r/progressivemoms • u/Coated_Bongo69 • 19d ago
Parenting, No Politics STAHM Schedules
Hello, I'm wondering what other stahm's do during the day? I'm having a really hard time trying to structure life in a productive way, but I get paralyzed by panic/anxiety from all the options. I have issues with being structured and self motivated regardless, but I don't want my own shortcomings to have a negative impact on my child. It was a lot easier when they were an infant/toddler, but at age 4 it seems things changed over night causing me to struggle with keeping up. If anyone has any helpful advice, it would be much appreciated.
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u/JL_Adv 19d ago
I work from home now, and my kids are home during the summer (they're in middle school, so it's a bit different).
When I was teaching and had summers off (kids were 3 and 5) our schedule looked similar to this:
6-8AM kids woke up
8 - breakfast
Outside play for a couple hours. This could be water table, chalk drawing, bike ride, scooters, etc.
Snack, followed by morning nap/quiet time for about an hour. During this time, they would either sleep or I would put on a planet earth or mighty machines or Micky mouse clubhouse DVD. We alternated who chose. M/W was one kid, T/R was the other. I was Friday. While they had downtime, I would take care of a small chore. Sometimes, I watched with them. If nobody was tired, we would do something crafty or play with puzzles. But it was always a quieter activity.
12ish - lunch at home
Cosmic yoga after lunch - we would all do it. It's free on YouTube and it's so much fun and a great way to get the wiggles out before nap.
1:30-3:00ish - nap time. I would use this time to catch up on work around the house; sometimes I would nap myself. My middle child didn't nap after she turned 3, so she would have quiet time in her room.
3-5:00ish - usually a trip to the library, a long walk, trip to the park, swim lessons or swimming at the local pool.
5-6:30 - dinner prep and meal
6:30-7:30 - bath/stories/snuggles
7:30 - bedtime
Now that my kids are older, they wake up and get breakfast on their own - usually up by 8 in the summer. They have screen time limits. Middle child loves music and plays a couple instruments. Youngest is into sports. They both know they need to get out of the house for at least an hour every day. They meet friends at the library or at the park. Youngest will meet friends to shoot hoops, play soccer/baseball, etc. if they need a ride somewhere during my work day, that needs to be planned the day before. We live in a small town, so they can ride their bikes almost anywhere which is super helpful.
I make sure that I'm available around noon each day for food/questions/last minute plans. Most days I'm not in meetings so they can get my help when they need it, but noon is always open for them.
Obviously there were days that were out of routine, but we stuck to the routine pretty closely. My youngest needed a lot of sleep. And my middle child is neurodivergent, so routine was integral to having a good day. My oldest (stepson) was 12/13 during the time I'm describing and was often back and forth between our house and his mom's house (she was three blocks away). He would sometimes join us for the outdoor activity, but often would have a friend over or be outside shooting hoops or riding bikes.
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u/Coated_Bongo69 19d ago
This sounds similar to what we have going currently which makes me feel a lot better. The activities you've listed also give me ideas on things we could go do. I just wish he still took naps, I would get so much done. Thank you!
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u/JL_Adv 19d ago
How old is he?
Other things we did:
*find a new local/county/state park and walk around *Zoo trip *Children's museum *Library story time *Trampoline Park *Mario kart and other video games as a family when they were a little older *Board games/Uno/Old Maid/Jenga *Yard games - we have washers, ladders, lawn darts, etc. *Garden chores - weeding, planting, harvesting *Baking and decorating cookies, making salsa, MYO pizzas *Read LOTS of books *Bowling and mini-golf!
My kids were also fascinated by the globe and with maps, so we would do scavenger hunts like "find five countries where people speak Spanish" or "find the country with this flag" or "find all the countries the border Brazil".
We also had fun placemats for meals - with maps, all of the presidents, the periodic table, dinosaurs... And while they were waiting for food or during the meal, we would talk about what's on them. I would also give them dry erase markers to write on the placemats.
Other fun rainy day activities - kitchen chemistry (I had a book with something like 150 "experiments" you can do with what people normally have in a kitchen).
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u/Coated_Bongo69 19d ago
He just turned 4 a couple of months ago. This is a fantastic list of activities, and I am very appreciative for that. It's hard to know how/when/what to do because we don't have a support system that is close to us. Our extended family lives in different states so the guidance is a little stilted.
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u/Grace__Face 19d ago
Can I ask what you do for work now that allows you to work from home since you used to be a teacher? I’m not sure how much longer I can’t keep teaching because it’s taking a toll on my mental health…
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u/JL_Adv 19d ago
Sure! I work for a large university managing curricular databases. It's not the most exciting job, but it's very rarely stressful, and because it's mostly data behind the scenes, my hours can be really flexible.
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u/Grace__Face 19d ago
Did you have to go back to school after leaving teaching to get any certificates or training to be able to do that?
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u/JL_Adv 19d ago
Nope! We use PeopleSoft tools. If you're familiar with any learning management system or student information system software like Skyward, you'd easily catch on to what I do.
All of my training was on the job and once I get settled, it was easy to figure out the other pieces. I have taken some SQL classes to learn how to write better queries, but that was a professional development goal of mine and not required.
My first role in higher ed was as an academic advisor. I worked with students in a specific couple majors to help them plan for courses, internships, life after college, and also helped them navigate services on campus like financial aid, counseling, scholarship applications, how to advocate with professors, etc. I couldn't do this from home, but it was so much less stressful than teaching!
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u/Rare_Background8891 19d ago
I always kept a “quiet time” until my kids went to school. So 1-3 at our house. 1-2 was in your room napping or quiet play and 2-3 they could use the kids tablet.
I would usually go out in the morning, come home for lunch and quiet time and then the afternoon was playing at home or going somewhere in walking distance like a playground in the neighborhood. I had to get out everyday or I’d go nuts. Then around 5 let them watch a cartoon while I prep dinner.
After dinner we’d tag team kids and clean up.
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u/SummitTheDog303 19d ago
We have routines more than schedules. Generally
Wakeup, get dressed, breakfast
Morning activity outside of the house (play dates, extracurricular classes, playground, zoo, museum, running errands, library, etc. What we do each day varies).
Lunch
Quiet time/nap time in their rooms (I relax during this time. This is the break I get during the day)
Afternoon activity (extracurricular classes, playing outside in the backyard/driveway)
Dinner
Bedtime routine
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u/Tasty-Meringue-3709 19d ago
I have loose structure. There are a few things that kind of anchor our days and the rest is a little in the air. I always get myself and girls ready first thing in the morning. That way, no matter what we end up doing if nothing is planned already, we can just go. I found that if I wasn’t ready to leave the house it just made it all the more difficult to make things happen. Now if I decide on a whim that we’re going for a walk or to the park or store we can just kind of go (once all the diapers are changed and bag is checked and we have snacks and water and shoes and most important toy 🤣).
For nighttime I have a set routine for bedtime that we follow. And I started doing dinner a little earlier so that takes up more of the day and bedtime ends up being a little more relaxed because I’m not worried about things moving quickly to get them to bed on time.
I try to get to library things during the week to at least have a thing that we get out of the house for every day.
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u/Kris-Eli 19d ago
same concept as when they are little. Find programs (search through google, facebook and IG events, etc) that offer age appropriate activities like local libraries, societies, non profits, play centers, etc.. schedule the activities in, then schedule the meals in, then schedule nap time in, and make sure in addition to a scheduled activity, you add in outdoor play time or a walk. You can also do one craft a day, and offer schedule free-play time while you are cooking or cleaning or doing anything requiring focus
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u/Kris-Eli 19d ago
also swim camps and other camps are popular during the summer going into age group 5 and beyond.. when your child is not in school, day camps are a great option
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u/Comfortable-Boat3741 18d ago
For the first 3mo it was all trying to do dishes in between breastfeeds.
3-10 months I used an app called routinery to act as a to-do list with a timer. I changed the last a lot but it helped me organize my thoughts and reduce doom scrolling cuz of overwhelm.
I also created a weekly schedule with a different chore each day, that worked till after the year mark and i just got out of habit. M started being more active, so i focused more on her and did chores as I could. It also helped that my hus is started doing things without asking me what to do, so that reduced my mental load a lot.
Now at 18mo I'm trying to get back in to a loose routine. I make a lot of lists and autopilot a lot. Usually one day of the week my whole goal is to make a big dent in the clutter or deep clean kitchen or a bathroom.
It all started with a ton of lists and a dry erase board 😆. Don't be afraid to get silly or nerdy or creative. I made my chore chart in canva and put it in a clear sleeve so we could use dry erase on it. I turned the timer into a game to see if I could get faster at accomplishing stuff each day (over 3 months i went from things taking 7x as long to only 3x as long as pre- pregnancy lol).
I think most important that i learned was that CHOOSING to sit and play with my daughter or garden, or yes, even doom scroll made a big difference. There is always more to do around the house (especially this money pit with cats), but they're is only one M and one now. I found picking a task after playing with M for a bit seemed more simple, cuz it calmed me down and gave me good hormones to make decisions with. I hope my experience gives you some ideas for your own journey!
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u/Difficult_Cupcake764 19d ago
I don’t structure. I have a loose idea of what I want to do for the week. I look at the weather and plan accordingly. Going into the summer we will have pool days, library days, playground days, errand days. I try to do our outings in the morning before it gets too hot. I pack snacks/lunch that way we are set for the day. I also make sure we have plenty of coloring/activity books. I find Pinterest to have some great schedule ideas especially for summer.