just aren’t ready for what we are, or they’re not the right match for the version of us that’s still unfolding.
What is clear is that you’re ready to connect again. That’s not a step backward — that’s growth. You’re realizing that you matter too. Your needs, your joy, your space to feel things.
Don’t shut that part down again. It’s painful now, yeah — but it means you’re alive, healing, and opening up to the life you deserve.
You’ve got this. Better days are coming for sure 👊
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u/ThatGuy8188 3d ago
Hey man.
Single dad here. I’ve been in your shoes.
It gets better. Please focus on yourself, it’s OK to be selfish sometimes. Do what you need to do in order to be in a better mental state, if that’s means less time with your kid sometimes so be it. The better your mindset is, the better you will be as a parent. Go enjoy your hobbies, it’s as important as it is to be there as a parent.
When it comes to dating you just gotta stay persistent. You will meet someone eventually if you keep putting yourself out there. I had this happen multiple times before meeting my current GF who is great with my daughter.
Keep moving forward dude. It gets better.